


Earth's Mightiest Heroes (Or Something Like That)

by Lecrit



Series: Avengers Assemble [3]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Character Death, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gratuitous Comics and Pop Culture References, Grumpy Raphael is Best Raphael, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Immortal Friendship, M/M, Magnus has no shame, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Salec BROTP, Shameless Innuendos, Terrible Plans, The Angst is not a joke, Violence, Warning: Mentions of torture, angsty angst, because the author is a dork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 20:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 141,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7121470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lecrit/pseuds/Lecrit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is… Their plans have a history of not going accordingly so when they finally do, maybe they build a confidence a bit too quickly. Breaking Magnus out turns out to be indeed a formality. Selling the ruby, too. So what could possibly go wrong now?</p><p>In which our team of misfits has to deal with the consequences of messing with a dangerous man and again, everything goes according to plan. Or not.</p><p>Part two of The Avengers Initiative. This will make no sense at all if you haven't read part one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My precious cupcakes,
> 
> Here it is, part two of The Avengers Initiative!  
> You all voted for Tuesday with a large majority and I'm strongly suspecting that it's just because you didn't want to wait any longer but I won't say anything because I love you anyway.
> 
> Some of you asked if the second arc of this story was going to be about breaking Magnus out, well this first chapter answers this question.
> 
> Finally, before I let you go so easily, if you are going to live-tweet my fics (because apparently, this is a thing now), please either tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) or use the hashtag #lecrit so I can see it because I think it's hilarious and I don't want to miss it :)
> 
> I'll let you go now, I'm sure you can't wait.
> 
> Happy reading!

 

Magnus didn’t sleep much the night before.

Even the painkillers weren’t enough to appease his excitement so he had just lain in his bed, fiddling with the phone, sometimes texting, sometimes reading the news on the apps Simon had uploaded for him (he would have to remember to thank him for that, later). Alec had said today was the day they were breaking him out and he had no idea what to expect. Now that he could move without wincing in pain, he had also been wandering around his room, observing the whereabouts of doctors, nurses, patients or visitors going back and forth from the parking lot to the entrance by the window. The only other thing he could see was the highway and it had quickly bored him. He liked watching people moving like ants, almost running in circles, much better.

He trusted the team fully, but he had to admit that he was getting a bit nervous about the whole thing. Alec had assured him that their plan was solid – if not a bit bold – but if their recent history was anything to go by, their plans tended not to go accordingly. It was past noon already and Magnus knew he was going to be taken to the police station soon and there was still no sign of a familiar face and he couldn’t help but let the creeping feeling in his stomach get to him. Maybe they had changed their mind. Maybe they were just going to let him rot in jail after all. Maybe they had been found and arrested too.

He sighed, shaking his head to clear his mind. No. Alec had said they were breaking him out so they would. He decided with a nod to himself that his remaining doubts were attributable to the medicines that were still running in his body, making his head a bit foggy. It was much better than the first days, though, and he felt mostly conscious and not like he was drifting between reality and a wonderful dreamland. He had liked the dreamland, if he was quite honest. Alec was never wearing many clothes in his dreamland.

The door of his room opened slowly and he pushed on his elbows to sit on his bed, barely suppressing a disappointed sigh at the sight of the two police officers who barged in.

“Come on, John Doe,” the taller one said, gesturing for him to get out of bed. “Rise and shine. Time to go to the station.”

Magnus rolled his eyes but obliged, slowly getting out of bed. He took a look at his outfit, wiping them in an effort to gain some time. The hospital had lent him a pair of sweatpants and a grey shapeless t-shirt that was too big for his frame. His clothes from the night of the heist had been damaged beyond saving and thrown away but he wondered if he wouldn’t have worn these ones, with the dry blood and all, rather than the tasteless outfit he was wearing now. He felt like a hobo.

“Can you walk on your own?” cop #2 asked sternly, albeit not unkindly.

They were the cops who had been all but camping in front of his hospital room for ten days now and if they hadn’t been friendly, they hadn’t acted like complete assholes towards him either. The taller one, who looked like he was in his late twenties, with bright red hair and a face full of freckles, had even been nice at times, bringing him a coffee when he was getting one for himself. In his head, Magnus had decided to call him Ron Weasley, because deep down, he was a bit of a dork himself and he saw no logical reason why Simon should have the monopole of stupid code names. The second one was not as nice, but he wasn’t bad either. He was just grumpier. Raphael would have liked him. His hair was a dark brown but his eyes were clearer, almost grey. He sported a nicely trimmed moustache that was all kinds of ridiculous. He had thus been dubbed Tom Selleck in Magnus’ head, which never failed to make him giggle internally.

Magnus nodded and leisurely made his way to them, reluctantly holding out his hands when the redhead showed him the pair of handcuffs in his hand. He was just fastening the second bracelet around his wrist when Raphael and Clary barged inside and Magnus had to fight the urge to burst into laughter at the sight of them. Clary was wearing a brown wig, blue eye lenses and she had even dyed her eyebrows. She was barely recognizable. It wasn’t really Clary who made him want to laugh so badly, though, it was Raphael. He sported a fake beard and it looked very real but it also looked completely ridiculous on Raphael, who had never been able to grow facial hair once in his life. He was wearing glasses as well and his dark eyes were his own but his nose seemed somehow bigger. They were good disguises and Magnus was elated at the prospect of teasing Raphael about it until his death… which would probably arrive soon if he teased him too much because Raphael didn’t like being mocked and was certainly not a patient person.

“What is going on here?” Clary asked sternly, gazing between Magnus and the two cops with a frown.

“Please move away,” Tom Selleck said.

“Where are you taking our suspect?” Raphael butted in.

Magnus did his best not to smile. The drama classes Catarina had advised him to take when he had still been a teenager were proven useful because he really, really wanted to do a victory dance right then, although the wound on his stomach might have made it difficult.

“Your suspect?” Ron Weasley echoed.

“Yes,” Raphael said. “Didn’t your captain warn you?” He turned to Clary, dropping his voice albeit not enough for any of them not to hear it. “I hate working with local polices,” he growled. “They’re incompetent.”

Clary smiled at him, gently patting his shoulder, before turning her gaze to the bewildered officers.

“I’m Agent Rogers and this is my partner, Agent Morales,” she said, a confident spark lighting up her green eyes as she showed them an awfully well done fake FBI card. Simon would never cease to amaze him. “The suspect is our case now.”

“What do you mean your case?” Ron Weasley protested. “And how did you even know about him?”

“We read your public report, saw the suspect’s picture and figured out it was our man,” Raphael retorted with a complacent smirk.

“Stop saying your suspect! We arrested him!” the redhead exclaimed.

His colleague turned towards him. “Damn feds always taking over and claiming our success as theirs,” he mumbled confidentially. “First, that freaking weird agency, now this.”

“You arrested him, but do you know who he is?” Raphael asked conceitedly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No, our witness, the butler, didn’t know his name. That’s why we need to take him to the station to take his fingerprints and interrogate him,” Tom Selleck replied, his voice rising with irritation. “He refused to tell us his name and he has been out of it for most of the week because of the painkillers!” he added, pointing accusingly at Magnus, who fought back a proud smirk. “They didn’t allow us to take his fingerprints before. The doc said the chemicals we use might interfere with the medication they had to inject in his body to prevent any risk of infection.”

Raphael snorted, making a show of rolling his eyes. Magnus wondered if he actually acted like that on his job every day. It wouldn’t have surprised him. Raphael was not made for polite interactions. Or human interactions. Or animal interactions. Or any interactions in general.

“You arrested David Blaine, congratulations,” Clary said, her voice much kinder. Magnus had to wonder if they were playing some kind of cliché bad cop/good cop. Not that he was complaining, it was all very entertaining.

“David Blaine?” the redhead repeated, brow furrowed in confusion. “Who’s David Blaine?”

“He’s the main suspect in a corporate fraud that cost a lot of money to the Pentagon,” Raphael replied sternly, in a tone that suggested that they should have known that much. “They want to judge him there, in D.C.”

Magnus wondered if Raphael had himself taken drama classes behind his back. He totally deserved an Oscar for that performance.

“Look, man, I should probably check that,” Tom Selleck said, sharing a confused glance with his partner.

“I don’t have any more time to lose!” Raphael snapped. “We don’t have all day. We have a plane waiting for us.”

Clary stepped forward, shaking her head exasperatedly. “Call your station,” she offered with a gentle smile. “Have them search your servers if it helps but make it quick, please. We are waited in D.C. tonight.”

Tom Selleck nodded, eagerly rummaging in his pockets to get his phone. “Give me fifteen minutes.”

“You have ten,” Raphael retorted sternly.

The officer nodded, an almost scared look in his eyes and stepped away from them until he was out of earshot to make the call. Ron Weasley stayed there, firmly holding Magnus’ arm as if he was afraid he would just try to run away. Magnus wasn’t in constant pain anymore but he didn’t feel like he could run a marathon right then so it was kind of pointless.

Two long minutes passed before his colleague, still on the phone, gestured for him to come closer. He gave one long warning look at Magnus before he joined him, leaving him alone with Raphael and Clary.

“Simon, is it working?” Raphael immediately whispered, his gaze fixed on Clary.

There was a silence and Raphael rolled his eyes. Magnus had no trouble guessing Simon’s answer. It was definitely something along the lines of “Who do you think you’re talking to? Of course it’s working.”

“What’s going on?” he asked, dropping his voice.

“They think they’re on the phone with the central station but they’re on the phone with Luke,” Clary responded with a proud smirk. “Simon intercepted the call. How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. I’ll be even better once I’m out of here,” Magnus murmured. “I don’t want to step one foot in a hospital ever again.”

Clary gave him an apologetic smile but quickly straightened up when the police officers walked back to them, still looking puzzled.

“So, is it settled?” Raphael asked coldly. “Can we get this over with?”

“We’re just waiting for the station to send us a copy of the arrest warrant,” the redhead said with a frown. “We can never be too careful. We don’t want you to take him if we’re not sure he’s the guy you’re talking about.”

Magnus had to resist the urge to laugh when Raphael let out a long, annoyed sigh. As if on cue, Tom’s phone rang loudly. He opened the message and showed it to his partner, whose frown deepened.

“Seems legit,” he groaned, obviously reluctant to admit it.

“Great,” Clary exclaimed. “Can we go now?”

The redhead grumbled and grabbed Magnus’ wrists to unlock the handcuffs. Magnus absentmindedly massaged the sore skin but he didn’t have the time to register what was happening as Raphael immediately closed his own pair of handcuffs around his wrists. _Right_.

“Looks like you’re in real trouble, Blaine,” Tom Selleck said, giving him one of these looks cops sometimes sported when they had caught a bad guy, both proud and a bit mocking.

Magnus shrugged. “It was bound to happen one day,” he sighed dramatically. “I couldn’t get away from the police forever.”

The two police officers gave him a quick nod, shook hands with Raphael and Clary and promptly left.

“We should wipe the furniture in here,” Raphael said as soon as they were far enough. “Just in case you left fingerprints everywhere.”

Magnus rolled his eyes but watched in silence as Raphael quickly got to work, using the pillow sheet to wipe the bed, the night table and every potentially incriminating solid surface in the room. They were out in five minutes.

“What now?” he asked, when they both settled on each side of him to escort him outside.

“We have about half an hour before they get to the station and realize the arrest warrant Simon sent is a fake,” Raphael said lowly. “We’ll be long gone by then.” He paused and rolled his eyes, making Magnus frown in confusion. “Shut up, Simon,” he growled and the confusion was gone.

They took the elevator and Raphael and Clary guided him to the underground parking lot.

“Where is the van?” Magnus asked when they pulled him towards a black car.

“There are cameras around,” Raphael replied quietly. “We couldn’t get you out with the van. Simon is going to erase the tapes but we have to get out of here first.”

Magnus nodded and squeezed in the back of the car when Clary opened the door for him. Raphael settled behind the wheel and it wasn’t until they were out of the parking lot and driving away from the hospital that he allowed himself to release the deep breath he had been holding.

Clary turned around in her seat to glance at him, showing him the key in her hand. “Want me to –“

Magnus snorted, showing her his free wrists with a wink. “Biscuit, I learned how to break out of handcuffs when I was sixteen.”

She chuckled, rolling her eyes fondly.

“Whose car is this?” he inquired, leaning back in his seat and clenching his teeth not to show the pain that suddenly hit his stomach. It was the most he had moved since he had been shot and he was already feeling the consequences.

“Alec and Jace stole it this morning,” Clary said with a grin. “You okay?”

Magnus nodded, not trusting his voice not to sound strained.

“You look like shit,” Raphael blurted as gently as ever, his dark eyes scanning him in the rear-view mirror.

“It might have to do with the fact that I’ve been shot two weeks ago, asshole,” he huffed indignantly. “And I’m wearing these horrible clothes and no make-up. I know why you’re grumpy now. It must be how you feel every day.”

Raphael rolled his eyes and snorted, shaking his head fondly. “Dick.”

Magnus simply smirked. Raphael turned right at the next traffic light, then left and pulled over in a deserted parking lot.

“We’re dropping the car here,” Clary informed him. “The others are on their way to pick us up.”

Magnus beamed and got out of the car, leaning against the hood, his heartbeat speeding up at the prospect of seeing Alec and Ragnor (and the rest of the team too, of course, he had to remind himself).

The last two weeks he had spent in the hospital had seemed to last months but it was finally over – and he was not going to say anything about how horrific their plan had been. Now, all he wanted was to get back to New York and forget about this whole thing, leave it all behind and never think about Valentine Morgenstern ever again. He knew that was impossible because he had a nasty scar on his stomach that would remind him of everything that had happened for the rest of his life but also because his mind was still plagued with the memory of his cruel smirk before he had pulled the trigger.

Raphael made a quick work of wiping the car of any potential fingerprints and came to join him against the car, ripping out his fake nose and beard with a relieved groan, as Clary stepped away to make a phone call.

“You okay?” he asked, now that he didn’t have to hold the exasperated façade in front of Clary. If Magnus had learned to trust his team in the past two months and a half, Raphael was comprehensively nowhere near that. He sometimes allowed himself to appear vulnerable in front of Magnus because it was just them and Magnus knew him too well not to decipher his true feelings anyway but he would never allow it in front of people who were as good as strangers to him.

“I’ll be better once I’ve seen everyone,” Magnus admitted, because to Raphael he could. “I’m never stepping foot in California ever again,” he added, dropping his head against Raphael’s shoulder with a sigh. Raphael chuckled, wrapping a comforting arm around him.

“You don’t like it here anyway,” he said.

“I really, really don’t,” Magnus confessed. “It has not enough Catarina and not enough you. It’s boring. Also, too many fake boobs.”

“I think you mean Los Angeles, not San Diego.”

“Don’t contradict me,” Magnus whined. “I’ve been shot.”

Raphael heaved out an indignant scoff. “You’re going to be insufferable about it, aren’t you?”

“Everything I do is insufferable to you anyway,” Magnus countered with a smirk.

“Especially when it’s stupid shit like… getting shot, for example,” Raphael grunted gruffly.

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “But to be fair, there was no way I could have known Valentine knew about me.”

“I know,” his friend admitted reluctantly. “Just… Don’t do that again.”

“Do what?” Magnus echoed with a frown. “Get shot? It’s not like I did it on purpose!”

Raphael smirked, pulling him closer by the hold he had on his shoulders. “You sure about that?” he taunted mockingly, but it was too fond to be offensive. “You’re such a drama queen, I’m not sure you didn’t do it for the attention.”

Magnus chuckled. “Busted,” he mumbled under his breath and Raphael laughed, a clear, pure sound you didn’t get to hear very often but that Magnus cherished deeply.

They fell into comfortable silence, and Magnus only moved away from Raphael when Clary walked back to them, a light bounce to her steps. He smiled fondly.

“They’ll be here soon,” she announced cheerfully.

Magnus perked up when the van finally pulled in the parking lot a minute later, quickly followed by Luke’s car and he barely resisted the urge to leap up and down excitingly.

It must have shown on his face, though, because Raphael rolled his eyes and gently knocked his shoulder against his with a playful smirk.

“Eager, are we?” he taunted.

“Fuck off, Raphael.”

Raphael laughed, throwing his head back. “Oh, this is priceless. Cat is going to love it!”

“I hope someone took a picture of you with that ridiculous disguise,” Magnus countered, narrowing his eyes threateningly at Raphael, who visibly deflated. “Because _that_ is priceless and _that_ , Cat is definitely going to love!”

Raphael rolled his eyes but Magnus ignored him, his grin widening as the van parked and Alec all but jumped out by the back door. He walked straight to Magnus and pulled him into a hug, dropping a kiss in his hair and taking a deep breath. Magnus buried his face in his neck, partly to breathe in his cologne, to ground himself and partly so that Raphael wouldn’t see the love-struck expression on his face because he would never let that go.

“I missed you,” Alec murmured, his lips brushing against Magnus’ ear.

“I missed you too,” he replied, his words muffled by Alec’s shirt.

They stayed like that for a while, gripping one another almost desperately, breathing against each other’s skin, finding comfort in each other’s scent.

“Boys, I’m sorry to interrupt your reunion but we have to move quickly,” Hodge chimed in.

Magnus pulled back reluctantly but smiled again when Alec took his hand, squeezing it gently. He turned to look at Raphael, who was glancing back at him with a smug smirk and Magnus narrowed his eyes at him in warning, with the full knowledge that it was pointless.

“Shut up,” he groaned.

Raphael chuckled and raised his hands up in defense. “I didn’t say anything.”

“I know you. I know what you were thinking.”

Raphael laughed and walked towards Luke’s car with Clary on toe, waving at him over his shoulder.

“They’re going with Luke and Hodge,” Alec answered his silent question, softly pulling on his hand to guide him to the van. “You’re going with us.”

“Where are we going exactly?” Magnus asked, following him easily.

“Las Vegas, baby!”

Magnus raised an eyebrow at Simon, who was sitting in the back of the van and had an overenthusiastic expression on his face, a wide grin softening his features, making him look like a child on a Christmas morning. He would have answered, at least to greet them but he didn’t get a chance.

“Magnus has a bad history with Vegas,” chimed an awfully mocking voice and he could have recognized the British accent anywhere.

“You didn’t tell me that one,” Alec chuckled, letting go of his hand to step into the van, oblivious to Magnus’ disarray.

He stood there, completely frozen in shock and he stopped breathing altogether. He had known Ragnor was alive, had heard his voice on the night everything had gone mental, had been told time and time again by Alec and Raphael that he was indeed there and that he was fine. However, nothing had prepared him for actually being in front of him. He had known it was coming but he had just assumed it would go smoothly, a perfect mirror to how their relationship had always worked. Now that he was actually seeing it with his own eyes, witnessing the presence of his long lost friend, he was excruciatingly speechless.

His heart was throbbing in his chest and he was fairly certain he had gone paler than he had been when he had been bleeding out on the floor of the Morgenstern manor. Ragnor was here. Ragnor was alive. And he couldn’t even think of something to say.

Probably understanding his sudden panic, Ragnor moved, coming closer and Magnus had to resist the urge to step back because it was like seeing a ghost, like enduring a live version of the nightmares that had plagued his nights for two years. It was like all of a sudden, all the buried pain, the excruciating ache, the repressed tears were rising to the surface to taunt him and he was overwhelmed with the force of it. It knocked the air out of his lungs and he was left with no other solution than to stare, trying to convince himself that it was real.

Ragnor stopped right in front of him and smiled, that smile that had always warmed Magnus’ heart, made him feel welcome and valued and oh so esteemed. He raised trembling hands and trapped Ragnor’s face between his fingers, taking in his features, relearning the color of his eyes, a peculiar shade of dark green sprinkled with blue. Ragnor let him do so in silence for a while. Magnus could see he was affected too. He was tearing up and Magnus realized just then, as he was contemplating how it felt too real to be a trick of his mind, that he was choking up on a sob himself, the lump in his throat blocking out the actual tears.

“You look like crap,” Ragnor said tearfully, in that teasing tone that Magnus had missed more than anything. “It’s almost like you had been dead for two years.”

That was definitely real. His mind could have never supplied such a terrible joke. That was 100% Ragnor.

“Good to know you’re still so painfully unfunny,” he choked out, throat tight. “That would have been terribly unsettling.”

“You should hear what happened to me two years ago, darling. It’s actually quite hilarious,” Ragnor replied, a small smirk growing on his lips. “Some might say it’s to die for.”

Magnus laughed, loud and happy and completely carefree just as a few traitorous tears ran down his cheeks. He shook his head fondly and pulled Ragnor into a hug, holding on for dear life. Ragnor slid his arms around his waist gently, careful not to hurt him but Magnus wouldn’t have cared if he had because right then, tugged into the warm embrace of his best friend, he felt invincible.

Magnus sniffed and pulled back to wipe at his tears-drenched cheeks with a breathless chuckle. Ragnor smiled and grabbed his face to drop a wet kiss on his forehead.

“Good to see you, old friend,” he murmured softly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately, I had a bit of an impediment.”

“I’m sure I can forgive you,” Magnus retorted.

“Come on,” Ragnor said, stepping back. “Let’s go.”

Magnus nodded and followed him inside the van, taking Alec’s outstretched hand to climb, careful not to put any pressure on his left side. He slid into the seat next to Alec who didn’t let go of his hand, gently stroking it with his thumb.

Ragnor took the booth in front of them, spreading himself on the two places and he winked at Magnus before closing his eyes, his head against the window.

“It’s like we don’t even exist,” sighed a dramatic voice to his right and Magnus turned to smirk at Isabelle, blowing her a kiss.

“We spend ten days figuring out a way to break you out so your ass doesn’t end up in jail and what gratitude do we receive?” Jace stated just as theatrically, letting go of the wheel with one hand to wave exaggeratedly. “None!”

“You know I love you all,” Magnus said lightheartedly and Isabelle’s red-painted lips twitched with the beginning of a grin. “So, why Vegas?” he asked after a pause. “I thought we were going to the airport and straight to New York?”

“We can’t take the risk,” Jace chimed in, his eyes never leaving the road. “We’re not taking the plane yet. We’re going on a mini road trip to Vegas first.”

Magnus groaned, barely repressing a pout. “Someone please tell me you brought me some decent clothes at least.”

“I packed your stuff,” Alec said. “It’s all in Luke’s rental car.”

“Thank you,” Magnus replied softly, a fond smile on his lips that Alec reciprocated.

They shared a glance that was probably embarrassingly sappy but Raphael wasn’t here so Magnus didn’t really care at all. Not that he would have anyway. Raphael could shove it.

“You two can kiss, you know,” Simon butted in from his seat next to Isabelle, a wide grin on his features. “We all know you want to and the tension is just killing me.”

Magnus didn’t waste another second. He grabbed Alec by the collar and drew him closer, smashing their mouths together. Alec protested for half a second before he melted into his arms, cupping Magnus’ face between his hands. Magnus inhaled deeply, pure content making his heart flutter in his chest. He lightly nipped at Alec’s bottom lip and Alec gasped quietly, opening his mouth to give Magnus the opportunity to slide his tongue in. His hands moved to the back of his neck, pulling Magnus closer, huddling him against his chest.

“I said kiss, not have sex,” Simon grunted, almost pleading. “I’ve already been scarred for life once, thank you very much.”

Magnus pulled back reluctantly but his disappointment vanished into thin air when he took in the besotted look on Alec’s face.

“What are you talking about?” Jace blurted out, his eyes never leaving the road.

“I walked in on them doing the do the other day,” Simon confessed, visibly suppressing a shudder.

“Gross,” Jace groaned with a grimace.

 “I can assure you, there was nothing –” Magnus started with a mischievous smirk but Alec clamped a hand over his mouth, giving him a warning glare.

“Don’t.”

Magnus pouted, giving him his best pleading glance. “You’re no fun.”

Alec didn’t reply. Instead, he leaned forward, bringing their mouths together again. It was a chaste kiss, just a brush of their lips but it was a hint desperate too, slightly too frantic to be innocent. Alec poured all his being into it and Magnus could almost feel the relief pouring out of him as if it had been his. In a way, it probably partly was because he was indeed relieved to be out, to know that he was back where he belonged, alongside his friends and his boyfriend. But he couldn’t begin to understand what Alec had gone through, watching him as he was dying, being the one who had prevented him from bleeding out and then spending hours not knowing if he would make it with no way to reach out to him.

Alec pulled back only to bury his face in Magnus’ neck, breathing heavily and Magnus could feel his hands trembling lightly as he held him close, like he was afraid he would just disappear altogether. Magnus leaned his cheek against Alec’s head, softly stroking his hair.

It would have been a good time to confess his undying love, but Magnus didn’t, awfully aware of the presence of their friends around them. The moment was already intimate enough and they had too many witnesses, he didn’t need to add to the solemnity of it all. If he was quite honest, he wasn’t sure either of them was really ready for that anyway. They had fallen quickly and their relationship had been out of the ordinary every step of the way but maybe they needed to let it fall back to a regular pace now that no one was in mortal danger. Or maybe they didn’t. He didn’t think there would ever be anything regular about their relationship. Alec was different from everyone he had been with before.

However often Raphael made fun of him for letting himself be ruled by his heart so easily, for his ability to be controlled by his emotions and fall hard and fast, Alec was more than that. Alec was _everything_. And Alec would probably be everything for a very long time. So, really, he had all the time in the world.

“I hope you packed the scrubs too,” Magnus murmured teasingly for his ears only. “I wasn’t kidding about needing a nurse.”

Alec laughed against his neck, his warm breath sending a wave of shivers down his spine and Magnus felt his stomach twist almost painfully, every nerve in his body tingling from that simple sound.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t get married to that cactus after all,” he mumbled, finally pulling back from his hiding spot, his shoulders shaking with mirth and his eyes radiating with mischief. “I’m sure it would have made a terrible nurse.”

Magnus gaped for a moment before he turned accusatory eyes to his sleeping best friend.

“Ragnor!” he snapped loudly, causing the later to open his eyes and jump in surprise. “I can’t believe you told him about Peru!”

Ragnor and Alec shared a quick glance before bursting into laughter. Magnus huffed indignantly, feeling utterly betrayed.

“Oh babe,” Alec muttered when he calmed down, his voice smooth like velvet, “he told me much more than just Peru,” he teased, a smirk playing on his lips.

Magnus’ mind blanked for a second at the pet name, a fluttering feeling in his chest but he quickly recovered, narrowing his eyes at the both of them.

“What else?”

Alec gazed to the side at Ragnor and they both looked like two kids planning their next shenanigans. Magnus was objectively terrified.

“Something about you getting arrested for public indecency?” Alec offered.

Magnus groaned, running a hand in his hair before turning towards Ragnor, realization crossing over his features. “You weren’t even here!” he exclaimed accusingly. “I was with Raphael!”

“Modern age and all that,” Ragnor retorted, far too amused for Magnus’ liking. “News travel fast.”

“I need new friends,” Magnus sighed.

“Hey!” Isabelle exclaimed disapprovingly.

“You’re a new friend,” he argued, “and you’re flawless.”

Isabelle seemed to think about it for a second before she nodded in agreement. “Hell yeah I am. And if you want, I can tell you all the embarrassing stories about Alec.”

“Izzy!” Alec protested.

“Oh, how the tables have turned,” Magnus muttered dramatically, a roguish smirk spreading on his lips.

“I have embarrassing stories too,” Jace chimed in loudly from his seat behind the wheel, “and Max too. Three siblings equal triple the embarrassing stories.”

It was Alec’s turn to groan loudly, crossing his arms over his chest petulantly. “Betrayed by my own blood,” he grumbled but it was lightheartedly and a small smile was playing on his lips.

Magnus was sure he sported the exact same expression.

This, right there and then, was all he needed. That, and Alec’s lips against his again.

So he just grabbed his collar once more and pulled him against him, kissing his teasing smile away. Alec did not complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, cupcakes,
> 
> What did you think? Any favorite parts?  
> Let me know :)
> 
> You know that first episode of Game of Thrones where all the characters were happy and then they were never happy again? This is the same thing…  
> I’M KIDDING, PLEASE DON’T HURT ME.
> 
> Have a cookie to make up for this terrible joke:  
>  _“The only thing you should be worried about is me dying of sexual frustration!” he protested._  
>  _“Magnus!” Alec called out disapprovingly, his cheeks reddening even more just as Isabelle laughed loudly, throwing her head back._  
>  _“Don’t worry, big brother,” she uttered playfully. “I have no illusion about your innocence. Or lack of, more accurately.”_
> 
> Next chapter will be posted next Tuesday, since y'all chose Tuesday.  
> But I can give you another cookie this weekend to help you wait.  
> So let's play a game: you can give me a word, either in the comments here, on my [tumblr](http://onceuponasourwolf.tumblr.com/) or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) and I'll give you a cookie of the next chapter that contains the word that's been asked for the more often!  
> One rule: First names do not work because I got fooled once but not twice haha.  
> The cookie will be posted this weekend both on tumblr and twitter.
> 
> A huge thank you, as always, to my extraordinary [beta](http://pynchie.tumblr.com/) <3
> 
> Girls don't want boys. Girls want kudos and comments and more Malec kisses.
> 
> All the love,  
> L.
> 
> Ps: Have you read [Vodka Cannot Kill a Dragon](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7097176) yet? (yup, I'm shamelessly self-promoting myself)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My precious cupcakes,
> 
> I wasn't supposed to post that until Tuesday but then I reached 800 followers on Tumblr and I literally don't know how to thank you except by posting a new chapter so there you have it.
> 
> You will love me, then hate me but I swear it'll be worth it in the end because you will love me again.
> 
> Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to either tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) or use the #lecrit hashtag so I can appreciate to full length of your freaking out.

Jace dropped the last of Magnus’ bags on the floor of the hotel room, a deep scowl on his face. Alec followed closely, going straight to the window to glance at the view, Vegas spreading out below their feet.

“Did you really need us to bring all of these up?” Jace growled. “We’re barely staying here for two days.”

“Blondie, I’ve been wearing nothing but awful hospital clothes for two weeks,” Magnus replied, a hint harsher than necessary, but Jace knew it was mostly frustration. “Let me tell you I’m going to wear ten different outfits in two days to make up for it. And I could have brought them all up myself but you overprotective idiots wouldn’t let me.”

“You shouldn’t be carrying anything too heavy,” Alec argued on a tone that suggested clearly that it wasn’t the first time he had had to say it, turning around to face them. “You’re still recovering.”

Magnus made a show of rolling his eyes and dismissed his remark with a gracious flourish, kneeling down to rummage in one of the suitcases in search of an outfit. Jace chuckled, following his brother’s line of sight as he eyed the bags of clothes warily. Clearly, he was puzzled as to why Magnus needed so many clothes. Jace had seen Isabelle’s closet and teased her about it enough times to know not to argue with those who had such a passion for fashion. No wonder Magnus and Izzy had become such good friends.

“Now I’m sorry but I’m going to have to kick you out so I can take a shower and burn these awful clothes,” Magnus uttered without bothering to look up at Jace, holding out two shirts in front of him to scrutinize them.

Jace raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is that what you call gratitude?” he scoffed in false affront. “Is that all I get for carrying your entire wardrobe up here?”

“Thank you,” Magnus said hastily, meaninglessly, standing up to physically push him towards the exit. “Now, out!”

“Why are you so eager to throw me out?” Jace exclaimed indignantly, plainly offended now.

“Because I want to have sex with your brother and I’d rather have you out of here first.”

“Why?” Jace exclaimed loudly, covering his ears with his hands as he stepped out of the room. “Why do you do these things to me? I’m a nice person, I don’t deserve it!”

He barely had the time to hear Alec’s firm, “We are not having sex”, before he purposely slammed the door shut.

He repressed a shudder, standing immobile in the corridor for a while until a group of people burst his quiet bubble by loudly singing Cher’s Believe completely off-key. He took a look at his watch and frowned. It was barely six in the evening, it seemed a bit early to be drunk enough to sing nineties classics at the top of your voice. But then again, it was Vegas so he supposed there was no right or wrong time to get drunk here. Speaking of, he wouldn’t mind getting a drink himself.

He had driven the whole five hours it took them to get from San Diego to Las Vegas and his muscles were tense from sitting so long, hands tight on the wheel. A beer or two seemed like the right solution to ease his shoulders.

He walked down the corridor to his own hotel room, sliding the key in and grinned at the sight of Clary, sitting by the window, doodling in her sketch book. He made his way to her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She smiled up at him but immediately focused again on her drawing.

“I’m going to take a nap,” he announced out of the blue.

Somehow, the sight of Clary, looking so comfortable in their hotel room, had clenched his thirst for alcohol and now all he wanted was to lie down for a while and relax, her presence in the room more than enough to appease him.

Clary closed her sketch book and bounced towards the bed, leaping on the mattress. “I’ll join you,” she replied cheerfully.

Jace smirked, raising an eyebrow at her suggestively.

“To nap,” she added with a glare, although her lips were twitching with the beginning of a smile.

Jace shrugged and went to lay with her on the bed, dropping a kiss on her lips as she snuggled against him, her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.

.

Magnus stared at the scar spreading across his stomach, from his navel to the left side of his ribcage, an ugly red line that seemed to glare right back at him offensively. He sighed, wrapping a towel around his waist, careful to avoid brushing against the wound and used another clean towel to pat the area around it. The doctor had been clear about not touching it and leaving the wound to air dry but that meant waiting in the bathroom for a while so he was barely surprised when Alec’s worried voice came through the door.

“Magnus, is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied absentmindedly. “Just need to wait before I put a new bandage. Everything’s fine.”

“Do you need help?” Alec asked and Magnus couldn’t help but smile at the concerned edge in his tone.

“I’m alright.”

“Can I come in?”

Magnus stared some more at his stomach. He had never been one to feel self-conscious about his body and it wasn’t his first scar. He still sported one on his left arm from the heist in Venice that had taken a turn for the worse. It turned out it was another scar that he had to thank Valentine Morgenstern for, although he hadn’t known it until two weeks ago. It seemed silly that every time he’d look at them now, he would be reminded of him, when all he wanted was to forget all about him.

However hard he tried to disregard it, though, he kept replaying the event over and over, Valentine’s cruel smirk stuck in his mind like a disease, haunting him even when he was fully awake.

“Magnus?”

He huffed out a deep breath and turned towards the door to unlock it, immediately facing away. Alec came in warily and stepped closer, as if he was approaching a wild animal and Magnus was upset for a second, wanted to snap at him for no reason at all but Alec came closer and gripped his hand lightly and his irritation vanished into thin air.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, worry and kindness clashing together to make his voice waver slightly.

“I- I’m just…” He paused. Stressed? Upset? Angry? Tired? He wasn’t even sure which word to put on how he was feeling.

Alec nodded anyway, as if he understood better than Magnus himself and he grabbed the disregarded new bandage on the sink.

“Let me,” he said, although it sounded more like a question.

Magnus nodded and watched wordlessly as Alec applied the new dressing to his wound with a reverent care that sent a wave of shivers through his whole body, not even looking twice at the ugly scar. When he was done, he took hold of the shirt Magnus had decided on wearing, a dark green one that was a gift from Catarina, gold patterns entangling along the fabric. He slid it around Magnus’ shoulders with the same cautious care he had applied to his injury and started buttoning it.

“I could have done that,” Magnus whispered because the silence was starting to get too heavy for him and these days, he didn’t cope well with silences.

“I know,” Alec said, refusing to meet his eyes, focusing on the buttons instead.

It was easy to drop the façade in front of Alec. Around anyone else, he made a show of acting tough, pretending he hadn’t been affected by what had happened but somewhere along the way, Alec had learned to know better.

“Just… Let me take care of you, okay?” Alec murmured hesitantly.

“Darling, I don’t need you to take care of me,” Magnus replied with a soft smile, reaching out to grab his hand.

“I know you don’t,” he said, finally looking up, a few strands of hair falling into his mesmerizing eyes. “But I do. I need to take care of you.”

There was a slight desperate edge to his tone, swallowed by his obvious determination and Magnus was left with no other choice than nodding. Alec smiled and cupped his face between in his hands, bringing their lips together in a chaste kiss, pulling away almost immediately.

“In that case,” Magnus said, teasing spark back in his eyes. “I might need help with my pants too.”

“To get them on or take them off?”

Magnus smirked. “That’s up to you, darling,” he murmured seductively, adding a wink for good measure.

Alec bit his lip on a smile, shaking his head fondly. “You’re impossible.”

Magnus stepped closer, sliding his arms around Alec’s waist and below his t-shirt to stroke the skin of his lower back. “But in a good way, right?”

Alec’s eyes lit up, shining with amusement and care and that deeper feeling that Magnus could easily recognize because it was the same one that made his skin tingle pleasantly and his heart beat faster in his chest.

“In the best way possible,” he replied as he leaned down to kiss him again, nipping on his bottom lip and Magnus whimpered in surprise and desire, amazed by how easily he could melt into his arms and forget about everything else. Alec pulled back only to drift to his jaw and then to his neck, sucking on his pulse point.

“I really hope you’re not teasing,” Magnus muttered breathlessly, one hand finding its way to Alec’s hair, “because that would just be cruel.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Alec replied against his throat, his tongue tracing the mark he had worked on leaving there. He pulled back to stare at the result, a proud smirk pulling at his lips. “But I’m sure there are _some_ things we can do.”

Magnus nodded eagerly, fingers already tugging on Alec’s t-shirt to get it off. They jumped apart when a loud knock resonated all the way to the bathroom.

Alec groaned, his head falling on Magnus’ shoulder. “Go away,” he mumbled, but it was only loud enough for the two of them to hear.

“I know you’re in there!” Isabelle’s voice boomed loudly through the door.

The pounding persisted and Magnus sighed, knowing full well that she wouldn’t go away. There were times when he truly wished Alec’s siblings were _slightly_ less obnoxious. Alec must have come to the same conclusion because he pulled back, planted a chaste kiss on Magnus’ mouth and left the bathroom.

“Go away,” he repeated louder. “We’re not here.”

Isabelle faked a laugh and knocked again. “Very funny.”

Magnus chuckled and finished getting dressed cautiously, avoiding any abrupt movement. He came out of the bathroom just as Alec opened the door and Isabelle strolled in, a light bounce to her steps that made Magnus narrow his eyes at her grimly.

“So, I made some research about gunshot aftercare instructions,” she announced like she was talking about the weather, “and they say you should take short walks two to three times per day. So come on, let’s go see the dancing fountains at the Bellagio.”

Magnus would have been endeared by her concern hadn’t she interrupted a very intimate (and _very_ needed) moment.

“Did they say anything about obnoxious siblings who have no care for privacy?” Alec muttered under his breath.

Isabelle glared at him and then raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk spreading on her red-painted lips. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Yes,” Magnus growled just as Alec let out a harsh, “No.”

“Alec!” she exclaimed loudly, accusingly. “He’s still recovering!”

It was definitely judgmental but there was a mischievous spark in her eyes that betrayed how amused she truly felt.

“I know, I know,” her brother huffed, lowering his head shamefully.

Magnus narrowed his eyes at the two of them. “This is ridiculous,” he groaned. “I’m fine!”

“You got shot,” Alec argued, an embarrassed blush spreading on his cheeks.

“Why does everyone keep reminding me?” Magnus asked, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I was there, I remember!”

Isabelle chuckled and stepped closer, hooking her arms with his. “We’re just worried about you.”

“The only thing you should be worried about is me dying of sexual frustration!” he protested.

“Magnus!” Alec called out disapprovingly, his cheeks reddening even more just as Isabelle laughed loudly, throwing her head back.

“Don’t worry, big brother,” she uttered playfully. “I have no illusion about your innocence. Or lack of, more accurately.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” Alec muttered disbelievingly.

Isabelle snorted, waiting with Magnus on the side as Alec closed their hotel room door. He followed sheepishly as she dragged Magnus towards the elevator and he glanced over his shoulder to give him an apologetic look but Alec just shrugged, rolling his eyes at his sister behind her back.

“I wouldn’t call it a conversation,” Isabelle said as she pressed the button for the ground floor. “It’s mostly me talking and you blushing because it’s about sex.”

Alec huffed out an annoyed breath, gazing apologetically at the other people in the elevator, although none of them paid attention to them.

“I don’t want to discuss my sex life with you,” he argued with a frown. “You’re my sister.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “I’ll just talk about it with Magnus,” she teased. “He’s much more cooperative than you are.”

Magnus scoffed indignantly but Isabelle gave him _the_ look, the one who said “you know I’m right” and he could only shrug and admit defeat.

“Magnus will not talk about our sex life with you unless he wants that sex life to be inexistent,” Alec groaned, narrowing his eyes threateningly at the both of them and Magnus felt utterly betrayed. Somehow, he hadn’t said a word, letting them argue about it between them and it had managed to backtrack against him. Life was so unfair.

“My lips are sealed,” he said instead of protesting.

Isabelle snorted. “You really don’t know your boyfriend if you think two margaritas aren’t enough to make him talk,” she mocked, patting Magnus’ arm that was still firmly hooked with hers.

Alec sighed, dropping his head against the elevator’s wall in defeat. “Sadly, that’s true.”

“Thank you guys,” Magnus mumbled, voice heavy with sarcasm. “I feel so loved.”

Alec smirked but instead of replying, he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on his temple and Magnus’ annoyance vanished into thin air. The elevator doors finally opened on the ground floor and Alec stepped out, looking expectantly at his sister, who just raised an eyebrow.

“Can I have my boyfriend back?” he asked, gesturing at their linked arms.

“Nope,” she exclaimed with a wide grin, before pulling Magnus towards the exit.

Alec followed, shaking his head in both incredulity and fondness. Magnus felt a little bad, but mostly amused.

Simon, Ragnor and Raphael were already waiting in front of the hotel when they got there. Simon eyed their hooked arms with a raised eyebrow before turning to Alec, holding out his arm.

“Come on, we’re a much better-looking couple than them,” he said, pointing with his chin at Magnus and Isabelle.

Alec shook his head again and only stepped closer to hit Simon behind the head, earning an affronted yell from him.

“Please,” Magnus scoffed with a smirk. “The best-looking couple is clearly Raphael and Ragnor.”

Raphael rolled his eyes but Ragnor chuckled. “Did you hear that, darling?” he asked with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Magnus called someone other than himself good-looking.”

Raphael growled and started walking away from them towards the Bellagio. “I hate you all.”

.

Alec stood on the side as he watched Isabelle, Ragnor and Magnus laugh together at one of his anecdotes about his past adventures in Vegas. Raphael was standing next to them, an uncontrollable fondness on his features that he couldn’t hide. They had reached the Bellagio but the fountain show wasn’t supposed to start for another twenty minutes. Around him, the city was in motion, tourists walking around like lost souls, either too drunk to care or not drunk enough to get into the peculiar atmosphere. It was loud, vividly colorful to the point where it was almost blinding and he would have felt out of place if he hadn’t been surrounded by these particular people. Simon was right next to him and for once, he was speechless, observing silently, like him, how everything seemed overwhelmingly alive around them.

His relative quiet was broken by the loud ringtone of his phone and Alec took it out of his pocket, frowning slightly at the name on the screen.

“Hey Lydia.”

“Alec, hi!” she exclaimed cheerfully and he smiled in spite of himself.

It was odd that he had grown so fond of her when she was the kind of person he normally would have run away from. He had been as bewildered as the rest of them when he had learned the truth about her but at the time, it had been swallowed by his worry for Magnus’ well-being. Since then, he had had the time to truly think about it and no matter how much he tried to reason with himself, to find grounds on which to build some wariness towards her, he couldn’t. She had saved Magnus’ life. She probably had saved all of their lives so her lies didn’t hold much importance in comparison, especially when their whole relationship had started up on the team deceiving her.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“So, apparently, some John Doe escaped police custody earlier this afternoon,” she said matter-of-factly. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Nope,” he teased, a light smirk growing on his lips. “Absolutely no idea what you mean.”

“The surveillance videos have been erased and they didn’t find any fingerprints. And since they don’t have enough evidence to build a case, they’ll probably never catch him,” she went on, the mirth obvious in her voice.

“That’s a shame, really,” he replied.

Lydia laughed, loud and clear and he could perfectly picture her blue eyes lighting up with amusement. “Can I talk to him?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Alec joined the little group, Simon on toe and lightly grabbed Magnus’ hand. He turned towards him and his face lit up when his eyes caught Alec’s, leaving him bewilderedly speechless for a moment before he shook his head to get back on earth, holding him the phone.

“Lydia,” he said.

Magnus beamed at him and took the phone, stepping away for them. Soon enough, he was talking enthusiastically, his free hand making wide gestures she couldn’t see. Alec couldn’t tear his eyes away. Watching Magnus move was entrancing, even when his movements were not as easy and fluid as usual since he was still recovering. He still oozed grace and elegance, catching the attention everywhere he swaggered, all lean lines and colorful energy.

“It’s rude to stare,” Isabelle chimed in with a chuckle.

“Who knows?” Simon added on the same tone. “Magnus might magically disappear if he stops staring.”

Alec rolled his eyes and turned to send them an unimpressed glare and show them his middle finger. It only made them laugh. Magnus quickly came back towards them, a light bounce on his steps and held out his phone to Alec before sliding his arms around his waist. Alec hid his smile in his hair, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer.

“You guys are so cute,” Simon beamed before turning to Isabelle. “Are we that cute?”

“No,” Alec and Magnus replied together.

Simon scoffed indignantly while Isabelle narrowed her eyes at them accusingly, her mouth pulled into a thin line. Whatever comeback she had prepared was forgotten when loud music erupted from the speakers around them and the fountains started splashing water in rhythm with what Alec was almost certain to be the theme from Titanic.

Magnus plastered himself against his chest to watch the show. Alec slid his arms around his waist, careful to avoid the wounded side of his stomach and dropped a kiss against his temple.

“What did Lydia want to talk to you about?” he whispered in his ear, the loud music making it impossible for anyone but Magnus to hear.

“She wanted to apologize,” he said. “For not seeing this whole mess coming. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that I should actually thank her because she saved my life by giving her blood in the ambulance.” He twisted around in Alec’s arms, glancing up to look into his eyes. “Speaking of, I don’t think I properly thanked you either.”

Alec frowned. “What for?”

Magnus smiled, a small, almost exasperated smile that made his eyes glimmer with tenderness. “Of course you don’t know what I’m talking about,” he murmured. “You’re ridiculous.”

Alec’s frown deepened as he tried to piece everything together but eventually, he gave up, shrugging.

“Alexander,” Magnus scoffed, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek and his name in his mouth had never sounded so pure and so warm, “you saved my life.”

Alec shook his head. “I didn’t,” he said. “I just –“

“You did,” Magnus cut him off firmly, his tone forbidding any further argument. “I’d have bled out. Lydia gave me her blood in the ambulance but if it wasn’t for you, I’d have been dead long before the ambulance even got here.”

Alec took a deep breath, his mind plagued with images of Magnus lying on the floor in a puddle of his own blood, of his brown, honeyed skin turning into a terrifying bleached white, of how his hands had been so red that he hadn’t been able to see the skin beneath the blood.

He remembered how he hadn’t been able to breathe, how the fear had turned him boneless, how his heart had clenched painfully in his chest. He had never felt anything like this before, not even when Jace had hurt himself before on one of their jobs. He had been worried, scared, but Jace had simply hurt his arm and he had known, deep down, that it wasn’t anything more serious than a broken bone. Magnus had almost died. There was nothing compared to how he had felt when he had thought he was going to lose him forever.

It was insane, for someone like him who was usually so closed off, to realize how important someone he had known for objectively so little time had become, so important that it had felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

“Can we never talk about it again?” he murmured, almost pleading, yet he knew that it wasn’t possible.

Magnus smiled, lightly stroking his cheekbone. “Just say, ‘yes Magnus, I saved your life, you’re welcome’ and then we can never talk about it again.”

Alec chuckled, leaning down to peck his lips. “Honestly, I didn’t do it for you,” he muttered against his lips lightheartedly.

Magnus pulled back just to raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

“I did it for myself,” Alec eluded with a smirk. “Where do you expect me to find another boyfriend as hot as you?”

Magnus laughed, a pleasantly surprised sound that caught Alec’s whole attention and soothed every nerve in his body. “I knew you were only with me for my body,” he retorted.

Alec chuckled and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “That, and the mind-blowing sex.”

Magnus pulled back to stare at him, his eyes slowly darkening. “We should go back to the hotel.”

“The show –“

“Screw the fountains,” Magnus growled. “I’ve seen it before, it’s not that impressive. And it’s an awful waste of water.”

Alec would have laughed at the lame excuse and at his eagerness had he not been feeling the same. Instead, he grabbed his hand and gently tapped on Isabelle’s shoulder, who was watching the show, tugged under Simon’s arm, to catch her attention. She swiftly turned her head, her long ink-black hair flying like she was in a shampoo commercial.

“We’re going back to the hotel,” he said. “Magnus shouldn’t be up for too long.”

Isabelle observed them both silently for a moment before she snorted, rolling her eyes. “Sure,” she replied, voice heavy with sarcasm. “Magnus is _tired_. And I’m sure you’re very _tired_ as well.”

Alec’s efforts to keep a straight face were ruined by Magnus’ muffled laughter. He quickly turned away from his sister, ignoring her mocking eyes to tug on his boyfriend’s hand instead.

The walk back from the Bellagio to their hotel wasn’t so long but they were careful not to rush. If walking was good for Magnus’ recovery, running wasn’t. Alec had almost been tempted to just carry him the rest of the way but Magnus had glared at him and threatened to punch him if he did so he had settled for pushing back his overprotective instincts in favor of slowing down his pace, fully aware that Magnus knew exactly what he was doing.

Because Alec must have been a terrible person in one of his past lives, they ran into Hodge and Luke in the lobby of the hotel and he began to wonder if the universe was trying to mess with him.

“Hey boys,” Hodge said with a kind smile. “I thought you were going out with the rest of the merry gang.”

Alec opened his mouth and closed it again, turning his brain around to try to find a credible excuse. As always, Magnus didn’t have the same trouble.

“I was tired,” he lied, not even bothering to make it sound believable.

Luke snorted, concealing his mirth with a cough.

“What are you up to?” Alec asked hastily, in an undisguised attempt to change the subject.

“Jace and Clary just woke up from their three-hour nap,” Hodge said. “We’re going to have dinner with them. Want to join us?”

“Not hungry,” Magnus replied in a heartbeat.

“You should eat something,” Luke retorted with a frown. “In your condition –“

“Oh God,” Magnus interrupted with a frustrated grunt, rolling his eyes. “Can you all stop treating me like a child? I’m fine!”

“You got shot,” Hodge deadpanned.

Magnus gave him a flat stare. “I don’t need a reminder every ten minutes, I know!”

“We just want to make sure you’re recovering okay,” Luke said patiently. “About that…” He paused, gazed down for a moment and Alec frowned because it was so unusual for Luke to look anything but confident, “could I talk to you for a while?”

Magnus sighed and glanced to the side at Alec before focusing back on Luke. “Can it wait tomorrow morning?”

Luke shared a quick look with Hodge. “We have something tomorrow morning.”

“Are you two finally getting married?” Magnus teased, a light smirk on his lips.

Hodge rolled his eyes. “We’re meeting with our ruby buyer.”

Magnus gaped, accusatory eyes scanning the three men. “That’s why we went to Vegas? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“You have more important things to focus on,” Hodge retorted. “Like healing and resting.”

Alec could feel the irritation pouring off Magnus’ so he squeezed his hand in comfort but that didn’t seem to work. Magnus had gone utterly still next to him, his jaw flexing with frustration.

“For the last time, I. Am. Fine,” he hissed, casting a glance over his shoulder to make sure they were away from preying ears. “So I got shot and now I’m not part of the team anymore? I don’t get to be updated on the recent events? You’re selling the ruby tomorrow, a ruby that _I_ stole by the way, and no one thought I ought to know about it?”

His eyes were cold now, his teeth clenched in annoyance and it was astonishing how quickly he could go from a kind, joyful man to this one, cold, redoubtable and intimidating.

“Of course you’re still part of the team,” Luke sighed. “We didn’t tell you because we don’t want you here. Not because you’re not a valuable member of the team but because you don’t need to be more exposed than you’ve already been.”

“And why are you telling me now then?” Magnus asked, eyes flashing with anger.

Hodge shrugged dismissively. “We never said we would never tell you. Of course you deserve to know. We just wanted to make sure you weren’t too… shocked first.”

Magnus huffed out a disbelieving breath, looking bewilderedly between them before he shook his head and let go of Alec’s hand to walk away towards the elevator.

Alec sighed. “I told you we should have told him before,” he muttered.

“He needs to focus on getting better,” Hodge retorted. “He says he’s okay but he’s not. I saw him wincing in pain earlier when he got out of the van. He tries to play it tough but he’s more affected than he lets on.”

“I know,” Alec admitted, running a hand through his hair, remembering the scene in the bathroom earlier, the way his eyes had focused on everything but Alec, how he had refused to acknowledge that he had been staring at his reflection for a while before Alec eventually gave up and knocked. “I don’t know what to do.”

Hodge clasped a hand against his neck. “Just be there for him,” he said, a sympathetic edge to his voice that filled Alec with an odd sense of comfort that he only associated with Hodge. “Right now, there’s not much else you can do.”

Alec nodded. “I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, knowing it would be positive and darted after Magnus, who was already gone. He took the elevator and found him leaning against the door of their hotel room, a deep scowl on his face. Alec stopped in front of him but didn’t make a move to open the door.

“I didn’t take my key when we left,” Magnus mumbled reluctantly.

“Magnus,” Alec breathed out, heart pounding in his chest. “Look at me.”

He did, glancing up slowly but his face was closed off, like Alec had rarely seen it before and certainly not towards him, eyes sharp and cold.

“Come on,” he said softly. “You know we’re only thinking of what’s best for you.”

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me,” Magnus snapped. “Unlike what you seem to think, the bullet didn’t hit my brain, I’m quite capable of thinking for myself. Now, can you open the door so we don’t broadcast our personal lives for every drunken soul in this hotel?”

His voice was rough and demanding and left no room for negotiation. Alec sighed but obliged, swiping the electronic key in, and Magnus pushed in immediately. Alec wondered for a second if he was going to just slam the door on his face. He didn’t, though, and Alec followed him inside warily.

“Magnus,” he called out, cautiously stepping closer. “It’s not like that. We’re not trying to make decisions for you.”

“Really?” Magnus retorted, his voice rising dangerously and there was venom in his tone that Alec had never heard before. “You want to know what I think? I think you’re all just trying to make yourselves feel better because I got shot and you feel guilty about it. So you tell yourselves white lies about protecting me but you’re really protecting yourselves.”

Alec ran a hand over his face, heaving out a deep breath. “It’s not about that,” he sighed. “Of course I – _we_ feel guilty but it’s not about that.”

“What is it about then? Why do you treat me like I’m going to break all the damn time?” he nearly shouted.

“Because you almost died!” Alec yelled, unable to contain himself anymore. “It’s not nothing! It’s not fine!” he added, impossibly annoyed at his own voice for wavering with emotions. “You almost died!”

“Well, I fucking didn’t,” Magnus barked back. “Sorry to disappoint!”

Alec knew he didn’t mean it but it still felt like a slap to the face and he had to close his eyes for a moment, trying to pull himself back together. Yelling at Magnus was the last thing he wanted to do. He couldn’t help it, though. It wasn’t anger, mostly frustration but he couldn’t seem to get it under control, not when Magnus kept being so stubborn about his well-being and refused to understand.

“I mean, it would have made more money for you all, right?” Magnus continued spitefully. “It would have been convenient.”

“Fuck you, Magnus,” he spat out because his brain was unable to form any coherent comeback, too shocked to function properly. He had no idea where this was all coming from and he was fairly certain Magnus had no idea either.

He stepped closer, stopping right in Alec’s face, eyes burning with untamed fire.

He didn’t have the time to process it all because Magnus grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him forward, smashing their mouths together. Alec was almost ashamed by how quickly he melted into his embrace, a groan forming in the back of his throat as Magnus grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled almost painfully, drawing a moan out of Alec’s throat as his other hand already worked on shoving his jacket off of his shoulders.

Alec let it drop to the floor obediently, his heartbeat roaring in his ears, making him deaf to the world around him. The atmosphere quickly turned heated, ruled by nothing but the suffocating reality of their need for each other and his anger vanished to be replaced by a pure, sheer sense of desire and _want_. Every single one of his thoughts was ruled by Magnus, Magnus’ lips, Magnus’ hands, Magnus’ taste in his mouth. It was overwhelming but Alec welcomed it all, his head winding in a crashing chaos.

But Magnus moaned, half aroused and half pained and Alec forced himself to pull back, panting heavily. Magnus took the opportunity to drift lower, sucking on his neck, pulling with insistence at the hem of his shirt.

“Magnus,” he breathed out. “We can’t. You’re not well.”

“I don’t care,” he retorted and Alec froze entirely. His voice sounded passionate and intense, like it always did when they were intimate but there was something else, a missing edge to it, like a distance had settled between them and Alec couldn’t reach out to pull him back to him. Like he was drowning, miles away from Alec, and there was nothing he could do to save him. “Just fuck me already.”

“Magnus,” he whimpered as his teeth grazed against a sensitive point below his ear. “Babe, no.”

It took every bit of willpower he had to step back, Magnus’ hands falling lamely at his sides. He could feel his pulse throbbing from his toes to his fingertips.

“We can’t do this,” he repeated, inhaling deeply. “Not like that. Not when you’re still hurt both physically and…”

He cut himself off but Magnus understood all the same.

He narrowed his eyes at him, desire fading away to be replaced by anger again. “And mentally? Am I too much of a burden for you to handle?” he gritted out through clenched teeth.

Alec wanted to reach out, to say something, anything to soothe him, to bring him some much needed reassurance but he was speechless and he cursed, now more than ever, his inability to express himself at times. It was the worst time for his brain to be so unhelpful.

“Get out,” Magnus said harshly.

He hesitated for a long moment but Magnus didn’t soften, his features a sharp façade of cold fury so he obliged reluctantly, slowly making his way to the door. He pocketed his key and stepped out, shutting the door behind him, leaning against it and letting out the deep breath he had been holding in.

He walked away, staggering aimlessly in the corridors of the hotel, carefully avoiding the eyes of the people he crossed paths with, his heart beating wildly in his chest. There was too much laughter, too much happiness around him and it seemed like the universe was taunting him, every obnoxious drunken cackle mocking a bit more his own distress.

Finally, he stumbled onto a large balcony, overlooking another hotel across the road and leaned against the barrier to glance at the city, unable to focus on anything but the scene replaying in his mind.

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, resisting the urge to pull at it in frustration. He was exhausted but it was consumed by how mad he was at himself because he had snapped at Magnus, because he had left him alone, because he had no idea what to do or how to deal with all of this.

It felt weird, standing there and feeling the fire pit in his chest; his skin prickling horribly like it wasn’t his own. He felt out of place in his own body, unable to recognize and pacify the reactions that were rising in him, leaving him a slave and a prisoner to the chaos of his mind. He wondered if it was what losing Magnus, _really_ losing Magnus, would have felt like. If he had died that dreadful night. He wondered if the memories would ever stop haunting him, if the hollowness of his heart would ever heal, if eventually, it would feel secondary. Trivial. Painless.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there, lost in the hectic muddle of his own thoughts, cursing at himself.

“ _Just be there for him._ ” Hodge’s words echoed in his head. That much, he could do, if Magnus let him. He could only hope it would be enough.

He picked up what was left of his courage and leisurely made his way back inside, ignoring  the pounding of his heart. The walk to their hotel room seemed awfully shorter on the way back and for a while, he found himself staring at the door, not knowing what to do with himself, dreading what he would find inside.

Eventually, he just shook his head at his own cowardice. “Get it together, Lightwood,” he mumbled to himself before he swiped the key and went in quietly.

Whatever he had expected, it wasn’t Magnus simply lying on his back on the bed, apparently fast asleep. He looked peaceful, then, more so than he had all day. His features were appeased and Alec’s breath left him for a second, overwhelmed by the beautiful serenity of the scene and how it contrasted radically with how tensed it had been before Magnus had asked him to leave.

He dropped the key on the chest of drawers on the side and stripped to his boxers, sliding into the bed as silently as he could, unwilling to interrupt Magnus’ quiet. The bed tipped as he got in, though, and Magnus stirred immediately. Alec froze, warily ensuring he hadn’t woken him but Magnus’ eyes were already fluttering open.

“Alec,” he whispered, voice hoarse with sleep and exhaustion and a whole mess of emotions that Alec had no idea what to do with.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, far louder than the night would have normally allowed him. “I don’t want us to fight.”

Magnus sighed and shifted to get closer, snuggling against him, careful to lean on his uninjured side. “Me neither,” he murmured, dropping a kiss on Alec’s naked chest. “I’m sorry too. I overreacted. I don’t know what got into me.”

Alec had a fair idea, but he couldn’t say it out loud.

There were other things he could say, though. Probably more important, more meaningful, more powerful.

So he did.

“I love you,” he murmured into the night.

Magnus gasped and looked up at him, surprise written all over his face and Alec had to wonder if he had ignored it, how he could be surprised when his confession was news to no one.

Even in the darkness, Alec could see how his eyes suddenly shone. His hold tightened around Alec’s waist and he shifted to press a closed-mouth kiss to his lips, impossibly tender and soft.

“I love you too.”

And surely, that would be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, on a scale from Camille to "Alec has a Magnus", how much do you love me right now?  
> I'm thinking it might be somewhere along the lines of "LUCILE WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US"  
> Answer: because I'm evil and you love me for it!
> 
> Kudos and comments make me happy and when I'm happy, you're happy. That's how love works.
> 
> Here's a cookie for you precious cupcakes:  
>  _He was halfway to falling back to sleep when a loud knock burst their quiet bubble of peace and they both let out a perfectly synchronized groan._  
>  _“Every fucking time,” Magnus whined, burying his face against Alec’s chest in a lame attempt at shielding the rest of the world away._  
>  _“I hate them all,” Alec added sullenly. “I really need to give them a lecture on privacy.”_
> 
> Next chapter coming up on Tuesday.  
> I'll be patiently waiting for your words for the cookie game.
> 
> Come and tell me how much you love me on [tumblr](http://onceuponasourwolf.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).
> 
> My [beta](https://pynchie.tumblr.com/) is a rock star.
> 
> All the love,  
> L.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things happen in this chapter that you cupcakes have been asking for:  
> 1) They don't get interrupted.  
> 2) Magnus/Ragnor/Raphael.
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to either tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) or use the #lecrit hashtag

Magnus woke up feeling restless and cold. The bed was empty but the pillow next to him was still dipped with the evidence of Alec’s presence through the night. He tried to get up on his elbows but winced and fell back on the bed when a sharp pain surged through his left side. He released an unsteady breath, inhaling deeply through his nose. He had been an idiot, thinking he could act like nothing had happened and the pain served as an excellent reminder.

Memories of the night before started plaguing his mind as he slowly emerged out of his drowsy daze. He had snapped at Alec. Alec had been nothing but caring and loving and he had just yelled at him like none of that mattered. He sighed and pushed on his uninjured side to sit up. His eyes fell on the glass of water on the night table, alongside a couple of the painkillers he still had to take twice a day and a new dressing for his wound and his heart warmed at the thoughtfulness of his boyfriend. Their fight from the night before seemed awfully meaningless in comparison.

He made a quick job of changing his bandage, throwing the old one in the bin next to the bed. He was just swallowing the pills when Alec came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. He smiled at Magnus when he saw him awake, a small, almost shy smile that seemed far too hesitant and unsure and Magnus couldn’t have that. He reached out, making grabby hands to beckon him closer. Alec scoffed but his grin widened and he obliged, leaning down to kiss him lightly on the forehead.

Magnus huffed indignantly and stood as gracefully as he could from the bed to face his boyfriend, softly yanking on his shoulders petulantly.

Alec chuckled. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to kiss you properly, you gigantic monster,” he exclaimed huffily.

Alec fully laughed this time, his head thrown back, exposing the delicious curves of his jaw and his neck and Magnus found himself staring.

Eventually, his boyfriend obediently leaned down, pecking him on the nose. “Aw, babe,” he muttered, pure mischief in his tone, “you’re so tiny.”

Magnus narrowed his eyes at him and brought a hand behind his neck to forcefully drag him forward, kissing him full on the mouth. Alec chuckled against his lips but kissed back eagerly, cupping Magnus’ face between his hands. A couple of water drops fell from Alec’s wet hair to his forehead but Magnus didn’t care and he barely noticed anyway, entirely focused on Alec’s lips against his (although his naked self was a pretty decent distraction too).

He pulled back only to move forward again, plastering himself against his boyfriend’s chest, sliding his arms around his damp waist. Alec hummed in content and dropped his cheek against Magnus’ head, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus murmured. “About last night.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you and you were right, we should have told you before about selling the ruby,” Alec replied on the same tone.

“No, I understand why you didn’t,” he mumbled, dropping a kiss against Alec’s collarbone. “I would have done the same if it was you instead of me.”

“Let’s forget about it,” he said softly.

Magnus nodded against his chest and pulled back, standing on his tiptoes to plant a tender kiss on his lips, his hands running along Alec’s back and spine. Alec kissed back gently and caringly, his arms still wrapped around Magnus’ neck, the tip of his fingers travelling the length of his shoulders and biceps almost lazily.

It was awfully innocent, though, far too much for Magnus’ liking.

His hands drifted lower, his nails scratching purposely against his lower back. Alec’s breath hitched against his lips and he growled, pulling back to look down at Magnus, his hazelnut eyes already darkening.

“That’s not fair,” he chastised him half-heartedly.

“What’s the point of knowing your weaknesses if I don’t exploit them?” Magnus retorted with a roguish smirk.

Alec shook his head but huffed out a quiet laugh. “You’re a menace.”

“You can only blame yourself,” Magnus countered. “You’re the one parading half-naked in front of me.”

“Excuse me for thinking you would have a modicum of self-control,” Alec mocked lightheartedly.

Magnus gasped exaggeratedly, pulling back to give him an offended look. “You really don’t know me at all, do you? Me? Having self-control? Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

Alec snorted but Magnus scratched his lower back again and his mirth quickly turned into a groan. Magnus chuckled, dropping a kiss against his collarbone before drifting higher, to his shoulders and his neck, teeth soon teasing at his earlobe.

“Magnus,” Alec breathed out, hands sliding along his back.

He simply hummed in answer, sucking at a sensitive point against his jaw line, just below his ear and Alec all but whimpered, inhaling deeply through his nose.

“How about we stop beating around the bush and just get it on before we get interrupted yet again?” Magnus whispered into his ear, rising to his tiptoes. “Gently,” he added, cutting short the protest he could feel forming in Alec’s throat, “we both know you won’t hurt me.”

Alec hummed inattentively and for a second, Magnus wasn’t sure he had actually heard him. There was something positively thriving at the idea that he could drive him to a point where he wasn’t paying attention to anything but Magnus’ lips against his skin. Alec leaned down and the ghost of his lips brushed against his ear.

“How about I blow you instead?”

Except he had heard him and Magnus was pretty sure his brain was the one that short-circuited because he was left speechless, his mouth falling open in a probably perfect impersonation of a goldfish. Alec pulled back and smirked, a devilishly tempting spark in his eyes. Magnus was so far gone, it wasn’t even funny anymore.

“Shit,” he blurted out, pupils widening in shock and desire, “I love you.”

Alec laughed, loud and clear and happy and his heart fluttered in his chest. “Now, you’re only saying that because I just offered you a blowjob.”

Magnus smirked, sitting back on the bed to look up at him through his lashes, shuffling to get in the middle of the mattress. “Absolutely, but the point remains,” he uttered teasingly, finally recovering some kind of eloquence.

Alec chuckled and stepped closer to kneel on the bed, bending down to kiss him again. Magnus slid a hand through his hair, pulling him closer and Alec withdrew, barely, and whispered “I love you too” against his lips, his breath hitching as Magnus’ other hand found its way under his towel.

.

“I should get shot more often,” Magnus announced dramatically through heavy breathing, head falling on the pillow.

Alec groaned, rolling his eyes and crawled to lean above him, holding himself on his arms. “No, you shouldn’t,” he said, dropping a chaste kiss on Magnus’ cheek that contrasted drastically with how sinfully he had used his mouth moments ago.

“Come on,” Magnus replied playfully, fingers running along his arms, “Everyone is being extra nice to me, even Raphael. I can lie in bed all day and no one will tell me anything. _And_ I get mind-blowing orgasms.”

Alec scoffed, shaking his head disbelievingly. “You’re an idiot,” he stated solemnly.

“Your own mind-blowing orgasm must have meddled with your brain, I think the word you were looking for is genius,” Magnus retorted. “I actually planned the whole thing thoroughly in my evil mind.”

Alec snorted, lazily nuzzling his nose along his jaw line. He dropped another kiss against his throat before falling onto his back next to Magnus, turning his head to meet his eyes.

“Your evil mind sucks.”

Magnus chuckled, carefully leaning on his uninjured side to snuggle against him, entangling their legs together.

“You know, as my boyfriend, the lying-in-bed-all-day excuse works for you too,” he taunted playfully. “I need someone to keep me company.”

“I was going to have a productive day trying and failing at keeping Jace from wasting his money in the casino but that sounds like a much better plan,” Alec replied, his eyes closing in a peaceful expression that Magnus observed quietly, memorizing it and storing it in a sheltered part of his brain.

“You wouldn’t even have to get dressed,” Magnus went on seductively, running intricate patterns with the tips of his fingers on his stomach.

Alec hummed approvingly, a small smile playing on his lips, the beginning of a smirk tugging at the corners. “You just want to ogle my naked body.”

“Absolutely,” Magnus replied shamelessly. “You really should give up on wearing clothes altogether. They don’t do you or your glorious ass justice anyway.”

He didn’t open his eyes but a slow blush grew on his cheeks and up his neck and Magnus smirked proudly at the sight, running a hand through the disheveled strands of dark hair. Alec opened one eye to look at him and his blush deepened.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he mumbled, closing his eye again.

“Like what?” Magnus asked with an innocence he certainly didn’t possess.

“Like – Like –“ Alec huffed out an exasperated sigh that Magnus knew was meant for his own lack of articulacy and opened both of his eyes to glance down at him. “You know how,” he said accusingly.

“Like I’m going to ravish you all over again?” he put out helpfully.

“Yeah,” Alec muttered. “Like that.”

Magnus chuckled, a look that he was certain to be pure adoration crossing over his features. He sighed in content when Alec’s hand started running up and down his back and dropped his head on his chest, closing his eyes and relaxing into the touch, his own fingers wandering on his stomach, tracing unreadable words and obscure patterns against the pale skin.

He was halfway to falling back to sleep when a loud knock burst their quiet bubble of peace and they both let out a perfectly synchronized groan.

“Every fucking time,” Magnus whined, burying his face against Alec’s chest in a lame attempt at shielding the rest of the world away.

“I hate them all,” Alec added sullenly. “I really need to give them a lecture on privacy.”

“Remind me never to tell them where my apartment is in New York,” Magnus sighed. “They’d come knocking at every hour of the night.”

“Am I allowed to know?” Alec asked teasingly, finally opening his eyes to fix them on him, gaze foggy with sleepiness and affection.

“I might be convinced to tell you,” he replied playfully, a light smirk tugging at his lips. “I’m sure you can be persuasive.”

The knock erupted again and Alec sighed in defeat.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Bane,” he muttered lightheartedly, leaning down to plant a kiss on his nose and another on his eyelid before he reluctantly got out of bed.

“Guys?” Simon’s voice pierced through the wood. “I’m sorry to bother you but it’s urgent.”

“Unless someone is dying or Lady Gaga is waiting for me in the lobby, it doesn’t justify waking people up at the crack of dawn,” Magnus called out, loud enough for Simon to hear him even through the closed door. Maybe it was way past ten in the morning and they had both been awake for a while but Simon didn’t need to know that.

Magnus stretched lazily on the bed, watching with a smirk as Alec bend over to pick up his long-disregarded towel, wrapping it around his waist. Magnus almost pouted when he was deprived of the sight of his gorgeous naked self.

“Magnus,” Simon started again and he seemed to hesitate but his voice was still firm, like it was when he was trying to appear composed. “It’s Ragnor.”

Magnus blinked twice, taking the words in, and rushed to sit up on the bed as Alec all but ran to the door, opening it to a worried, fidgeting Simon.

“What’s going on?” Alec asked immediately.

“He’s locked himself in the bathroom and he refuses to come out,” Simon explained. “Raphael told me to come and get you.”

Magnus nodded and hurried out of bed to get dressed, ignoring Simon’s shocked gasp at the sight of him parading naked in his hotel room. Magnus had never been shy or modest about nudity, he wasn’t about to start now.

He couldn’t see it but Magnus could perfectly picture Alec rolling his eyes, the gesture somehow evident in the tone of his voice when he spoke. “Tell Raphael we’ll be there in two minutes,” he said.

Simon nodded and walked away. Alec closed the door just as Magnus was slipping on the first pair of skinny jeans he had found, then hurriedly grabbing a shirt. He started getting dressed too, putting on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and in two minutes, they were ready to go. Alec grabbed the electronic key he had dropped on the chest of drawers the night before and they were out of the door. Ragnor’s room was on the floor right below them but they still took the elevator.

When they got in front of the room, Magnus pounded his fist against the wood, tightening it as much as possible so the tremble of his limbs wouldn’t be visible to Alec. He didn’t need to give him any more reason to worry; he did plenty of that on his own.

It opened barely a second later on Simon, who looked just as panicked as he had two minutes ago, eyes wide behind his glasses. Raphael was standing in front of the bathroom door, a deep scowl on his face, arms falling sternly against his sides, nervously twisting his fingers around.

“What happened?” Magnus asked, effectively pulling him out of his thoughts.

Raphael sighed. “It’s my fault,” he admitted shamefully.

“What happened?” Magnus repeated patiently, stepping forward to grab his shoulders.

“I slammed the door,” Raphael said, running a hand over his tired features. “Simon came earlier to ask if we wanted to join the team for lunch and well… it’s Simon, he’s just infuriating. He made a stupid joke and I slammed the door on his face and Ragnor just… flipped out. He started hyperventilating and I tried to calm him down but he just ran into the bathroom and locked himself in there and I’ve been tried to get him out for the last half-hour.”

Magnus nodded, gently rubbing Raphael’s back in comfort. He looked positively terrified and just as guilty.

“It’s not your fault,” he muttered reassuringly. “You couldn’t have known.”

Raphael scoffed, clearly not convinced but Magnus would take care of that later. With one last squeeze to Raphael’s shoulder, he stepped toward the bathroom, lightly knocking on the closed door.

“Ragnor,” he called out softly. “Darling, it’s me, Magnus.”

Silence.

“Darling, can you open the door for me, please?” he tried again.

If he really focused on nothing else, he could surmise the faded sound of his heavy breathing through the door and his heart constricted in his chest painfully so Magnus knocked again, his knuckles grazing against the wood.

“Ragnor, love,” he muttered, dropping his forehead on the closed door. “It’s me. You’re alright. You’re safe.”

Once more, only deep silence answered him.

Magnus almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a soft tap on his shoulders and he whirled his head around to meet Alec, who was holding out his phone to him. Magnus frowned but took it, quickly scanning the page Alec had opened for him. It was an article on how to cope with PTSD-related anxiety and he bit his bottom lip absentmindedly.

Alec had spent more time than him with Ragnor since he had only been reunited with him the day before and he had obviously picked up on the symptoms because there was nothing but confidence and comfort in his hazelnut eyes.

Deep down, Magnus knew it wasn’t his fault. He had been stuck in a hospital bed for two weeks. He hadn’t seen Ragnor in that time, had barely talked to him because Ragnor wasn’t big on texting. There had been no way for him to observe him like Alec had. He hadn’t even thought about PTSD. That seemed like something that happened only to soldiers coming back from the war. But maybe Ragnor was, in a way, coming back from a war, one which involved mind games as weapons and that he had had no chance to win. But somehow, Magnus wondered if he could have known, if he should have felt it in his best friend’s embrace when they had reunited the day before. How he could have been so blind to think everything would be fine from then on.

He hurriedly read the article, eyes running over the words but unable to really focus on anything meaningful. His head was spinning and it all seemed like too much. Most of the solutions, he couldn’t apply right now because it was things Ragnor was supposed to do himself. His mind was swirling with the need to get to Ragnor and he had trouble aiming his attention on anything else.

Alec stepped closer and tapped a finger against the screen, showing him one particular line. “You need to distract him,” he said gently. “Make him think about something else.”

Magnus nodded sheepishly, turning back towards the inflexibly locked door. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out something to say, something to bring his best friend back to him. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a fleeting thought. Ragnor had been supposedly dead for two years. Two years could be an awfully long time and maybe he was broken beyond repair, maybe there was nothing Magnus could do, especially when he had no idea what exactly he had been through. These past two years were a total blank and he didn’t even know what he was supposed to distract him from, why the slammed door had triggered something in him.

Raphael stepped closer before Magnus could turn into the one panicking. “Tell him about New Orleans,” he said with a small smile. “That’s a funny story.”

Magnus couldn’t help but to smile at the memory as well. He cleared his throat and raised his voice, doing his best to sound both confident and comforting.

“Ragnor, darling, remember Mardi Gras in New Orleans?” he asked, a fond edge to his tone. “You had told me you really wanted to do it once so I surprised you for your birthday. We even dressed up and everything, although if you ask me you didn’t really make a convincing effort because those horns didn’t qualify as a costume in my opinion. Anyway, we had planned on just joining the parade but obviously, since you’re British and I’m myself a bit of an alcoholic, we were already drunk by the time the parade started. So we were just mingling in the crowd and I’m pretty sure you were already halfway to cheating on Raphael with a blonde,” he went on, the smile evident in his voice.

He couldn’t hear Ragnor’s breathing anymore and he wasn’t sure whether it was a good or a bad thing. “So we’re just having fun and we’re honestly both tipsy by then when a group of teenagers dressed up as skeletons stops in front of us and they just offer us some drinks out of the blue and because we’re both irresponsible and Raphael wasn’t here to scold us, we drink them.”

Behind him, Raphael scoffed disapprovingly. “I don’t know if you remember the taste of it, but I do and it was the strongest shit I’ve ever had in my entire life. I’m sure it’s what liquid hell tastes like. I still don’t know what was in there. So we went straight from tipsy to hammered in half a second.”

He paused for a second, leaning against the door to try to hear something inside and he heard shuffling so he figured at least Ragnor was alive in there. “Very impressed by our alcohol downing capacity, the kids started feeding us the weirdest drinks possible, buying us round after round and eventually, we lost each other in the crowd. We didn’t find each other until the streets were mostly empty. It was the middle of the night and I was – ” Magnus cast a wary look towards Alec before turning back to the door. “I was busy… ahem… somewhere else.”

“You were having sex,” Alec filled in with an amused smirk. “You can say it, you know. I’m very much aware that you were not a virgin when we met.”

Magnus was fairly certain that he heard a giggle coming through the door and he squirted his eyes at it accusingly.

“Anyway,” he said loudly, clearing his throat. “I was _busy_ when one of the teenagers that had made us drink came to tell me you were in danger so, obviously, as the knight in glittering armor that I am, I ran to safe you –“

“Did you zip up your pants first?” Raphael cut in mockingly, making Alec and Simon chuckle.

Magnus sent him a murderous glare but didn’t dignify it with an answer. “The metaphor is oddly appropriate because you were literally about to duel with some dude dressed up as a knight. You were riding a pony and to this day, I still don’t know where you found the poor animal and the other guy was on his friend’s shoulders and you were both holding some tree branches to pretend you were really jousting. So, obviously, I tried to stop you because even to my drunken mind, it didn’t sound like a good idea –“

“Unlike having sex with a stranger in an alley,” Raphael interrupted with a scornful snort and this time, Magnus hit him at the back of the head, earning a muffled protest in reward.

“She wasn’t a stranger, I knew her for like… two hours,” Magnus justified lamely with a disregarding flourish.

“What was her name?” Raphael inquired, his eyes dancing with malice.

Magnus gaped for a second before he cleared his throat again, turning back towards the door. “Anyway,” he uttered again, loudly, ignoring Raphael’s snicker in his back, “I tried to stop you but you said, and I quote, ‘step away, peasant, I am defending the honor of my nation’. It was all very dramatic, I was almost proud.”

Now he was certain he had heard Ragnor chuckle behind the door.

“Apparently, the guy had talked shit about England or something.”

“My accent,” Ragnor’s wobbling voice cut through the door and Magnus ignored the relieved sigh that Raphael let out, holding his own in. “He made fun of my accent, the wanker.”

Magnus laughed. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s it. So you were getting ready to joust him to the death,” he added with a barely concealed grin. “Except, of course, you were riding a pony so you weren’t exactly properly… equipped.”

“For the life of me, I never knew where I had found that bloody animal,” Ragnor chimed in, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“The fact remains that you did and it was a moody beast because of course, he didn’t gallop towards the guy but towards me and I had to run for dear life.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Shut up, Ragnor. I’m the one telling the story,” Magnus said but it was lighthearted and Ragnor chuckled again.

“You’re a drama queen.”

“No, I’m not,” Magnus protested.

“Yes, you are,” countered a symphony of perfectly synchronized voices and Magnus turned around to glare at Alec, Raphael and Simon, feeling utterly betrayed.

“Traitors,” he muttered. “So, I ran and because I was completely smashed, I barely ran two feet before I had to stop and throw up and of course, I threw up on your opponent’s friend.” He couldn’t hold back a laugh. “He yelled and literally threw his friend off his shoulders to get away. It was a good thing there was a bin behind them because he probably would have fallen straight on his head otherwise.”

“It would have avoided the fight,” Ragnor butted in with a quiet laugh.

“Where would have been the fun in that?” Magnus countered playfully. “It was an epic fight.”

“You don’t even remember it,” Raphael deadpanned, shaking his head exasperatedly.

“I remember half of it,” Magnus retorted. “I don’t remember how we got back to the hotel, though. I only remember waking up in our hotel room the next morning, with a black eye and a pony staring at me.”

“You brought the pony back into your hotel room?” Alec asked bewilderedly, biting his lip in an effort not to cackle.

“Ragnor did,” he replied with a shrug. “Don’t ask me.”

“It was our means of transportation to get back to the hotel and I didn’t want the lady from the hotel to see it so… yeah,” Ragnor said. “I think you were naked, too.”

“That’s nothing out of the ordinary, though,” Raphael meddled with a snicker. “Magnus always wakes up naked somewhere after a night of debauchery.”

“Stop denigrating me in front of my boyfriend, asshole,” Magnus hissed, throwing a pointed glare at Raphael over his shoulder.

Said boyfriend finally let out the laugh he had been holding in and Magnus sighed in defeat.

“Alec needs to know what he’s getting into,” Raphael retorted with a devilish smirk.

“If it’s Magnus waking up naked in my bed, I think I can get on board with that,” Alec argued lightheartedly.

Magnus threw a conceited glare at Raphael and raised his hand for Alec to high-five him while Raphael groaned, his face pulled into a grimace.

A smug smirk dancing on his lips, Magnus turned back towards the bathroom door, only to find it open, Ragnor standing in the entrance silently, his green eyes calm and open, albeit still slightly red.

“Hey,” he muttered somewhat sheepishly, shifting awkwardly on his feet.

“Hey,” Magnus replied with a gentle smile. “Feeling better?”

Ragnor nodded. “I’m alright,” he said. “Sorry I worried you all. I- I just… freaked out.”

“It’s okay, darling,” Magnus reached out to take his hand, squeezing softly. “You just need to remember that you’re safe now and we’re here if you need us.”

“As long as you don’t make me ride a pony, I think I’m good,” Ragnor joked half-heartedly.

“Don’t blame me, it was all your idea!”

“I’m not entirely sure that’s true,” Ragnor argued with a grin. “That’s the kind of stupid idea that’s usually yours.”

Magnus gasped exaggeratedly, bringing a hand over his heart. “How dare you?” he uttered dramatically. “My best friend, stabbing me right in the heart.”

“Really?” Ragnor deadpanned. “Remember that time in Camden Town when you –“

“Okay,” Magnus cut in hastily, raising his voice in a mixture of warning and panic. “I think I’ve been humiliated enough in front of Alec and Sawyer for today. Point taken.”

Ragnor laughed, his eyes lighting up with delight and Magnus smiled in spite of himself, feeling suddenly lighter, relief pouring through his body.

“This is all very nice, but what happened to the pony?” Simon chimed in, a genuinely puzzled frown on his face.

Ragnor laughed again and this time, Magnus quickly joined in.

“That, my friend,” Ragnor stated theatrically, “is a very good question. We don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“Well, after we woke up and Magnus managed to put some clothes on –” Ragnor snickered and Magnus rolled his eyes, “ – we went on to get something to eat, figuring we’d find a solution to the pony problem when we’d get back but when we did, it was gone.”

“Gone?” Simon echoed, his scowl deepening.

“Yup.”

“It’s a pony. It can’t just disappear like that,” Simon argued.

“Well, it did,” Magnus replied with a shrug. “I guess it’s one of life’s mysteries that will never be solved.”

“But –“

“Seamus, it was five years ago. Drop it.”

Simon heaved out a deep breath but nodded, although the scowl on his features didn’t soften. A soft knock echoed from the hotel door and Raphael, who was standing right next to it, opened it without preamble, making Isabelle startle in surprise.

She took a long look across the bedroom, taking in the small group gathered in with a raised eyebrow. Eventually, she just shrugged. “Meeting over,” she said. “Lunch?”

Magnus looked back at Ragnor, who seemed at ease now, his shoulders relaxed, his breathing even and his friend nodded, giving him a small, private smile.

Magnus followed as the rest of the group walked out of the room.

“Congratulations,” Isabelle called out as he passed her to reach out and grab Alec’s hand.

They both frowned. She was scanning the both of them with preying eyes, her head lightly tilted to the side as she scrutinized them.

“What for?” Alec asked warily, obviously doubting the sincerity in his sister’s tone.

“You know, the sex,” Isabelle responded with a dismissing wave of her hand, although the mischievous spark in her eyes belied her true intentions.

“Izzy!”

Alec’s protest was muffled by her laughter. He blushed and Magnus bit on his bottom lip to fight back his own chuckle.

Isabelle stopped in front of them, hands on her hips, a smirk tugging at her red-painted lips. “You’ve got a hickey the size of the North Pole on your neck.”

Alec cursed, his cheeks flaming and he slammed a hand against it to hide the evidence, albeit far too late to avoid his sister’s marauding. She was positively beaming and somehow, she managed to look mischievous, perceptive and pleased at the same time.

Alec turned accusatory eyes to Magnus, who just smirked proudly.

He rolled his eyes but Magnus knew him too well not to see the warmth behind it. “You did it on purpose, didn’t you?” he sighed, sounding only half as defeated as he appeared.

“There are too many good-looking men around here. I needed to claim my territory,” Magnus said jokingly, adding a wink for good measure.

“Caveman,” Alec muttered under his breath as they stepped inside the elevator, his hand still firmly plastered against his neck.

“Are you going to hold it here for the rest of the day?” Isabelle asked mockingly.

“I just don’t want Jace to see it,” he grumbled. “He’s going to be a pain in the ass about it.”

Isabelle scoffed indignantly. “Have you seen him with Clary? He’s just as whipped as you are.”

Alec frowned, narrowing his eyes at his sister. “What is that supposed to mean?” he huffed out, a slightly offended edge to his tone. “I’m not whipped.”

Isabelle snorted in a very unladylike way. “Yeah, sure.”

“I’m not whipped,” Alec repeated, louder. Loud enough for the rest of their little group to hear and snicker.

The elevator door opened with a ding and they came out, Raphael, Ragnor and Simon walking at the front, still chuckling. Alec followed grudgingly, letting go of Magnus’ hand to slide them in his pocket, scowling.

Magnus chuckled, shaking his head fondly and went to put a hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

“Alexander, are you sulking?” he asked, unable to hold back the slightly mocking tone.

“I’m not whipped,” Alec repeated yet again, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Of course, darling,” Magnus murmured reassuringly, raising a hand up to brush a few strands of dark hair out of his forehead.

Alec immediately softened under the touch and just as he did, his eyes widened and he sighed, defeated. “Shit,” he mumbled. “I am whipped, aren’t I?”

Magnus bit his lip on a grin, nodding sheepishly. “Sorry,” he breathed out and it sounded half probing.

“Whatever,” Alec mumbled, leaning down to peck his lips. “They’re just jealous because we’re the best couple around here.”

Magnus smirked, sliding his arms around his waist and rising on his tiptoe to drop a kiss against his cheek. “Of course we are.”

Alec smiled, wrapping his arms around his shoulders to huddle him against his chest.

“Lovebirds!” Raphael called out, turning around to keep walking backwards towards the rest of the group. “I’m starving. Move your love-struck asses.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “We need new friends.”

“Yup.”

.

They barely made it to the table where their friends had settled before Luke came marching towards them with assured steps, halting right in front of them.

“Magnus, can we talk?”

He nodded, letting go of Alec’s hand to follow Luke to a secluded corner of the restaurant, leaning against the wall.

“I’m sorry,” Luke said sharply as soon as they were out of earshot, although the harness seemed to surprise even him.

Magnus frowned, genuinely puzzled. “What for?” he asked. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

Luke shook his head no. “No,” he sighed. “I’m sorry about everything. Not telling you about the sell this morning, which went fine by the way. But mostly, I’m sorry about what happened. I – I should have known, somehow. It was all my idea and I put all of you in danger but you ended up paying for my mistakes and I never wanted you to be a casualty of my desire of revenge.”

Magnus smiled, somehow endeared. “Luke, it’s alright,” he said, putting a reassuring hand on his arm. “There was no way you could have known.”

Luke shook his head again. “I should have seen it coming,” he argued, dropping his voice confidentially. “I know Valentine better than anyone else in the team. I’ve witnessed his deviance before anyone else. I was his best friend and… I let myself be blinded by my hatred for him and I let you run straight into the wolf’s mouth without a care in the world.” He paused, took a deep breath, his shoulders falling in a crushed expression that looked nothing like the man Luke usually displayed. “Everything that happened to you, to Jocelyn, even Jace and Hodge and Isabelle getting injured, it was my fault and I’m sorry.”

“It was my idea,” Magnus stated sympathetically. “I was the one who made you all follow my plan and it was a good plan.” He paused, throwing Luke a playful wink. “Well, of course it was, it was mine. It would have gone accordingly had he not known about who I was. There’s no way any of us could have known about that or about Ragnor being alive.”

“I’m still sorry,” Luke groaned self-depreciatingly.

Magnus could have tried to find the words to reassure him, to tell him that it was all ridiculous because none of them could have seen it coming but the words just didn’t come and he knew, deep down, that they would do nothing to restore Luke’s confidence.

So, instead, he squeezed his arm lightly and smiled a soft, comforting smile. “Apology accepted,” he said.

Luke heaved out a relieved breath. “Thank you.”

Magnus let the silence settle for a second before he hastily changed the subject, not keen on the idea of reminiscing what had happened two weeks ago. He would much rather never talk about it again. Surely, if his friends could stop mentioning it, he would forget about it and he could go on with his life like nothing had happened.

“So… The ruby sell?”

Luke nodded, sliding his hands in his pocket. “It went well. The buyer said he would have liked to meet the entire team to thank them but apart from that, we didn’t make small talk. It lasted barely an hour, the time for his assistant to verify the authenticity of the ruby. The transfer has been made to Hodge’s offshore account and he’ll transfer the money to you guys equally once we’re back in New York.”

“Which is when?” Magnus asked with a frown.

“Didn’t Alec tell you?”

“We’ve been… otherwise busy,” he eluded with a flourish.

Luke chuckled, shaking his head fondly. “I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word busy,” he uttered jokingly.

“Shush,” Magnus said, unable to fight back a haughty smirk.

“Well, we’re taking the plane back for New York tomorrow,” he said and Magnus barely managed to hold a relieved breath.

He had just missed New York so much, and his apartment, and Catarina, and his cat. He just wanted to be home and to lie down in his own bed and rest for a whole week, preferably with Alec at his side.

New York was home and there, he was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest cupcakes,
> 
> In these dark times, I hope this managed to put a smile on your lips. If not, go have a look at my Drunk Alec series, that might work better ;).  
> Let us remember that love is love and let us all try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud (Maya Angelou, not me).  
> If you need someone to talk to, if you feel alone, you can always talk to me. In the mid time, I hope you enjoyed these two smitten idiots. ❤❤❤
> 
> I've gonna do some shameless self-promotion: I wrote a HP au. It's going to be multi-chaptered too and I posted the first chapter yesterday. You can find it [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7191461/chapters/16321403). Come and have a look and let me know what you think ;).
> 
> Here's a rainbow cookie for you rainbow cupcakes:  
>  _Isabelle didn’t reply immediately, her gaze lost into space for a while but when she looked back at him, it was with renewed determination. She tipped her chin up wittingly and Magnus resisted the urge to squirm._  
>  _“I need to know what your intentions are,” she repeated sternly._  
>  _Magnus’ frown deepened. “Where is this coming from?” he sighed. “You never had a problem with my relationship with your brother before.”_
> 
> The next chapter is a long-ass one so if you're very nice (which you always are but still), you might have one or two extra cookies this week. I'll be waiting for your words for the cookie game.  
> Let me tell you right now, though, the word "scrubs" is not in the next chapter, you bunch of perverted cupcakes! (*cough* it might be in the following one, though *cough*).
> 
> Come and talk to me on my tumblr [@onceuponasourwolf](http://onceuponasourwolf.tumblr.com/) or on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).  
> I've been told three times lately that I can come across as intimidating and I'm like??? I'm the biggest dork ever??? I make sex jokes on a daily basis??? I have a collection of Harry Potter socks??? Ahem... Anyway, my point is: don't be shy! Come and talk to me if you want to, I swear I'm a nice person when I'm not torturing you with my writing ;)
> 
> My [beta](https://pynchie.tumblr.com/) is da bomb.
> 
> All the love and nothing less,  
> Lucile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> So, I woke up this morning to the news that I've been plagiarized so it wasn't a very good way to start my day but then I remembered how wonderful you cupcakes are and I thought... fuck it, this is very much worth it.  
> Thank you all for the support, the kind words and the general awesomeness, I love you all.  
> Also, thank you so, so much to the person who warned me. If you come across a plagiarized fic, ALWAYS let the original author know ;)
> 
> This is a long-ass chapter and they are many things happening here... Enjoy :)
> 
> Ps: if you're live-tweeting... you know the drill by now.

“Are you absolutely sure Ragnor is straight?”

Magnus glanced up at Alec from where he was tugged under his arm and raised an eyebrow, puzzlement probably obvious in his eyes.

They were in the hotel restaurant with the rest of the team. None of them had the will or the energy to go any further and the food was actually good, so there hadn’t been much of a debate. They were now waiting for dessert and Simon and Jace had grown tired of waiting because they were arguing over the table about the best way to count cards in blackjack. Magnus was a bit worried about the fact that they were having this conversation in a very public setting in Las Vegas but well, it wasn’t like they were actually doing it since Alec had forbidden them to go inside a casino.

Alec wasn’t looking at him and Magnus followed his eyes to see what he was staring at. It was Ragnor and Raphael who were sitting on the other side of the table in a booth of their own, heads tilted towards one another, whispering to each other. Raphael looked relaxed and there even was the faint hint of a smile on his mouth, his usual scowl completely gone.

He glanced back up at Alec, who was now looking at him.

“Are you asking for Raphael or for yourself?” Magnus murmured teasingly, a light smirk tugging at his lips. “Because I’m only answering if it’s the former.”

Alec snorted, rolling his eyes. “Damn, and here I thought I was being subtle,” he replied theatrically. “No, but honestly, are they… you know?”

He didn’t elaborate, gesturing widely with his hand to the side.

“I don’t know,” Magnus said truthfully, shrugging. “He always said he was but well… he also always had a weird relationship with Raphael. When he was back in London, they used to call each other behind my back to gossip about my love life all the time.” He tried to look annoyed but was fully aware that he was failing miserably. “I’m pretty sure it was never platonic for Raphael but I don’t know about Ragnor. I never really thought twice about it. I joke about it, sure, but he’s so adamant about being straight… which is a shame, really, because he doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Alec, giving him a blatant onceover that his boyfriend chose to ignore in favor of rolling his eyes again.

“So, why are you asking?” Magnus asked, narrowing his eyes in fake suspicion. “You’re not exactly keen on gossip. I usually share those with Isabelle.”

Alec let out a fond smile before he could stop himself. “Yeah, she does like to gossip,” he said, a warm spark dancing in his eyes, before gazing back to Ragnor and Raphael who were still absorbed in their very own world. “I just think it might help him,” he added, clearing his throat as he ran a hand through his hair. “Ragnor, I mean. I don’t know… I don’t know how to deal with these things but maybe it would help him get better if he had someone.”

He paused and his eyes widened as he realized what he had said. “I mean, he has you, of course,” he rushed out, casting him an apologetic, almost desperate look. “You know what I mean. It’s not –”

Magnus stopped him from rambling any further with a kiss, a close-mouthed peck on the lips. Alec made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, but when Magnus pulled back, his eyes were shinning under the restaurant’s dim lights and there was nothing but brazen tenderness on his features.

“How did I get so lucky?” Magnus murmured, incapable of keeping the fondness out of his voice.

Alec frowned in confusion and Magnus chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re too good for this world, Alexander,” he said with a soft smile, “and most definitely too good for me.”

“For fuck’s sake, not that again,” Alec groaned. “I told you about a thousand times that that was bullshit.”

Magnus had grown to know that when he was really annoyed, Alec lost the filter he usually had, letting the curses fly out of his mouth without a care in the world. Magnus had also grown to know that he found it incredibly hot.

He smirked, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. “Such a filthy mouth,” he muttered playfully.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Alec replied on the same tone, leaning in to whisper in Magnus’ ear, mischief dancing in his eyes. “You’ve experienced how filthy my mouth can be.”

Magnus barked out a loud and clear laugh before he could stop himself and preying eyes were soon glancing their way.

“What are you two laughing about?” Jace inquired, his mouth twitching with the beginning of a smile, obvious keen on the idea of joining in.

“Blowjobs,” Magnus retorted with a wide grin.

Isabelle’s noisy laughter vibrated across the table and she clasped a hand against her mouth to temper it, but it was far too late. She giggled again when Jace’s face dropped and he blanched visibly while Alec heaved out a deep sigh next to Magnus.

“Why?” Jace asked at the top of his voice, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. “Why do you keep doing this to me?”

“You shouldn’t try to pry on our conversation,” Magnus countered with a proud smirk, ignoring Alec who was poking at his arm with the hand that was still wrapped around his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt at stopping him. “It’s rude.”

“You know what is rude?” Jace echoed, a hint frantic. “That you keep plaguing my brain with these mental images. Look at Simon,” he added, gesturing broadly towards the hacker, who beamed at them. “Simon is a nice person. He doesn’t do this to me.”

He shuddered visibly and Magnus scoffed. He was about to taunt him some more when he was interrupted by an amused voice.

“Stop tormenting the poor kid, Magnus,” Ragnor chuckled from the other side of the table.

“But he’s so easy to wind up,” he protested, sticking his bottom lip out in a sulky expression.

“You’re a terrible person,” Raphael deadpanned, before turning his eyes towards Alec. “I don’t know how you put up with him. I mean, I don’t have a choice, I’m kind of stuck with him. But you? You’re a saint, man.”

Magnus grabbed a piece of bread from the table to throw it to his head, but Raphael avoided it swiftly, a rogue spark in his dark eyes.

Alec laughed, tightening his hold around Magnus’ shoulders. “I’m only in it for his money,” he said with a smirk of his own, chuckling when Magnus gasped, reaching out to pinch his stomach through his shirt, mumbling “traitor” under his breath.

“You’ll be a millionaire tomorrow,” Raphael countered. “You can ditch him and find yourself a more handsome, clever, and less embarrassing boyfriend.”

This time, Magnus threw the whole bread basket at him.

Alec pulled back slightly to look at Magnus, making a show of scrutinizing him up and down. “Nah,” he exclaimed nonchalantly, although the tight hold he had on Magnus’ shoulders was contradicting his demeanor. “I think I’ll keep him.”

Raphael casted a mocking glance to Magnus. “Are you blackmailing him?” he asked casually. “I can’t fathom for the life of me why he would willingly choose to expose himself to the torture of your presence.”

“You’re an asshole,” Magnus groaned, giving him his best murderous gaze. “You have been so nice and then you had to ruin it and be a dick again,” he added, faking a hurt glance flawlessly. “You can’t even bring yourself to be decent to me when I’ve been shot.”

Raphael frowned, obviously buying the act for a second, before he noticeably deflated. He narrowed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, his usual scowl back on his face.

“You’re quite literally the bane of my existence,” he growled.

A deep silence settled around the table and Magnus barely resisted the urge to gasp, his eyes widening in surprise.

“What?” Raphael snapped, looking warily between their team of misfits.

“You made a joke, darling,” Ragnor eluded helpfully, mirth evident in his tone. “A funny one.”

Raphael just rolled his eyes and Magnus could quite easily imagine the “I hate you all” that surely was on the tip of his tongue.

Luke insisted to take care of the check when the waitress brought it, eyeing their unusual group with a barely concealed curiosity. If protests started to come from every side of the table, Luke dismissed them all with one of his strict paternal look and no one argued any further.

“Sorry about the mess,” Magnus told the waitress as he rose from his seat, entangling himself from Alec’s warm body reluctantly, gesturing at the table.

She tugged a blond strand of hair behind her ear.

“Sugar, it’s Vegas,” she chuckled, winking at him as she eyed him up and down. “If you think that’s a mess, you’re in for a big surprise.”

She then tugged a napkin from the table and started scribbling something on it before ending it over. “I’ll show you around if you want,” she said with a sly smirk, her dark eyes wandering over him shamelessly.

Magnus didn’t have the time to think of an answer because his hand was grabbed and he was pulled out of the restaurant.

“Darling?” he called out.

Alec didn’t reply, but he slowed down and entwined their fingers together.

“She was flirting with you,” he blurted out. He blinked, like he was amazed by the words that had just stumbled out of his mouth.

Magnus smirked and grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt to pull him forward, kissing him full on the mouth. Alec immediately thawed in his arms and Magnus felt vicious pride at the knowledge that he could make his giant of a boyfriend melt into his arms.

He pulled back before the rest of the team could join them and he had to endure another one of Raphael’s snarky comments or Jace’s exaggerated whines.

They gathered in the lobby of the hotel to say goodnight to each other, although it wasn’t really late yet. They had a plane to catch on the next day and they were all on different levels of exhaustion.

Magnus didn’t have the time to drag Alec back to their hotel room, though, because Isabelle bounced his way, Simon on toe, and winked at him, hooking her arm with his.

“Stop hogging my boyfriend,” Alec growled, reaching out to try to get him back.

Isabelle slapped his hand before he could even brush Magnus’ arm.

“Stop hogging my Magnus,” she countered, narrowing her eyes at him threateningly.

Magnus was slightly offended for a moment and he wanted to protest, to let them know that he wasn’t a toy they had to fight for but well…he didn’t because it was highly entertaining and he liked having people fight for his attentions. Sue him.

“Your gigantic hickey is proof enough that you had plenty of time with him,” she continued accusingly and Magnus had to bite his lip not to laugh at the blush that immediately colored Alec’s cheeks. “I bought a very expensive bottle of wine, his favorite might I add, and we are going to go drink it in my hotel room and you’re not invited.”

Alec was rendered speechless, his mouth falling open in an expression of shock and bewilderment that Magnus probably should not have found hilarious.

“What about me?” Simon chimed in, looking just as offended as Alec himself. “It’s my hotel room too.”

“You can hang out with Alec,” Isabelle retorted, barely sparing her boyfriend a second look before she tightened her hold on Magnus’ arm, dragging him towards the elevator.

“He can’t drink because of the painkillers,” Alec called out, catching up with two strides of his long legs.

“False,” Isabelle retorted and she sounded like the devil who came to earth to drag him into hell. Magnus staged a defeated look and a shrug to his boyfriend for good measure but he really didn’t mind. “I did my research,” she added and Magnus had to wonder what else she had researched lately. “He can drink if he took the pills more than two hours ago,” she said, glancing back at her brother with a conceited smirk. “So we’re good. Now, go kill someone else’s buzz, I need me some Magnus time.”

It took everything Magnus had not to let out the loud cackle that was threatening to go out. He followed Isabelle inside the elevator and watched obediently as she pressed the button to her hotel room, casting an apologetic look at Alec as he leaned against the wall.

Alec, who was still gaping, turned to look as Simon just as the doors were shutting in front of him.

“What just happened? Did my sister just steal away my boyfriend?”

“You’re one to talk. Where am I ever going to find myself a girlfriend as perfect as your sister? I can’t compete with Magnus freaking Bane!”

.

Isabelle grinned as she joined Magnus, who was sitting with his legs crossed on the floor in front of the window, quietly observing the frenzy of the city spreading below their feet. When you really studied it for a while, it seemed like everything was moving too fast, like there was something inexhaustible about Vegas that only stayed within the city limits and fizzled with the beginning of the desert behind them.

He accepted the glass she held out to him with a grateful smile and took a sip of the wine before closing his eyes and humming appreciatively.

“What did I do before I had you in my life?” he asked teasingly, his grin widening as he brought the glass under his nose to inhale the wine’s aroma.

“You still drank good wine but with much poorer company,” she retorted with a smirk.

Magnus chuckled and leaned forward to click their glasses together. “Considering said company was Raphael most of the time, I can only agree.”

Isabelle’s grin broadened and she put her glass on the floor to rub her hands together, her eyes lighting up like a child getting ready for trouble.

“So,” she said, letting the word drag for far longer than necessary, “we need to talk.”

“We do?” Magnus asked, an eyebrow curving inquisitively.

Isabelle nodded. “About my brother.”

“I’m always down for talking about your brother’s gloriousness,” he replied at once. He took another sip of wine to hide his infatuated smile but Isabelle could probably see it in his eyes.

“I’m sure you’re down for more than that when it comes to him,” she retorted with a smirk.

“Well, if you’re going there, I’m usually _up_ for it.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes and tried to give him her most unimpressed glare but failed miserably when she erupted into a fit of giggles instead.

“You’re shameless,” she snickered.

Magnus shrugged in lieu of an answer, deflecting her comment with a gracious wave.

“So, I need to know what your intentions are,” Isabelle said, the mirth gone from her tone, her brow furrowed in an utterly serious, almost terrifying expression.

What was truly terrifying, Magnus pondered to himself, was how she had gone from one to the other in a heartbeat. Her smile was gone and her usual fierceness was displaying full force, rooting him to the spot.

“My intentions? Towards Alec?” he echoed cautiously and she nodded, her eyes burning intensely.

Magnus knew that look. It was the same Alec always sported when he let his overprotective instincts kick in.

He blinked, his mouth falling open. “Oh,” he breathed out, realization crossing over his features. “Are you giving me the speech? Because I already got that from Jace. Well, it wasn’t a speech per se… It was more him kicking my ass and threatening me but I got the general idea.”

“This was before… everything.”

“You mean, before I got shot by Valentine?” he asked distantly, like it was something that had happened to someone else, a vague acquaintance who he couldn’t care about.

Isabelle didn’t reply immediately, her gaze lost into space for a while but when she looked back at him, it was with renewed determination. She tipped her chin up wittingly and Magnus resisted the urge to squirm.

“I need to know what your intentions are,” she repeated sternly.

Magnus’ frown deepened. “Where is this coming from?” he sighed. “You never had a problem with my relationship with your brother before.”

“I don’t have a problem with it,” she hastily corrected, dropping the severe front she had sported instantly, reaching out to put a comforting hand on his forearm. “I… I just want to make sure Alec is not going to end up heartbroken, because I saw what it did to him and I never want to see him like that again.”

Magnus gulped in an effort at swallowing the lump that had settled in his throat, in vain. He ran a hand through his hair and almost groaned when it came back glittery. _Right_. He had forgotten about that.

He was about to answer but she didn’t let him.

“You didn’t see him,” she murmured, but she wasn’t looking at him.

Instead, she was staring at the city unfolding below their feet, absentmindedly running a finger around the rim of her glass. There was sadness in her eyes, something Magnus had never thought he would ever see in Isabelle, breaking her usual fierce and unapologetic composure. Her red-painted lips were pulled into a thin line and she was barely noticeably biting on her bottom lip.

“I mean, of course you didn’t see him, you were too busy battling death,” she added, shaking her head to pull out of her reverie, squeezing his arm gently. “Magnus, he was so… so broken. I had never seen him like that.”

She paused, looking up at him. “I’ve never seen him so… hooked with anyone and when he thought he had lost you… He was like a ghost, wandering around the villa aimlessly, until we got the news that you were fine. He’s always so focused on taking care of us and protecting us that sometimes, Jace and I, and even Max, we forget that he’s not invincible himself; he’s as breakable as the rest of us. That night was the worst reminder we could have asked for.”

She paused again, grabbing her glass to take a long sip of wine.

“I love him so much, Magnus,” she whispered, the confession making her voice a hint wobbly. “And I’d do anything for him and I need to know that you’re not just playing around and that you’re not going to break his heart. I trust you and you know I love you but I just need to hear you say it.”

And Magnus couldn’t do anything but grab the hand she still had on his forearm to squeeze it back soothingly, trying to muster all the reassurance he could in that simple gesture.

“I’m not playing around, okay? I’m in this for the long run,” he said and the words stumbled out of his mouth easily. “Izzy, I’m in love with him.”

“Does he know that?” she asked with a trivial nod.

“Well, I’ve told him so I’m pretty sure he does,” he quipped, a small smile tugging at his lips.

She gasped, her eyes widening and she let go of his forearm only to slap his shoulder. He let out a surprised pained noise that was consumed by her loud shriek. “What?”

Magnus made a show of rubbing the top of his shoulder where she had hit him, shrugging.

“Did he say it back?” she asked eagerly, her voice at least two octaves higher than usual (and he was barely exaggerating).

“He said it first,” Magnus replied calmly, a striking contrast with her palpable excitement.

Her mouth fell open and Isabelle shrieked again, clapping her hands enthusiastically. It seemed like the gravity she had sported two minutes ago was already forgotten, her dark eyes lighting up with pure glee.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me!” she exclaimed but there was no blame in her tone. She blinked and turned to Magnus, pulling her bottom lip into a pout, giving him her best pleading gaze. “He won’t tell me anything.”

Magnus found himself smiling in spite of himself at her antics. “Your brother is a private person,” he said. “We both know that.”

Her pout intensified and he had to hold his breath at the pure misery he could see in her eyes, even though he knew very well it was staged.

“Lucky for you,” he added after a pause, barely containing a defeated sigh. Alec would kill him if he knew. “I’m not a private person. What do you want to know?”

The mischief was back into her eyes in a second. Magnus couldn’t even pretend to be mad at her. He was too appreciative of her talents for that.

.

Simon was sitting cross-legged on the bed, a beer in one hand, and a few cards in the other. Alec, sitting with his back against the headboard in front of him, was toying absently with Magnus’ ear cuff, as he eyed the cards between them warily, trying to decide what his next move should be.

“You think they’re talking about us?” Simon asked matter-of-factly, although the genuine interest that flashed in his eyes betrayed his façade.

“I don’t know,” Alec replied with a shrug. He grabbed Simon’s beer to take a sip and the other let him without a word. “Probably not,” he added, handing him back the bottle. “I’m sure they have more interesting things to talk about.”

He dropped a card between them and Simon groaned, drawing one from the deck they had left on the side. “How are you so good at this when it’s the first time ever you’re playing?” he sighed dramatically. “I swear you Lightwoods live to humiliate me.”

Alec smirked and leaned forward to pat his shoulder gently, albeit a bit mockingly. “We also like to torment you a little.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Simon replied with a heavy sigh that was belied by both their smiles.

They settled in a peaceful silence for a while, only interrupted by Simon’s moaning every time Alec got closer to winning. Finally, he just dropped his cards on the bed with a dramatic flourish.

“Fine, you win,” he huffed grumpily. “I’m not playing cards with you ever again.”

Alec chuckled, snatching his beer out of his hand to take another sip. “I can kick your ass at chess next time, if you prefer.”

Simon rolled his eyes but quickly recovered, a serious frown taking over his features.

He seemed to hesitate for a while, seemingly debating with himself whether to talk or not. Alec knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself. Simon had no filter. Eventually, he tilted his head on the side and glanced straight into Alec’s eyes. “How are you?” he asked gravely, slightly faltering.

Alec didn’t know how and when he had grown attached to Simon. Simon was obnoxious and annoying and not as funny as he thought he was and yet, Alec _liked_ him. Maybe it was the fact that, deep down, Simon was better than all of them. Simon was nice, genuinely nice and out of everyone in their little group, he cared the most about all of their well-being. Simon was the kind of guy who would probably stop the traffic to help a hedgehog cross the road.

Maybe it was how his presence had unexpectedly been a comforting anchor when Alec had crumbled. Maybe it was the way he had bandaged his hands without a word, in the secluded comfort of the bathroom back at the villa, because he had somehow known that Alec was too tired to deal with his usual rambling. Maybe it was in the way he was so evidently crazy about Isabelle, that he would inevitably put her happiness before his every time. Maybe it was just that he never really had friends before, that his family had always been enough and he was only now discovering what it was like to share a bond with someone who didn’t share your blood. Maybe it was that, despite his abysmal people skills, Simon accepted him as he was. Maybe it was just that Alec could recognize that Simon was one of the best people he had ever met.

Maybe it was the reason why he didn’t feel like he had to lie to him, to keep up a pretense that was starting to exhaust him.

“I’m tired,” he admitted, running a hand over his features. “I can’t even remember the last time I actually slept through the whole night.”

“I figured,” Simon said with a quick nod. “You look exhausted.”

Alec shrugged, trying to dismiss it but Simon didn’t buy it.

“I know it’s ridiculous to say this because it’s not that easy, but you need to like… take a deep breath and relax,” he stated slowly, a soft smile on his lips. “All that shitstorm is over now. Valentine is gone and Magnus is healing fine. We’ll be as rich as freaking Croesus tomorrow. Your siblings are alright. Well, I’m not sure about Jace but I think the damage to his brain might be a permanent thing so we’ll have to live with it.”

Alec chuckled in spite of himself, rolling his eyes. “Stop insulting my brother,” he mumbled half-heartedly. “I’m starting to wonder if you’re in love with him instead of my sister.”

“Honestly,” Simon said with a smirk, “I’m in love with all of you but it’s your fault entirely. You’re all too gorgeous and too attractively smart for a poor soul like mine. I’m weak.”

Alec snorted, throwing a bunch of cards to his head. “It’s incredible how you can be such an idiot for someone who is such a genius behind a laptop.”

Simon was just showing him his middle finger when a loud thud made them both jump. The doorknob started twisting aimlessly before a triumphant yell resounded through the door and it opened on Magnus who beamed at them proudly.

“The door was being difficult,” he said like he was scolding a child, “but I forced it.”

Alec shook his head in mild exasperation. “You have a key,” he deadpanned.

Magnus frowned, rummaging in his pockets for a moment before he produced the electronic key of the room with a sheepish smile. “Oops.”

Alec rose from the bed to meet him by the entrance, pushing the door shut. He scanned his boyfriend up and down, stopping at his red-rimmed eyes.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” Magnus retorted in a heartbeat, tipping his chin up. “I’m just intoxicated by you.”

Simon cackled loudly in his back and Alec rolled his eyes.

“You’re drunk,” he repeated.

“Maybe,” Magnus admitted, before he put a hand over his mouth, whispering far too loudly to be even remotely confidential. “Don’t tell Izzy I told you but it’s totally her fault.”

Then, he blinked, his gaze running over Alec’s features. “Damn, babe, you’re so beautiful. Were you always so beautiful?”

Alec blushed in spite of himself and did his best to ignore Simon’s cooing noise in his back, clearing his throat. “Your drunken mind might be exaggerating.”

“No, I’m sure it’s not,” Magnus replied with a smirk. “There’s only one thing wrong with you.”

Alec raised an eyebrow, squinting one eye at him in a defiant expression. Somehow, he knew where this was going.

“And what would that be?” he asked.

“You’re wearing too many clothes.”

“Okay,” Simon exclaimed loudly, rising from the bed hastily. “That’s my cue to leave.”

“Oh, hi Sergio,” Magnus said, apparently only noticing him and he waved at him half-heartedly.

“Sergio?” Simon echoed. “Really?”

Magnus shrugged, the gesture somehow lacking his usual grace. “I don’t know, I’m starting to run low on names that start with an S,” he admitted.

Simon snorted, shaking his head fondly. “Right. Good night, guys. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, Si,” Alec said.

Magnus was too busy staring at him again to do anything but wave over his shoulders. When the door was securely shut behind Simon, Alec grabbed his boyfriend by the arms. “Come on. Time for bed.”

Magnus pouted, grabbing his shirt to tug at it petulantly. “But sex.”

“Sleep,” Alec argued with authority, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand before he could comment on the sight of him shirtless, dragging him to the bathroom. He poured him a glass of water and Magnus drank it obediently. They brushed their teeth and Alec barely held back a snort when Magnus started humming through the toothpaste, looking every bit ridiculous and Alec was so in love he wondered if he had hit his head or something. Which he had. Or at least, which Hodge had so maybe that explained his sappiness partly.

He managed to get Magnus out of his clothes with minimal innuendos – that was an achievement in itself – and they settled in bed. Alec sighed in ease, closing his eyes immediately.

“Are you a thief, Alexander?”

He opened one eye to glance at Magnus, who was looking at him with pure mischief in his gaze.

“You know I am,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “That’s the reason we met.”

“Stop ruining my fun,” Magnus protested with a pout, plastering himself against Alec’s side, entangling their legs together. “Are you a thief, Alexander?” he repeated, pinching his stomach in warning.

“Why?” Alec sighed halfheartedly.

“Because you stole my heart,” Magnus replied, looking up at him with a proud smirk.

Alec gave him the most unimpressed glare he could muster but quickly deflated, pressing a kiss against his temple.

“And I’m not giving it back,” he mumbled. “Now, shut up and sleep, you drunkard.”

.

They abandoned the van in the parking lot of the airport and Alec was almost sad to have to leave it there. It was another testimony of the past weeks that they left behind and somehow, he was a hint upset for giving it up. He certainly wouldn’t miss the eight of them having to squeeze inside, though.

Luke brought back his rental car as well and soon, they were climbing in the plane that was bringing them back to New York. Hodge had insisted to pay for a private flight, which they all found ridiculous, although no one really argued. Alec wasn’t about to if it meant he didn’t have to share a flight with crying children or just generally obnoxious strangers.

It also meant that he could have relative privacy with Magnus as they claimed the two seats that were in a quiet corner of the plane, away from the rest of the group. Magnus, who had unfairly experienced none of the hangover symptoms that always left Alec with a throbbing headache and a grumpy mood for a whole day, had laid a blanket over their knees and put a movie on with a cheerful smile. It had taken Alec five whole minutes to fall asleep, his head dropping on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Psst… Alec!”

Alec stirred and opened his eyes, looking up to glance at Magnus through his lashes. He hummed in acknowledgement, shifting slightly to get more comfortable against his shoulder.

The flight was quiet. Even Simon was making none of his usual shrieking noises as he watched what seemed to be a Batman movie. Jace and Clary were huddled together at the opposite side of the plane, both fast asleep while Isabelle was sitting with Luke, Hodge and Ragnor playing cards and obviously winning if her shit-eating grin was anything to go by. Raphael was slouched in a seat not far from them, completely focused on his phone.

“Want to join the Mile High Club?” Magnus whispered, pure mischief dripping off his voice.

Alec’s mind was instantly pulled out of its daze, the drowsiness vanishing from his eyes.

“I’m pretty sure you’re already in that club,” he groaned, although a small traitorous smile was pulling at his lips. “You’re probably honorary president or something.”

“Hey!” Magnus protested, although it lacked any verve. He paused, pretending to think hard about it. “Okay, I’ll admit I’m already a member. But are you?”

Alec blushed and cursed inwardly, wondering when he would stop flushing every time Magnus talked so freely about sex. It was unsettling and disconcerting and annoying and incredibly hot. _Hot_? He swore internally. His own brain was betraying him. Though he wasn’t sure his brain had much to do in that matter…

“No,” he grumbled, hiding his burning cheeks by shifting against Magnus’ shoulder, burying his face in his neck.

“It’s wonderful,” Magnus murmured in a light hearted, innocent tone that contrasted drastically with the subject. “You’ve got less oxygen because of the altitude. It means everything is exacerbated.” His voice was like honey, smooth and tempting and Alec closed his eyes as his breath hitched, making him gulp difficultly. “Every. Single. Sensation.”

Alec let out a quiet growl, an almost animalistic sound that came all the way from the back of his throat.

“I fucking hate you,” he whispered, straightening in his seat to turn his clouded eyes to a very proud Magnus. “You’re going to sex me to death.”

Magnus hid his laughter behind his hand and the mischief in his eyes was now mixed with genuine amusement. “There are worse ways to go,” he retorted playfully.

Alec blinked and took a second to try to pull himself together. He could say no, it wasn’t that hard. Except for the part where it was because he didn’t _want_ to say no. He never wanted to say no to Magnus.

“How are we doing this?” he asked and he thought he did a good job at hiding the true excitement creeping in his belly by heaving out a deep sigh.

Magnus beamed, obviously seeing right through it and the malicious spark in his eyes was enough to send a wave of shivers down Alec’s spine.

“Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes,” he muttered, leaning in to peck him lightly on the lips.

Magnus didn’t waste another second. He unfastened his belt and stood from his seat, striding the alleyway to the bathroom with a confidence Alec was sure he wouldn’t be able to replicate. He swayed his hips exaggeratedly and turned to look at him over his shoulder, sending him a knowing wink. Alec shook his head and let it fall against his seat, inhaling deeply through his nose.

“He’s going to be the death of me,” he murmured to himself, unfastening his seatbelt.

But that death would taste sweet and impossibly divine and just _Magnus_ so he didn’t really mind.

.

They gathered in the hall of the airport once in New York and although they were conspicuously enthusiastic at finally being home, none of them tried to leave. It dawned on Alec that, somehow, this was the end of something.

They were coming to an end. Their heist was past and gone and so was their time all together.

He felt himself growing oddly nostalgic at the thought. He knew they would all see each other again. The bond they had built over the past two months and a half was not something you could disregard so easily. It was something that would follow them for a while and Alec was okay with that. Having friends was something he could get used to.

“We look like a bunch of idiots standing here saying nothing,” Simon said and Alec could only agree with him.

“Let’s have a last hurrah at my apartment,” Magnus chimed in with a genuine smile.

His hair was a mess and there were a couple of red marks on his neck. His shirt was rustled and there was some smudged eyeliner under his left eye. It was just so painfully obvious in his appearance how it had all happened that Alec found himself fighting back a blush, knowing that there was no way the rest of the team (and Isabelle, _especially_ Isabelle) would not notice. Thankfully, none of them said anything.

“I don’t do goodbyes unless I’ve had a drink,” he added.

“You don’t do anything unless you’ve had a drink,” Ragnor retorted with a smirk.

“Darling, let me remind you that I’m offering you board and lodging out of the goodness of my heart so be nice unless you want me to train Chairman Meow to claw you.”

Simon’s inquisitive “Chairman Meow?” was muffled by Jace, who raised an eyebrow.

“Why your apartment?” he asked. “Ours is closer.”

“First of all, you don’t know where my apartment is so you can’t know that. Secondly, I got shot,” Magnus exclaimed dramatically, causing Jace, Raphael and Hodge to roll their eyes in perfect unison, “so I get to choose and I’m saying my apartment. That’s final.”

“Sometimes, I wish I had been shot instead,” Raphael mumbled under his breath before ducking swiftly to avoid the blow Magnus had aimed at the back of his head.

“Stop moaning, you bunch of moaners,” Clary exclaimed with a grin, stepping forward to pull Jace towards the exit.

“Come on, chop chop, let’s get going,” Magnus added with a nod, gesturing for the rest of them to get to the taxi station.

.

Magnus’ apartment was actually closer to the airport than theirs but Alec didn’t tell him that, refusing to give him the pleasure. It was in the heart of Brooklyn, right beside Prospect Park and the neighborhood seemed nicer than theirs. They could hear children’s laughter coming from the park as the taxi pulled over in front of the building. The air smelled like New York, a mixture of food from all around the globe, mounting piles of garbage simmering in the heat and thankfully something fresher coming from the park. Alec probably should have been a bit appalled but he didn’t because it was _home_.

Magnus stretched with a feline grace as soon as he got out and Alec smiled at the sight, moving forward to drop a kiss on his temple before he could talk himself out of it. Magnus let out a pleased noise and grinned at him, rising to his tiptoe to kiss him properly.

They had shared their taxi with Ragnor and Raphael, the latter snickering behind their back.

Magnus rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored him in favor of kissing Alec again. “I love you,” he muttered for his ears only when he pulled back and Alec felt his heart do somersaults in his chest, the air almost knocked off of his lungs.

“I love you too,” he whispered as he pressed another kiss against his ear, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

They barely had to wait five minutes for the rest of the team to arrive and they were soon climbing the steps to Magnus’ apartment, the heaviness of their steps probably echoing in the whole building. They stumbled onto his floor and Raphael stopped in front of a door. He didn’t go in, though. His body froze except for the hand he suddenly held up in warning and they all came to a halt. Raphael frowned, his hand going to his belt automatically but he swore when he reached nothing but an empty space.

“Shit,” he murmured. “I don’t have my gun.”

“Why do you need your –“ Magnus started as he walked the few steps that separated them, cutting himself off as he followed Raphael’s line of sight.

Alec and the rest of them did the same. The door was ajar and it didn’t look like it had been forced open but it was enough to worry them. Alec felt an uneasy prickle settle in his stomach and he barely held back an annoyed sigh, wondering when he had become accustomed to that feeling.

“It could be Cat,” Magnus murmured, reaching out to go in but Raphael stopped him firmly, casting a glance over his shoulder at Alec that silently ordered him to look after Magnus.

“It can’t be Cat,” he replied sternly. “I called her while we were waiting for the rest of the team downstairs and she told me she was back at her place. You were too busy hooking up with your boyfriend to notice.”

The remark lacked its usual snark, Raphael obviously too upset to bring his heart into it.

He gestured for them to be quiet and pushed the door open, stepping inside without an ounce of hesitancy, shoulders squared and fists balled, body ready to fight. Alec followed with Hodge on toe, Magnus following closely, and then the rest of them. They walked through a hall and Raphael silently grabbed a golden statue of Ganesh that was sitting on the antique desk against the wall, holding it in front of him like a weapon. Hodge snatched the vase that was right next to it but didn’t walk two steps before Magnus grabbed his arm to pull him backwards.

“Put that down!” he whispered, tone firm and commanding, his eyes baring no trace of mirth. “You’re not going to knock anyone out with my Chinese porcelain!”

Hodge rolled his eyes but put the vase down and Alec shook his head in a mixture of exasperation and fondness.

Eventually, they made their way to the living room and Alec let himself take a quick look at his surroundings. It was colorful and stylish and modern and very Magnus and somehow, he felt welcomed instantly.

The feeling was fleeting, however, because Raphael and Hodge came to a stop in front of him and he had to stop as well, almost knocking straight into them. He twisted his head above them to see what had brought them to immobility.

There was a woman on the angled leather-couch that sat in the middle of the room, facing both the TV and the window that gave on a balcony, someone Alec had never seen before and for a short moment, he wondered if she was indeed the infamous Catarina, no matter what Raphael had said. However, he quickly realized it couldn’t be.

From what Magnus had told him about Catarina, she was warm and fuzzy, tender like a mother and fierce like a sister. This woman had nothing warm about her. It was quite the contrary.

Her pale skin seemed to glimmer under the dim lights of the apartment, making her look like one of the ancient Greek statues you only found in museums, her features as cold as the carved marble. Her long chestnut hair was cascading over her shoulders, falling in waves over the black dress she was wearing and the heavy gold necklace she bore around her neck. Her eyes were a light brown prickled with green, unreadable apart from that small spark Alec could distinguish, a mixture of amusement and cruelty as she eyed Magnus up and down, refusing to give a second glance to anyone else.

Alec hated her on sight.

He frowned and turned to look at his boyfriend behind him, only to find him frozen on the spot and much further than he had been moments ago, Raphael and Hodge standing in front of him protectively, both their jaws clenched in defiance. Magnus’ eyes were glued to the woman, though, and his features were displaying all kind of emotions, from shock to hurt and, overruling the rest of it, cold, untamed fury.

Her red-painted lips dragged into a lazy, almost bored smirk.

“Hello, Magnus.”

Her sultry voice was emphasized by the seductive edge of her tone and the soft, almost fond look in her eyes, like she was seeing an old friend after many years.

Magnus gently shoved at Raphael and Hodge to move forward and face her, his face completely closed off. There was something dancing in his gaze, though, something Alec had never seen before, no matter how many hours he had spent learning to decipher the palette of expressions his eyes could display. He was hurt, but it was swallowed by a fury that was about to unleash and it was all quite clear, somehow, in his utterly calm composure.

“Camille,” Magnus breathed out through gritted teeth, and the name sounded like venom in his mouth.

Alec turned to look at the woman, whose smile was slowly turning into a complacent grin and his heart missed a beat.

Right then, Alec hated her a bit more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... On a scale from "you're so nice to us, what did we do to deserve you" to "ARE YOU FUCKING SATAN", what do you think of me right now?  
> Are you happy to see Camille? Don't you wish she has a great day?  
> What did you think of the chapter? Any favorite parts?
> 
> Here's a non-plagiarized cookie (yup, I'm a bit salty about this):   
>  _“Do not talk to him,” Raphael growled threateningly before Magnus could even think of an answer. “Do not look at him. Do not even breathe his way or I snap your fucking neck.”_  
>  _Camille turned stony eyes to him. “That would be slightly counterproductive, Raphael._
> 
> You can send me the words you wish to see featured in the first extra cookie. I'll choose them for the second one ;).
> 
> Also, if you check my profile, there might be new things to read ;) 
> 
> I had two betas for this chapter and [they](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/) are [amazeballs](http://pynchie.tumblr.com/) (yup, I used that word, sue me). 
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) (yup, I changed my username) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) if you don't want to miss the extra cookies I post during the week. You can come to yell at me anytime. ❤
> 
> All the love,  
> Lucile.
> 
> Ps: Plagiarism is bad. Don't do it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:  
> Everybody loves Camille. Of course.  
> Alec makes two important meetings.  
> And everybody loves Camille again.
> 
> Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to either tag me or use the #lecrit hashtag. ❤

It all happened very fast.

Alec shifted closer to Magnus, barely perceptible, and Magnus immediately  recognized the protective spark that lit up his hazelnut eyes. Camille smirked when she caught the movement but Magnus didn’t have the time to study her expression. He didn’t have the opportunity to dread the meaning behind it either because her smirk disappeared as quickly as it had appeared when Raphael jumped at her throat.  _ Literally _ .

He strode forward in two steps, grabbed her arm to pull her to her feet, and immediately slammed her against the nearest surface. In any other circumstances, Magnus would have protested against the blatant disregard against his furniture – that bookshelf was designer work and cost a little fortune,  _ thank you very much _ – but right then, he was at a loss of words and that was already infuriating enough.

The pure fury in Raphael’s dark eyes was only matched by the visible tension in his shoulders and the tightness of his fingers as they settled on Camille’s throat, leaving her enough room to breathe but not enough for her to think he wouldn’t press tighter if she gave him motivation to.

“Give me one good reason,” he hissed, his dark eyes flashing dangerously. “One good reason why I shouldn’t fucking kill you right now.”

Magnus was taken aback by the vigor of his friend’s rage.

As he watched the unflinching tightness of his jaw, the animalistic – because there was no better word for it – madness in his eyes, he realized dreadfully that his friend, the closest thing that he had always had to a brother, had just put terror in him.

Magnus turned his brain upside down, tried to get to the bottom of why Raphael, someone he knew better than anyone else and loved more than most, suddenly scared him that much.

Magnus had never deemed himself a good person. It had nothing to do with the stealing he did for a living, but with everything else. If his self-loathing had tempered as he grew older, buried under layers of carefully built confidence, Magnus had no illusion about who he was. He wasn’t a good person, not like Simon or Clary or Izzy or Alec were good people. That was a certitude. Another certitude was that Raphael had always been a better person than him.

From what Raphael remembered of her before she had passed away and thus forced him into the foster system, his biological mother had been a fervent Catholic and she had raised her son as such. It was a part of his past that Raphael had never quite forgotten. So, Raphael lived by a code, and even though Magnus has always dragged him in his illegal activities, he had time and time again been the measured one, the voice of reason, the calm to wipe away the mess left by Magnus’ storms.

However, as he watched the fury unfold on his friend’s features, Magnus was reminded of the humanity of it all. Of how, inside them all, even the calmest of them, there was something dormant that could be awaken at the simplest push. In that moment, Raphael reminded him of an important lesson, one he should not have obliterated so easily. The animal within was never far away and it was constantly on the lookout for a motivation to unleash.

Magnus knew Raphael, he knew how to push all of his buttons to exasperate him, make him snap, but never had he seen him so mad, his whole body trembling with wrath. Magnus knew how to handle an angry Raphael, but he was beyond angry now.

Camille, who had always been one for self-preservation, uncharacteristically smiled carelessly and turned her eyes to Magnus.

“You used to reserve a much warmer welcome to your guests, darling,” she breathed out, and Magnus was almost admiring of the way she managed to sound so arrogant with the threat of getting chocked so close.

_ That _ was a big mistake.

“Do not talk to him,” Raphael growled threateningly before Magnus could even think of an answer. “Do not look at him. Do not even breathe his way or I snap your fucking neck.”

Camille turned stony eyes to him. “That would be slightly counterproductive, Raphael.”

If her answer ignited curiosity in Magnus, he must have been the only one because no one around him tried to move to get Raphael off her. It was actually quite the opposite, he realized as he darted his eyes over his shoulder to get a look at the team. They all sported similar expressions of anger, disgust or just plain indifference (but that was just Hodge’s default expression).

His eyes found Ragnor, who was frozen in shock next to Isabelle, eyes widened and chewing on his bottom lip, but he didn’t look like he was about to panic so Magnus allowed himself to divert his attention from him. Alec’s fingers were brushing his ever so slightly and Magnus was immensely grateful for the anchor it provided.

“Wrong answer,” Raphael jeered, pushing Camille further against the bookshelf, ignoring her muffled moan of pain as it jabbed in her lower back.

“Raphael, let her go,” Magnus said, voice firm and commanding.

There was an unfathomable silence for a while and it dragged and dragged, leaving them all the time to sense the full tension that had settled in the room. Magnus did not repeat himself. It would show weakness, and if there was something he had learned from his relationship with Camille, it was that one should never show any kind of weakness in front of her because she had no second thoughts when it came time to exploit them. He hoped that the rest of the team would do the same.

Eventually, after an excruciatingly long moment, Raphael stepped back, releasing her. She didn’t gasp for air, but her hand immediately shot up to her throat, massaging the sore skin.

“What are you doing here, Camille?” Magnus asked, his tone stone cold, his eyes impassive.

The tension in the room was almost too much to breathe and he knew she must have felt it too because she held herself straighter on her feet, chin up in defiance.

“I’m just paying an old friend a visit,” she replied with a complacent smirk.

Raphael made a sound in the back of his throat very close to a roar and took a step toward her. Camille raised both her hands in defense.

“Okay, okay,” she sighed, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. “I swear this is a friendly visit.”

“There is nothing friendly about breaking in my apartment,” Magnus deadpanned, giving her a pointed glare.

“Would you have opened the door if I had just come knocking?” she retorted.

“Can you blame me?” Magnus replied, voice heavy with sarcasm, lips pulled in spite of him in a tight line. No matter how hard he tried to tame it, he couldn’t hide the profound loathe her presence inspired.

She didn’t answer, but the smirk was back on her face. She finally turned her eyes away from him to scan the rest of the team and her gaze was unreadable; she was studying them with a scrutiny that made an uneasy shiver run on Magnus’ skin. She stopped slightly longer on Alec, her eyes darting to where their hands were still brushing together. Magnus had to fight back the urge to pull away from him, not because he wanted to hide their relationship, but because he felt the need to protect Alec from whatever game she would try to impose on them.

“Why are you here?” he asked again, inwardly cursing himself as he let the irritation transpire in his tone.

“You certainly have a type, don’t you Magnus?” she purred, her smirk widening as she eyed Alec up and down, tilting her head slightly on the side. “He’s cute.”

“Thank you,” Alec retorted sardonically and there was no trace of the slight apprehension Camille usually inspired in his eyes.

“And he even bites,” she all but exulted, eyes lighting up with glee.

Magnus rolled his eyes and he was pretty sure Alec did the same, their perfect synchronization making her curve an eyebrow.

“Really, Magnus?” Alec deadpanned, sounding awfully close from bored to death. “Her?”

“I had very poor tastes in lovers before I met you,” Magnus replied, barely concealing the mischief in his tone.

“Good thing it improved drastically,” Alec said with a quick approving nod, completely ignoring the woman in front of him.

Magnus would have high-fived him if he hadn’t been holding the tough act in front of Camille because there was nothing she hated more than being ignored or mocked. Both at the same time...  _ Score _ , he thought.

She pursed her lips, her eyes shining with something dangerous for a second before she gathered herself, turning back to Magnus.

“I came by to see how you were doing,” she said eventually and she had the nerves to make it sound like he should be grateful. “I heard about what happened with Valentine.”

“Oh, so this is just a visit of courtesy, isn’t it?” Magnus replied callously. “Well, as you can see, I’m perfectly fine,” he eluded with a flourish. “If that was all you wanted, you can see yourself out. I trust you know the way.”

“That’s not all I wanted,” she retorted, although her arrogant demeanor was starting to crack.

“Of course not,” Raphael butted in. His eyes were still trying to burn a hole in her skull. Magnus found himself wishing he would.

She darted even colder eyes to him. “I came by,” she started, punctuating every word with a harsher tone, “to give you a warning.”

She paused, obviously waiting for an answer. When none came, she deflated, clearly disappointed by the lack of effect her statement had caused.

“Valentine is not done with you,” she added and Magnus had to suppress the dreadful shudder that travelled his whole body at the name.

“Valentine is locked away,” Hodge cut in sharply, his blue eyes flashing with a mixture of annoyance and anger.

“He’s more intelligent than you give him credit for,” she replied evasively, barely giving him a second glance. “He had taken predispositions in case something like that would happen.”

“Why should we even trust you?” Jace asked, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“Why would I lie?” Camille retorted.

“Because you’re a two-faced bitch,” Raphael offered matter-of-factly.

Magnus was pretty sure he heard Simon snort in his back, but he didn’t dart his eyes away from Camille. He didn’t want to give her the pleasure and he didn’t trust her enough to turn his back on her.

“What do you mean by predispositions?” Alec, ever the clear-headed one, chimed in inquisitively, voice tight and commanding.

“I mean that Valentine has contacts,” she replied. “You have your Catarina.” She said the word like an insult and it was almost enough to make Magnus finally snap. Raphael’s eyes flashed in warning but she dismissed it with a wave. “I have my… minions. Well, Valentine has someone to rely on too, except he is far more dangerous.”

“He?” Jace echoed. “Who’s he?”

Camille blinked and her pale skin turned whiter. Her eyes widened barely noticeably but she quickly recovered, tipping her chin up to compose herself.

“I meant Valentine,” she murmured.

“No you didn’t,” Magnus replied in a heartbeat. “Who’s he?”

Camille shook her head. “I can’t tell you,” she murmured, sounding almost scared. That was enough to send a shiver down Magnus’ spine before he remembered that nothing that came out of her mouth could be trusted.

“Of course you can’t,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

“I’ve already put myself in danger by coming here,” Camille retorted, her eyes boring straight into his, “but I figured I owed you that much.”

“Why would you possibly think that?” Magnus spat out sarcastically. “Because my best friend was presumed dead for two years because of you? Or because you tried to have me killed? Or is it because you cheated on me repeatedly? Oh no, it might just be because you tricked me into believing you were in love with me so I would steal from your stepmother for you. Really, I can’t fathom why you would think you owe me anything.”

Camille paused for a second, blinking bewilderedly before she shrugged, a light almost fond smile on her lips. “Fair enough.”

Raphael groaned again, turning to face Magnus. “Can I please kill her already?” he asked. “I don’t think I can restrain myself much longer.”

Magnus raised a hand up to pat him gently on the cheek. “And spill blood all over my Persian carpet?” he replied with a smirk. “Absolutely not.”

Raphael heaved out an exaggerated sigh, but Magnus could see the smile in his eyes and he found an oddly deep relief in seeing his friend back to his regular grumpy but fond self.

His relief was short-lived, though, because Camille straightened on her feet and started moving, walking away from the bookshelf. Magnus tensed, watching with wary eyes as she let her eyes drift on their little group, eventually stopping on Simon. She smirked and turned towards Magnus.

“This one is cute too,” she said as she strode her way to Simon in two steps, tilting her head on the side, observing quietly as the hacker decomposed, obvious panic in his eyes. He darted a distressed glance to Magnus, silently asking for a way out. Clearly, he wasn’t used to being the center of attention.

She raised a hand as if to touch him but before she could, her wrist was locked in a strong grip and Magnus almost barked out a laugh. Evidently, if she wanted to get her claws on Simon, she would have to think twice about it because the Lightwoods had grudgingly adopted him a while ago, and they weren’t about to let anyone pester him but themselves.

“You lay one hand on him and I break your wrist,” Jace hissed, tightening his hold in warning.

Alec stepped away from Magnus to position himself on Simon’s other side, just as Isabelle and Clary were moving forward too, efficiently trapping him between them in a shielding human fortress.

“Aw,” Simon cooed, a wide grin growing on his lips. “You guys really do love me.”

“We don’t  _ love _ you,” Alec replied, but the small smirk he bore contradicted his words. “We’re just very possessive over the people we persecute.”

“Same thing,” Simon argued.

Camille chuckled, turning back towards Magnus. “Seems like you did find yourself a family after all,” she said cruelly and he immediately lost the semblance of a smile he had been sporting.

“I think you’ve overstayed your welcome now,” he hissed, icy eyes boring into hers. “Get out.”

Her jaw twitched with irritation for a second before she pulled herself back together. She snatched her wrist out of Jace’s hold, all the while sending the Lightwoods a murderous glare and wiped nonexistent dust out of her dress.

“Well, you won’t be able to say I didn’t warn you,” she said matter-of-factly, her brown eyes darting between Magnus and Raphael. “I don’t think we’ll see each other for a while, so this is goodbye.”

“What a shame,” Raphael sneered, voice heavy with sarcasm.

Camille gave him the most bored look she could muster before twisting on her feet elegantly. She took one step closer to Simon, patting his shoulder gently, her other hand hovering near his waist, because she stepped away all together when she was faced with the Lightwoods, already back on protective mode.

“You all take care of that one for me,” she said with a smirk.

Isabelle opened her mouth to talk back but Camille was already moving away and towards the front door.

“Good to see you, Ragnor,” she muttered as she passed next to him.

“Fuck off, Camille,” was the only answer she got and Magnus couldn’t conceal the proud smirk that pulled at his lips.

She huffed out an incredulous laugh and finally stepped out, closing the door behind her.

For a moment that seemed to lasts hours to Magnus but was probably only seconds, nobody dared to talk. A deep uncomfortable silence settled between them and Magnus prayed for Simon to open his mouth to let out one of his usual obnoxious remarks to ease the atmosphere, but the hacker seemed frozen in shock. Magnus wondered if it was because of Camille’s general behavior or the fact that an attractive woman had noticed him yet again.

Eventually, though, Magnus couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t mind silences when they were comfortable, meaningful, momentous. This was just making his skin itch with nerves.

“I have to move out, haven’t I?” he sighed dramatically.

Isabelle snorted and Alec actually chuckled, rolling his eyes. He strode the two steps that separated them and wrapped an arm around Magnus’ shoulders, dropping a kiss on his temple.

“You okay?” he murmured confidentially.

Magnus nodded. “I’m alright,” he said. “It’s Sigmund you should all be worried about. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him silent for so long.”

“Sigmund, Magnus?” Simon interjected, giving him his most unimpressed glare. “Do I look like a psychoanalyst to you?”

Magnus just shrugged and dislodged himself from Alec’s arms to get to his liquor cabinet.

“Who wants a drink?” he asked loudly, hoping to pull the rest of them out of their daze.

“I could use a drink,” Ragnor replied as he elbowed Raphael’s waist gently. “Or ten.”

Raphael shook his head, focusing back on the current moment instead of undoubtedly thoughts of murdering Camille. “You can’t ignore this, Magnus,” he said.

“I’m not,” Magnus retorted, rolling his eyes. “But we can talk about this later. I don’t want to deal with Camille’s shit now.”

Raphael was about to argue, but Ragnor turned his back to Magnus to whisper something to him. He couldn’t hear what it was but it seemed to be efficient because Raphael’s tensed shoulders slumped and he sighed heavily.

“Fine,” he grumbled.

Magnus was just finishing pouring himself a drink when the unmistakable noise of the front door opening echoed all the way to the living room. He tensed, cursing Camille inwardly and the tension was back in the room in two seconds.

“Can someone tell me why I ran into the Evil Bitch in the hall?”

The grin that broke on Magnus’ face was broad, happy and luminous. Catarina dropped the cat carrier she had in one hand on the floor to open both her arms widely, glancing between Raphael, Ragnor and him with a large smile, her light eyes glimmering with delight.

“Who wants the first hug?”

Magnus did and if he had to fight Raphael for it, he would.

.

Alec was sitting on the couch and he had actually been having a good time until he found himself the victim of a not-so-casual interrogation from Catarina. She was obviously trying to hide the true meaning of their conversation, but he could easily recognize the signs.

There was something oddly intimidating about her. Maybe it was in the way her grey eyes bore into his unrepentantly. Maybe it was how she hummed knowingly every time his eyes darted to Magnus, who was too busy cooing at his cat to pay him any attention. Mostly, he thought it was because of the way she held herself straight, with a careless elegance that reminded him of Magnus or Isabelle. All in all, she was making him a bit nervous and he found himself darting his eyes away more than once, trying and failing at finding support among his friends, who were all on different levels of tipsiness.

Clary and Isabelle were sitting together on the other couch, whispering to each other and chuckling to themselves, oblivious to the rest of the world, while Luke watched the scene with that same paternal love he always bore in his gaze. Simon and Jace were engaged in a drinking game that Jace was obviously losing if his red cheeks and glossy eyes were anything to go by. Hodge was sitting next to them at the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen, a disapproving frown on his face but a smile in his eyes. Ragnor was sitting with Magnus, petting the cat absentmindedly whilst Raphael rolled his eyes repetitively at Magnus’ cooing and grumbled about demonic animals.

So, basically, Alec had no escape and no other choice but to face the fact that Catarina wasn’t going to let him get away so easily. Their conversation had started casually with Catarina asking his name and how he started in their unconventional business (although something had told him that she had already known both of the answers) but had quickly drifted to Magnus: how Magnus and he had ended up together and if Magnus was good to him (which was code for “are  _ you _ good to him”, he knew that much). She was being subtle about it, but Alec knew what  _ the talk _ sounded like since he had given it to Izzy’s boyfriends often enough.

He was thankfully saved from any second-hand embarrassment as he was certainly about to start stuttering under her preying eyes when a ball of fluff lodged itself on his lap. He almost jumped in surprise but froze when he saw that the ball of fluff in question was actually Magnus’ cat.

Chairman Meow glanced up at him with incredibly bored green eyes and meowed, bumping its head on his chest. Alec raised a hand and petted the cat between the ears hesitantly. He seemed to approve because he started purring under his ministrations and meowed again, softer this time, before curling up on Alec’s lap, claiming it as his territory. Alec frowned, bewildered and looked up to see Magnus standing in front of them, something impossibly fond flickering in his gaze.

“He likes you,” he beamed, bringing a hand down to tug a strand of hair away from Alec’s forehead.

Alec smirked proudly. “Does that mean we’re officially dating now?” he asked with a chuckle, grabbing Magnus’ hand with his own that wasn’t stroking the cat’s fur to drop a kiss in his palm.

“I think it does,” Magnus replied with a smile. “Congratulations.”

He leaned down to plant a chaste kiss to Alec’s lips and he was left a bit dumbstruck by the familiarity and the simplicity of the gesture, incapable of keeping at bay the surely besotted look in his eyes.

“Congratulations?” Alec echoed with a quiet laugh. “You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

“I meant congratulations to the both of us,” Magnus retorted, taking a seat on the other side of him. “We’re both quite the catch.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but the effect was ruined when he couldn’t help but seize his lips in another quick kiss.

“You know,” Catarina chimed in. Alec almost jumped, having been so caught up in Magnus that he had forgotten her presence next to him and turned to face her. “You’re not very good with words,” she said with a gentle smile that prevented any offense, “but you’re quite good with actions.”

Alec blushed, running a nervous hand in his hair.

“I approve,” she added to Magnus’ attention, sending him a playful wink.

Without another word, she rose from the couch to join Ragnor and Raphael on the other side, nudging at Raphael’s shoulder to sit between the two of them, her hand finding Ragnor’s on his lap. It was probably a testimony to her intimidating nature that Raphael didn’t argue, simply moving on the couch to leave room for her.

“She’s terrifying,” Alec murmured, wide eyes finding Magnus.

His back-stabbing boyfriend laughed, throwing his head back but he quickly recovered when he realized Alec wasn’t joking at all.

“Oh, darling,” he whispered, cupping his cheek in one hand, “she loves you already.”

Alec raised an eyebrow in a doubtful manner. “She asked me to describe myself in three words,” he muttered disbelievingly. “I felt like I was applying for a job.”

“Well, you definitely got that job,” Magnus replied, a teasing edge to his voice. “Does that mean I’m your boss?”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he grumbled half-heartedly. “She also asked me what was, according to me, the worst thing about you.”

“What did you answer?” Magnus asked with a smirk, obviously holding back another laugh.

“Not the truth. I said it was how stubborn you are.”

Magnus rolled his eyes, dismissing his comment with a gracious wave before he frowned, realization crossing over his features. “What’s the truth then?”

“That you’re a pain in my ass,” Alec deadpanned with a proud smirk.

“Maybe later tonight,” Magnus retorted at once, a suggestive spark in his glimmering eyes.

“Oh God,” Alec growled, sending him his most unimpressed glare. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“You can’t,” he countered, leaning forward to steal a kiss. “You love me too much.”

“Hey, you two!” Jace’s drunken voice boomed loudly just as he was throwing a pillow to their heads, efficiently cutting short Alec’s comeback. Chairman Meow jumped from Alec’s lap with a start, running away towards the corridor that led to the bedrooms. “Stop being gross!”

“Leave them alone,” Clary protested, hitting him on the shoulder. “They’re cute.”

“I agree with Blondie,” Raphael butted in. “They’re disgustingly in love. It’s nauseating.”

It was Catarina who hit him on the shoulder and Alec was bewildered by the familiarity with which she did it and even more by the fact that Raphael didn’t really protest, simply stroking the spot she had punched.

“Be nice, Rafa,” she said threateningly and Raphael mumbled something under his breath but didn’t reply, choosing to cross his arms over his chest petulantly instead.

“Alec?” Isabelle called out and Alec frowned, looking around the room for her but she was nowhere to be found.

Her head suddenly perked from behind the couch. There was a spark in her eyes that made Alec’s stomach twist in apprehension. He knew that look, it was the one she always sported when she was about to call him out on something and he was already dreading what was coming.

“So,” she said, dragging the vowel far longer than necessary, “I was cold so I went through your suitcase to find a sweater. You know how I love your sweaters.”

“You hate them,” Alec argued. “You say they’re ugly and ‘an offense to fashion’.”

“She has a point,” Magnus murmured next to him and Alec turned to narrow his eyes at him, pinching his hand in punishment.

“Well, they are ugly but they’re comfortable,” Isabelle quipped and the smirk hadn’t disappeared from her face. “So, I was looking for a sweater but I found something much more interesting.”

Alec froze in horror when he understood where this was going and gave her a pleading look that she royally ignored, instead raising a hand up to wave the white jacket in their eyes.

“Want to explain this?” she asked with an innocence that she most certainly didn’t possess.

Next to him, Magnus perceptibly held his breath and Alec turned his head towards him hesitantly, a raging blush growing on his cheeks. Magnus’ eyes were lit up with mischief and amusement and a smirk was slowly tugging at the corner of his lips, making him look like the devil himself. Alec was almost certain that his presence on Earth was only in order to drag him to Hell. Which he wasn’t sure he really minded.

“Alec,” Jace chimed in, pulling him out of his thoughts, “why did you keep the scrubs?”

Alec growled in a lieu of an answer, dropping his face in his hands in a lame attempt at hiding his burning cheeks. His reaction must have given the answer away because Jace’s voice was strained and horrified when he next spoke.

“You know what? Please don’t answer that.”

.

“So, who’s ready to become a millionaire?”

It was almost dawn when Simon settled behind his laptop, gazing up at the rest of the team with a wide grin. They had been up for hours and most of them were exhausted now but they had wanted to drag their last night all together as much as possible. Hodge sat next to him, dictating him his account’s references so that Simon could start the transfers.

Alec saw no point in hanging around. Simon didn’t need him and he just wanted to lie down in bed and sleep until the exhaustion would finally vanish from his body.

“I’m going to bed,” he thus announced, holding out a hand to Magnus, who was sitting on the couch, Ragnor dozing off at his side. “Are you coming?”

“No, but I remain hopeful. The night is not over,” his boyfriend responded with a smirk.

“Magnus!” Jace’s yell resonated all the way from the kitchen, where he was sitting in a stool, his chin tipped on his fist heavily.

Magnus’ only answer was a resonating cackle that made Ragnor startle awake, looking bemusedly at his surroundings before he relaxed again. Magnus took Alec’s outstretched hand, who pulled him to his feet gently, sliding his other hand around his waist when he swayed slightly, leading him towards the bedroom that Magnus had showed him earlier in the night when he had giving him the tour with suggestive winks and devilish smirks. Maybe the tour had been an excuse so they could make out for a while in a quiet corner of the apartment but Alec wasn’t about to admit that.

They were just stepping in the corridor when Alec was struck with the painful reality that the confidence they had build in the past few days after the success of breaking Magnus out had been founded on shaky grounds.

“Shit,” Simon exclaimed, his fingers running frantically on the keyboard. “No, no, no, no.”

Alec froze in his tracks and he and Magnus turned in a same movement towards the hacker still sitting on the couch. The rest of the team all sported various expressions of both surprise and wariness, the panic on Simon’s features enough to make them all worry immediately.

“What’s going on?” Luke asked from the armchair where he had been dozing off himself in his eternal calm tone. He was fully awake now, leaning towards Simon, elbows tugged on his knees, hands clamped together.

“What the fuck?” Simon whispered, completely oblivious to the disarray around him, eyes never leaving the screen. “What the fuck?”

“What’s going on?” Hodge repeated louder, pulling him out of his daze.

“Someone is emptying your account,” Simon announced bluntly.

A collective gasp waved through the room.

“I can’t stop them,” he added frenetically. “Whoever’s doing it is shutting me out. I can’t get access.”

“How is that even possible?” Hodge asked in an oddly composed tone for the situation. Especially considering it was  _ his _ account.

“I don’t know!” Simon shouted, but no one held it against him in view of the stressful circumstances. “It’s like there’s something interfering with me, like a virus but every time I try to stop it, it grows stronger. It’s like  _ I’m _ the virus.”

Raphael rose to his feet quickly, striding the distance between Simon and him quickly. “I’ve seen this before,” he growled, jaw pulled in a tight line.

He grabbed Simon by the shoulders and started inspecting his body, patting his arms before he started rummaging in the pockets of his jacket.

“What are you doing?” Simon yelped, fingers reaching for the keyboard pointlessly.

“I’ve seen this before,” Raphael repeated inflexibly. “On a case.”

He reached in Simon’s right pocket and pulled back with a half-triumphant shout, holding a little black box in his hand. Simon’s eyes widened in shock and he grabbed the box to study it for a moment before giving it back to Raphael.

“Destroy it!” he ordered loudly, voice demanding and unyielding.

Raphael obliged instantly, throwing the box on the floor and crushing it under his heel vehemently before repeating the motion twice for good measure.

Simon immediately lunged back for the keyboard, typing frenetically.

“It’s too late,” he breathed out after an excruciatingly long silence. “It’s too late. It’s gone. The money from the ruby, it’s gone.”

The silence that followed was even worse than the first one. Alec blindingly reached for Magnus’ hand.

He didn’t really care about the money. He hadn’t cared about the money from the start.

He cared a lot more about seeing two months and a half of work going up in smoke. The thought that all of their work, the weeks of planning, of training, of putting together a plan that had ended being a disaster because Magnus had got hurt made a wild fury grow in his stomach. The fact that the man he loved had been hurt had driven him to a point where Hodge had had no choice but to knock him out to temper him but there was no tempering him now. He had found a foolish form of comfort in the fact that they had had the ruby, that, at least, they had managed to save something from their plan.

But, this… This was driving him to madness.

Magnus had been shot. Magnus had almost died.  _ And it had all been for nothing _ .

“Next time we see her,” Raphael breathed out through clenched teeth, fists balled at his sides, obviously holding back the storm he had raging internally. “You better let me kill her.”

That was if Alec didn’t get to her first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest cupcakes,
> 
> So, who wants to join Raphael and Alec in the "let's burn the bitch" squad?  
> To be honest with you, I had the hardest time writing Camille and I ended up rewatching some Cersei scenes from Game of Thrones for inspiration. It was surprisingly effective. haha
> 
> The next chapter will give you a bit of respite. However, after this one... Well, let's just say I know how you enjoy your angst so someone has to deliver and I'm all for doing Satan's work. 
> 
> Here is your cookie:  
>  _“He really adopted you,” Magnus commented with a soft smile._  
>  _“He’s cute,” Alec murmured, reaching out to scratch the cat between the ears. “But he’s not as cute as his master.”_  
>  _Magnus hummed, the beginning of a smirk tugging at his lips. “I like it when you call me master,” he said playfully._
> 
> Next Tuesday: Tiny bit of angst - just so you're emotionally prepared for what's to come -; it's Magnus' turn to meet an important someone and the return of a queen.
> 
> My [beta](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/) is a queen too.
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) (yup, changed my url) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit). 
> 
> All the love, ❤  
> L.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mighty cupcakes,
> 
> Enjoy this almost happy chapter because starting next week, it's going to get angsty.
> 
> PS: If you're live-twitting, don't forget to tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) or to use the #lecrit hashtag. 
> 
> ❤

Magnus watched mutely, with his legs crossed on his bed and Chairman Meow curled up in front of him, as Alec paced the room back and forth. His eyes were fixed on the ground and he bit his bottom lip nervously.

It was late. Or more accurately, it was awfully early. Magnus could see the morning light slowly rising by the window of his bedroom and if he listened carefully enough, he could almost hear New York waking up hurriedly, the horns of the taxis already resonating all over the city.

Magnus was tired. He felt like he could have slept for days. For weeks, maybe.

It was an odd feeling that had taken over his thoughts lately. He was tired, yes, but that was nothing new. Magnus had been barely sleeping for two years, ever since Ragnor had supposedly died. He was used to the exhaustion. Now, he still couldn’t sleep, but the reasons were different.

He couldn’t really explain it, or maybe he could, but he didn’t want to. When he closed his eyes at night, he was terrified. And Magnus had never been afraid before. He had small fears, like everyone. He didn’t like water, for example, and he never went to neither the swimming pool nor the sea. He never did more than dipping his feet in the water. This was a phobia, a common one with that. But the fear that had progressively grown in his chest and which now forbad him to sleep was something else, something deeper, stronger, inevitable.

It was creeping like a disease, taking over his every thought, chasing away his usual positivity. He felt out of control in his own body. He felt numb.

He did his best to cast these thoughts aside, though, because it wasn’t  _ him _ . It wasn’t the person he was. He was stronger than this, whatever it was, but he could feel himself changing. And what if Alec realized it? What if Alec didn’t like the person he was becoming, just like Magnus didn’t like it himself?

“Come to bed, darling,” he called out softly, so quietly that he barely heard it himself. “It’s nothing worth losing sleep over.”

Alec stopped for a second, but then resumed pacing, running a hand in his disheveled hair. Magnus wanted to reach out, to bring him closer to him and kiss away the worried lines on his forehead.

“It’s not like I usually sleep anyway,” Alec mumbled half-heartedly.

“Well, I’ll be happy to provide a distraction then, darling.”

“Stop that, Magnus,” Alec sighed. “Now is not the time. I can’t believe she did this.”

“It’s always the time for –“

“Can you stop acting like nothing matters?” Alec snapped, brutally stopping his pacing to turn towards the bed, eyeing Magnus bemusedly.

“It doesn’t matter,” Magnus retorted stubbornly.

“Nothing does with you!” he exclaimed, raising his voice with both anger and incredulity. “You got shot? Oh, that’s nothing, let’s move on already.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and Magnus felt his own anger grow at the tone. He frowned and his eyes darkened, focusing entirely on Alec. “Your ex-girlfriend steals eighteen million dollars from us? Who cares? This kind of shit happens every day, doesn’t it?”

Magnus tightened his fists to temper his growing anger, but he could feel his heartbeat quickening.

“What? Is this about Camille being my ex?” he asked, tipping his chin up in defiance.

“Of course not!” Alec said bewilderedly, like he couldn’t believe Magnus had even asked. “I don’t give a shit about that! It’s about you acting like nothing important just happened when she fucking stole all the money we earned from the ruby!”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Magnus replied inflexibly, his eyes flashing with irritation. He clenched his teeth to stop himself from saying something he would regret.

“You don’t want to talk about anything that matters,” Alec retorted heatedly. “You don’t want to talk about you being shot. You don’t want to talk about the fact that you almost died. And now you don’t want to talk about Camille emptying Hodge’s account. You can’t push everything aside hoping it will just disappear, Magnus! That’s not how it works.”

“You don’t get to tell me how I should be acting, Alec,” Magnus snapped coldly. “ _ I _ got shot and if I want to pretend it didn’t happen, you can either accept it or get the fuck out of my apartment.”

Alec froze at that and he immediately deflated, his eyes widening. He blinked, and in an instant, the irritation was gone from his face. His shoulders slouched as he inhaled deeply through the nose, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. “I’m sorry,” he said hurriedly, his voice wavering. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

The damage had already been done, however, and Magnus could still feel his blood boil, unexpectedly powerful. He was fuming and Alec was right in front of him, a perfect victim, with his innocent eyes and open heart. It would be so easy to crush him, to make him hurt like he was hurting himself, to yell at him until his nerves would ease and exhaust him to the point of passing out.

Magnus ducked his head, ashamed by his own thoughts. Alec took it the wrong way because his face dropped, his eyebrows pulled together in a guilty frown and he rushed to join Magnus on the bed, taking his hand in his.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, dropping a kiss against the back of his hand. “I’m an idiot.”

The Chairman meowed as if to agree and bumped his head against Alec’s elbow, curling up against his leg as if it was his territory.

“He really adopted you,” Magnus commented with a soft smile.

“He’s cute,” Alec murmured, reaching out to scratch the cat between the ears. “But he’s not as cute as his master.”

Magnus hummed, the beginning of a smirk tugging at his lips. “I like it when you call me master,” he said playfully.

Alec snorted, rolling his eyes before he leaned in to take Magnus’ breath away with a lingering kiss and his remaining wrath vanished out of his mind. “I’m sorry,” he muttered again against his lips.

“We need to stop fighting,” Magnus said, his voice barely a whisper. “That’s what she wants.”

“I just… I need you to talk to me,” Alec replied on the same tone, his thumb stroking the hand he still held firmly in his own. “You can’t just brush things off.”

“I just want peace,” Magnus admitted and his voice sounded foreign to his own ears. He sounded small and vulnerable and he hated it. “I just want to sleep.”

Alec looked like he had just been slapped. He looked like he was suffering, like he had taken Magnus’ pain and made it his and Magnus felt guilty. He couldn’t live with Alec being hurt because of him. But he couldn’t talk about it either. Not to him, not to anyone. He had to deal with this on his own. This was his burden to bear.

“Please don’t shut me out,” Alec murmured and the pleading edge of his tone made Magnus’ heart break.

Magnus nodded wordlessly because he knew whatever he’d say out loud would be a lie and he didn’t want to lie to Alec. But he couldn’t tell him the truth either, couldn’t admit how he truly felt, like his world kept crumbling around him over and over again.

Alec was the only isle of sanity in this ocean of madness. He couldn’t afford to lose him.

.

Alec knew he was an intelligent man but sometimes, Alec felt really stupid. This was one of those times.

Usually, he was pretty decent at dealing with stressful situations. At least, he had thought so until they had all gathered in Hodge’s villa. Today, he definitely wasn’t.

When they were still kids and Jace managed to drag him in his shenanigans, he had always been the clear-headed one. When they started in their unconventional business, he had done his part as the older brother, protecting his siblings from their own recklessness, always the voice of reason.

It seemed ridiculous that he was now the one who was fidgeting for something that seemed so foolish.

The confrontation with Camille was still present in his mind, even though it had been a week ago. So was the fight with Magnus that had resulted from it. Somehow, this seemed just as stressful and Alec had no idea how to cope with it. This was new territory to him.

They had collegially decided that payback was necessary. They couldn’t let Camille get away with their money and do nothing in return. That was out of the question. But they had also decided that acting too harshly would only aggravate a situation that was already tricky enough. Especially because she had disappeared and none of their contacts - meaning Catarina’s contacts - had heard of her. So they had, in a way, taken some time off. They would figure out a way to get back at her soon enough and, hopefully, to get their money back.

Alec had no doubt of that – or at least, he tried to convince himself of it as much as possible. He wasn’t stressed about that. He was, however, very stressed about the situation he was in now.

Max’s opinion was one of the few things he actually attached importance to. He valued it dearly, and Max was meeting Magnus today.

Max, who had never met any of Alec’s previous boyfriends. Max, who would say it right to their faces if he didn’t approve of him. Max, who he should not have been so afraid of, considering he was his  _ little _ brother. But Max was unabashed and ruthless when it came to voicing his opinion on people, and Alec was sure Magnus would be no exception, no matter how much he truly cared for him.

So, basically, Alec was freaking out. And he felt utterly ridiculous for it.

He had arrived at the coffee shop where they had agreed to meet half an hour early and had refused to text Magnus to remind him to be on time. Earlier, when Magnus had left the apartment he shared with his siblings that morning, he had promised him for the umpteenth time that he would be there, vowing that he would not make good on his habits on being fashionably late and “ _ Alexander, just stop fretting or you’re going to make me fret and nothing good will come out of it _ ”.

Alec huffed out a heavy breath and checked the time on his phone. The numbers seemed to stare right back at him in challenge and he switched the screen off with a scowl. He was being ridiculous and he needed to stop. This was hardly the most stressful situation he had found himself in, especially in the last few months. It was even more ridiculous when he thought back to how easily it had been to face the cruelty in Camille’s eyes and the complacency of her whole demeanor. Surely, his own brother wasn’t half as scary as she could have been in that moment.

Maybe what he was partly worried about, although he had trouble admitting it to himself, was that he had no idea how Magnus was going to act in front of Max. Truthfully, lately, he had no idea how Magnus was going to act most of the time.

He didn’t know how to deal with it. Confronting Magnus about it was obviously not working. Trying to make him talk, even subtly, wasn’t either because Magnus was too smart not to realize what Alec was doing, and it would end up in either a fight or Magnus shutting him out completely, changing the subject with one of his usual flourishes.

It seemed unfair that Magnus had come back from the dead just to deal with whatever was troubling him now. Alec was lost and he felt powerless. And he felt even worse recognizing that he didn’t know how to help the man he loved. He knew he couldn’t push Magnus so he allowed him his space, but he was also afraid. What if that distance between them became too much? What if Magnus was never going to accept his help? How was he supposed to deal with that? Why couldn’t he find a way to deal with that?

“Someone looks happy today.”

Alec startled, looking up to see Max standing above him next to the table, his usual cheeky grin on place. He pushed away his gloomy thoughts and rose to his feet to pull his little brother into a hug. Max was slightly smaller than him, but he was already taller than both Jace and Isabelle. He looked more and more like Alec every day, his big dark eyes aside, which were more like Isabelle’s. He was wearing a grey beanie in spite of the quite warm weather and a red plaid shirt open on a Star Wars t-shirt and Alec held back a smirk. Simon and he would probably get along.

“Is your boyfriend giving you trouble?” Max asked with a scowl and Alec rolled his eyes. Really, Max needed to be reminded that  _ he _ was the older brother.

“No, he’s not giving me trouble, Maxwell,” he said.

Max’s face twisted in a grimace and he punched Alec’s shoulder half-heartedly. “Don’t call me Maxwell, Alexander.”

Alec smirked, ruffling Max’s dark mop of hair affectionately. “What do you want to drink? My treat.”

Max smacked his hand away. “Of course it’s your treat. You want me to be good to your boyfriend, don’t you?” he teased.

Alec narrowed his eyes at him. “Don’t be a little shit,” he chastised him. “Be nice to him, okay?”

Max paused for a second, observing him silently with an eyebrow raised, arms crossed over his chest. Alec was struck with the realization that his little brother wasn’t so little anymore. He was almost an adult already. He wasn’t the little boy who went to him for help with his homework, or who had asked him for advice with girls when he was eight, obviously unaware of the reason why Alec wasn’t living with them anymore. Alec had told him to go ask Jace, even though he had been conscious of what a terrible idea that was.

“Shit,” Max whispered under his breath, a wide grin growing on his lips and reaching his dark eyes. “Is my robot of a big bro finally in love?”

“Shut up,” Alec retorted very sensibly, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Oh,” Max breathed out excitedly, rubbing his hands together. “Now I can’t wait to meet the guy.”

“Your wish is my command,” came a velvety voice to his right.

That voice always did funny things to Alec’s stomach but he did his best to hide it, focusing instead on Magnus who was standing on the side, a soft smile on his lips. He was wearing one of his tailored black jackets with intricate patterns and a purple shirt below it that matched the dyed tips on his hair. Alec wondered if a day would come when he would stop taking his breath away. Probably not.

Seeing him right then was enough to make him forget everything about his previous qualms.

There was no way Max wasn’t going to love Magnus. There was no way anyone in their right mind wouldn’t love Magnus.

Magnus was impossible not to love, Alec knew that better than anyone.

When Alec failed to introduce them as he should have, too busy checking his boyfriend out, Magnus chuckled and stepped forward, holding out a hand.

“Hi. You must be Max. I’m Magnus. It’s lovely to meet you.”

Max shook the outstretched hand and beamed at him, a genuine smile that was enough to let the rest of Alec’s worries evaporate.

“Nice to meet you too,” he said. “Before we do this, I have an important question to ask you.”

His tone was utterly serious and Alec closed his eyes, praying to every god possible that he would not be inappropriate.

“I think I got the worst from Jace and Izzy,” Magnus retorted with a smirk. “Shoot.”

“Clearly, you know your way around fashion,” Max said, gesturing to Magnus’ outfit with a wave.

Magnus smirked proudly, nodding in agreement.

“So, how come you let my brother wear that shirt with these pants?” Max went on, a mocking and very pleased spark in his gaze. He then turned to face his brother. “Seriously, Alec, what is wrong with you?”

Alec gaped, his mouth falling open in shock. Magnus burst into laughter and grabbed Alec’s hand, squeezing it gently.

“Oh, darling, I love him already.”

Alec couldn’t bring it in himself to feel betrayed or even mildly annoyed.

.

It turned out Alec’s worries had been for nothing. Max and Magnus got along wonderfully. In fact, they probably got along too well for his own good.

For many years – too many years – Alec had barely seen his little brother. It had a lot to do with the fact that he avoided his parents as much as possible and also with the fact that they were always travelling. He had missed a lot in his brother’s life. He hadn’t seen him grow up. Of course, he had kept contact with him, calling him regularly, asking about his life.

He had known about his little brother’s peculiar sense of humor, but somehow, he hadn’t realized until now that Max and Magnus had the  _ same _ sense of humor.

They spent the first hour making small talk scattered with innuendos, and Alec just watched bewilderedly as they giggled together.  _ Giggled _ .

He was doomed.

“So, how did you two meet?” Max asked over his fuming cup of coffee. He still sported a small smirk and he seemed completely relaxed. Both of his elbows were tugged on the table, and he leaned forward, his dark eyes scanning Alec and Magnus.

Alec blinked. He wasn’t sure what to tell him. He couldn’t tell his little brother, the one he was supposed to be a good example for, that he had met Magnus while planning a heist against a dangerous man.

“California,” he blurted out before cursing inwardly.

Damn, even with his little brother he managed to be socially awkward.

Max raised an eyebrow at him. “I said how, not where.”

“We work for the same company,” Magnus helpfully put out. “We were both on a trip for work and that’s how we met. That’s how I met your siblings too.”

He was a brilliant liar. It wasn’t the first time Alec witnessed it but it was the first time he wondered if it was such a good thing.

“What do you do in that company?” Max inquired. There was a spark in his eyes that Alec couldn’t quite recognize. He knew, though, that it couldn’t mean anything could.

“I work in the media department,” Magnus replied without blinking. “Your brother is in the legal department and he doesn’t work with us so we had never met before.”

Max hummed pensively, nodding absently before he turned to Alec with a devilish smirk that he had taken after Isabelle. “How long have you been dating?”

That, Alec could answer. “A little over three weeks,” he said, but he glanced aside at Magnus with a question in his eyes, silently asking for confirmation. It felt like they had known each other for years, that they had been together for years.

Three weeks seemed like a ridiculously short time to fall as deeply as Alec had fallen. But then again, nothing was ordinary in their relationship. Not the way they had met, not their first kiss, not the reason why Alec had come to realize the depth of his feelings.

“Are you telling me you don’t know the exact date?” Magnus asked dramatically, bringing a hand over his heart with a theatrical flourish. “Alexander, I feel so undermined. And here I thought we were on equal grounds in this relationship.”

Alec gave him his most unimpressed glare but otherwise ignored him, focusing on his little brother instead. “He’s a bit of a drama queen,” he staged-whispered with an apologetic gaze. “I forgot to warn you, sorry.”

“I may be a drama queen but at least I’m not oblivious,” Magnus retorted, but his eyes were shining with tenderness and Alec had to bite back a besotted smile. “It took your brother two months to realize I liked him back and I wasn’t flirting with him just to see him blush –“ He paused, putting his hand over Alec’s on the table and squeezing it gently, “ – although that was certainly a bonus.”

Alec smiled and brought his hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss against his palm.

“Guys, I’m still here, please,” Max cut in with a roll of his eyes but he was smiling too. “Yeah, he can be quite clueless, right? For the longest time, he thought I had no idea he was gay,” he told Magnus mockingly. “Like, dude, I’ve seen you checking out my karate instructor. And my Spanish teacher that time you came to pick me up at school.”

Alec blushed, muffling a disapproving “Max” under his breath but it only made them both laugh.

“I’ll go get a refill,” Max said, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Try not to miss me too much.”

“That’s going to be hard,” Magnus replied with the exact same smile. Alec thought he had every right to be positively terrified. “Your scintillating presence will be dearly longed for.”

Max smirked as he rose to his feet, glancing straight at Alec. “You better keep that one or I’ll kick your ass.”

And just like that, he was gone. Magnus chuckled, squeezing Alec’s hand.

“See? I told you everything would go well.”

“A little bit too well, if you ask me,” Alec grumbled, but he was having trouble keeping the happiness from his features.

Magnus smiled a small, soft, impossibly tender smile and used his free hand to push a few strands of dark hair out of Alec’s forehead before cupping his cheek, lightly stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.

“So,” he muttered, dragging the vowel out far longer than necessary, “the Spanish teacher, is that a fantasy of yours?” His eyes were dancing with mischief. “Because I could ask Raphael to teach me.”

“I don’t have a Spanish teacher kink,” Alec retorted playfully, brushing their lips together. “I have a Magnus kink. You don’t need anyone to teach you that, you manage fine on your own.”

Magnus smirked, pressing their mouths in a real kiss. “Damn, boyfriend, you’re so smooth.”

“Right back at you, boyfriend,” Alec murmured.

“You two are gross, you realize that, right?” Max butted in as he took back his seat in front of them, a newly filled cup between his hands. “You’re so married, it’s disgusting.”

Magnus smirked, pulling away from Alec just to come lean against his side. Alec smiled, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and dropped a kiss on his temple.

“So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Max uttered slowly, dropping his usually confident eyes on his cup, as if he was speaking to the fuming coffee instead of his older brother.

“It’s alright,” Alec said softly, reaching out to grab his wrist over the table and squeeze it gently. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“It’s not exactly about me,” Max replied hesitantly. He brought a hand up to slide it in his disheveled hair and for a second, Alec could almost see himself in his little brother. “It’s about Mom and Dad.”

Alec froze and his heart skipped a beat. His hold unintendedly tightened around Magnus’ shoulders and Magnus understood immediately what Alec didn’t understand himself. He dropped his free hand on Alec’s thigh, pressing just enough to give him an anchor, something to hold on to.

He inhaled through his nose quietly, refusing to let his brother see how the simple mention of his parents could make him lose his composure. Max didn’t need to know.

“What about them?” he gritted out through clenched teeth.

“They… I told them I was coming to see you this afternoon and… they asked me to tell you that they’d like to see you,” Max stuttered, clearly not sure how to put this out.

It was like an electric shock, awakening an old feeling that Alec had made his best to bury deep. Deep enough that he wouldn’t think about the pain that came with it. Deep enough that he would forget about his father’s disappointed eyes and his mother’s angry frown after he had told them he was gay. Deep enough that he wouldn’t care at all, contenting himself with his siblings’ love. And Hodge’s. 

And now, it was all reemerging and Alec wasn’t ready. It was brutal and quick and he had not prepared himself for this.

And as it all resurfaced, Alec found himself getting angry. He wondered if a day would come when the anger would stop, when he would just be at peace with himself, with his parents, with Magnus. Clearly, today wasn’t that day. The fact that they had used Max, his sweet, completely tactless but caring brother, to reach out to him only made him madder.

“If they want to talk to me, they have my phone number,” he spat out, far more vehemently than he had expected. “They don’t need to use you to get to me.”

“That’s what I told them,” Max replied with a nonchalant shrug, “but they think you wouldn’t answer the phone.”

Alec rolled his eyes, his brow furrowed in irritation. “I’m not a child, of course I would answer.” He took a deep breath, focusing on Magnus’ thumb tracing circles on his thigh soothingly. “I can’t promise I wouldn’t hang up on them, though,” he added half-heartedly.

Max chuckled anyway, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’ll be sure to let them know,” he muttered teasingly.

“Look, Max, I don’t want to lie to you,” Alec sighed, “but I don’t think there’s even the slightest possibility that I’ll get along with them one day. I don’t think I can forgive them. Actually, I don’t  _ want _ to forgive them.”

“I know,” Max said sympathetically.

There was a silence for a moment and Max snorted, chuckling to himself like he had just thought of the funniest thing and Alec raised an eyebrow inquisitively, taking a sip of his long-cold coffee.

“It’s just –“ Max paused, eyeing him with a knowing glance, a mischievous smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You said you don’t want to lie to me when you won’t even tell me about the illegal stuff you do for a living.”

Alec choked on his drink, erupting in a long fit of coughs that left his lungs burning and filled his eyes with tears. As it happened too often lately, his mind blanked and his eyes widened as he stared as his little brother, who just stared back with a full-grown smirk now, imperturbably sipping his coffee.

Finally, it was Magnus who broke the silence. By laughing. Loudly.

“Oh dear,” he panted through fits of laughter, muffling his mirth behind his hand but doing a poor job at it. “Darling, I’m sorry, you should see your face.”

Max snickered too, sharing a conniving look with Magnus and quickly snapped a picture of Alec’s bewildered expression with his phone. “Give me your number, I’ll send it to you.”

Alec watched, powerless and even more taken aback, as his brother and his boyfriend exchanged phone numbers between snickers.

“Wait,” he finally breathed out. “You – How did you – What?”

He was suddenly struck with a flashback. Him, as a teenager, doing the exact same thing to Hodge who had reacted exactly how he had just done it. He promised himself he would never mock Hodge for it ever again.

“Let me get this straight –“

He was rudely interrupted by Magnus clearing his throat obnoxiously, giving him a pointed look, just as Max’s eyes lit up with mischief.

“If nothing else,” he scoffed under his breath and Alec just gaped at them as they giggled, high-fiving each other like long-time friends.

“Oh my God,” he murmured to himself, eyes lost into space. “What did I do? I never should have let you meet. How did I not see this coming?”

Magnus chuckled next to him, leaning a bit more against his side. He slid a hand under his jacket and on his stomach, fingers dancing against the material of his shirt. “You’ll learn from your mistakes, my love,” he murmured teasingly. “It’s too late now.”

He looked happy. He was smiling with his eyes, something that had been far too rare these days. His features were open, soothed, at peace finally and there was so much love in his eyes that Alec couldn’t care at all if they spent the rest of the afternoon teasing him relentlessly. If it made Magnus look happy again, he approved.

So, he just leaned in, huddling Magnus closer by his hold on his shoulders. “I love you,” he murmured urgently, almost desperately into his ear, his lips brushing against his ear cuff. “I love you so fucking much I can hardly breathe.”

Magnus was stunned for a second, his breath catching in his throat, his eyes shining with a pleasantly surprised spark before he pressed his lips against Alec’s cheek, lingering slightly longer than he normally would. His fingers closed on Alec’s shirt, holding him tight like he was afraid Alec would just let him go. Alec would not. Not as long as Magnus wanted him and he hoped it was a very long time.

“I love you too,” Magnus whispered back, his voice wavering with emotions. “I love you so fucking much you make me breathe again.”

.

Lydia Branwell had a whole set of rules about how she lived her life. She liked order and she liked when things went according to plan. She had to admit that lately, her rules had been broken more often than not. Whatever plan she had, it had crumbled as soon as she had set eyes on the - chaotic - Lightwood brothers. Even though she had learned to like their merry group of misfits, she was somehow relieved to know them back in New York so she could relax and take some long overdue holidays away from drama. Valentine was locked away in the Clave, she had no other cases on her hands yet, and she just  _ deserved _ it.

So, she settled for getting her surfboard and enjoy the raging waves of the ocean, forgetting about everything else. There was something addictive about surfing. The adrenaline pulsing through your body as you were riding a wave was peerless. The whole experience was unique and there was nothing like it to clean her mind. It was always easy to leave her problems aside when she had bigger challenges to face and what bigger challenge is there than the ocean itself? When she surfed, she felt connected to her environment in an exceptional way: she was aware of the sun warming her skin, the sand dancing through her fingers, the sea allowing her presence and offering her a myriad of sensations that always left her with a beaming grin and a lighter heart.

She was just running back to where she had discarded her towel a while back when she spotted a well-known figure next to it. She had no idea how long she had been in the water, didn’t really have any care in the answer, but all her efforts at unwinding her restless mind vanished into thin air as she took in the familiar features of her colleague.

Aline was Lydia’s boss. She was also a friend. She was barely a few years older than Lydia and when Lydia had joined the agency, Aline had been her partner. She had risen to the top fairly quickly, not that Lydia had been surprised. She was insanely clever, driven and unrepentant, which were essential qualities in their line of work. Her piercing brown eyes bore the wisdom of her mind, fitting perfectly with her radiant skin and dark long hair that fell in waves over her shoulders. She was quite small but the way she held herself straight on her feet with her chin up at all times made her look taller and fiercer, too.

There was something in her eyes, though, in that moment, that made an uneasy feeling prickle in Lydia’s stomach. She leaned down to grab her towel, wrapping it around her body before she turned to Aline with a frown.

“What’s going on?” she asked, her voice wavering slightly. “I took a week off.”

“I know,” Aline said and there was an apology in her brown eyes that made Lydia’s growing concern increase tenfold. “I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t important.”

Lydia didn’t reply, knowing there was nothing she could say that would delay the news. With an inward sigh, she said goodbye to her holiday.

“We need to talk,” Aline announced somberly. “Morgenstern finally talked and it’s not good. Your friends are in danger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Lydia. She deserves a holiday. Give her a break!
> 
> What did you think of this transition chapter? of Max? of the return of Queen Lydia?
> 
> Cookies > Camille:  
>  _“Is there anything you don’t know?” Alec asked in lieu of an answer, a small, tentative smile tugging at his lips._  
>  _“Not much, Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” she replied with a devilish smirk, sending him a playful wink, “born and raised in New York, older brother of Jonathan Christopher Lightwood born Wayland, Isabelle Sophia Lightwood and Maxwell Joseph Lightwood, twenty-five years old but twenty-six soon, graduated from the Idris Institute in –“_  
>  _“Okay, I get the idea,” Alec groaned. “Do I want to know why you know all of that?”_  
>  _“Magnus is part of my family,” Catarina retorted with a small, gentle smile. “I protect my family. Your background check came back clear, by the way. You’re good.”_
> 
> Next: angst + some yelling + some much needed talking + Catarina's contacts do their thing.
> 
> I'll be waiting for your words for the extra cookie because I'm very curious as to where your mind is going to go ;).
> 
> This was beta'd by the amazing [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/).
> 
> You can yell at me on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and/or on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit)
> 
> All the love, ❤  
> Lucile.
> 
> Ps: I'm going to shamelessly self-promote myself. If you like Harry Potter and Malec (which are two things that every sane person should love, duh), have a look at my other WIP, [The Children of Merlin](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7191461/chapters/16321403). ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest cupcakes,
> 
> This chapter contains angsty angst but not only because contrary to popular beliefs, I'm not a heartless monster :)
> 
> I love my magical sons Magnus Babe and Ragnor Fell so this chapter was a bit painful to write. Also featuring queen Catarina, Alec Lightofmylifewood and my favorite character: communication (kinda, sorta, you'll see).
> 
> Enjoy the pain. Don't forget that this is only a glimpse of what's waiting for you :)).
> 
> Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to use the #lecrit hashtag or to tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤

“I understand now why I am the Winter Soldier,” Ragnor said as he walked up the stairs to Magnus’ apartment with Catarina, “but wouldn’t that make Magnus Captain America? And Alec told me he was Iron Man but Simon keeps insisting that he is the Hulk.”

Catarina chuckled next to him, stopping in the middle of the stairs to level him with a pointed glare. “Honestly, Ragnor, don’t try to find logic in their code names. There’s obviously none to be found.”

Ragnor has foolishly hoped that going to the cinema to see a Marvel marathon with Catarina might help him get a better comprehension of the loud blabber Simon usually threw his way in regards of this Winter Soldier character, but it hadn’t really helped. It made no sense to him but he wasn’t about to tell that to Simon, because first it would break his heart, but second, and mostly, he wasn’t ready for the two-hour long argument that would certainly follow.

“I suppose you’re right,” he sighed.

Catarina laughed again - the sound echoing in the stairwell in a luminous melody - and strode the two steps that separated them to hook her arm with his, patting his shoulder gently.

“You know Magnus as well as I do,” she stated confidently. “He likes the chaos of it. I think it’s the main reason why he cares so much about them, actually.”

Ragnor hummed pensively. “And they all seem to truly care about him,” he added.

“Especially Hawkeye,” Catarina snickered.

“See, that’s where I don’t understand Simon’s logic,” Ragnor exclaimed, throwing her a bewildered glance. “Why would Hawkeye be in love with either the Hulk or Iron Man? He obviously wants to bone the redhead, and if I remember correctly, Isabelle is Black Widow and she’s Alec’s sister so that just makes it disgusting.”

Catarina barked out a loud laugh, throwing her head back and tightened her hold on Ragnor’s arm as they finally reached Magnus’ floor.

“I think you put too much thought into this,” she eluded with a sweet smile. “I’m pretty sure the aliases were attributed in regards of everyone’s abilities and personalities. It has nothing to do with who’s sleeping with whom. Which would have been much funnier, if you ask me.”

Ragnor shrugged, rummaging in his pocket to find his keys to Magnus’ apartment. They were barely two feet away from the door when it opened violently and they stopped dead in their tracks.

“Fuck you, Magnus,” Alec yelled before slamming the door shut behind him.

His jaw was twitching with unmistakable tension, his cheeks red with exertion, and his teeth clenched. He looked like a lion in a cage, but not the trapped type, the type that would jump at your throat and rip it apart without a second thought.

His clouded gaze settled on Ragnor and Catarina and he froze, all his anger vanishing at once. He released a deep breath and lowered his eyes to the ground shamefully.

“Again?” Ragnor asked gently, carefully taking a step closer, like he was approaching a wild animal.

Alec’s head snapped up, his eyes wide and desperate. “You know what?” he blurted out, pupils wide with both anger and desolation. “I don’t know what to do with him! One second he’s alright, we’re  _ talking _ –“ The emphasis he put on the word made Ragnor wince slightly. Clearly, they weren’t doing a very good job at that  _ talking _ thing. “– and the next second, he’s jumping at my throat for no reason at all! He’s driving me fucking insane!”

He paused, inhaled deeply and ran a shaking hand in his hair. “I don’t know how to be there for him if he keeps pushing me away,” he admitted in a whisper, covering his eyes with his hand while he let out another rickety sigh.

“Have you ever been to the rooftop?” Catarina asked out of the blue, her voice soft and gentle, exactly like it had always been in Ragnor’s mind when he had tried to imagine it in his darkest days.

Alec seemed taken aback, squirting only one eye at her, his eyebrow quirking in puzzlement. “N-No?” he stuttered. It sounded half probing and Ragnor heard in this simple word that Alec was still wary around Catarina, like he didn’t know how to act around her without unleashing her merciless protectiveness over Magnus. He was clearly much better at reading people than he gave himself credit for.

Catarina pointed with her chin at the stairs, gesturing for Alec to follow them as she all but dragged Ragnor to climb the stairs.

Magnus’ building in Brooklyn wasn’t a skyscraper, but his apartment was on the top floor and it offered an unbeatable view on the district, Prospect Park and, a bit further, the river and the high buildings of Wall Street. He had arranged the roof to bring all the comfort he needed for a quiet night with his friends when the weather allowed it: lounge chairs, a huge beige couch adorned with colorful cushions, various plants and flowers and a series a colorful fairy lights that surrounded the whole scenery with a magical atmosphere.

Ragnor realized with a start that he hadn’t been up here since he had been back. It had been his favorite place to go with Magnus whenever he had been in New York. It had been their safe haven, the place where they could talk for hours without the threat of being disturbed.

And they hadn’t been here yet. Because Magnus didn’t talk, these days. Never about the things that mattered.

“Magnus chose this apartment for the rooftop,” Catarina informed Alec when they stepped outside. “I’m surprised he hasn’t showed it to you yet,” she added, but she didn’t sound surprised, on the contrary. There was a heavy edge to her tone, something deep and meaningful that Ragnor wasn’t sure he understood.

“Maybe he’s too busy hating me right now,” Alec said darkly, crossing his arms over his chest. It might have had purpose to be a defensive gesture, but it only came across as if Alec was desperately trying to comfort himself.

“Sit,” Catarina commanded, pointing at the beige couch.

It was the first thing Magnus had settled here when he had first moved in and it was a bit damaged by the time and the weather. The couch was half hidden below the glass roof that protected Magnus’ plants. It has suffered through rain, snow and a few storms in its time but Magnus was somehow too sentimental to have it changed.

Alec obliged immediately, dropping in the seat with the seriousness of a soldier on his face, although his shoulders were still tensed.

“Magnus doesn’t hate you,” she declared, her tone leaving no room for negotiation. “He loves you and you know that. Don’t doubt it.”

Alec sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “He’s making it hard for me not to doubt it,” he admitted in a small, vulnerable voice. “I don’t know why he’s acting like this.”

“Yes, you do,” Catarina replied firmly.

Ragnor frowned, turning his head to look at her inquisitively. She ignored him, though, her grey eyes entirely focused on Alec, whose head jerked up again. He held her gaze for a long moment before he eventually sighed, nervously yanking at the sleeves of his sweater.

“You do, Alec,” she repeated. “Raphael told me about the research you did to help Ragnor.”

It did nothing to help Ragnor’s confusion. His frown deepened as he stared between Catarina’s fierce demeanor, the way she held herself tall on her feet, and Alec who was so much taller than her and yet looked so small, glancing up at her with his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“Yes but –“

“There is no but,” Catarina cut in firmly. “They might not have been through the same things but the symptoms are the same.”

“Why do I feel like you’re talking about me in a way that I purposely ignore it?” Ragnor inquired dully, his eyes boring into Catarina’s. “I’m not daft, my dears.”

Catarina smiled sadly, stepping forward to lean a hand on his forearm.

“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened to you,” she said softly, as gently as she could. Ragnor tensed anyway, his jaw clenching in spite of himself. “And that’s fine,” she quickly added. “You can have all the time you need. I’ll be there when you’re ready. And if it’s not me, it can be Raphael, or Magnus. We’ll be there.”

“Me too,” Alec chimed in quietly. “If you want to talk to me, just say the word.”

Ragnor’s mouth fell open as he stared mutely between the two of them, finding himself utterly out of words. He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, his throat clenching and unclenching on a gasp, his head suddenly swirling with memories he would have rather pushed away forever.

“I’m fine,” he lied.

Neither Catarina nor Alec seemed to believe him.

“I’m fine,” Ragnor repeated. “It’s Magnus we should be worried about.”

“I’m worried about the both of you,” Catarina argued. “You both went through traumatic events and you’re both dealing with it in very different ways. You chose to do it by refusing to talk about it and it’s your choice. We are here to support you and help you whenever you want it.” She paused, squeezing his arm gently. “Magnus is dealing with it the Magnus way and we both know how ineffective it is.”

Ragnor nodded, happily grasping the opportunity to change the subject. “He’s making jokes about it,” he said. “This is how he copes with whatever life throws his way. Always has been.”

“He’s never snapped at anyone before, though,” Catarina muttered pensively, casting an almost apologetic look to Alec. “Do you truly love him?”

“Of course I do,” Alec replied at once, his voice rising with the affront that she could think otherwise. “I-I just want him to be okay,” he added, almost desperately, his hands waving messily, as if he was trying to put his feelings into gestures without the mere idea of how he could do so. “If he needs me to… to keep my distance for that, I will.”

He looked haunted for a moment, a feral chaos swirling in his eyes.

Ragnor was struck with the realization that Alec was too young for everything that was happening around him. To him. He was clearly inexperienced when it came to loving someone so much that you forgot about everyone else, that you would gladly put your own happiness on the line if it could secure theirs. He didn’t know how to handle it. He was lost and Ragnor had been lost for a long time; he could easily relate.

He wondered if Alec was fully aware of the depth of his feelings. If he knew how easily readable he was, how he looked like he was crumbling with the weight of it. Love could be a burden as much as a blessing and Alec seemed to be realizing that, lately. It was written plainly in his whole demeanor that he hadn’t chosen which one it would be yet. 

“Don’t,” he said firmly.

Alec looked up to throw Ragnor a surprised glance.

“Don’t take your distance with him,” he eluded. “Magnus is already broken. If you leave him, it will only be the last straw. I’m not sure he’d recover from it.”

“I don’t  _ want  _ to leave him,” Alec muttered, closing his eyes for only a second, his jaw flexing and it occurred to Ragnor that he was fighting back tears. He wanted to reach out, maybe drop a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t. It didn’t feel like it was his place to do so. “I love him,” Alec repeated. Ragnor tried to ignore the way his voice trembled with emotion but he couldn’t. He looked at Alec and he could almost feel his ache, feel the tightness of his heart and the lump in his throat. “I  _ need  _ him,” he confessed abruptly, the words stumbling out of his mouth like a vain hope.

He spoke like Magnus was already lost to him, like Magnus was standing on the other side of a crevice and he couldn’t reach him, no matter how hard he tried.

Catarina finally moved, sitting next to Alec on the couch. She took his hands in hers, forcing him to look at her and Alec did, slowly, begrudgingly, inhaling unevenly through his nose.

“He needs you too,” she said gently, in an almost motherly voice. “You need each other. I know that right now, it feels like it isn’t enough, but it will be.”

“I just want him to be okay,” Alec murmured once more. “I want to help him to be okay, but I can’t do that if he shuts me out. What if I’m not enough?”

Catarina didn’t reply. Neither did Ragnor.

What could they possibly say to ease his sorrow when they had no idea how profound it was?

.

The knock on his door resonated in his ears like a distant sound, and for a moment, he wasn’t sure it had been real. It seemed like it could be another trick of his mind. It appeared his mind liked to play tricks on him lately, messing with his thoughts, leaving a pandemonium in his emotions and chaos in his heart.

When the knock started again, Magnus had to face the fact that it was real. He didn’t do anything to answer it, though. He didn’t move an inch.

He had been curled up in his bed for a while now, a pillow pressed tightly against his chest in a vain pursual of comfort, Chairman Meow snuggled in the gap between his stomach and his thighs, fast asleep.

The door opened in a quiet creak but Magnus didn’t look up, instead tightening his hold on the pillow. He closed his eyes and tried to even his breathing. Maybe if he pretended to be asleep, he would be left alone to wallow in self-hatred like he had for the past hour.

He had no such luck. The bed dipped with the evidence of a body joining him.

“I know you’re not sleeping,” Ragnor whispered.

Magnus hesitated for a second but eventually turned around to face him, keeping a strong hold on his pillow. Chairman Meow glared at him grumpily, apparently unhappy with the sudden movement, but he just moved to curl up between the two of them and promptly went back to sleep.

“How was your movie?” he asked absently.

Ragnor turned his head to face him, adopting the same position. “I didn’t understand much,” he said. “There are too many characters and I was trying to find parallels with your own team of misfits so it ended up making no sense at all.”

Magnus threw him a sad smile. “We can watch it again someday,” he offered. “I can ask Simon to lend them to me.”

“Sure.” Ragnor leveled him with an unrepentant glance, reaching out to push away the pillow that was hiding half of Magnus’ face. “We ran into Alec on our way back.”

It was like his body had suddenly been dipped in cold water, his muscles tensing unpleasantly, his teeth clenching to avoid another flood of tears. “Oh,” he murmured. He tried to swallow the lump that had taken up permanent residence in his throat, in vain.

“He thinks you hate him.”

Ragnor made it sound as ridiculous as it truly was, but Magnus was plagued with another wave a guilt and the tears rose back to his eyes before he could stop them.

“There’s something wrong with me,” he admitted in a whisper. 

“You went through some pretty traumatic stuff, darling,” Ragnor indulged him, giving him a gentle smile that somehow reached his green eyes. “You have every right not to be okay. No one expects you to.”

“You went through worse,” Magnus murmured obstinately. “But you’re okay.”

He paused, a cold, awful sense of dread running through his spine. He looked straight into Ragnor’s eyes, reading in them everything he hadn’t before.

“Fuck,” he breathes out. “You’re not okay, are you?”

The reality of it hit him full force. Of course Ragnor wasn’t okay. There was no way Ragnor was okay with what he had been through. But Magnus hadn’t been paying attention to him. He hadn’t been paying attention to anything but his own feelings and hated himself even more for it.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Ragnor, I’m so sorry. For everything. Everything you went through and everything you’re going through now. I-I should have known. I should have known you were alive and I could have find a way to get you out. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Magnus,” Ragnor thundered, his voice firm and immovable, his eyes boring into his with complete gravity. “You want to blame someone for what happened to me? You blame Valentine fucking Morgenstern. How exactly is any of this your fault? He did everything to make you believe I was dead.”

“He used you because of me,” Magnus argued weakly, closing his eyes in a desperate attempt at shielding the pain away. It didn’t work.

“He used me because he’s a fucking psychopath,” Ragnor retorted heatedly. “He shot you because he’s a fucking psychopath. He kept me in there for two years because he’s a fucking psychopath. Magnus, the only thing that kept me sane was you. You, Raphael, and Catarina. I have no one but you, I never had, but when I was in there, it was more obvious than ever. You’re my family, Magnus, and I’ll be damned if I let you believe I am in pain because of you. I am in pain because of  _ him _ . You did nothing wrong.”

Ragnor reached out, firmly grabbing both of Magnus’ hands still hooked around the pillow with one of his, gripping them tightly, almost hard enough to hurt. Magnus opened his eyes slowly, finding in himself the strength to meet his best friend’s eyes. Ragnor was looking at him with an assurance that left Magnus speechless, the lump in his throat making it impossible for him to form coherent words.

“Do not try to carry my pain for me, Magnus,” he murmured, squeezing his hands harder. “My pain is mine and you have yours to deal with. So deal with it. Endure it. But don’t you dare think you are alone with it. I spent two years in that room, and yet, I was never alone. I had you with me, always. And you’ll have me with you, always. And the rest of the family you found for yourself along the way. You’re not alone, my friend. You never will be.”

Maybe Ragnor was right. Maybe he wasn’t as alone as he felt. Maybe there was still hope for him.

He couldn’t bring himself to fully believe, though, not when he had driven Alec away from him, pushed him far enough that he had left, slamming the door behind him with a definite finality that had shattered his heart.

“He’s still here,” Ragnor said, as if he was reading his mind. Maybe he was. Ragnor had always been unbelievably good at reading him. “He didn’t leave, Magnus. Hodge had to knock him out to get him away from you, that night. You should know by now that he would never leave you.”

Magnus allowed himself a breathless chuckle, relief and exhaustion pouring through him all at once. He tried to speak, but Ragnor was faster, a small, incredibly fond smile on his lips.

“I’ll go get him for you,” he murmured. He sat up on the bed but bent forward to press a kiss to Magnus’ forehead. “You’re the best person I know, Magnus. Don’t let anyone, especially not Valentine Morgenstern, convince you of the contrary.”

He left without another word and Magnus mourned his absence instantly, the bed left cold where he had been lying. He didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought or to start wallowing in self pity again because Alec was in the room almost as soon as Ragnor was out. It made the fact that he had been waiting outside the door quite obvious and something in Magnus’ chest fluttered both warmly and incredibly painfully at the thought. It seemed so evident, right then, that Alec deserved so much better.

Alec deserved someone who loved him unconditionally and Magnus did – oh, how he did – but what was the point in that if he couldn’t show him? What if that love wasn’t enough to prevent him from crumbling down? What if Magnus wasn’t enough?

Alec took the place Ragnor had left on the bed, but he crawled to get closer to Magnus than Ragnor had, their knees brushing together. Chairman meowed indignantly but quickly found a new position, curling up next to Magnus’ bare feet. Their faces were close enough that Magnus could see exactly where Alec had nervously bit on his bottom lip, the skin cracked and red. Magnus wanted to reach out and kiss it better, but he didn’t, frozen by the apprehension of his touch being unwanted.

Alec seemed to understand his hesitation because he shifted even closer, pressing a tender kiss to Magnus’ forehead. His heart skipped a beat and he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, filling his lungs with Alec’s scent, finding an anchor in his proximity. 

Alec pulled back slightly but he was so close Magnus almost had to squint to look at him. He could see the flickers of green that illuminated his gaze, his eyelashes enhancing every sole detail of the marvel that were his eyes.

“I love you,” Alec murmured.

It wasn’t the first time he said it but it felt like it was. 

This close, he could read the sincerity on his face, could hear the emotion in his voice. Magnus’ breath caught in his throat and his heart sped up, a deafening thump that seemed to reverberate in his temples, his head throbbing under the assaults. He closed his eyes again, clenched his teeth to push back tears and shuffled closer, burying his face against Alec’s chest. Alec didn’t waste a second to wrap his arms around him, holding him as tightly as he could.

“You’ll be okay,” Alec said, pressing his cheek against the top of Magnus’ head. “We’ll be okay.”

Magnus couldn’t see his face now but judging by the tone of his voice, he could easily imagine the determinate spark in his eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Alec added, his hands stroking Magnus’ back with a reverent care that made the lump in his throat somehow heavier.

“Maybe you should,” Magnus mumbled, although his words were belied by the way his fingers were trapping his t-shirt in a firm grip.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Alec repeated gravely.

The fierceness in his voice matched the one Magnus had witnessed before. It was his leader voice, the one he always adopted when he was building plans, throwing orders without an ounce of doubt in his voice. It was the voice he adopted when he didn’t want to leave any room for negotiation.

Magnus had fought that tone before, had dismissed it stubbornly to carry on with a plan that had backfired in the worst way possible. He apparently was still paying the price today.

So much for being a renowned high-class thief, he thought bitterly. So much for being a genius.

He had seen cruelty in his life, had seen evil things and had been the victim of some. And yet, he had stared into the devil’s eyes and had foolishly thought he could best him.

Maybe it was time for Magnus to stop trusting his instincts. It had brought him nothing good.

“I love you,” Alec whispered again, reverently.

Maybe it was time to let go.

“I love you,” Magnus muttered, finally looking up to stare into Alec’s eyes.

He hoped – oh, how he hoped – that it would be enough. That  _ they _ would be enough.

A moment ago, hope had seemed foolish. Hope had seemed like it was just a deviant way to prolong both of their torments, to let them long for better days that would perhaps never come.

But now? Now, tugged in the embrace of the man he loved with a passion whose depth he couldn’t begin to comprehend, Magnus felt himself hoping.

Foolishly, carelessly, desperately, he hoped.

.

Alec didn’t remember falling asleep. The exhaustion had gotten the better of him and he had let himself be lulled to sleep by Magnus’ presence in his arms, his warm breath against his neck, the monotonous raise of his chest as he leisurely relaxed against Alec’s body until he had let himself be lured into Morpheus’ arms. 

He awoke slowly, his mind gradually getting out of the haze it had dove in. His arm was stinging, trapped under Magnus’ upper body, but he didn’t try to move.

Magnus looked peaceful in his sleep. It was actually the only moment he looked serene these days and Alec would not be the one to break his quietude. He leaned in to plan a soft kiss on his forehead and shut his eyes again, determined to get a few more hours on sleep when someone cleared his throat behind him and he realized why he had woken up in the first place.

“Alec?” Catarina whispered in his back.

He turned his head to face her, the rest of his body staying firmly wrapped around Magnus and raised an eyebrow at her intrusion.

She held up her phone to show it to him, throwing him an apologetic smile. “I just got a call from one of my contacts,” she said softly, glancing cautiously at Magnus, still fast asleep in Alec’s arms. “I know where Camille will be tomorrow night.”

“Is there anything you  _ don’t _ know?” Alec asked in lieu of an answer, a small, tentative smile tugging at his lips.

“Not much, Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” she replied with a devilish smirk, sending him a playful wink, “born and raised in New York, older brother of Jonathan Christopher Lightwood born Wayland, Isabelle Sophia Lightwood and Maxwell Joseph Lightwood, twenty-five years old but twenty-six soon, graduated from the Idris Institute in –“

“Okay, I get the idea,” Alec groaned. “Do I want to know why you know all of that?”

“Magnus is part of my family,” Catarina retorted with a small, gentle smile. “I protect my family. Your background check came back clear, by the way. You’re good.”

Alec snorted. “That’s a relief.”

“Leave him alone, Cat,” Magnus mumbled against Alec’s neck, although he didn’t move to look at her.

He shifted to hook his arms around Alec’s waist, snuggling impossibly closer.

“I know his siblings already gave you the speech, Magnus,” Catarina replied. “It’s only fair that someone gives it to him on your account.”

“Alec is a good person,” Magnus said with an assurance that made something flutter lightly in Alec’s chest. “I deserve the speech more than he does.”

Alec frowned and shared a quick worried glance with Catarina over his shoulder. He was about to reply but Magnus didn’t let him the chance.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he grumbled, still refusing to let go of Alec. “Don’t freak out. I just meant that my dating history is far more disastrous than Alec’s is.”

“My dating history consists of two ex-boyfriends who broke up with me because I’m emotionally constipated – Jace’s words, not mine – and a couple of random hook-ups,” Alec uttered playfully. “I don’t think disastrous is a strong enough word.”

“Darling, I dated Camille for a whole year,” Magnus said with a self-depreciating snort. “I think I win.”

Alec paused and made a show of pretending to think about it. “Yeah,” he eventually whispered. “I think you do.”

Magnus chuckled against his neck, sending a wave of shivers down Alec’s spine.

“It’s truly amazing – and frankly a bit insulting – how you two manage to forget about the world around you so easily,” Catarina chimed in, mirth evident in her tone. “Speaking of the Evil Bitch, should I have Raphael call the rest of your team?”

Magnus hummed in agreement, but it was blatantly obvious he had barely heard a word Catarina had just said.

She didn’t seem offended, though, because she laughed, shaking her head fondly at the two of them.

“I’ll do that,” she uttered teasingly.

“Have him tell them to come here,” Magnus mumbled, proving Alec wrong. He was paying attention, then. “I don’t want to go out.”

“You can just say you don’t want to move at all,” Catarina chuckled.

“You’re just jealous that I have a boyfriend I can use as a pillow and you don’t,” Magnus retorted, the words half muffled by Alec’s neck, and he snuggled closer – which had seemed impossible only a second ago – entwining their legs together. “It’s Alexander’s fault, actually.”

“How is you turning into a giant octopus my fault?” Alec taunted, a soft chuckle escaping his lips despite his better judgment.

“You’re very comfortable and you smell nice. It’s your fault.”

Catarina ignored the light blush on Alec’s cheeks. “I’ll let you know when they’re here,” she said in a gentle voice, teasing tone completely gone. She left the room without waiting for an answer, but she paused at the door for a second, whistling twice. Chairman Meow perked up from where he was still nestled next to Magnus’ feet and he jumped out of bed to follow her, his head held high in an almost arrogant way.

She closed the door behind them and Magnus finally pulled out of its hiding place, looking up at Alec through his lashes, a cautious, almost shy frown on his handsome features.

“I’m a mess,” he murmured apologetically. “I’m sorry. I- It’s like I can’t control myself anymore. I try to fight it but it’s like…” He paused to take a deep breath and Alec brought a hand up to stroke his cheek tenderly, his thumb brushing over his cheekbone. “It’s like I’m stuck,” Magnus eventually breathed out. “I- I don’t know how to explain it.”

“It’s alright,” Alec said, as reassuringly as he could.

Magnus shook his head. “It’s not,” he sighed and there was something in his eyes, something deep and haunted that made Alec repress the urge to cringe. “You’re right. I can’t pretend everything is alright. It’s just… I feel weak and I hate it. I don’t want to feel like that and I don’t want you to feel obligated to –“ He blinked and his eyes shifted to avoid Alec’s. “- To hang around for my sake.”

“Babe,” Alec whispered, “I love you.”

Magnus wondered for a fleeting moment if he would ever get tired of hearing those words.

“I only feel obligated to one thing and that’s making you happy. And that’s very selfish of me, actually, because I can’t be happy myself knowing that you’re not. Do you understand?”

He made his best to keep his voice as soft and gentle as possible, but his skin was itching with the need to forcefully push into Magnus’ mind. Magnus stayed immobile for a long time, but he eventually nodded, something flickering in his mesmerizing eyes.

“Feeling down doesn’t make you weak. You’re not weak,” he added with an assurance that kept his voice firm and immovable, “and you’re most certainly not a burden. You’re recovering and I’ll be right here with you every step of the way. Whether you want to talk or not is your choice and I am here regardless.”

Magnus didn’t reply immediately. He let a silence settle between them, but when he glanced up again, his eyes were shining and a slow grin was growing on his lips. Alec thought he must have done something right because for a fleeting moment, he looked happy, at peace with himself.

“Don’t tell Ragnor or Raphael I said this but you’re my favorite person,” he whispered confidentially, “and I love you so fucking much and I’m so grateful you’re in my life.”

Alec smiled and leaned down to capture his lips in a bruising kiss, trying to convey with his lips what he couldn’t with his words. Magnus moaned against his mouth and kissed back just as fervently, shuffling impossibly closer. It was as if he was trying to dissolve in Alec’s body, to disappear and exist only in his arms, invisible to the rest of the world. Alec held him fiercely, protectively, possessively and he wanted to yell at that rest of the world that if they wanted to hurt Magnus again, they would have to go through him. And for Magnus, he was ready to fight until his dying breath.

His hands were moving up and down Magnus’ back almost lazily, lips and tongues still moving together, losing himself in the sensations of Magnus’ body plastered against his, in the memory of that smile he had given him before he had confessed his love to him once more.

It was sweet, gentle, tender; until it wasn’t anymore. By now, Alec shouldn’t have been surprised by how quickly things could turn heated between them. They were both passionate beings and if it was probably a reason for their fights, it was also what made them such a compatible pair. It was probably also what made the sex as good as it was, good enough that Alec could lose his mind in the fraction of a second. Magnus seemed to fall into an almost inhuman meticulousness when it came to drive Alec crazy with desire, completely attuned to his every weakness and every need. Alec gave back just as good with an animalistic necessity to please, fully devoted to taking Magnus apart.

Magnus nipped at his bottom lip and Alec gasped into his mouth, pulling back just slightly to get a glimpse of his hooded eyes before he drifted lower to suck on his neck. Magnus’ hands slipped under his t-shirt, tugging at the fabric with an urgent eagerness. Alec obliged obediently, yanking it over his head and throwing it next to the bed without a care in the world. Magnus fell on his back against the bed and did the same with his own shirt before crawling to his night table, rummaging inside hurriedly.

He let out a triumphant whoop and fell back on the bed, dragging Alec against his chest as he all but shoved everything in his hands.

“A-Are you sure?” Alec asked in a whisper, pulling back from Magnus’ neck to stare into his clouded eyes, knowing full well he didn’t look any better. “We haven’t done  _ that _ since – since before you went to the hospital.”

“I am well aware, Alexander,” Magnus breathed out, his tone somehow firm and assured in spite of his panting. “And it has been the longest month of my life.”

Alec chuckled, leaning on his arms to hover above him. “That seems a little dramatic,” he replied teasingly, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“You clearly underestimate my flair for drama,” Magnus retorted, nipping lecherously against Alec’s pulse point. “You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m going to die if you’re not inside me in the next few minutes.”

“You make it sound like we haven’t had sex at all,” Alec countered breathlessly, yanking Magnus’ pants open and shoving them down his legs and out of the way.

“Oh, we’ve had lots of great sex,” Magnus replied, rolling his hips against Alec’s with a devilish smirk. “Especially in the plane, that was great. And after the other day, I am very grateful that you kept the scrubs but right now, I just want you to fuck me until I can’t think of anything but you.”

Alec’s breath hitched in his throat and he bit his lip on a moan. “I think –  _ Magnus _ – I think I can do that.”

“Well, then you better do it fast because if anyone tries to interrupt us again, someone is going to die and it won’t be me.”

Alec laughed, although he could only agree, and dove for another breath-taking kiss.

.

Isabelle fell on the couch next to Simon and sprawled to drop her legs on his lap, leaning her head on the armrest, casting a preying look over the room. Catarina was standing with Ragnor by the window that led to Magnus’ balcony, but neither of them were talking, obviously lost in deep thoughts.

Right next to them, she quietly observed her brother who was so entranced by his boyfriend, that he didn’t seem to realize they weren’t alone in the room. Alec was sitting on the armchair by the window, his arms around Magnus who was sitting on his lap, letting Alec play with the rings on his fingers, twisting them around absently. They seemed different than they had been since Magnus had been out of the hospital, more relaxed, at ease with one another and somehow closer – which she hadn’t thought possible, especially since Alec spent more time at Magnus’ than he did at their apartment these days. And then, it hit her and Isabelle had never been one to keep things to herself.

“You two just fucked,” she blurted out, curving an eyebrow at the couple. “I mean you just had some deep, meaningful, I-want-to-marry-you-and-have-your-babies sex, didn’t you?”

“Izzy,” Alec exclaimed disapprovingly, a blush spreading from his neck to the tip of his ears. Magnus just snorted, biting his lip to repress a proper laugh at Alec’s warning groan.

“She’s right, though,” Simon chimed in, sharing a quick conniving glance with Isabelle. “You look even more smitten than you usually do. And that’s saying a lot.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re saying that when you basically worship the ground she walks on,” he deadpanned, in a very obvious attempt at changing the subject.

“Yup,” Simon replied with a proud smirk, efficiently shattering Alec’s efforts. “And I’m not ashamed of it!”

“I’m not ashamed either,” Alec protested.

“I know,” Simon retorted shrewdly. “I just wanted you to admit it.”

Alec’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened as Isabelle and Magnus snickered at his expense. “I can’t believe I’m friends with you,” he grumbled.

It obviously had the opposite effect because Simon’s face broke into a delighted beam. “You think we’re friends?” he exclaimed gleefully. “Aw, I love you too, Alec.”

“Shut up,” Alec mumbled half-heartedly.

It did nothing to trim Simon’s grin and Isabelle chuckled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. Simon blinked and his joyful grin turned into a softer smile, his eyes shining as he readjusted his glasses on his nose.

“He loves you too,” she whispered mockingly to him. “He’s just too wrapped up in his boyfriend to acknowledge it.”

“Alright, kids,” Luke exclaimed as he barged into Magnus’ living room, clamping his hands together in his eternal paternal posture.

Jace, Clary and Hodge were right behind him. Jace walked straight to Isabelle and pushed her out of the way to sit on the couch, ignoring her shout of protest. She punched him in the shoulder and beamed proudly as the muffled noise of pain he emitted, sending her a murderous glare. She stuck out her tongue at him.

“Jace, Izzy,” Alec groaned in warning, rolling his eyes.

“She started it!” Jace protested, pointing an accusatory finger at Isabelle. She tried to whack it out of her face but he pulled it back before she could.

“What?” she exclaimed in disbelief. “You’re the one who pushed me –“

“Don’t make me get involved,” Alec cut in severely. “I’ll punch you both.”

“Ah, siblings,” Simon sighed in an exaggeratedly rickety voice, “the only enemy you can’t live without.”

Alec frowned, squirting a dubious eye at him. “Was that your Gandalf impersonation?”

“Yes!” Simon beamed. “I’ve been practicing. Look,” he added hurriedly, rising to his feet with both his arms gesturing widely. “You. Shall. Not. Pass!” he all but yelled in his best old man voice, before he threw the rest of them a hopeful look. Alec looked positively horrified.

“Great,” Hodge uttered, obviously fighting back a laugh. “If no one else wants to release their inner Ian McKellen, maybe we can actually get to the point?”

Simon dropped back next to Isabelle with a pout, visibly disappointed with the lack of reaction. She bit her lip to keep the teasing out of her voice and reached out to take his hand, squeezing it gently.

“I thought it was quite good,” she said reassuringly.

“You have to say that,” Simon grumbled. “You’re my girlfriend.”

Clary took a seat on the armrest next to Simon, gently patting his back. “It was much better than your Gollum impersonation,” she allowed, tugging a strand of red hair behind her ear.

“You’re not objective either,” Simon snorted, but a small traitorous smile was already taking over his features.

“Catarina,” Hodge sighed. “Please take over. I can’t deal with these children.”

Catarina snorted and smirked at Hodge for a second before she shook her head, as if she had been caught doing something far more serious. She cleared her throat and faced the team who was scattered disparately in Magnus’ living room.

“One of my contacts, Raj, called me earlier,” she announced solemnly. “Pandemonium is holding an event tomorrow. It’s a private club near Brooklyn Bridge. According to Raj, Camille will be there.”

“What kind of event is it?” Luke asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s a private event to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of some art trading company. I’m not sure I can get you invites in such short delays, though.”

Isabelle stood straighter on her seat, sharing a quick glance with both her brothers.

“Is she really stupid enough to show up there when she probably knows we’re after her?” Jace butted in with a dubious scowl.

“Don’t underestimate Camille’s appeal for money,” Ragnor said from where he was still standing by the window, his lips pulled into a revolted grimace. “She’s probably going to get her claws on some billionaire that will offer her protection.”

Isabelle wasn’t paying much attention, though, her gaze still fixed on Alec whose eyes were still lost into space. He looked up at her and she knew.

“What’s the name of the company?” Alec sighed, clearly drawing the same conclusion as Isabelle had.

Catarina looked down at her phone, scrolling down the screen rapidly. “L&L Artcom.”

Isabelle froze in perfect synchronization with her brothers.

“I’ll call Max,” Alec huffed out, gently pushing Magnus out of his lap to get up.

“Why?” Simon inquired with a frown. “What does Little Lightwood have to do with this?”

“Little Lightwood is taller than you,” Jace deadpanned. “And me, for that matter. Those Lightwood genes are strong.”

“That’s probably why they’re all insanely attractive too,” Magnus chimed in with a smirk.

Isabelle sent a playful wink to Magnus but quickly recovered, her face closing in a grave expression. “L&L stands for Lightwood and Lightwood,” she eluded. Alec paused mid-step, running a hand in his hair. “It’s our parents’ company.”

“Oh,” Magnus breathed out. He looked up at Alec. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. We can wait for her to show up another time.”

“We have no idea when she’ll show up next,” Alec countered. “It’s tomorrow or never.”

“Alec, you don’t have to go yourself,” Jace offered, concern drawing his brows together. “If you don’t want to see them –“

“I’m not letting any of you go there alone,” Alec cut in severely.

He blinked, ran a hand in his hair and turned his eyes to Hodge, who was standing a few feet from him. For a second, Isabelle saw her brother as he had been years ago, when he had gone to live with Hodge for a while to flee their parents. Vulnerable, helpless, broken.

“Hodge,“ he called out warily. “C-Could you-“

It was crazy that after all these years, he still relied on Hodge in moments like this. 

“I’ll be there,” Hodge said with a firm nod. “If you want me there, I’ll be there.”

Alec nodded and his ephemeral exposure was gone as quickly as it had come, his face closing into an immovable mask.

“I’ll call Max.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't that bad, was it? I broke something but I also fixed it so we're good, right? You don't actively hate me?  
> Because I love you all and I'm not only saying because I'm afraid you might eventually find me and kill me. Nope. Not at all. :))
> 
> On a normal note, what did you think of the chapter? I can't wait to hear your theories about the next chapter!
> 
> Can a cookie be angsty? The answer is:  
>  _“Camille will only talk to me,” Magnus argued half-heartedly._  
>  _“Who says I want to talk to her?” Alec retorted with an almost devilish smirk. Magnus was struck with the thought that he needed to get him away from Raphael before he could corrupt his innocent mind any further._  
>  _He chuckled, leaning his head against Alec’s shoulder. “We have to talk to her if we want our money back. And you’re not a killer.”_  
>  _“Everyone can be a killer with the right incentive,” he replied gravely._
> 
> I don't mean to scare you (or maybe I do) but my [amazing beta](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/) totally flipped out about the next chapter so... yeah. Brace yourselves ;)
> 
> You can yell at me on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) (go read my malec headcanons and cry with me, I don't see why I should be the only one crying) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit)
> 
> All the love,  
> Satan. ❤


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> So I've been attacked by Shumdario, then by Domberto, then by Katraude and I've come to the conclusion that clearly, the SH cast doesn't want me to survive this hiatus.  
> Ha! Joke's on you! I'm already dead inside.
> 
> Which this chapter might be proving. Or not.
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Happy ~~reading~~ screaming.
> 
> Ps: If you're live-tweeting, you know the drill by now.  
> PS2: Papa Hodge ❤

Raj was a small, dark-skinned man with broad shoulders and what seemed to be a permanent frown on his face. He walked into Magnus’ apartment warily, like he was on an everlasting look-out for threats, his black eyes darting over every piece of furniture in a scrutinizing inspection.

Magnus had heard about him before from Catarina, but it was the first time he actually met him and it was fair to say he wasn’t disappointed.

Raj was one of Catarina’s best valued lieutenants. Whenever she had to go through her contacts, Raj was always the first one she contacted and for good reasons. He had a network as intricate and tangled as a spider web. It was exactly what they needed now if they wanted to get their money back and make Camille pay for what she had done.

But Magnus didn’t like him. The feeling crept in slowly, step by step.

He could easily recognize the man’s skills and how useful he was to them. He also recognized the way he seemed to judge their little group as soon as he was in his living room. That was the first draw.

Magnus knew they were far from perfect. Their team worked because of their combined talents, but it was messy at best and chaotic would have been a more accurate word.

If it wasn’t for Simon’s incessant chatter, it was for Jace’s obnoxious ways, Isabelle’s stubbornness, Clary’s lack of experience and so many other reasons. He didn’t even want to begin to think about his own case.

The team was a mess, but these people, these obnoxious, sometimes arrogant, blabbering, and chaos-rising people had somehow become his family over the last few months and Magnus wasn’t about to let a stranger pass judgment over them.

But it was something else, really, that convinced him that Raj was not someone he would like. It was the way his gaze stopped on Alec for a second too long and dragged leisurely upon him, the slightest appreciative edge flashing in his black eyes before he moved on.

Magnus had never been the jealous type. Jealousy was a sickening feeling, full of negativity and only bound to bring pain or arguments. Even with Camille, he had always been sure enough of himself not to care about potential rivals. Being jealous would mean questioning his lovers’ fidelity and Magnus, as much as Raphael hated that about him, had always had a blinding trust in people.

Which is why the feeling surprised him. It came slowly, but once it had settled in his stomach, it stayed there like a guarding dog waiting for orders, ready to unleash at the least provocation.

Alec – sweet, beautiful, innocent Alec – didn’t notice the extra attention the man paid on him. He was on the phone with Max, who had just called back to let him know he had managed to get them the invites they had asked for, and he had quickly nodded at Raj but hadn’t acknowledged him any further.

But Magnus noticed and it made his shoulders tense and his stomach turn.

Raj was smart, decent-looking and, if the small smile he bore was any indication, nice. And Magnus was just a mess.

He couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps Alec wouldn’t be happier with someone like Raj, who wouldn’t snap at him uncontrollably at the first occasion and make him feel like he wasn’t worth fighting for.

Magnus had never wanted to fight for anyone as much as he wanted to for Alec, but it seemed like he didn’t have any fight left in him lately. Not that kind of fight, anyway. He was tired but couldn’t sleep, longed for peace but started petty arguments at the slightest vexation, felt like he was constantly falling in a bottomless pit but didn’t do anything to stop his decline.

Alec deserved someone who would fight for him, and Magnus was afraid to find out he wasn’t that person anymore.

So, at first, he didn’t do anything. He let Raj’s eyes linger on his boyfriend longer than necessary and swallowed back his pride and anger. He wasn’t a jealous person. Jealousy seemed awfully close to a sense of possession that he had always condemned. People weren’t things to own and claim as properties.

Yet, as soon as Alec had hung up, he strode to him in two quick steps and took his hand in his trembling fingers, holding it tight. Alec frowned and opened his mouth to ask, but Magnus shut him up with a kiss, hoping it would be enough.

It was silly and probably a little selfish, but in that moment, he wanted to go against his own principles, to claim Alec as his own and to let the world see him as such.

Because Magnus had been his for a while. From the moment Alec had looked at him and seen past the extravagant and joyful demeanor, from their first heart-to-heart on the villa’s patio, the first time they had fallen asleep next to each other, their first rushed but still mind-blowing kiss, the first time he had felt his skin against his, their heartbeat echoing in each other’s chest, Magnus’ heart had belonged to Alec.

And if Alec loved him as he claimed he did so often, repeating the words over and over again in a vain hope that Magnus would implement them in his very soul, perhaps Magnus owned his heart too. And maybe he was allowed to show it, even if he felt selfish in doing so.

“What was that for?” Alec whispered breathlessly when Magnus pulled back.

It hadn’t been their most intense or passionate kiss, instead short and almost chaste, but Alec knew him by now and Magnus had no trouble understanding that he must have felt the slight despair that had driven Magnus while their lips moved together.

“I love you,” he replied. “You need to know that.”

Alec looked surprised for a moment, his eyebrows shooting up, but he quickly recovered and his face relaxed into the sweetest thing Magnus had ever seen, all soft smile and gentle eyes. He reached out to cup one of Magnus’ cheeks and leaned in to drop a kiss on his forehead.

“As long as you know it too,” he whispered back.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Magnus asked quietly. “Facing your parents, I mean.”

Alec shrugged, bringing Magnus closer by wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose,” he replied against his temple. “Which means not much.”

Magnus chuckled and pressed a hand flat against Alec’s stomach, digging a thumb into the dip of his abs. “You don’t have to.”

“I’m going,” Alec replied, shaking his head. “I’m not letting anyone in the team go alone on a mission ever again. Especially not you.”

“Camille will only talk to me,” Magnus argued half-heartedly.

“Who says I want to talk to her?” Alec retorted with an almost devilish smirk. Magnus was struck with the thought that he needed to get him away from Raphael before he could corrupt his innocent mind any further.

He chuckled, leaning his head against Alec’s shoulder. “We have to talk to her if we want our money back. And you’re not a killer.”

“Everyone can be a killer with the right incentive,” he replied gravely.

Magnus frowned and pulled back to glance up at Alec, who looked the epitome of serious until the slightest smirk pulled at his lips, his eyes shining with mischief. Magnus glared at him.

“You’re an idiot,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss against his jaw line.

“I was trying out the badass boyfriend vibe,” Alec replied with a snort. “How did I do?”

“It was kind of hot,” he admitted with a smirk of his own.

“Oh yeah?” Alec inquired breathlessly, his eyes dropping on Magnus’ lips before they darted back up.

“You two do realize you’re not alone, right?”

Alec groaned, burying his nose in Magnus’ hair as Magnus turned his head to level Hodge with a taunting gaze.

“I forget sometimes,” he replied lightheartedly. “But that’s only because we’re the most scintillating individuals in this room.”

Hodge threw him a glare but the small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth belied his true feelings. “Can I taint Alec’s brilliance with my less scintillating presence or would that be sacrilege?” he uttered almost dramatically. Magnus was pleasantly surprised.

He smirked and heaved out an exaggerated sigh. “Do you have to?” he asked, his lower lip protruded in a sulky pout.

Hodge nodded. “Unless you want to come with us to see Meliorn?”

“Ah, nope. I think I’ll pass,” Magnus replied with a small grimace. “I think he’s still mad at me.”

“What did you do?” Alec and Hodge deadpanned in a same voice.

“Why do you have to assume I did something?” Magnus asked in faked innocence.

Alec smirked and leaned forward to peck his lips. “You’re not fooling anyone, babe,” he murmured.

Magnus shrugged and stood on his tiptoes to steal another kiss. “It was worth a try.”

“I’m still here,” Hodge sighed. “Alec, you coming?” Alec nodded quickly and Hodge turned his back to them. “We’re going in five minutes,” he said, waving over his head dismissively. “I know I need to give you two some time before you manage to get away from each other.”

Alec huffed out an incredulous chuckle but Magnus barely heard it. His gaze was focused on Raj again, who looked away from whatever conversation he was having at Catarina to look at Hodge, his eyes stopping on Alec again for a second too long. And that definitely seemed like a right incentive to him.

He felt his shoulders tense slightly, but Alec pressed a light touch at the back of his neck, two of his fingers sliding in his hair at the nape of his neck and he unwinded instantly.

“You’re going with Hodge?” he heard himself ask.

Alec hummed in agreement and dropped a light kiss on Magnus’ temple. “Are you going to miss me too much?” he muttered teasingly. “Are we really  _ that _ couple?”

“Darling, I’m afraid we are.”

.

“So, where does that Meliorn guy live?” Alec inquired as soon as they were out of Magnus’ building.

“Just on the 9 th street on the other side of the park,” Hodge said, gesturing vaguely towards Prospect Park. “It’s a twenty minutes walk and I’d rather avoid the subway. I need to talk to you.”

Alec nodded, just a hint stiffer than usual and followed Hodge through the park. It was a nice morning, the summer heat not suffocating yet, but the sun was already shining high in the sky, bathing the plains in bright lights. The park was quite busy, families strolling tranquilly mixing with the morning joggers and the dog-walkers in a convivial atmosphere.

“So,” he started hesitantly as they settled on a leisure pace. They had no need – or will – to rush. “What did you want to talk about?”

“This whole mess,” Hodge sighed, running a hand in his blond hair. “We haven’t had the opportunity to talk since… all of this and I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

There was a reason why Hodge was one of Alec’s favorite people. This, right there, was it. Hodge was very much like Alec: closed-off, secretive, quiet. But he cared, and every once in a while he wasn’t afraid to show it.

When Alec had first met Hodge, he had been a scared, lost teenager trying to find a way to be himself in an environment where he could be anything but that. Hodge had showed him another world where Alec could be whatever he wanted to be and find peace in that other reality. He had taught him how to fight for the people he cared about without forgetting that fighting for himself was just as important.

Alec remembered clearly the evenings they had spent together, when he had lived with Hodge for a while, sometimes talking and sometimes not. He remembered how safe he had felt whenever Hodge was with him. He had been a child, but Hodge had treated him like an adult. He had listened to him and provided advises that had proven to be accurate more often than not.

There was many things that Alec could have said, many lies, many half-truths and deflecting comments. But Hodge was family. Not by blood, not by lineage, but by every way that mattered. Alec trusted him wholeheartedly.

So he told him the truth. The cold, unbearable, painful truth.

“No,” he sighed. “I’m not okay.”

Hodge slowed his pace slowly, one step at a time until he finally came to a full stop and Alec had no choice but to halt as well, looking over his shoulder at the man. Hodge said nothing, he just looked straight at him and tilted his head to the side towards the food truck that also served coffee. Alec didn’t even try to argue. He followed Hodge, ordered the tallest black coffee he could, and joined him at the secluded table he had chosen.

“Come on,” Hodge said simply. “Vent at me.”

Alec huffed out a deep breath and took a long sip of coffee to sort out his cluttered thoughts.

“It’s too much,” he eventually exhaled, swallowing past the lump in his throat to get the words out. “I- It’s more than I had bargained for.”

“Regarding what?” Hodge inquired softly, tilting his head to look at him.

“This whole thing,” Alec exclaimed, gesturing widely with his hand not holding the coffee cup. “This fucking mess. It was supposed to be hard, we knew it wouldn’t be easy from the start but this? This is too much, Hodge.”

Hodge smiled, a sad flicker in his eyes and he leaned in to lower his voice. “I know,” he muttered with a quick nod.

“I thought that we would finally be at peace after the ruby sell in Vegas,” Alec went on hastily. Now that he had opened the gates, the words seemed to flood out of his mouth on their own accord and he was powerless to stop them. “I thought everything would gradually return to normal, except with the additions of Magnus and Simon and Clary but still, a normal level of craziness. Just the regular outlaw thing. A robbery here and there but nothing out of the ordinary.”

He paused and closed his eyes, trying to find a way to spell out the rest of his thoughts.

“And instead…”

Alec blew a long gasp and opened his eyes to look at Hodge who was sporting a small encouraging smile, sipping at his tea quietly.

“Instead, it feels like I stepped into a warzone but no one even told me there was a war going on.”

He took another long sip of coffee, reveling in the burning sensation in his throat, a pleasant distraction to the conundrum in his mind.

“There’s Camille, and then there’s my parents and Max, who I don’t want to get involved in our mess in any way but I still had to ask him for help and I hate myself for it, and… and then there’s Magnus.”

“Magnus?” Hodge echoed with a frown.

Alec sighed and nodded weakly. “He’s… He’s not okay, Hodge.”

It was terrible, the way the words came out so easily, as if he had practiced them a hundred times before when it was actually the first time he admitted it out loud. It was like they had been at the tip of his tongue for days, ready to come out at the first opportunity. Now that they were out, it left him feeling hollow, out of place.

“That night at Valentine’s manor, it traumatized him,” he went on. He was aware that he probably looked miserable, his eyes lost in the dark waves of his coffee, fidgeting nervously with his fingers. “I tried to make him talk but he refuses to acknowledge it. Sometimes, he’s okay and he’s just like he was when I met him and when I… fell in love with him. And at other times, he just… snaps. It’s like being with a wild animal.”

Hodge smirked at that, giving him a pointed look and Alec allowed himself to smile.

“Not like that,” he scoffed lightly. It was like that too, but Alec wasn’t about to admit that to Hodge. “I mean a wild animal in a way that I have to be wary around him all the time. I can say the simplest thing, something stupid about the weather, and he’ll just snap. Yesterday, he flipped out because I said we should get back to training… He said I was being overprotective again and that I needed to stop trying to shield him from everything all the time.”

“Which you do,” Hodge put out with a small smile. “That’s who you are, Alec. You’re overprotective with the people you love.”

“I know, I know,” Alec sighed. “But it’s just worse with Magnus. Ever since he got shot, I just need to know he’s okay all the time. That’s why I’ve hardly spent any time at our apartment lately. I’m always at Magnus’.”

Hodge didn’t reply immediately. He sighed, his eyes drifting between the table and Alec until he finally settled them on him, leveling him with a straightforward look that rooted him to the spot.

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, Alec. You know I only want you to be happy.” He paused, his voice lowering to a gentler tone that he hardly ever used. “Maybe you need to take a break,” he said.

Alec shook his head firmly. “No, of course not,” he rushed out. “Magnus is having a hard time. With what he went through, it’s only understandable. What kind of person would I be if I left him now, when he needs me the most?”

“The kind of person who takes care of themselves?” Hodge offered, not unkindly. “Alec, I know you love Magnus. And I care for him too. I want him to get better. But I care for you more and I don’t want you to get dragged into a relationship that would be bad for both of you.”

Alec shook his head again. No. That was a horrendous idea.

“I know it sounds ridiculous,” he mumbled. “We’ve been together for a month. We’ve known each other for what? Three months and a half? But I know, Hodge. This is it. Magnus is it. I’m not going to fall in love again after him. I’m not going to find someone else who makes me feel like he does.”

“How do you know?” Hodge asked.

“I just do,” Alec whispered. “I can’t explain it. I just know.”

“Alright then,” Hodge muttered with a soft smile. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I am,” Alec confirmed, unyielding. “We’ll get through this. But we only will if we’re together.”

“Okay,” Hodge allowed. “Anything else you need to vent about before we go back?”

Alec frowned, raising a dubious eyebrow. “I thought we were going to see that Meliorn guy?”

“Nope,” he replied with a smirk. “I just needed an excuse to get you alone. You needed to get it all out.”

Alec blinked, bewildered and slowly, inch by inch, a slow grin came to tug at the corner of his lips, his eyes lighting up.

“Thank you, Hodge,” he said with all the sincerity he could muster. “Sometimes I wonder what I’d do without you in my life.”

Hodge smirked, throwing his empty cup in a nearby bin. “You’d be in jail already. I taught you everything you know.”

“Don’t be so self-satisfied, Hodge. We all know I’m a much better thief than you are.”

Hodge snorted. “Magnus has a bad influence on you,” he taunted. “The Alec I knew would never belittle me like that.”

“I’m the same person I’ve always been,” Alec retorted playfully, finishing his coffee in one long gulp. “Now everything is just out in the open.”

“Are you telling me you’ve been a little shit all this time and I’m only finding out now?” Hodge countered mockingly.

He stood up, getting his wallet out of his pocket to pay for the drinks but Alec stopped him.

“Let me,” he said in a tone that left no room for negotiation.

“I can pay for coffee, Alec,” Hodge deadpanned with a roll of his eyes.

“Are you sure about that?” Alec asked teasingly. “It’s not my offshore account that’s been emptied.”

Hodge threw him a murderous glare, moving forward to hit him at the back of the head.

“You know what? You’re definitely paying for coffee, you little shit.”

Alec laughed, bright, loud and carefree, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

.

Pandemonium was usually a nightclub but they sometimes rented the place for private events. It was the first time Magnus was here for one of these. He had been here before, several times actually, but the place looked nothing like the one he remembered.

The last time he came here, a couple of months before he had gone to California for the Morgenstern job, the wide dance floor had been filled with sweating bodies moving together to the rhythm of a modern pop hit, flashing lights dancing over the crowd as if to highlight humanity’s decadence in a dark glow.

Today, it looked nothing like that.

The room they stumbled in was wide and luminous and it smelled of flowers and wealth instead of perspiration and debauchery. 

Behind the bar stood a few waiters in tight suits that made them look like penguins in place of the usual workers who made it a challenge to show as much skin as possible.

The guests scattering the room, glasses of champagne and scotch in their hands, spoke softly and stood straight on their feet, like they were afraid one could think them lesser than they believe they were if they did not. Magnus had to resist the urge to roll his eyes a few times.

It was all made ten times more outrageously preposterous by the almost full orchestra playing Prokofiev’s Dance of the Knights as they walked in. Magnus felt like he had just unknowingly stepped into an Alfred Hitchcock’s movie, the tension building slowly at the pit of his stomach and growing leisurely as he took in the whole scenery.

This was the kind of place where Magnus usually felt perfectly at ease, the perfect opportunity for him to display his unfair charm; but right then, it just made him feel out of place.

That was until Alec stepped next to him and clutched his hand in a strong grip. Clearly, if Magnus felt uncomfortable, Alec was ten times worse. His parents were somewhere in this room and Magnus knew how little he wanted to see them.

Alec had told him all about his parents during one of their restless nights on the patio of Hodge’s villa, one night that seemed ages ago now. He had told him about him living with Hodge for a while when he had been seventeen because he had ran away when his parents, the people who were supposed to care for him and love him unreservedly, hadn’t been able to accept their son for who he was. He had told him about the pain, the agonizing ache that it had been for him. About the comfort he had found in Hodge’s uncompromising presence and his siblings’ absolute and unconditional love. 

And Alec hadn’t been anywhere this close to his parents ever since Max had been old enough to travel through New York to go see his siblings without help and even before that, it had usually been Isabelle or Jace who had gone to pick him up.

All in all, Alec hadn’t seen his parents in years and it only made the almost painful hold he kept on Magnus’ hand more understandable.

“You can still back out, Alexander,” Magnus whispered to him when Alec refused to move, completely immobile in the hall that served as a cloakroom on a regular night. 

Alec shook his head and came out of his haze to level Magnus with a look that took his breath away with its sheer intensity.

“I can do this,” he said and it sounded like he was mostly trying to convince himself rather than Magnus. “I was able to face Catarina. Surely my parents aren’t half as scary.”

Magnus chuckled, squeezing his hand gently. “Surely not.”

“But if we could not run into them, I’d be more than happy,” Alec added with a sheepish half-smile.

Magnus smiled back. “I’ll be with you no matter what, my love,” he murmured and it made Alec’s eyes light up and a proud feeling flutter in Magnus’ chest.

Alec dropped a kiss in his hair and, taking a deep breath, he took a step forward, then a second one, and then he was fully walking, meddling in the crowd with all the verve of a determinate man. He looked just as powerful as every other man in the room, except impossibly more attractive and Magnus wondered for a second if there was any way he could convince him to escape to the bathroom for a while.

“Alec! Magnus!”

Apparently, that wasn’t an option, not that Magnus’ hopes had been very high anyway. He still barely stifled a disappointed sigh that quickly turned into a full grin when he saw whom the voice belonged to.

“Max!” they both exclaimed in a same enthusiastic voice.

The teenager all but shoved his way to them without a second glance to the people he elbowed in the process. Magnus  _ adored _ him, with all his tactlessness, blunt honesty, and frankly bawdy sense of humor.

Max pulled Alec into a hug and barely hesitated before he did the same with Magnus, who threw a bewildered glance to Alec but embraced him back anyway, a light smile playing on his lips.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Max exclaimed when he pulled back, taking a step back to face them both. “This shit is so boring, I was about to spike the drinks.”

“You can’t spike alcohol,” Alec replied with a scowl.

Magnus snorted, sharing a conniving look with Max before he reached out to lightly pat Alec’s chest – for dramatic purposes only, and nothing to do with the way the suit he had carefully picked out for him made his chest look absolutely fabulous.

“You’re cute, darling,” he muttered teasingly.

“How can you spike alcohol?” Alec asked bemusedly. “It’s already alcohol!”

Max chuckled, shaking his head in both disbelief and despair. “Alec, you’re a nun.”

“And you’re sixteen,” Alec retorted in his older brother voice. Magnus  _ loved _ his older brother voice. “You shouldn’t be drinking.”

“I’m not drinking,” Max replied with a theatrical roll of his eyes. “That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun.”

Alec heaved out a deep sigh, but Magnus knew better and he was certain Max did as well.

“Are you going to tell me why you needed these invites when you clearly don’t want to see Mom and Dad or are you going to keep pretending there’s nothing sketchy going on?” Max inquired boldly, one of his eyebrows curving dubiously.

“The latter,” Alec replied at once.

Max scoffed petulantly and Magnus wondered for a second if he was going to stomp his foot on the ground, but Max just rolled his eyes instead. Alec was barely paying attention to him, his eyes scanning the room.

“Come on,” he insisted. “I’ll stop sending Magnus pictures of you as a child if you tell me.”

“I’m not-“ Alec started, before he cut himself off, his eyes widening comically. “What? You did what?”

Magnus chuckled but tried to muffle his laughter when Alec leveled them both with a murderous glare.

“That one of you pushing Isabelle’s stroller was very cute,” Magnus chimed in with a devilish smirk.

“That’s it,” Alec thundered with authority. “You two are not allowed to talk to each other anymore. I’m revoking your friendship rights.”

“Too late,” Max countered. “We’ve already bonded over how cute you were as a baby. And about how clueless you can be. That’s friendship for life material right there.”

Alec rolled his eyes so hard that Magnus was almost scared he would end up stuck this way.

“You are both idiots and I hate you,” he grumbled.

Magnus was about to answer, but his phone vibrating in his pocket distracted him, and he got it out to find a text from Simon.

_ Spotted by the bar. Black dress. Purple hair (why??) _

Simon wasn’t in Pandemonium, but he had stayed in a van outside along with Clary, Ragnor and Luke. He had hacked into the video surveillance system and had been monitoring their every movement ever since they had stepped inside the club.

Magnus straightened up on his feet and tugged lightly on Alec’s hand to catch his attention. He showed him the text and Alec nodded sternly.

“Max, I promise I’ll explain,” he murmured hastily, tone grave and final, and the playful demeanor disappeared from his little brother’s face to be replaced by a slight frown. “But right now, we have to go and I need you to promise me that you won’t try to follow us.”

Max’s scowl only deepened. “Are you in danger?”

“Max,” Alec growled. “Promise me.”

The following silence was short-lived and yet excruciatingly dense. Max nodded stiffly, his jaw squared in a tense expression and he had never looked more like Alec than he did in that moment.

Alec nodded right back and he grabbed Magnus’ hand to pull him into the crowd, strolling towards the bar, but Magnus tugged on his hand to make him stop. Alec turned around to throw him a bewildered gaze.

“Alexander, you should stay back,” Magnus put out tentatively. “If she talks, she’ll talk to me and no one else.”

Alec blew out an exasperated breath. “Do you really believe she’ll talk at all?” he groaned.

“Maybe not,” Magnus conceded. “But I can read between her lines. I know how she functions.”

Alec closed his eyes in a pained expression, running a hand in his hair. “I’ll give you five minutes alone with her,” he said sternly. “Five minutes and then I’ll embed her into the nearest wall.”

Magnus clenched his teeth. He wasn’t overly keen of the idea of being told what to do but he was starting to understand that there was nothing he could do against Alec’s protective instincts. He swallowed past the building irrational anger in his throat, but Alec seemed to read right through it because he took one step closer, dropping his voice to a whisper.

“I just need you to be safe,” he murmured and the desperate edge to his tone made something painful tighten in Magnus’ chest.

Magnus took a deep breath and closed his eyes, concentrating on casting away the gloomy thoughts that he could almost physically feel pushing at his restraints. Alec was fighting for him, again. The least he could do was to do the same, even if his fight was against himself.

“I’ll be careful,” he pledged, rising on his tiptoe to press a lingering kiss against Alec’s cheek. “Five minutes.”

Alec nodded and finally released Magnus’ hand. “I’ll be with Hodge near the buffet.”

Magnus gave him a small smile that he hoped to be reassuring enough and walked away without looking back, making a straight line to the bar.

And there she was indeed.

Camille was sitting on a stool at the bar, talking to a man who looked as rich as they came, if the Cartier watch on his wrist was anything to go by. Magnus had no trouble figuring out that it was what had caught Camille’s eye rather than the man’s appearance. He looked like the extremely unattractive lovechild of the Penguin from Batman and Severus Snape.

Camille looked positively entranced by whatever he was saying, but Magnus knew her enough to detect the little hints that showed how she truly felt. And that was impossibly bored. It was in the barely noticeable twitch of her upper lip, hidden in the depth of her brown eyes or in the way she twirled a strand of purple hair around her finger as if she was trying to distract herself rather than appear interested.

Magnus switched on the recording device Simon had given him and dropped unceremoniously on the stool next to her, leaning forward to look directly at the other man, cutting off mid-sentence his obnoxious display of knowledge about England’s castles.

“She knows all about the many castles of England,” he said with an amiable smile. “She was engaged to some Duke of some sort for a while. At least, until she ran away with half of his fortune.”

The man’s face pulled into a comical mask of terror as he glanced between Camille whose lips were now pulled into a thin line, her breath coming out in short puffs, and Magnus who was sporting the most innocent grin he could muster. He huffed indignantly and pushed on his arms to get down of his stool. Magnus only realized then that he was ridiculously short, probably two heads shorter than Camille.

As soon as he was gone, Camille made to move but Magnus locked her arm into a strong grip and pulled her back on her seat.

“I’m not alone,” he said, lowering his voice threateningly. “You’re not getting anywhere. And you shouldn’t even try because I’m probably the only one who doesn’t actively want to kill you right now. I’m your safest option.”

Camille didn’t reply but her already pale face had lost its remaining colors and she gulped with difficulty. This was so out of character for her - she always stood tall on her feet and never showed the slightest sign of weakness - that Magnus was taken aback. He didn’t let it show, however, throwing her a firm glance.

“I think you took something that doesn’t belong to you and we’d like it back,” he went on sternly.

She bit on her bottom lip and glanced over her shoulder before turning back to face him, dropping her voice. “I don’t have the money,” she murmured.

Magnus snorted. “That sounds awfully convenient, doesn’t it?” he hissed, stone cold.

“Magnus,” she whispered urgently, “you have to believe me.”

“Too bad,” he jabbed, voice heavy with sarcasm. “I don’t.”

“This is bigger than me,” Camille said with assurance, her intense gaze boring into his. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Magnus frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t lie,” she explained in a desperate tone and it sounded so foreign in her mouth that it instantly made Magnus’ convictions flatter. “You pissed off the wrong guy. Just like I got involved with the wrong guy. I thought I could best them, be smarter than them, but I was wrong.”

“Who’s them?” Magnus asked, pushing back the panic he could feel rise into him.

If Camille was as alarmed as she sounded and looked, it was worse than he had thought. She wasn’t that good of an actress and he knew her, had been the recipient of her games often enough to be able to decipher the truthfulness of her fright.

“I can’t –“ She paused, looked over her shoulder again and turned back to him. “Magnus, I can’t tell you.”

“Camille,” he snapped icily, “you owe me the truth. You owe me much more than that actually, but right now, I’ll settle for the truth.”

She scoffed, the tiniest hint of a smirk tugging at her red-painted lips. “This is bigger than whatever pain I inflicted you years ago, Magnus,” she said, shaking her head. “This is life or death and you know I’ll choose my life over yours or the ones of your newfound friends every time.”

She made to stand up, gathering her handbag in a rush, but just as she was about to turn to go, Magnus stopped her again.

“I saved your life,” he uttered. “It’s time for you to repay your debt, Camille.”

She halted in her movements and huffed out a deep breath. When she glanced back at him, she looked defeated, like all the fight had left her and as much as Magnus could relate to that, he didn’t cave, leveling her with an unbending gaze, hard and immovable.

She sighed and swirled to fully face him, exhaustion written all over his features.

“I made a lot of mistakes,” she murmured, “and I know you won’t believe me, but I regret the way I treated you. You deserve better. You’re a good man, Magnus. But I’m not a good person. I look for power where I can find it and I found it with Valentine. I thought he could give me what I wanted. Money. Power. Control. Instead, I found myself entangled in a situation I couldn’t control. I didn’t want you to get hurt, Magnus. Not after that night at the gallery, with Ragnor.”

Magnus clenched his teeth at the mention of his best friend, the image of his haunted eyes plaguing his mind.

“What then?” he asked. At the corner of his eye, he could see Alec and Hodge approaching and Jace and Isabelle not far from them, but he stopped them all with a discreet hand sign.

“Valentine isn’t alone,” Camille breathed out, “and the people with him…they are dangerous. And they’re after you. They made me steal that money from you as a token of my goodwill. It was the key to my freedom.”

“I need names, Camille,” Magnus demanded, locking her wrist in a strong grip when she made to move again.

“I – I can’t.”

“Camille,” he growled. “If the people I care about are in danger, I need names.”

Camille let out a deep breath. “I want Catarina to get me a fake passport and I want it as soon as possible. You’ll protect me until I can get out of the country,” she said.

Magnus wanted to tell her than this wasn’t a negotiation, but the troubled look in her brown eyes, eyes he had loved so deeply once, dissuaded him. Instead, he nodded.

“There are two of them, a man and a woman,” she said in a rush. “Assassins.”

“Names, Camille,” Magnus demanded coldly.

She let out another deep breath and opened her mouth to talk but the words never came.

A sudden pressure, like an explosion, ripped through his ears, much like a firework. The echo of the sound carried on for long seconds before he realized what had happened.

And then, it was just dead silence.

Camille wasn’t in front of him anymore but, somehow, he already knew what he would find when he looked down.

And there she was, her deep brown eyes staring back at him, lifeless, blood already sprawling beneath her motionless body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know who loves cliffhangers and having you yell at her? ;) ;) ;).
> 
> I guess if you've made it so far, you're probably used to it by now... Sorry? :))
> 
> This cookie is brought to you by Satan. Enjoy ;)  
>  _“Mom,” Alec breathed out, more in shock than greeting. “Dad.”_
> 
> If you're looking for me, I'll be hiding in a corner... but if you want to yell at me, I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit)
> 
> All the love,  
> Satan. ❤


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes, 
> 
> Some more angst for you, since you love it so much.
> 
> Please make sure you read the PSA at the end of this chapter!
> 
> Happy ~~angsty~~ reading!

Alec didn’t understand why it was that people usually assimilated a gunshot to a simple bang. It was nothing like a bang. It was like an explosion ripping through your ears, brief like lightning, but deafening like thunder in the middle of a storm.

He barely had time to blink before what had happened dawned on him. He was starting to get accustomed to the sound of a gunshot and, worse, to the sensation of being impossibly, unbearably scared for Magnus.

As the first frightened shouts started resonating through the room, people rushing to get out in a frenzy, Alec grabbed Hodge’s arm tightly.

“Max,” he yelled, keeping a firm grip not to get separated from him. “Find Max and get him out of here.”

Hodge nodded and didn’t try to stop him as Alec pushed past the frantic crowd to get to Magnus. This was all that mattered now.

Magnus was still frozen by the bar, staring at the inert body of his ex-girlfriend, eyes wide, his brown skin slowly turning into a pale white. Alec elbowed his way to him, never as grateful for his height as he was now that it allowed him to keep his eyes on his boyfriend.

When he got to him, he grabbed Magnus by the shoulders and forced him to get his gaze away from the dead body.

“Magnus,” he half-yelled.

Magnus didn’t reply, his gaze lost into space, fixed on Alec’s collarbones.

Alec shook him lightly, just enough to bring him back to earth. “Magnus,” he tried again, panic dripping from his tone. “Are you hurt? Babe, are you hurt?”

Magnus released a heavy half-breath that caught in his throat and shook his head. When he looked up to stare into Alec’s eyes, his own were filled with tears.

“Breathe,” Alec instructed, letting go of his shoulders to cup his face instead. “Breathe.”

“She’s dead,” Magnus panted, his voice barely a whisper.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Alec murmured. “Right now, we have to move. We can’t stay here, it’s too dangerous.”

“She’s dead,” Magnus repeated weakly. His breath was coming out in short puffs, his chest rising and falling quickly, but with difficulty.

“Are you hurt?” Alec asked again, trying his best to keep his worry out of his tone. Right now, he needed to be strong, for the both of them.

Magnus shook his head and Alec didn’t know if it was to answer him or to chase this nightmare away.

He didn’t wait to find out. He wrapped an arm around Magnus’ shoulders and dragged him towards the exit. Magnus let him, following automatically, like he had surrendered the control of his body to Alec.

They had to wait for the panic to subside a little before they could actually get out and Alec never let go of him, deaf to the wild beating of his own heart. All that mattered was getting Magnus out of here. He kept looking over his shoulder, body tense and ready to fight, scanning every foreign face to find the most suspicious ones. All he could see were mirrors of fear that surely matched his own. Magnus was trembling against him, his breath still rowdy and unsteady.

When they finally reached the outside, he was temporarily blinded by the red and blue flashing lights of the police cars already parked here. Hodge was waiting for them right beside the door with Max, who all but jumped at their throat, eyes wide and terrified.

“What happened?” he nearly yelled. “I heard a gunshot and then everyone started screaming and running and Hodge came to drag me outside. What. The. Hell. Happened?”

Max was usually the epitome of calm. He was enthusiastic about many things but his zeal never came out as more than snarky comments or passive-aggressive excitement. Alec wasn’t sure how to deal with this new side of him, edgy and frantic.

“Someone got shot,” Alec replied.

“And you expect me to believe it has nothing to do with you guys asking me to get you invites at the last minute and refusing to tell me why?” Max countered, half angry and half scared.

“Max!” came an awfully familiar voice behind his back and Alec froze entirely, mentally conjuring himself not to panic. He needed to stay composed for Magnus’ sake. If he started to fret now, Magnus was going to crumble. He had to keep it together.

Yet, he couldn’t help himself.

When his mother ran to his little brother and pulled him into a strong hug – hugs that Alec remembered receiving once, albeit rarely, hugs that had always made him feel loved and esteemed – the air was knocked out of his lungs as surely as it would have been if he had been punched.

“I was so worried,” Maryse sobbed against Max’ hair, dropping a kiss on his temple.

She let him go, certainly to thank whoever had taken care of her son while she wasn’t there to do so but her gaze settled on Hodge, then Alec. Her lips parted in shock, just as Alec’s father joined them, jogging, and perfectly mirrored her expression as he saw his eldest son.

“Mom,” Alec breathed out, more in shock than greeting. “Dad.”

Magnus seemed to pull himself back together, slowly, as Alec’s parents gazes drifted to him, who was still tugged under his arm. He reached out to slide a hand beneath Alec’s suit jacket in his back, laying his fingers over his shirt in support and Alec found himself leaning into the touch absentmindedly, seeking comfort in the simplest contact. 

“Alec,” Maryse said and the name sounded foreign in her mouth, like it probably did when you hadn’t seen someone that used to be so close to you for so long. “What are you doing here?”

Alec cleared in throat, tightening his hold around Magnus’ shoulders. “I – We… There was –“ he stammered, cursing himself inwardly.

“We had to meet with an investor,” Hodge chimed in, stepping forward from where he had been observing quietly.

“An investor for what?” Maryse asked, barely casting a second glance to him.

“We’re opening an art gallery,” Hodge replied at once, taking another step to join Alec’s side, and Alec envied how easily the lie slipped from his tongue.

Maryse frowned and Alec was surprised to realize he still knew her facial expressions enough to know she didn’t believe him. However, it was Robert who next spoke, giving Alec a sheepish look.

“How are you?” he inquired softly. “How have you been?”

Alec stared at him in bewilderment. “Do you really think now is the time for small talk?” he blurted out harshly, not bothering to hide his rising anger.

“The police are already here, they are taking care of everything,” Robert told him, as if Alec could have ignored it with the flashing lights dancing around them, men and women in uniforms running inside while the rest of them were searching people for guns. “If the killer is still here, they’ll catch them. You don’t have to run.”

“Because you assume I’d rather spend time with the two of you?” Alec retorted heatedly.

It was much better than to explain to them why he absolutely  _ had _ to run.

The words stumbled out of his mouth, surprising him. He hadn’t expected to be able to voice two sentences if he bumped into his parents. He had expected to shrink back to the poor, sad, vulnerable boy he had been, the one who cared too much what they thought of him. He was astonished to find out he didn’t anymore.

He guessed there was something broken between them, something that was beyond fixing and, strangely, the feeling settling in his mind like a soothing breeze, he realized it was okay.

He already had a family anyway.

“Hey,” Maryse snapped, brow furrowed in annoyance. “Mind your tone!”

Alec scoffed out a spiteful laugh. It was crazy, how all this anger he had bottled up was pouring out so easily, after all these years of silence. It was the worst moment to do it, but now that he had opened the floodgates, there was no way to stop him.

“Why?” Alec hissed.

He let go of Magnus’ shoulders to step forward, but took hold of his hand instead, gripping it tightly. He wasn’t sure if the anchor it provided was meant for Magnus or himself.

“Did I hurt your feelings?” he went on, punctuating his words with a dark chuckle. “Are you feeling belittled? Unvalued?” He leveled them with an impassible gaze. “Well, now you know how it feels.”

“Alec,” Maryse whispered, shock written all over her face.

“Look,” Alec interrupted coldly, “I don’t have anything to say to either of you. It’s too late for that. Right now, I have more important things to take care of.”

He turned to face Magnus, never letting go of his hand and ignored them completely as he took a step closer to him. “Are you okay?” Alec murmured confidentially, eyes darting over Magnus’ tired features, brow furrowed in concern.

Magnus didn’t reply, but he nodded weakly, squeezing his hand in reassurance. Alec could clearly see that it was all a lie but what mattered now was getting him out of here. Then, he would be able to bring him the comfort he needed.

“Alec,” Maryse repeated, more firmly, almost scolding.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” Hodge cut in sternly, taking a step forward to shield Alec and Magnus from them. “I think he made that clear.”

“We’re his parents,” Robert argued, like it justified everything.

“I know very well who you are,” Hodge replied. “And I’m telling you he doesn’t want to talk to you so you better leave him alone now.”

“I don’t know who you are or who you think you are,” Maryse hissed, narrowing her eyes at him threateningly, “but if I want to talk to  _ my _ son, I will do so whether you like it or not.”

Hodge chuckled darkly, shaking his head in disbelief. “No, you don’t know who I am, Ma’am,” he muttered grimly, leveling her with a murderous glare. “You would have to care about your children for that. You want to know who I am? I am the man who took your son in when you threw him out. He trusted you with a part of myself and instead of accepting him wholly, you rejected him because he didn’t fit the perfect image you had of what your son should be. I’m the one who had to explain to him that your opinions didn’t matter as much as openly being himself and  _ loving _ himself.”

He took one step closer, pointing an accusatory finger at the both of them. “I’m the one who has loved him unconditionally these past few years when you didn’t give a flying fuck about him. I’m the one who had to comfort him when his cousin got married three years ago and he wasn’t invited because he didn’t fit in your fucking farce of a perfect family.”

Alec couldn’t see his face, but he could feel the anger emanating from him. Hodge was turning his back to him, but Alec could still perceive the tension in his shoulders and hear the irritated edge of his tone.

“You don’t know who I am,” Hodge continued, ignoring completely the scornful - and frankly shocked - glances of Alec’s parents, “but let me tell you both something: I was more of a parent to him than you ever were. So with all due respect, you can fuck off.”

Alec watched as his parents all but gaped at Hodge, their faces a perfect mirror of bewilderment. On their side, Max looked shocked too, but a small smirk was tugging at his lips and he caught Alec’s gaze, his previous wrath gone and replaced by his usual mischief.

Hodge ignored them royally, turning towards Alec and Magnus. “We should go,” he said simply, like he hadn’t just literally wrecked Alec’s parents with simple words and imperturbable calm. “Are you both okay?”

Alec and Magnus nodded wordlessly, just as shocked as the rest of their group. They didn’t have the time to say anything else because Jace came running their way, eyes wide and panting.

“Guys, is everyone alright?” he asked through heavy breathing.

His eyes darted to the side and he froze, his mouth falling open. He quickly recovered, though, his face hardening again. “Mom, Dad,” he breathed out, sending them a quick acknowledging nod.

“You’re here too?” Robert blurted out in shock. “What about Isabelle?”

“Yeah,” Jace replied, before turning away from him. “The van is waiting for us by the docks. Simon thinks he has –“ He stopped, looking at their parents and brother over his shoulder, obviously hesitant to go on in front of them, “ – something that can help us,” he finished warily. “We need to get out of here.”

“What did you get yourself into?” Maryse inquired, lips slightly parted. “Are you in danger?”

“We’re good,” Alec replied coldly. “We have to go. Max, I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise.”

Max nodded, brow furrowed in worry, but he didn’t say anything else.

Alec was about to turn away from them, but his arm got stuck in a strong grip. He turned around to meet his father’s gaze.

“Son, please,” Robert whispered and the pleading edge to his tone made Alec wince. “We just want to talk to you. Properly. You can bring your boyfriend,” he said, pointing at Magnus with his chin.

Alec deflated a little, his resolve puncturing as he caught the softness in his father’s eyes, a look so foreign that he didn’t know what to make of it.

“We’ll see,” he said as firmly as he could, but he heard himself and how his voice wavered with emotions. “Right now, we have to go.”

Robert nodded and released him. Alec immediately wrapped an arm around Magnus, holding him tight.

“You better not break his heart again,” Hodge hissed to his parents before he followed them, Jace closing the march behind him.

Once they were far enough from his parents, Alec allowed himself to release the deep breath he had been holding. Magnus slid his hand in the back pocket of his slacks, leaning further into his side.

“Are you okay?” he mumbled.

“I wished we could stop having to ask each other that all the time,” Alec admitted bluntly, dropping a kiss in his hair. “I just want to whisk you away on an island far, far away and live of cocktails and sunbathes in peace.”

Magnus hummed in agreement. “That sounds wonderful,” he replied gently. “Let’s do that. Let’s run away together. I’ve always wanted to be the cliché character of a cheesy novel.”

“Let’s go back to your place so we can pack,” Alec muttered.

“Can we take the Chairman?” Magnus asked in a playful tone that sounded awfully forced.

“Done,” Alec said, pressing another kiss against his temple. “Anything for you.”

When they got to the van a few minutes later, Alec was struck with the dreadful thought that everything seemed too familiar. At least, though, Magnus was with him and if his mind was not, his body was okay. It was a small victory, but considering how things had been going for them lately, it felt like way more than that. It was such a relief that Alec momentarily forgot about everything else.

It was familiar and yet excruciatingly different from all the other times they had gathered in a van just like this one. When they climbed in, silence reigned. There was no blabbering from Simon, no reassuring words from Clary, no motivational speech from Luke. Only silence to greet them and a few pitiful gazes thrown at Magnus.

When Luke started the car and started driving towards Magnus’ apartment, which was the biggest and the closest and had somehow become their team’s headquarters, still no one spoke.

Alec had never been overly talkative. He thrived in the tranquility he could find in the noises around him, the chirp of birds, the distant whoop of a car driving by, remote laughter coming from strangers he would never meet. And yet, he would have given anything right now for the silence to be broken. It was saturated with awkwardness and fatigue, with a sense of  _ enough _ that made his skin bristle in discomfort.

And then, there was Magnus. Magnus sat next to Alec and his face was one of utter loss, his eyes an endless void. Alec could feel the tremor from his hand, still tightly tucked in his own, but that was the only sign of presence Magnus really gave, and the fact that it was an uncontrollable one made something tighten in Alec’s chest.

Silence had always been a way for Alec to smooth his soul, but this one ripped it apart.

What finally broke it wasn’t one of them speaking but his phone buzzing in his pocket, the usually low sound echoing in the van like another gunshot. He was tempted to ignore it, not sure he could trust his voice at the moment, but when Lydia’s name flashed on his screen, curiosity got the best of him.

There was no way Lydia knew about what had happened; they had called each other a few times ever since they had parted ways in California, but she had told him she was taking a week off away from her phone, her laptop and any other distraction. So the phone call intrigued him and he picked up, suddenly under the scrutiny of every pair of eyes in the van. All but Magnus’ whose gaze remained fixed on their joined hands on Alec’s knee.

“Lydia.”

His voice was rough and he cleared his throat.

“I’m in New York,” she said. “I need to meet with the whole team. It’s urgent.”

It was very like her to go straight to the point and not lose any time on unnecessary small talk. Still, his head was swimming in an ocean of madness and he wished she had given him a semblance of respite, even if it was all pretence.

“We’re together right now,” he replied warily. “We’re on our way to Magnus’”, he added as Luke turned right after Brooklyn’s Bridge.

“I’ll meet you there,” she retorted unabatedly.

“Do you want me to text you the address?” he inquired softly, darting a quick look to Magnus who ignored his eyes, but leaned his head on his shoulder absently.

“Please,” she scoffed, sounding positively outraged, “don’t insult me.”

And with that, she hung up.

.

Magnus had stopped loving Camille years ago.

Their relationship had been chaotic and maybe that was too gentle of a word to describe the mess it had been. When Magnus had eventually left her, after a year of emotional draining and incessant disputes, he had been miserable. He had even flew to England and stayed with Ragnor for a while to mend to his shattered heart.         

Camille had left him broken, wretched and grieving not a disastrous relationship, but the foolish hopes he had nursed of what it could have been.

And there he was now, grieving a woman that had hurt him like no other.

He had stopped loving Camille years ago but he had  _ loved _ her. Oh, how he had loved her.

Completely, unconditionally, in the uncompromising way that was the only way he knew how to love. And even though he had jumped from love to hatred when it came to her, now he just felt numb.

Because Camille was gone. Dead. He had watched the life sweep away from her eyes, the same eyes he had wished to drown in once.

When they got to his apartment, he almost expected her to be waiting there, sit on his velvet armchair, the same was she had been in when they had come back from Las Vegas. He had dared to imagine her flashing him that cruel smirk that had belonged to a past he had tried to forget.

Instead, it was Lydia who greeted them. She was leaning on the wall next to Magnus’ front door with her arms crossed over her chest, another petite woman with Asian features, big brown eyes and a stern furrowed brow next to her.

Lydia straightened when they approached and it took one look from her, her blue eyes casting over their group, to figure out something was wrong.

“Why the dejected faces?” she asked with a scowl. “Did someone die?”

Magnus almost laughed.

Instead, he got his keys out of his pocket and finally released Alec’s hand to unlock his front door. He took barely two steps inside before Ragnor all but ran to meet them, Raphael and Catarina right on his heels.

“So,” Raphael asked, his voice dragging with mischief, “did you destroy the bitch? Please say yes. I had to listen to Catarina and Ragnor talk about the latest royal family gossips for hours, I need something to cheer me up.”

“She’s dead,” Magnus breathed out weakly, not recognizing his own voice.

Raphael snorted. “Yeah, I wish,” he huffed out with a chuckle, “but she’s too evil to give me the pleasure.”

“Raphael,” Magnus snapped, far more harshly than he had expected. “She’s dead.”

“What happened?” Ragnor blurted out as realization crossed over Raphael’s features slowly, his eyes widening.

“She got shot,” Hodge chimed in.

“How do you manage to put yourselves in these situations every time?” Catarina sighed, her grey eyes flashing with a mixture of anger and worry. “And more importantly,” she added, her cold gaze settling on the strangers behind Magnus, “who are they?”

“I told you about Lydia,” Magnus said in lieu of an answer. 

That’s all he offered. He let Alec and the rest of the team explain what had happened. He went to sit on his couch, huddling against the armrest and let himself drown in his thoughts. Chairman Meow leaped on his lap and meowed petulantly until Magnus caved and scratched between his ears. Satisfied, he curled up against his hip and promptly went to sleep.

Magnus continued petting his cat absently, his mind plagued by the image of the life draining from Camille’s eyes as the bullet had hit her. It had happened so quickly.

How could a human life be taken so easily, so quickly? The question left Magnus with a deep sense of helplessness. 

Everything had finally started to go well. He had been getting better, he had felt it. He had been fighting against his traitorous instincts that urged him to push Alec away.

The feeling was foreign to him. Unwelcomed.

It was like he was driving in a tunnel, a long, interminable tunnel, dark and misty and finally, as he had been able to see the light at the end, he had realized the glow was artificial. Fake.

He wondered when life would stop playing with his nerves like this. 

He was tired of fighting a lost battle.

The couch dipped next to him, but Magnus didn’t look at Alec. He didn’t know if he could face him right now. He wasn’t even sure he would be able to look at himself in a mirror.

Magnus kept telling himself the same thing. The same thing he had relentlessly repeated himself when Ragnor had supposedly died.

_ The bullet did it. The bullet killed Camille. The bullet did it. The bullet did it. The bullet did it. _

If he repeated it enough, maybe the idea would implement itself in his brain and it would keep away the unbearably suffocating guilt he was experiencing.

“Magnus,” Alec murmured next to him.

Magnus didn’t move to look at him.

Alec didn’t try again. Instead, he reached out warily, like he was approaching a wild lion who would rip his throat out at the slightest provocation, and put his hand over Magnus’, his thumb stroking the inside of his wrist.

“Now that the introductions are made,” Simon chimed in, “I need to show you what I caught on the cameras.”

Magnus was vaguely aware of the rest of the team - plus Lydia and the foreign woman, whose introduction he had apparently missed - scattering on couches, armchairs or the floor over the living room, but he didn’t pay them any attention. He was tired of the pity he could read in their eyes.

“I hacked into the cameras inside, but also the ones outside,” Simon went on, in the usual agitated tone he sported whenever he had found something interesting. “I couldn’t get a clear picture of the shooter inside. She obviously knew where the cameras were and avoided them.”

He was getting his laptop out of his backpack as he spoke, his eyes light up with excitement.

“She?” Isabelle echoed with a frown.

Simon nodded, his fingers already dancing over the keyboard.

“You weren’t kidding when you said he was good,” Lydia’s companion told her, a light smirk tugging at her lips.

“Don’t say it too loudly, he’ll be insufferable,” Alec butted in and his attempt at a playful tone fell flat, the grave edge of his voice betraying it.

Simon plugged his laptop on Magnus’ TV and soon enough, they could see the video from inside Pandemonium.

Magnus pulled himself out of his daze to look at the screen. He could see himself talking to Alec, the two of them standing close together, holding hands and then Magnus was leaving him, walking a straight line to the bar and Camille.

There was something oddly unsettling in watching himself having a conversation that he knew would lead to her death. He had to force himself not to tear his eyes away.

Alec didn’t properly take his hand, but it was suddenly heavier against his own and Magnus felt his heart jump in his throat, bile gathering in his stomach.

He felt sick.

“There,” Simon said, making Magnus startle. He stood up to position himself next to the TV, pointing at a shadowy figure on the screen.

The person was quite small, or at least it seemed so in the crowd and there was a hood over their head, making it impossible to distinguish any distinctive signs.

“How do you know it’s a she?” Jace asked. “I can’t even see her face. That hoodie is hiding everything.”

“Wait for it,” Simon breathed out.

The silhouette moved swiftly towards the bar, like she was floating in the air. There was an unbearable grace to her movements and it was intolerably infuriating. Magnus wanted to punch a wall just at the sight of that cold-blooded killer walking like she was dancing, in a carefree way that was insulting when you knew she was about to murder someone.

She stopped right beside Magnus, albeit not close enough that she could have heard him and Camille whispering to each other, but still, it was close enough to make him quiver, cold sweat running down his spine at the sight of her anywhere near him.

Clearly, Alec shared his line of thought because he fully took Magnus’ hand as the hooded figure stopped a few feet behind him. 

They didn’t hear the gunshot. The video was muted and for that, Magnus was grateful.

It didn’t prevent him from hearing it in his own mind, like a cruel echo of what he had witnessed a few hours ago.

He surveyed, powerlessly, as Camille fell to the ground like a broken doll. She didn’t even release a last breath. The bullet went straight in her chest, through her heart and she was dead. It was almost ironical. Magnus had doubted so many times she even had one.

His stomach tightened again and he surged to his feet, rushing to the bathroom before anyone could stop him. He locked the door behind him and fell to his knees at once, emptying his yet empty stomach in the toilet, tears gathering behind his lids and at the corners of his eyes.

When he was done, he stood to rinse his mouth and let himself fall to the floor again, defeated.

_ The bullet did it. The bullet did it. The bullet did it. The bullet did it. _

It took all of his willpower, every shattered bit left of him, to get himself back on his feet and face the mirror. He looked tired, but that was nothing new. What was new was the look he could catch in his own eyes.

He was lost in a maze and couldn’t find a way out. And even when he thought he did, reality brought him back in.

_ The bullet did it.  _

It came as no surprise for him to find Alec waiting for him in front of the bathroom door, leaning against the opposite wall, arms falling lamely at his sides.

“I’m okay,” he said before Alec could even ask. “I-I just… I just felt nauseous.”

“Magnus,” Alec whispered with the same reverence he always displayed when saying his name. This time, it made him cringe. “I’m sorry.”

Magnus frowned, genuinely confused. “Why?” he asked, tilting his head slightly.

_ The bullet did it. _

“You deserve so much more than this perpetual shitstorm,” Alec murmured, pushed off the wall to close the gap between them.

In that moment, if Magnus knew anything, it was that Alec, for sure, he didn’t deserve.

.

Jace felt powerless.

If he was as reckless as people said he was, it was because his instincts often took over his rationality and he had a high tendency of running head first into trouble. He thought of the consequences afterwards, once the harm was already done. It was how he had always functioned and if he could admit Alec – and even sometimes, Izzy – was good at keeping him on track, at the end of the day, it didn’t change his nature.

Jace was a man of action rather than words. And that was for this reason only.

He  _ hated _ feeling powerless.

This became ten times worse whenever his family was involved. If being part of the Lightwood family had taught him anything, it was to protect his own. His own had become more than blood lately, and they were in danger.

But that was something he still believed he could do something about. It was something else, however, that left him drained and helpless.

Jace wasn’t sure he really considered Magnus a friend. Their relationship was complicated. They tolerated each other. They didn’t see eye to eye on much and didn’t have much in common to bond over, their interest in martial arts apart.

There was one thing, though, where they found common ground: how much they both cared for Alec. For that reason only – although he probably could have found others, if he was honest with himself – Jace respected Magnus immensely.

That was why he had forbid himself to show pity towards him.

Jace was nowhere near as dense as people usually thought him to be and he was far more observant, too. He would have had to be unbelievably stupid not to see that Magnus was crumbling, and that he was taking Alec down with him.

He knew he didn’t mean to and it was partly because Alec cared too much for his own good, but it was still unsettling and Jace felt powerless to stop them from spiraling into an endless battle that would leave them both miserable.

The living room had fallen silent upon Magnus’ abrupt departure and Simon had paused the video, his face pulled into a sheepish, shameful grimace. It was obvious he felt guilty about making Magnus rewatch the whole scene without thinking about how it would make him feel.

The silence didn’t break when him and Alec walked back in the room. Jace couldn’t help but notice they weren’t holding hands. Their arms weren’t even brushing together and it was more worrying than if they had started fighting right in front of them.

As much as he liked to complain about it, the fact that they always seemed to find a way to touch each other somehow was endearing, not that Jace would have ever admitted it out loud. Now, Alec seemed hesitant, fidgeting nervously with his fingers.

And Magnus… Well, Magnus looked dead inside.

His eyes were hollow, unfocused, like his mind was lost in an abyss he couldn’t find a way out of.

“Sorry,” he said and his voice was as empty as his gaze, “I just felt a bit sick. Go on, Steven.”

Simon didn’t even react to the familiarity of Magnus getting his name wrong. He didn’t protest or throw in a “ _ really, Magnus? _ ” like he usually did.

They all stared at him and as much as it pained him to acknowledge it, even to himself, Jace knew his eyes were full of pity.

There was so much a man could endure before breaking and it seemed like Magnus was hovering on the edge, not yet falling, but always on the line.

“Are you sure, Magnus?” Clary asked softly. “It can wait until tomorrow.”

“Nonsense,” Magnus huffed out with a dismissive wave of his hand. “This is too serious to wait. We need to settle this now and maybe then Lydia can tell us what she’s doing here.”

Lydia, who was standing by the window with a stern expression, arms crossed over her chest, nodded quietly.

Magnus strode the room to claim back his seat on the couch. Alec followed him and remained standing next to the couch, hesitancy written all over his face. It was almost painful to watch and it made Jace’s features contort in a mixture of sympathy and worry.

Eventually, Magnus looked up and reached out to grab Alec’s hand, tugging on it just lightly enough to give him the incentive he needed to sit down, keeping Magnus’ hand in a strong grip.

Simon thankfully didn’t waste any time before putting the video back on, zooming so that the image was focused on the hooded figure instead of the lifeless body of Camille.

Jace bent forward, tugging his elbows on his knees, his leg brushing with Clary’s next to him.

The woman – since Simon kept insisting it was a woman – moved swiftly in the crowd, using the frenzy caused by the gunshot to meddle in. She walked a straight line to the backdoor, still cautiously avoiding the cameras.

“We didn’t see her properly once,” Jace growled, irritated.

This whole thing was impossibly infuriating.

Simon gave him a pointed glare. “Seriously?” he exclaimed in disbelief. “Still doubting me after all this time?”

He didn’t look up from his laptop, though, and his fingers were dancing over the keyboard frantically.

“It was impossible to get a close shot of her inside. But,” he continued, putting far more emphasis on the word than necessary, “I managed to find her a couple of buildings further.”

The video suddenly changed to another one. And sure enough, there she was.

Her fair skin was glowing in the darkness of the street, long hair cascading over her shoulders. She had discarded the hoodie, instead rocking a tight black dress. The video was black and white but somehow, it wasn’t the reason why her face seemed colorless. It was her expression, impassible and hard, the slightest hint of a mocking smirk on her lips.

“Shit, she’s hot,” Jace mumbled, only to be rewarded with a smack behind his head.

He hissed in pain, casting an apologetic glance at his girlfriend.

“She might be the one trying to kill us,” Clary deadpanned, leveling him with a murderous glare.

“Still, she’s hot,” Isabelle chimed in.

“You two are lost causes,” Alec sighed heavily. “I give up.”

“Do we know her?” Luke said sternly. There was a scolding “behave” transpiring through his tone, although he didn’t say it out loud.

“Nope,” Jace replied. “I’ve never seen her before.”

“Me neither,” Magnus added absently, his eyes fixed on the screen.

“It’s not over,” Simon grimaced.

The video went on and for a whole minute, it was just the woman leaning against a wall, alone. She looked impossibly nonchalant for someone who had just committed murder, staring at her nails like they were the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

And then, another figure approached and Jace could physically feel how the mood shifted in the room, everyone’s attention grasped by the scene happening on the screen. The newcomer was a woman with dark hair and strong, broad shoulders, wearing a strict dress that fell to the ground in a flow of silk. She, for one, seemed familiar, but Jace refused to jump to conclusions. Her back was to the camera and they couldn’t see her face.

Yet, he already knew.

She handed an envelope to the killer, who opened it, seemingly checking the contempt of it before she nodded, stepping away without a word.

And then, the woman turned to leave and there was no further doubt allowed on her identity. Her lips were tugged into a thin line, her brow furrowed and she watched warily her surroundings before disappearing as well.

The silence that followed was so heavy that they could have heard a pin drop.

“Who was that?” Lydia inquired, voice tight and commanding.

Next to her, Aline – it was the name she had given them while she had introduced herself earlier, but her stern behavior gave Jace the feeling people were more used to calling her “boss” – straightened on her feet.

“That,” Alec breathed out, his expression a perfect mirror of the shock Jace was experiencing himself, “was our mother.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, cupcakes!
> 
> Now, here's a PSA for y'all:  
> I am leaving on Saturday on holidays and I'll be gone for most of August. I will not have my laptop (a holiday with a laptop is no holiday) and I won't have much WiFi which means one thing: **there won't be an update of this story, or any of my stories, in August**.  
>  I've been updating EMH every week (and TAI twice a week before that) for months now, so I think I deserve a break haha :)
> 
> I will have the time to write so don't worry, the break shouldn't last longer than a month.
> 
> In the mid time, I also have a Pirate!AU one shot coming up this week before I leave!
> 
> If you want to reach me during my absence, I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit). I'll do my best to reply normally.
> 
> I hope you have a splendid summer.
> 
> All the love,  
> Lucile. ❤


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my cupcakes,
> 
> Thank you all for the love and the amazing response to the previous chapter!  
> I had a great holiday and I'm happy to be back to make you suffer a little.
> 
> This chapter was a nightmare to write, 1) because writing on the phone isn't easy, 2) because there is some heavy stuff happening and... well, let's just say it isn't fun. You've been warned.
> 
>  
> 
> **There is a trigger warning accompanying this chapter. Mentions of torture, and not the fun kind of torture. Please don't take it lightly.**
> 
>  
> 
> If you're live-tweeting, you can use the hashtag #lecrit or tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> Ps: I apologize in advance.

In retrospect, Alec should have expected the way things spiralled into hell from there. He should have known, and maybe, deep down he had felt, had sensed how it was inevitable.

It didn't make it less painful.

And it all happened in a night.

The revelation of Maryse’s involvement in this whole mess left them speechless. For a long while, silence reigned. Alec tried to ignore the half-bewildered, half-hurt look on his siblings’ faces, certain it perfectly matched his own, but he couldn't, no matter how painful it was to witness.

“Is Maryse trying to kill us?” Jace inquired and Alec couldn't help but notice he hadn't said Mom like he normally would.

“There's got to be another explanation,” Isabelle breathed out.

Her dark eyes were wide, fixed on the television screen even though the image had stilled a while ago. She was leaning into Simon's side for comfort, probably unconsciously, and she was nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

Alec wanted to reach out, to hold her against him and shelter her from the pain she was experiencing. It was his role as her big brother, and yet, he found himself incapable of doing so. Alec wasn’t a fool and he knew he couldn’t possibly protect his siblings from everything, especially not from the world’s cruelty. Those were forces far stronger than he could endure. He could still try though, but lately, it never seemed to be enough.

He had no choice, right then, but to acknowledge that something was seriously wrong with him. He was a protector, had always been one. And he was failing, repeatedly, at doing the one thing he had always praised himself for excelling at.

He hadn't been able to protect Magnus. He still didn't know how to bring him the comfort he needed, how to make him feel whole again.

And now, the same thing was happening with his sister, his own blood.

She was relying on her boyfriend, something that was fine in principle - Alec could admit how great Simon was for her, he treated her with the respect and adoration she deserved and he couldn't have hoped for someone better for his little sister - but where did that leave him?

What was he supposed to do when the people he was meant to protect were not his responsibility to protect anymore?

“This doesn't make sense.”

It didn't. Lydia was right. Nothing really made sense anymore.

In all the realm of possibilities, their mother being the one who was hunting them down was not an option. They were her flesh and blood. She wouldn't hurt them, no matter how tense their relationship had been in the past years.

Alec froze and realization crossed his features before he could try to stop it.

Yes, he and Jace and Isabelle were her family - her  _ children _ \- but the rest of the team was nothing to her. They shared nothing, not even the slightest bond.

If Maryse really was behind this, Alec wasn't in danger, no more than his siblings. But the others were.

Magnus was.  _ Again _ .

And this time, Alec wasn't going to let him get hurt. Magnus had been through too much already.

Alec reached out blindingly to take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. Magnus clearly mistook his gesture for a call for comfort because he gave Alec an apologetic glance before bringing his hand to his mouth to press a kiss on the knuckles.

Alec smiled.

It was insane, but he smiled and he didn't even have to force himself, not when Magnus was here.

“I'm going to go talk to her,” Alec said with revigorated verve.

Jace was up on his feet in a heartbeat. “Not alone you're not,” he exclaimed with his characteristic confidence.

“Sit down,” Luke demanded in an unquestionable tone. “Neither of you is going anywhere at this time of the night and without a proper plan. We're done doing things harshly. I'm not letting anyone else be the casualty of our recklessness.”

Jace seemed to hesitate for a while, debating with himself on what behavior to adopt, but eventually he darted a defeated gaze at Alec and sat down with a shrug.

“Good,” Luke said solemnly. “Now Lydia, tell us why you're here.”

Lydia nodded sternly, her composure immediately switching to the professional one Alec had witnessed a few times before. She shared a quick glance with Aline by her side before stepping forward, holding a USB key to Simon.

Simon didn't ask and promptly plugged it to his laptop.

“Some of these images are pretty… graphic,” Lydia said, her mouth pulled into a thin line. “I'm warning you,” she added, her eyes darting to Magnus for a second. “I don't want to trigger anything.”

“Darling, I just watched my ex-girlfriend being shot to death,” Magnus replied absently, the bitterness underneath barely noticeable. His eyes were two hollow voids, like he had shut off a part of himself, the most human part of him. The one that sheltered his pain and sorrows, past and present. The one that made him who he was. “I don't think there's anything more triggering than that.”

Alec was tired of feeling powerless. He reached out, clutching Magnus’ hand in an unforgiving grip. Magnus tensed for a moment, but eventually he turned his hand in his, entwining their fingers together.

Lydia threw them both an apologetic gaze before she turned towards Simon. Simon was working on his laptop at once.

“It's the second file,” Aline announced solemnly.

Simon nodded, not bothering to look her way and a second later, Magnus' TV screen switched and a collective gasp ran through their small group.

It was a video, once more in black and white. Aline was there, standing on one side of a stern metallic table, arms crossed over her chest. Her hair was tied in a strict bun and even though the camera only allowed half her face to be showed, she looked positively appalled as she quietly observed the man in front of her.

On the other side of the table, a light smirk on his lips, sat Valentine Morgenstern. He looked even more insane than Alec remembered him, his eyes shining with a deviousness he didn't bother to hide anymore, a neglected scruff adding to the whole dreadful impression. He seemed delighted to be there.

Alec wanted nothing more than to find out where he was and make him meet the fate he deserved, the fate Hodge had been denied to give him.

He didn't know if he would be able to pull the trigger, to watch life leave his eyes under his own doing but right then, as he sensed the trembling of Magnus’ fingers even through his strong grip, it felt possible. It felt  _ necessary _ .

“This is from three days ago,” Aline informed them. “We've been trying to get to him for a while but he wouldn't talk. We thought it was because he had nothing left to lose and thus nothing for us to bargain on to get a confession on his many illegal activities. I was honestly about to give up and send him to the Clave.”

“What's the Clave?” Clary asked, her voice sounding strained.

She was sitting next to Jace, biting her nails as she stared at the screen, seemingly unable to look away.

Alec realized, a surge of shame growing in his chest, that he hadn't stopped to think about how she was dealing with this whole thing.

Admittedly, he had been quite busy with trying - and mostly failing, or at least it was what it felt like - to keep Magnus from drowning in his misery.

Magnus had been hit physically by Valentine's wickedness but Clary… She was the man's daughter. She not only shared his blood but also bared the physical evidences of their parentage. She had his sharp cheekbones, although hers were full of freckles.

Alec had to wonder how someone as purely evil as Valentine could have created someone as profoundly good as Clary. He guessed her mother was to thank for that, as was Luke.

Now that he was paying attention, Alec could see everything he had missed before.

She had lost some weight, not much, but enough so that her cheeks had hollowed a little. Her pale skin was almost grey, her freckles even more striking. She was wearing a pair of jeans ripped at the knee and a hoodie that he knew belonged to Jace. She was clutching the hem of the sleeves with her hands like she was trying to prevent herself from digging her nails into her palms.

She looked crestfallen. Crushed.

Alec was so sick of watching the people he cared about falling apart around him.

“The Clave is the place where we send the people we arrest to be judged and imprisoned,” Lydia replied, effectively pulling him out of his thoughts.

“We have a special tribunal for these people,” Aline added. “That's all I can tell you as of now. The rest is confidential.”

“Sometimes, you people make me feel like I'm in a James Bond movie,” Simon said matter-of-factly, but his fained disinterest was belied by the way his eyes shone with excitement, a slight grin tugging at his lips, making his glasses slide a bit further down his nose.

“We don't have a licence to kill,” Aline said, clearly affronted at the idea. She didn't know Simon yet, Alec pondered to himself, but she would understand soon enough that there was no point in taking notice of his digressions.

“That would be kind of cool, though,” Simon noted.

“That sounds like a lie,” Hodge butted in, casting an imperturbable look at the two women. “If your organization is that secret, who would stop you if you put down one guy? Especially one as despicable as Valentine?”

Neither Aline nor Lydia replied. Aline pursed her lips, however, and it was probably more of a screaming answer to Hodge's blunt affirmation than any spoken denial.

“That's off topic anyway,” Lydia dismissed with a wave of her fingers. It was only because Alec had learned to know her that he noticed the sudden sharpness of her tone.

“What changed three days ago?” Magnus inquired, gesturing vaguely at the frozen image of Valentine on the screen, although his eyes refused to properly meet it. “Why did he suddenly talk?”

“The guards from the night of your heist?” Lydia said and it sounded oddly probing. “The night Magnus was shot?” 

“Yeah, we remember,” Magnus deadpanned, tapping two fingers against the bottom of his stomach where the evidence of that night laid scarred on his skin.

Aline frowned and crossed her way to Simon in two strides, gently pushing him aside. Simon seemed reluctant to let go of his laptop - or Christine, as he had affectionately called it, which never failed to make Alec roll his eyes - but he obliged, the slightest pout tugging at his bottom lip.

The screen quickly switched as Aline settled behind the laptop. Instead of Valentine's scornfully delighted expression, now appeared a much more gruesome picture.

It was a man, obviously dead, laying on his back, with a puddle of blood spread beneath him. His eyes were open and full of terror even in death.

Aline let the pictures pass before their eyes and the next couple of minutes were just an awful sight: a succession of dead bodies, men and women, until finally, Alec recognised one of them and his breath got stuck in his throat.

The rest of the picture was almost beautiful in comparison of the horror of the central element. It had been taken in a beautiful garden, full of roses as red as the blood plastering the man's front. His eyes held the glassiness of death but still, Alec had no trouble recalling these same eyes staring at him in fear as he had threatened the man to extract information out of him, when he had been so desperate to get to Magnus that he had forgotten everything about protecting himself and their cover.

This man was Valentine's butler. And he was quite clearly dead.

“I recognize him,” Alec eventually said, scratching his brow in an unconsciously nervous gesture.

Lydia nodded, spared him a quick glance and turned back to the rest of the group.

“Him and every single guard that was present that night at the Morgenstern manor have been murdered. Most of them have been shot. The others have been stabbed.”

“That's eleven people,” Aline informed them, but she didn't look up from the laptop.

The image changed again and it was back to Valentine's devious smirk. She hit play and Alec squeezed Magnus’ hand a little bit harder.

“Someone has been murdering your guards, your butler,” Aline was saying in the video. “People who worked for you for years. Surely you want us to catch that person.”

A slow grin spread on Valentine's face, lighting up his eyes with an almost childish excitement. Alec had to repress a shudder.

“That’s a shame,” he drawled and his voice sounded even more cruel than Alec remembered it. “Some of them had families.”

He emphasized the word, and although he said the whole thing with a tone that seemed genuinely sorry, Alec wasn't fooled for a second.

Neither was Aline. She went to lean on the metallic table, leveling him with a stern look.

“You are going down, Morgenstern,” she affirmed with a complete lack of sympathy, which made Alec like her a bit more. “You're not getting out of here. We can make your next years a living hell.” She paused, strategically giving him time to fathom on his own that this was not an empty threat. “Or,” she added, brushing a nonexistent dust off the sleeve of her jacket, “we can make it just slightly easier. You could have your own cell. If you know something about this, you better tell us now.”

Valentine leaned forward, as far as his cuffed wrists would allow him, and was silent for a long moment, holding Aline’s gaze stubbornly.

Eventually, he shrugged. 

“I do know some things,” Valentine said enigmatically. He grabbed the file that laid on the table between them and opened it, staring at the pictures. The more he passed them, the wider his grin grew. “I know it looks like my boy had fun.”

Aline took a step back, her brow furrowed in surprise. “Your... boy?”

Valentine hummed in acknowledgment, his grin spreading further. He tilted his head, obviously mocking her, and dropped his voice as if telling her a secret.

“I don't do well with betrayal,” he murmured with a staged wince, as if he truly was sorry for the fault.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well,” Valentine drawled and he looked like he was positively enjoying the tension that had built between them with that simple word, “I paid them - and quite well, I might add - to protect me, didn't I? It looks to me like they didn't do their job.” He gestured vaguely towards his injured shoulder, where Lydia had shot him. “I'm here while they let the people who tried to rob me run free?” He shook his head, “I can't have that.”

He truly looked like he had no other choice, like killing people for failing to do their job was the only option that had occurred to him.

Not for the first time, Alec regretted getting involved with that man in the first place. He should have known better.

Then again, he wouldn't have met Magnus, but he had to believe they would have found another way, in an alternate reality. A happier, less bloody, pain-free way.

That seemed like a beautiful dream.

“Who killed them?” Aline asked coldly, wisely ignoring his games.

Valentine looked disappointed for a second, but he quickly recovered. He kept his mouth shut, but glanced up at the camera. It seemed like he was staring straight into Alec's soul to attempt to rip it apart with his cold eyes and Alec clenched his teeth, a sudden desire for murder throbbing in his mind, pushing at his usually unwavering morals.

“Did you pay for them to be murdered?” Aline continued, clearly unphased by the man's silence. “How did you even -”

She cut herself off, realization crossing her features. Valentine's smirk widened and he winked at the camera before turning back to her.

“It came to my understanding that Magnus Bane is not as dead as I hoped he'd be,” he said. “The bastard truly has a bad habit of surviving my attempts at getting rid of him.” He shrugged dismissively, like it was a problem he would soon solve.

The simple mention of Magnus’ name was enough to make Alec clench his teeth. That man had almost succeeded in ripping Magnus away from him and he dared to say his name like he just had, with pure spite and barely disguised disgust. Alec had a sudden need, deep and untamable, to lodge a bullet between his eyes.

“You called your lawyer,” Aline breathed out bemusedly, pulling Alec out of gloomy thoughts that surprised him by their vigor. “That's the only contact you had outside of these walls.”

“Did you notice he never came?” Valentine asked tauntingly. “I should really hire a new one. This one is really unprofessional.”

“Who is he?” Aline muttered through gritted teeth.

“I'd love to tell you,” Valentine replied in a tone that suggested he'd rather rot in that cell forever, “but I wouldn't want you to bother him. He's going to be quite busy in the following weeks. Or months. It depends on how much he wants to play. He does like his toys, my boy.”

“Who is he?” Aline asked once more, leaning forward, and although her whole posture was threatening and she looked like she was about to rip his head off, Valentine didn't so much as flinch, impassible in his folly.

“You should ask Ragnor Fell,” Valentine said with a smirk, and the video stopped.

It was almost comical how in a heartbeat every eyes in the rooms were suddenly settled on Ragnor, who was standing with Raphael and Catarina behind the couch.

He squirmed uncomfortably on his feet and crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to meet their eyes.

Raphael stepped closer to him, although Alec didn't think he realized he did, a deep scowl on his face. It seemed like he was daring anyone to as much as open their mouths to interrogate Ragnor.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” he admitted eventually, but his pursed lips told another story.

Alec didn’t push though, and when he caught the look in Lydia’s eyes, who was clearly ready to do so, he shook his head at her, firmly and with enough power that her opened mouth fell shut. She frowned.

“We recorded his conversation with his so-called lawyer,” she said instead after clearing her throat.

Ragnor moved to Magnus’ liquor cabinet and poured himself a glass of whiskey, ignoring the few gazes still fixed on him. Alec didn’t miss the way his hands trembled as he did. He paused, stretching his fingers as if it would ease his nerves.

“Maybe you can recognize the voice,” Lydia added carefully.

Aline hit another key on the laptop and this time, there was no video, only a black screen and the unmistakable voice of Valentine, cold and calculating, coming through the speakers.

“I’m being detained,” he was saying and his voice didn’t bore his usual spite. “Somewhere in California, I presume, but I don’t know where. I’m going to need a lawyer.”

“You shot a man,” another male voice, foreign to Alec’s ears, replied. It was awfully similar to Valentine’s, cold, but in a peculiar way that left the possibility of a devastating charm. “And admitted it in front of a representative of the law,” he added. “There’s not much I can do to help you.”

Alec felt Magnus tense next to him and he turned his head to find the source of his sorrow, only to find Magnus looking the other way, right where Ragnor was still standing.

His green eyes were wide with terror and his hands, which had been trembling before, were now shaking so much that he had to put down his glass on the liquor cabinet in order not to drop it.

“I shot a man who was trespassing on my property,” Valentine argued and he was about to go on, but Alec rose to his feet, throwing a pointed glare at Aline.

“Stop that,” he demanded. Aline opened her mouth to reply but he didn’t let her. “Now,” he snapped, his voice rising in spite of himself.

“You should really review your security system,” the other voice drawled. “Your guards -”

Aline’s inability to react had pushed Simon to intervene. He leaned forward, all but smashing a key on his precious Christine and the recording stopped abruptly, the foreign voice dying.

For a short moment, the room was plunged in utter silence. Alec was clearly the only one, along with Magnus, who had noticed Ragnor’s reaction because they all stared at him bewilderedly, like he had just lost it or grown a second head.

And then, Magnus rose from his seat, his lips pulled into a thin line and his eyes imperturbable and, without a word, crossed the room to get to Ragnor. He grabbed his elbow and Ragnor startled, letting out a weak whimper that was only audible because of the otherwise quietness. Magnus murmured something inaudible to Alec and pulled Ragnor behind him in the corridor. A few seconds later, the door slammed with a bang that made Aline jump on her seat.

Alec blew out a deep sigh, running a hand in his hair. He pulled at it, just enough to keep his head straight and spun to level Aline and Lydia with an unreadable look.

“Just get on with it,” he mumbled, sitting back down. “Let’s get this over with so we can all move on for good.”

He didn’t believe the words that came out of his own mouth but maybe if he repeated enough times, they would become true. He had to believe they would move on eventually.

“Let’s skip the recording,” Aline said hesitantly, somehow managing to look both sheepish and stern at the same time.

“If it’s skippable, you could have done that from the start,” Hodge cutted in. “In case you didn’t know it, they are both having some trouble getting back to normal,” he added, gesturing vaguely towards the corridor where Magnus and Ragnor had just disappeared, as if there was any mystery about who he meant. “They don’t need more trauma from you.” 

“They won’t have any trauma left when they’re dead,” Aline replied coldly. 

“You’re the one who is going to end up dead if you keep talking like that,” Raphael snapped, taking a step forward, his dark eyes more menacing than Alec could recall ever seeing them.

Luke moved swiftly, putting a hand over his chest to stop him from striding closer.

“What Aline means,” Lydia said in a rush, raising both hands in defense, “is that our priority is to ensure your physical safety, because you won’t have a mental one to protect if you get killed.”

“I’m sorry for what happened to you all, and especially to them,” Aline added with a heavy sigh. Alec wanted to laugh. She had no clue. She couldn’t know what they had been through. Her apologetic glance seemed very little in comparison of the constant mess they were in ever since they had made the foolish idea of getting involved with Valentine. “I really am. But right now, my job is to stop the people who are trying to kill you without caring how many casualties they leave in their wake. It’s not to protect your feelings.”

And Alec could see the logic in that, could understand the necessity of it, but it still left him with a sore taste in his mouth. He decided, right then, that if they found a solution to this problem, it would be without Aline or Lydia. It would be between them, their chaotic team, but a team nonetheless, because they cared enough to protect each other in all the ways that matter.

“Anyway,” Aline went on, “the conversation between Valentine and his supposed lawyer goes on for a while. We eventually figured out that they use some kind of coded language and that’s how Valentine gave the order for the killing of his guards.” She paused, her face a perfect mask of professionalism. “That’s also how he was informed of Magnus’ survival… And that’s how he sent a professional killer after you.”

“Great,” Simon said in a tone that suggested the opposite. “That’s great. I love it when my life is in danger and it may or may not be my girlfriend’s mother trying to kill us.”

“The voice,” Isabelle breathed out suddenly, gaze lost into space. “I knew that voice.”

She leaped to her feet and pointed a firm finger at Aline.

“Play that recording again,” she demanded, her voice leaving no room for negotiation.

Aline frowned, but obliged.

Isabelle turned towards Luke and Hodge, his eyes almost frantic. “Listen! I know that voice!”

“You shot a man,” the foreign voice said again. “There’s not much I can do to help you.”

As much as Alec tried to twist his brain upside down, he couldn’t place it, couldn’t find one single familiar note to it, except for the strange similarity with Valentine’s own dragging voice.

“Oh fuck,” Luke muttered under his breath, his eyes widening slowly.

Alec didn’t have the time to be shocked at Luke for swearing because Isabelle yelled, “Yes!” and promptly hit Luke on the shoulder as realization made his dark skin pale a little.

“Is that -” Hodge started, but he cut himself, shaking his head in bewilderment. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“That’s his voice, though,” Luke said solemnly.

“Can you three stop that shit and share the apparently important piece of information with us?” Jace snapped, glaring at Isabelle when she kicked his shin.

“That voice,” Hodge said. “We know that voice. It’s the guy we sold the ruby to in Las Vegas.”

“That’s great!” Clary exclaimed out of the blue, pulling out of the self-inflicted trance she had been into for a while.

Alec wondered if she had officially lost it. “How is that great? That just means we got screwed over from the start! That fucker bought the ruby from us just to steal back the money!”

“No,” Clary said, shaking her head vigorously. “That means you,” she added, pointing a finger at Isabelle, Luke and Hodge, “know what he looks like.”

She bended towards the coffee table in Magnus’ living room and picked up a piece of paper and a pencil. “That means I can draw him.”

.

Magnus closed his bedroom door behind him and leaned against it, watching powerlessly as Ragnor started pacing back and forth, his breathing sporadic.

“I can’t,” he muttered to himself, seemingly oblivious to Magnus’ presence in the room. “I can’t. I can’t.”

Ragnor stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes shooting up to bore straight into Magnus’.

“I can’t,” he repeated, as if it suddenly made sense. “I can’t do this, Magnus. I can’t.”

Magnus pushed from the door and strode forward, crowding his head in both his hands.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he murmured reassuringly, his thumb lightly stroking against his cheek.

“I do,” Ragnor protested, shaking his head, “I have to. I have to tell you. You need to know. But I can’t. I fucking can’t.”

He took a shaky breath, stepping away from Magnus to tug at his own hair, closing his eyes in an attempt at composing himself. Magnus’ hands fell flat against his sides.

_ The bullet didn’t do it. _

As if he was reading his mind, Ragnor stopped fretting. It was like he had switched off something and he was suddenly utterly immobile. Apart from the exaggerated inhales he was taking, he seemed completely calm and composed. Magnus was oddly jealous of how easily he pulled himself back together.

Then again, he supposed Ragnor had more practice than he did in that matter.

“His name is Sebastian,” Ragnor said slowly and he winced, like the simple name was enough to rip something inside of him.

Magnus stepped forward again and took Ragnor’s hand in his, tugging on it to push him lightly towards the bed. He sat on the edge, tapping the space next to him to push his friend to do the same. Ragnor sighed, but obliged.

His hand was trembling in his, the only evidence of how he truly felt.

Magnus admired the poise with which he managed to appear so calm when there was obviously a storm raging in his mind.

“I’m not sure what he is to Valentine,” Ragnor continued. He closed his eyes, took another deep breath and didn’t open them when he kept talking, “but I know what he is to me. He’s the executor that holds the rope to hang me.”

_ The bullet didn’t do it. _

“He’s my boogeyman.”

“Ragnor, you don’t have to tell me,” Magnus murmured and immediately mentally chastised himself.

He wasn’t scared that Ragnor would snap and panic while telling his story. He was terrified of hearing it. He didn’t want to know what Ragnor had been through. He didn’t want to know what Ragnor had endured  _ because of him _ .

“I do,” Ragnor whispered, his voice wavering slightly. “You need to know what you’re up against. He’s not… He’s not  _ normal _ . Magnus, he’s fucking insane.”

Magnus didn’t reply. His mouth felt dry and he wasn’t sure he would have been able to speak anyway.

“He likes to hurt people,” Ragnor continued. “If Valentine had someone he wanted to get rid of, Sebastian was doing it and… sometimes, he’d come and see me afterwards and -  _ Magnus _ \- I swear, the look in his eyes. It was pure wickedness. Evil. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”

“What did he do to you?” Magnus asked, because he needed to know, not because of some kind of morbid curiosity, but to apprehend the length of his responsibilities.

_ The bullet didn’t do it. _

“He killed me,” Ragnor said with devastating simplicity.

Magnus had to bite the inside of his cheek to repress the tears that were threatening to come out. Ragnor wasn’t crying. He had no right to do so himself.

He felt blood in his mouth, and the metallic taste was surprisingly grounding, too perturbing for Magnus to focus on the pounding of his heart.

_ The bullet didn’t do it. _

“He broke me,” Ragnor murmured, his fist clenching on his knee.

Without a warning, he started unbuttoning his shirt and before Magnus could stop him - although he wasn’t sure he would have - he was shrugging it off. His skin was pale and he was skinnier than Magnus remembered him, his ribs apparent. There were a few scars on his stomach, faded to a dim white by the time but Ragnor shook his head and turned his back to Magnus.

Magnus gasped and choked on the sob he had so desperately tried to smother.

“You know the worst thing?” Ragnor asked softly, his voice somehow equally bitter and broken. “He made me like Valentine. When it was Valentine coming through the door, I was almost happy because I knew I wouldn’t have to endure his sick games.”

Ragnor’s back was an intricate map of ugly scars and burnt marks, entwining together in a dreadful pattern. At some places, Magnus could distinguish with frightening accuracy the object Ragnor’s persecutor had used to scar him. There, a knife. Here, the roughness of barbed wire.

And there, in the middle of his back, the lines and scars stopped to form a circle in the middle of which laid a burnt S, like the devil himself had branded Ragnor his to play with.

Magnus shook his head, but the tears were already gathering at the corner of his eyes.

Ragnor. Ragnor had suffered so much. Ragnor had been through hell.

Because of him.

_ The bullet didn’t do it. I did. _

His heart in his throat, Magnus leaned his forehead against Ragnor’s bare back and cried.

_ I did. _

.

It took Magnus a while to stop crying. When he did, he felt drained of his energy and Ragnor had fallen asleep on his bed, his shirt back on.

He had told Magnus in hushed tones the reality of his ordeal, from the inevitable loneliness to the utter terror every time he heard footsteps in the corridor of the Morgenstern manor.

He told him about how it was still haunting him, some days. How he had to take a moment to make sure Sebastian wasn’t here every time he walked next to a boy with hair as blonde as a wheat field. How he could still hear his drawling, cruel voice sometimes, and how the recording had brought him back into that room, back under a rule he couldn’t hope to overthrow.  *stopping point*

He told him about the burns and the wicked laughter that had accompanied them. He told him about the ripping of the knife through his ribs, an “experience” meant for Sebastian to observe how a man looked like while he was bleeding out.

He told him about how he had wished to die so, so many times and how the thought of seeing his friends again, Magnus, and Catarina, and Raphael, was the only thing that had kept him sane.

And all Magnus could hear, all that time, was:  _ why did you do this to me? _

_ Why did you let them do this to me? _

Magnus had never seen himself as a good person. Not in the religious term of the word, and most certainly not in the juridic term of the word. But, for a long time, he had thought that, at the very least, his morals were good.

But he wasn’t so sure anymore.

How could he when the people close to him ended up broken beyond repair or dead?

Ragnor. Raphael. Clary. Camille. Alec.

_ Oh, Alec. _

It was like no matter what he did, the people he cared about were bound to be hurt in the end.

His heart falling into a pitless abyss, Magnus made a choice.

He was toxic and if there was nothing he could do to help Ragnor and even less to help Camille, he could still prevent the same from happening to the one person he loved perhaps more than the others.

He rose to his feet and locked himself in the bathroom, wiping his smudged makeup off. Slowly, he fixed it, taking special care in hiding the redness of his cheeks, fully aware he wouldn’t be able to do the same with his eyes.

When he was satisfied - or as satisfied as he’d be - with the result, he blew out a deep breath, cursing inwardly when it came out as a wavering sob instead. He gritted his teeth, closing his eyes to pull himself together and waited until his heartbeat was back under control before he came out of the bathroom, heading straight to the living room.

The rest of the team was still gathered there, everyone focused on Clary, who was sketching something on a piece of paper while Luke, Hodge and Isabelle were hovering over her shoulders.

They looked up at him when he came in and when Clary grinned at him, his heart clenched in his chest.

“We know what he looks like,” she exclaimed with an enthusiasm he couldn’t share.

He ignored her, turning to Raphael instead, who was glancing back with an expectant flicker in his eyes.

“He’s asleep on my bed,” Magnus told him evenly. “Go.”

Raphael didn’t waste another second, disappearing in the corridor.

Clary rose to her feet, showing him the drawing in her hands.

Even her artistic skills couldn’t hide that the guy was objectively handsome. Yet, Magnus thought he was the vilest face he had seen in his life.

“His name is Sebastian,” he said slowly.

He saw, from the corner of his eyes, that Luke was about to speak, probably to ask him how he knew that much. But Magnus held a hand up, effectively shutting him up.

“I think you should all go home,” he said.

When none of them moved, he added a low, “Please. I need to get some sleep. Ragnor doesn’t feel well. I’ll call Luke tomorrow to fill me in.”

Luke seemed to hesitate, probably reading in his eyes the shattering misery, but he nodded and gestured for the rest of the group to move along.

Luke and Hodge were out first, Lydia and Aline on their feet. Simon stopped to squeeze his shoulder, Isabelle and Clary to peck his cheek, and Jace nodded at him, but Magnus found no comfort in either of these yet amiable attentions. Catarina kissed his forehead and promised to call the next day, but Magnus remained impassible.

He had to do this now. He had no choice.

_ The bullet didn’t do it. I did. _

When Alec lingered behind, Magnus had to clench his fists to stop his hands from shaking too much. He walked up to Magnus, stopping in front of him.

“I’m going to go talk to my mother with Jace and Izzy,” he said, reaching out to push a strand of hair away from Magnus’ forehead. Magnus digged his nails into his palms. “I’ll be back later. Go to sleep, I’ll let myself in.”

_ I did. I did. I did. _

“Please don’t,” Magnus murmured.

Alec frowned, genuinely confused. “What?”

“Please don’t come back.”

Alec’s mouth dropped open, but his eyes darted to the corridor that led to Magnus’ bedroom and he nodded.

“Okay,” he replied, although it sounded like he was dreading the idea of not coming back to Magnus even in the middle of the night. “Take care of Ragnor. I’ll come by tomorrow.”

_ The bullet didn’t do it. I did. I am toxic. _

“No, Alec,” Magnus whispered, shaking his head. “Not tomorrow either. Please don’t come back.”

Magnus couldn’t watch as realization dawned and Alec understood the true meaning of his words.

“Magnus,” he breathed.

It was a plea, and Magnus almost heard the pieces of his heart shattering on the floor.

“Don’t do this,” Alec demanded, reaching out to cup one of his cheeks in his hand. “I love you.”

Magnus remembered the time these words had filled him with pure glee, before his mind had started playing games with him. Before he had realized how dangerous they were for Alec.

“I know,” he said, “and I love you.”

Alec released a relieved sigh, but Magnus shook his head, refusing to give him false hopes on where this conversation was going. It was too late, there was no going back.

“But it isn’t enough,” he added, gently pushing his hand away, and this time, he couldn’t look away as Alec’s handsome features purely decomposed in a crestfallen expression to rip the remaining of his heart in half.

“Magnus, please,” he murmured, like he was afraid of scaring him away if he spoke any louder. “This isn’t the solution. You’re not helping yourself.”

Magnus scoffed. How could he believe for one second Magnus was thinking of himself? He was already a lost cause. But Alec wasn’t.

Alec was sweet, and caring, and more precious than every treasure Magnus had ever stolen.

“I’m not doing this for me,” Magnus replied truthfully.

“Don’t tell me you’re doing it for me,” Alec answered at once, his voice wavering with both mild anger and utter misery. “That’s bullshit.”

Magnus’ words failed him.

He ducked his head, unable to hold Alec’s thunderous gaze any longer.

“Please, go.”

He didn’t recognize his own voice, hated how weak and pleading it sounded. When had he stopped being Magnus freaking Bane to turn into that disgusting empty shell instead?

“Magnus,” Alec murmured and without a warning he crowded his face between his hands, smashing their mouths together.

Magnus sobbed against his lips, the desperation in Alec’s every move thoroughly matching the one that drove him when he couldn’t help but kiss back.

Magnus left himself take it all in. He memorized the way Alec’s lips fitted perfectly against his own, like they had been made for him. He collected every detail, from the fading smell of his cologne after an awfully long day to the feeling of his teeth nipping at his bottom lip to the way Alec’s hands felt as they held him almost forcefully against him. He stored all of that in a corner of his brain, promising himself he would treasure the memories until he had no choice but to let go of them to protect his sanity.

As if he had an ounce of sanity left to protect.

It took everything he had, strength he had thought long gone, to push Alec away, proceeding as gently as he could while remaining firm.

“Please,” he whispered. “Don’t make this harder.”

“Magnus,” Alec pleaded, his voice breaking on a name that he had murmured reverently so many times before. “We’re stronger than this.”

Magnus closed his eyes, but opened them again a second later to stare into Alec’s, wide and shining with unshed tears. “You are, Alexander. I’m not.”

He stepped away, afraid he wouldn’t be able to refrain himself from kissing Alec again if he didn’t, and opened the front door.

“Please,” he asked again. “Go.”

Alec seemed like he was about to argue some more, and deep down, perhaps Magnus selfishly hoped he would, but his shoulders slumped in defeat and, dropping one last kiss on Magnus’ forehead, whispering one last “I love you” in his ear, he disappeared through the door, taking Magnus’ heart with him.

Magnus closed the door in a rush, afraid he would run after Alec to convince him to stay if he didn’t.

He didn’t move. He didn’t crumble to the floor like he thought he would. He didn’t screamed in agony.

He stayed there, his hand on the doorknob, letting his body and mind slowly comprehend that his chest would consist of a empty hole as of now.

He felt hollow.

It wasn’t until he felt a hand of his shoulder and Raphael stepped in front of him, tugging him into his arms, that he realized what had just happened. What he had just done.

And he burst into tears.

“I had no choice,” he mused through his sobs, clutching Raphael’s shirt into an unforgiving grip. “I had to do it. I had no choice.”

Raphael didn’t reply, shushing him quietly, his hand gently stroking Magnus’ head like he was consoling a child.

“I had no choice,” he whimpered.

He wondered if that was what devastation felt like.

Nothing more than a void in his mind and agony in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you won't believe me but this time, I swear, I truly am sorry... :(
> 
>  
> 
> I don't know when I'll be able to publish the next chapter! I have a few things I need to work on and I don't have any chapter left in advance so all I can do is ask you to be patient! I'll try not to keep you waiting for too long.
> 
> This was beta'd by the amazing [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/) <3.
> 
> If you have yelling to do... you know the drill:  
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit)
> 
> All the love,  
> L. ❤


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> Important chapter here. You'll get some answers to some of your questions.  
> Also: pain. But I'm sure you were expecting that.
> 
> Enjoy... if you can.
> 
> PS: If you're live-tweeting, please tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) or use the #lecrit hashtag so I can track it. ❤

The Lightwood parents lived in the West Village, in an old townhouse that had belonged to Robert’s parents, and to their parents before them. It was a caustic, charming house, the crimson frontage giving it a peculiar allure that was typical of the neighborhood.

It had been a while since Isabelle had stepped foot in their childhood house, and as Jace pulled over in the winding street, she felt a surge of nostalgia wave through her. Alec was sitting next to Jace in the passenger seat and he had been awfully silent for the entire ride, eyes lost into space. It was like he wasn’t even in the car with them, his mind miles away from New York. She suspected it was somewhere in California, in Hodge’s villa, hidden away with Magnus during one of the nights they had spent together on the patio, nursing their insomnia with each other.

She knew his daze supposedly had something to do with Magnus - she presumed they had gotten into a fight again, but Alec was never so quiet even after the nastier ones they had had.

Isabelle shared a glance with Jace in the rear-view mirror, his eyes conveying the same worry she was certainly sporting herself, and she pulled a face, receiving a shrug in answer. Neither of them had any idea what to do when it came to Magnus and Alec fighting.

It was clear that they were made for each other. They gravitated naturally around one another, had shared the kind of bond that was unique and rare from the first day they had met all those weeks ago, but it was also clear that lately this bond wasn’t enough. Their love for each other was strong, powerful, but it was crumbling under the pressure weighing on them from all sides, and Isabelle hated feeling as powerless as she did.

She wanted to grab Alec and tug him into a hug until all his problems would vanish into thin air, but Alec was impenetrable when it came to talk about his feelings, especially when they were negative.

“Hey, buddy,” Jace called out warily, reaching out to grip Alec’s shoulder in a strong grasp, “you okay? We can do this some other time if you need to go home.”

Alec shook his head, much like Isabelle had expected him to and cleared his throat, wiping at his eyes. The gesture seemed innocent, like he was just trying to clear his head, but then he sniffed weakly, and Isabelle’s stomach sank as she understood that he was actually holding back tears.

“I’m good,” he muttered, but his wavering voice belied his own words. “We need to do this now. If Mom is involved, we need to stop this before it gets out of control.”

“Let’s go then,” Isabelle said.

_ This is already out of control _ , she didn’t say.  _ Look at you, brother. You’re broken _ .

They got out of the car together and Isabelle quickly circled the car to join Alec, hooking her arm with his, stroking his biceps in comfort.

“Hey,” she said softly, “Magnus is just having a bad time lately. It’s just a stupid fight. He’ll come around.”

Alec didn’t reply, but his eyes flashed with hurt and he closed them before she could really dwell on his reaction, and inhaled deeply. He released a shaky breath, his jaw flexing faintly and moved forward, disentangling their arms, promptly knocking on the front door before she could add anything else.

Isabelle frowned and exchanged another worried look with Jace before they followed their older brother.

Alec looked equally devastated and determinate, staring at the door in front of him like it had personally offended him and he remained utterly immobile, arms crossed over his chest, until they finally heard feet padding coming their way. There was shuffling on the other side of the door for a moment.

Their father’s face was a mask of pure shock when he opened it, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, not unkindly. “It’s half past five in the morning!”

Alec shoved his way inside without a care in the world. “Where’s Mom?” he inquired.

“It’s half past five in the morning,” Robert repeated bemusedly. “She’s in bed. Sleeping. As was I.”

“Yeah, well you’ll sleep later,” Alec replied coldly. “We need to talk to you both. Now.”

“Alexander -”

“Alec,” he cut in abruptly, voice shuddering with emotions and Isabelle wanted to reach out, to take his hand, to do something,  _ anything _ , but he seemed like he was about to explode and she didn’t quite dare to. “It’s Alec. Just Alec.”

Robert nodded, obviously bewildered. “If you want to settle this thing between us -”

“This  _ thing _ between us can wait,” Alec snapped. “We need to talk to you and Mom. Now!”

Robert startled and ushered out of the hall and up the stairs that led to the bedroom.

As soon as he was out of earshot and sight, Isabelle strode the two steps that separated her from Alec and grabbed his arm gently.

“Alec, calm down,” she murmured. “We won’t get any answers if we just yell at them.”

“We’re going to get answers even if I have to force them out,” Alec retorted heatedly. The anger in his hazel eyes was urgent and heavy, but it was nothing compared to the infinite hurt she could read underneath.

It was an ugly feeling, to realize too late that your loved ones are agonizing with an ache you don’t know how to vanquish.

Alec shut his eyes again, bringing his palms up against his closed lids and he grunted, pulling as his hair like he was trying to tear the pain out. Isabelle reached out to grab his hands before he could hurt himself.

“Alec,” Jace breathed out from the side, just as desperate to understand what was going on as Isabelle herself. “What happened?”

“I-” Alec started, but shut his mouth abruptly, his breathing shallow and stuttering. “M-Magnus- I- Why?”

The last word was barely a whisper, and he uttered it like a plea, but Isabelle had no answer to give him. He didn’t seem to be expecting one, however. He stood there, frozen, his eyes unfocused and his face a mask of sheer pain. Isabelle swallowed past the lump in her throat, but the anguish and concern remained there, weighing heavily on her chest.

She didn’t have the time to pull herself back together and ask him for further explanation because they heard the sound of the stairs cracking, and when they looked up, Robert was coming down with Maryse on his trail. She seemed irritated, her lips pulled into a thin line, hands closing the belt of her night robe with sharp movements.

Alec swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort it somehow was, and stood straighter on his feet, balling his fists at his side.

“What is the meaning of this?” Maryse hissed when she reached them. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“It’s honesty hour,” Jace replied with a wry smile, leading the way to the living room. “I know it’s a foreign concept in this family, but it’s never too late to introduce it.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Robert exclaimed in astonishment. “Are you all on drugs?”

Isabelle tugged lightly on Alec’s arm to drag him towards the living room and shut the door behind them. Max was likely still sleeping and he didn’t have classes the next day - or more accurately, today - because it was Sunday and he didn’t need to be awaken by their conversation. Isabelle had a feeling it wasn’t going to go smoothly.

“I don’t think we’re on drugs,” Jace quipped, before turning a staged dubious look to Isabelle and Alec. “But maybe that would explain the things we saw that I think we might have prefered to hallucinate.”

“Enough,” Maryse snapped, her strict voice heavy with annoyance. “Explain yourselves.”

Isabelle plucked her phone out of her pockets and produced the video Simon had sent her, before shoving the screen in front of their parents’ eyes.

“So, Mom,” she drawled with a taunting edge to her voice, “are we hallucinating or are you really paying the woman who murdered someone in cold blood just a couple of minutes before?”

The silence that followed was long and - if Isabelle was completely honest - oddly satisfying.

.

Magnus didn’t sleep that night.

The tears stopped flowing after a while and Raphael tugged him into Ragnor’s bed, since his own was still occupied by his friend, and buried him under layers of blankets. He even went to fetch Chairman Meow, who had been peacefully napping on the balcony, before unceremoniously forcing him down the covers with Magnus. The cat struggled for a moment, scratched Raphael’s hand, who hissed in pain, but eventually relaxed when he recognized his owner. Chairman sniffed at Magnus’ tears-damped cheeks before curling up against his chest.

“I’m going to go check on Ragnor,” Raphael murmured, fingers gently stroking Magnus’ hair reassuringly. “Are you going to be okay?”

Magnus didn’t reply.

His mouth felt dry, his body drained of its energy and his chest hollow.

He didn’t even know how to answer that. No, he probably wasn’t going to be okay. He missed Alec already and he had only been gone for an hour. Because of Magnus himself.

He had to remind himself that he had done what was best for Alec, to protect him from the same disastrous fate that seemed to fall upon everyone Magnus cared about, or had cared about. And Alec deserved better than a traumatized boyfriend who woke up in the middle of the night with panic attacks - when he managed to sleep at all.

It was agonizing, but he had made the right choice. And he would keeping telling himself just that until he finally believed it.

Curled up on Ragnor’s bed, Magnus could smell his best friend’s cologne on the sheets, the scent oddly relaxing in the conundrum that was his mind. He focused on timing his breathing with the alarm clock on the night table and if it didn’t made him feel better, it managed to tame the wild beating of his heart.

Raphael didn’t move for a while, hand tracing soothing circles on Magnus’ back, but eventually, when he realized Magnus couldn’t find the strength to respond, he stood up, straightening his shirt in a robotic move meant to keep it perfectly sharp like it had been ironed an hour before, an old habit he had kept from his childhood and his mother bringing him to church every other day.

“Raphael,” Magnus croaked out before he could leave, and his friend froze immediately. His voice sounded rough, like his harrowed cries had permanently damaged his throat.

“Yeah?” Raphael whispered softly, eyes finding Magnus’ and riveting into them unabashedly.

“Are we going to talk about the shirt laying under Ragnor’s closet which I know, without an ounce of a doubt, belongs to you?” Magnus murmured.

From where he was curled up, he could see it, rolled into a ball under the furniture, but Magnus recognized it nonetheless. He had offered it to Raphael himself, about three years ago.

Magnus had known Raphael for a very long time. He was his oldest friend, close enough to be a brother in terms of both caring and bickering. So it surprised him to see the blush that promptly colored Raphael’s cheek, so unfamiliar that it made him look like a complete stranger.

“It’s - Uh, you know-” Raphael stammered, fingers nervously tugging at the hem of his shirt.

“I’m not judging,” Magnus cut in before he could go on. His voice was still weak and he wanted nothing more than shut it and sleep until his nightmares would miraculously disappear, but Raphael was enough of an idiot to feel guilty for allowing himself to seek happiness when Magnus was crumbling, and he needed to rectify that. “I want you to be happy. You both deserve to be happy.”

Raphael frowned and walked back to the bed, sitting down next to Magnus. Chairman Meow glanced up at him with blown eyes and tensed, but didn’t leave Magnus’ side.

“Is that what this is about?” Raphael asked, tone soft and careful. “Do you think you don’t deserve happiness?”

Magnus scoffed. Whether it was in indignation, disbelief or plain sarcasm, he wasn’t sure.

“Magnus,” Raphael whispered. “Is that why you broke up with Alec?”

“No,” Magnus murmured back, although he wasn’t convinced of his own answer, “everyone deserves happiness. Especially him.”

“And you think this is the answer?” Raphael asked bemusedly. “Magnus, he loves you. I can’t fathom why, but he does.”

The joke was lost in his desperate attempt at cheering Magnus up. Magnus shrugged, the gesture made somewhat difficult by his lying position. He ran a hand over his tired features, scrubbing at his swelled up eyes.

“It was for the best,” he said, but he heard the skepticism in his own voice, could almost physically feel his insecurities feasting on the remains of his shattering hopes. “I’m not good for him. I’m not good for anyone right now.”

Raphael sighed, more in helplessness than annoyance, and reached out to squeeze Magnus’ arm gently. “You’ll be okay,” he said, like a promise and Magnus tried to believe him, but a voice was still screaming all the reasons why he wouldn’t be at the back of his mind. “You’re not alone, okay?”

Magnus hummed absently but didn’t reply, burying his nose in his cat’s fur.

He waited until Raphael was out of the room, door securely closed behind him, to whisper to himself, “It was for the best.”

Perhaps it was one of those things that would eventually implement in his head if he repeated it often enough.

He remembered Alec’s words, all those weeks ago, when Magnus had woken up from a nightmare after their first night together. “ _ You did nothing wrong, _ ” he had said back then. “ _ You need to forgive yourself. _ ”

How these words managed now to be so sharp and yet so vague in his mind, Magnus didn’t know. But he knew he had to find them a meaning on his own.

.

“Maryse,” Robert breathed out, eyes blown with shock. “What are they talking about?”

Alec pulled out of his daze to stare at his father, who looked as bewildered as he sounded. He frowned, darting his eyes to his mother who was staring right back defiantly, her lips pursed together tightly, dark eyes unreadable.

“What did you do?” Robert asked again, in a blank tone that fitted his slowly blanching face.

“I did what I had to do,” Maryse gritted out through clenched teeth, her chin up in the air as if she was daring any of them to talk back.

Clearly, she didn’t know her children very well if she thought they would keep their mouths shut.

“Did you pay to have Camille killed?” Isabelle asked, arms crossed over her chest, brow furrowed sternly. She looked every bit like their mother then, fierce and strict, but wild in her own ways.

There was silence for a few seconds and time seemed to suspend in the air, stretching to accommodate to the heavy atmosphere between them.

“Yes,” Maryse said.

Alec wasn’t half as shocked as he should have been. Somehow he was also grateful, because at least the quiet had been broken and he wasn’t sure he could deal with silence right then. Silence brought reflection, and reflection would bring introspection, and Alec didn’t want to think about what was going on inside his head.

As long as Maryse talked, he could focus on that, on finding a solution to this everlasting pandemonium they had stumbled into when they had agreed to help rob Valentine all those weeks ago. This way, he didn’t have to ponder on the way his heart was screaming in agony in his chest.

He didn’t have to think about Magnus.

“What the hell?” Jace exclaimed and he started pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, his eyes darting everywhere at once.

“I did what I had to do,” Maryse repeated sternly. “I protected the three of you and I’d do it again.”

Her voice was devoid of emotion, if only for the slight annoyance and anger lying underneath. She was clenching her teeth and every once in a while, her lip was twitching up in irritation. Beside her, Robert was stuck in an almost whimsical astonished expression, lips parted in surprise, eyes blank with shock.

Alec actually startled at that, Jace stopped walking abruptly and Isabelle uncrossed her arms, letting them fall at her sides.

“What are you talking about?” Alec breathed out, and his voice sounded foreign to his own ears.

He didn’t let himself think of the reason why, of Magnus asking him to leave and not come back, on how final the desperate kiss he had pulled him in had felt, on how hollow he felt at the thought of not going back to Magnus when they were done here. He didn’t let himself think about it, but it happened anyway, and all he wanted was to take the stairs up to his childhood bedroom, curl up onto a bed that he had long outgrown and cry.

“You went after Valentine Morgenstern!” Maryse snapped, her voice rising with anger, and Alec’s mind was suddenly very much aware of the situation.

“W-What?” Isabelle managed to ask, just as astonished as Alec himself.

Maryse heaved out a deep breath and pushed back her long, loose hair. Alec didn’t remember ever seeing her that way except for early in the mornings, when she hadn’t had the time to tug them back into her usual strict ponytail yet.

It made her seem oddly vulnerable, her pale skin looking almost grey. Adorned into a simple night robe, she looked petite, and yet Alec had never been so weary around her, not even when he gathered, with difficulty, the courage to come out to his parents all those years ago.

“What?” Maryse spat out, her thunderous dark eyes darting over them like they were still little children that she could reprimand. “Do you think I don’t know what you do with your lives? Do you think I just completely stopped caring about you from one day to another and never tried to know how you managed to rent an apartment in Manhattan without working?”

“We’ve known for a while,” Robert chimed in, levelling them with a pointed glance.

Alec didn’t reply, sharing an aghast look with his siblings instead. Nothing made sense anymore. He needed to sit down. He wasn’t sure his legs were going to hold him up for much longer. His body was shuddering and he didn't know what exactly had caused it, but he knew he need to rest before he collapsed in front of his family. He walked slowly to the couch and let himself drop on it unceremoniously.

“Explain,” he demanded, rising cold eyes to his parents.

Robert heaved out a deep sigh, running a hand over his tired features. “I’ll go make coffee,” he murmured. “You start, Maryse.”

He was gone in a second, fleeing out of the door as if he could flee the problems between them as well. Alec barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

As soon as he was out, Maryse found herself the recipient of three cold, expectant glares and she sighed, taking one step closer, although she stayed at a reasonable distance. Isabelle came to sit next to Alec, arms still crossed sternly over her chest.

“When Alec left the house -”

“When you kicked him out,” Isabelle corrected sharply before Alec could open his mouth to do the same, eyes flashing with anger.

Maryse deflated and she rubbed her fingers together for a second in a nervous gesture that Alec was surprised to recognize after all this time.

“At first, we weren’t too worried,” Maryse went on, but she sounded more hesitant now. “We knew you were okay because your siblings kept us updated, but when they both turned eighteen… Well, they left to go live with you and we had trouble keeping up.”

“Please,” Alec snorted, not bothering to hide the disdain in his voice, “you kicked me out. Don’t act like you gave a shit about my well-being.”

“We did,” Maryse replied firmly. “I told you you should go away and stay with a friend, I never said it had to be permanent.”

“You never said it was temporary either,” Alec argued through clenched teeth. “You said I had to leave while you were ‘dealing with this’, as if my sexuality was a stain on the pretty landscape you had painted for my future.”

“I’m sorry,” Maryse murmured, in a barely audible whisper.

“W-what?” Jace prompted, lifting an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, louder. “I didn’t act like a mother.”

“That’s alright,” Alec gritted out, cold rage twisting in his stomach. “You never truly were one anyway.”

It was a lie, but Alec took a vicious pleasure at seeing how she seemed to be physically hurt by the blow. She took a step back gingerly, and went to lean against the armrest of the couch in front of them, half sitting and half standing.

She had been a mother, once, and Alec wasn’t sure when it had changed. He remembered how she had tucked him in bed when he was a child, how she had kissed his forehead, smiled lovingly at him. He remembered how her embraces, as rare as they were, had made him feel loved and esteemed. He couldn’t recall, however, when he had started to feel shunned. When he had begun to feel like an outcast in his own family. He supposed it had to be around the same time he had started to show interest towards boys instead of girls.

“Jace and Isabelle still visited us every once in awhile, mostly to come pick up Max and spend the day with him,” Maryse continued, and her voice sounded strained now, slightly trembling. “But you were always very nebulous when we asked you what you were doing with your lives and you always refused the money we offered you.”

“We didn’t need your money,” Isabelle said, her posture displaying the full fierceness of her persona. “And we wouldn’t have wanted it anyway after the way you treated Alec.”

“I’d rather have starved than accepted anything from you after that,” Jace added, eyes flashing with severity. “It would have meant we were condoning your actions.”

Alec felt a surge of fondness wave through him, too fleeting to allow him to breathe properly, almost immediately swallowed by the pitless hole in his chest, but enough to give him an ephemeral respite.

“I get it,” Maryse snapped, more self-deprecatingly than annoyed. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“We’re sorry,” Robert rectified as he came walking back in the room, holding a tray with five fuming mugs in his hands. He casted a look at Alec, shame in every layer of his gaze. “We truly are, son.”

He set the tray on the coffee table, and gestured for them to help themselves. None of them moved at first, but eventually Robert reached down for his own mug, dropping one sugar in, and they reached out for theirs too.

“I don’t care much for your apologies,” Alec retorted, holding his glance with all the verve he could muster. It probably wasn’t much because with every minute that passed, Alec could feel his carefully restrained mask crumble. He could still hear Magnus asking him to leave in his head, to never come back and the conversation they were having echoed with too much similarity and Alec was slowly coming to the realization that perhaps he just wasn’t good enough for anyone.

He hadn’t been good enough for his parents. He hadn’t been good enough for Magnus. Perhaps he was just doomed to be an eternal disappointment for everyone around him.

“Just tell us what we need to know,” he demanded in a whisper, curling his fingers around his mug to conceal the trembling of his fingers.

Isabelle noticed, though, and she reached out to put a reassuring hand on his forearm.

“We just wanted to know if you were truly doing as well as you said you were,” Maryse continued with a nod. “So we hired a private investigator to gather what information they could about you. That’s how we learned about your… illegal activities.”

“That doesn’t explain how you ended up paying to have Camille killed,” Jace stated, dodging the subject. They weren’t here to justify themselves, on the contrary, and the way he held himself, chin up in the air in defiance, made it clear.

Maryse shared a quick, hesitant look with Robert and he stepped forward, clearing his throat.

“When we started L&L Artcom, you were a baby,” Robert declared, looking right at Alec. “Jace wasn’t even with us, yet. At first, it wasn’t easy. We struggled a lot with money and finding clients. We had invested everything we had in this company and the first years were hard, especially after Isabelle arrived. So… well, we found a solution… Not one we’re proud of.”

Alec frowned. “What did you do?”

They didn’t reply immediately, sharing a quick but deep look, before turning back towards their children.

“We sold stolen pieces,” Robert admitted with a sigh.

Isabelle gasped quietly next to Alec, her mouth falling open, and her eyes widened. Next to the couch, Jace snorted, lifting an eyebrow. At least, he could appreciate the irony of the situation.

“And here we thought we were being originals,” he mumbled under his breath. “Turns out we were just following the family business.”

“We never stole anything ourselves,” Robert said, shaking his head. “We just sold the pieces. That way, our capital gain was greater. We ended up recovering all the money we had lost in a year and a half and then we just… couldn’t stop.”

“Why not?” Isabelle asked, her voice stone cold.

“First, because it was an easy way to make money,” Maryse chimed in. “Second, because the man we got involved with… well, we were honestly scared of angering him by refusing to sell the pieces he stole anymore.”

“Please tell me it’s not him,” Alec sighed, dropping his head in his hands, shaking his head.

Robert cleared his throat. “It’s Valentine Morgenstern,” he said, not that Alec had much doubt about it. “We met him at a conference for art traders in Las Vegas many years ago. He had done some research about the different companies represented there and he had found out about our financial difficulties. He came to talk to us with an offer we couldn’t refuse.”

“You do realize he’s a fucking psychopath, right?” Jace butted in, wrath flickering in his eyes. “He murdered people. He already had at the time.”

“We didn’t know then,” Maryse retorted sternly. “We only found out about it much later… ”

“How much later?” Alec asked, glancing up to level them with an impassible gaze.

“A year or two,” Robert said with a grimace, his face a perfect mask of shame. “But even after that, we ignored it,” he added, bashfully. “We didn’t want to know about all of this as long as working with him was good for our business - and it was.”

“I don’t regret it entirely,” Maryse admitted hesitantly, casting a quick look to her side at Robert before she took in her children’s inquisitive postures, and continued, “working with him allowed us to make contacts in this… downworld. One you’re a part of. It made our private investigator’s job easier to keep in touch with your lives.”

“Who’s that?” Jace gritted out through clenched teeth. “And, again, what does it have to do with you paying to have Camille killed?”

“I’m actually quite curious about that one too,” Robert said, taking a long sip of his coffee, levelling his wife with a sharp look over his mug.

“Her name is Lily Chen,” Maryse replied sternly. “She’s been following your lives more or less closely for five or six years. But we also made her keep tracks on Valentine, just in case. So we could have a step ahead of him if he ever decided to turn against us.”

“Smartest thing I’ve heard so far,” Jace snarled with a wry smirk.

“When she realized the two roads were crossing… She told us,” Maryse went on as if she hadn’t been interrupted. “And when Valentine was arrested, we thought we could finally relax, that you’d be okay, but then she caught words of someone being after you. She saw Camille coming out of your boyfriend’s building when you got back to New York.” Alec winced at the word and quickly ducked his head so his mother wouldn’t read the pain that poured through him as surely as if she had slapped him. “She was checking on you for us. When she reported back, I put two and two together and I solved the problem.”

“By having her killed?” Robert breathed out and he was looking at her like he was seeing her for the first time. Alec could relate.

“I did what I had to do to protect my children,” Maryse hissed, something dangerous shifting in her thunderous eyes. “She was working for Valentine for years, and she was going after them. I only had to promise her financial protection for her to show up. She took the bait. I’d do it again without blinking.”

“Oh god,” Alec whispered under his breath, shaking his head.

She had done it because of them. Magnus had had to endure yet another traumatizing experience because of them. Alec felt sick, bile rising down his throat but he urged the unpleasant feeling back, forbidding himself to think about the haunted look in Magnus’ eyes as he had watched the dead body of his ex-girlfriend. A haunted look that had turned to pure, devastating agony as he had asked Alec to leave.

When he had broken up with him, he thought bitterly. He might as well get used to it. Magnus wasn’t his anymore. He had spent weeks pushing Alec away, refusing his attempts at helping him get through the storm raging in his mind, and finally, he had made a choice. He had decided Alec wasn’t enough to help him heal.

“It wasn’t her,” he said in a small, broken voice. “It wasn’t her. You did this for nothing.”

“What?” Maryse said, frowning.

“Camille wasn’t the one after us,” Isabelle eluded, louder. “She wasn’t trying to kill us. She screwed us over because she thought it would help her escape from the people who are  _ actually _ trying to kill us. She was working for them, not  _ with _ them. And by obligation.”

“Who’s after you then?” Maryse asked bemusedly, pale skin slowly blanching even more.

“Some guy called Sebastian,” Jace uttered, tone full of disdain, “and his partner who we don’t know shit about except she’s a woman.”

“Sebastian,” Robert echoed, looking like he had seen a ghost. He turned a panicked glance to Maryse.

“You know him?”

Maryse shook her head, running a hand in her hair, and leaned to put her mug on the coffee table. Her hands were shaking and she almost dropped it twice.

“He’s Valentine’s minion,” she mumbled. “I haven’t heard from him in a while. I thought he had been caught, or killed.”

“What do you know about him?” Isabelle immediately prompted, sitting straighter, and she let go of Alec’s forearm to intertwine her hands together, looking all business. “Tell us everything.”

“His name is Sebastian Verlac,” Robert said and Jace shuffled in his pocket to get his phone, typing quickly as their father talked. “He was locked up in a mental institution for most of his teenage years. Valentine met him there while he was visiting another patient, a rich, senile man he was planning on robbing.”

“Why was Sebastian locked up?” Isabelle asked warily.

“We don’t know,” Maryse said. “We asked Lily to look into it, but his file has been sealed because he was a minor at the time and she couldn’t get access to it.”

Alec glanced to the side at his sister. “Ask Peter Parker,” he mumbled. If someone was going to hack into the government’s files to find out the ugly truth, it was Simon. “If he can’t find it, we’ll ask Raphael. If it was protected by the FBI, maybe he can get access to it.”

Isabelle nodded and immediately shot a text to her boyfriend.

“Through his few visits, Valentine grew fond of the boy, for some reason I can’t fathom,” Maryse continued. “Probably because Sebastian was even more insane than he was. When Sebastian was released at eighteen, he took him in and… well, he taught him his ways. Not that Sebastian needed much guidance. He’s been doing Valentine’s dirty work for years and he enjoys it.”

“That kid is terrifying,” Robert breathed out, visibly suppressing a shudder. Alec felt a shiver run down his spine. His father seemed genuinely scared and that in itself was utterly chilling. “I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something about him. It’s like- It’s like he’s dead inside.”

“Well, that sounds dramatic,” Jace quipped. Alec felt the beginning of a smirk tug at his lips, but it disappeared before it could fully settle on his face.

“It’s not a joke, Jace,” Maryse reprimanded him, much like she had when he had been a child running around looking to accomplish mischief. “If he’s the one after you, it’s worse than I thought. The woman… The woman I paid to kill Camille. She’s his partner.”

Alec let out a scornful, humorless snicker and glanced up at his mother. “Of course she is,” he chuckled wryly, voice heavy with sarcasm. “They wanted to dispose of Camille because she knew too much and you gave her to them on a silver plate,” he breathed out. “You even paid them for it. Well done.”

“I thought I was protecting you,” Maryse snapped, uncrossing her arms to point accusingly at them instead.

“Sure,” Alec drawled in disbelief. “You’re sure it wasn’t just that Camille knew about your illegal art trading, seeing as she was working with Valentine?”

Maryse deflated visibly, her lips parting slightly.

“I mean, it makes sense, right?” Alec went on coldly before she could try to defend herself. “Camille likely would have known. She’s been working with Valentine for years and she wasn’t on the legal side of things herself. With Valentine locked up, who knows if he isn’t going to try to negotiate a lesser sentence by giving away some precious information about... let’s say well-established business partners who have been doing illegal trading for him for years?”

He paused, waiting for an argument that never came. “But it would be your word against his, so they would need someone who knew about this business. And Camille knew, didn't she? She was terrified of him, she would have testified against you if it meant saving her own ass. You knew that.”

The atmosphere in the room had shifted drastically. Now, the air was heavy with the weight of the lies that had always been a second skin to their family. It reminded him of those Sunday mornings when his mother had forced them into their best clothes because she was having friends over for tea and they needed to look perfectly presentable, even though she didn't even like those women. Alec wondered if she had spent so much time lying to protect her image, her sociability, herself, that maybe now she couldn't make a difference between the truth and a little white lie.

“If Camille was so eager to escape him, she needed money,” he went on before he could dwell on those thoughts. There were other lies he didn't want to think about, all those times Magnus had sworn he was okay, and the ones Alec had done the same. “Maybe she tried to blackmail you into giving her money in exchange for her silence, so you took the easy way out and ended her before she could become an inconvenience. And you even could hide behind the pretence of giving you good conscience on the way you treated your children by allegedly protecting them. So really, you killed two birds with one stone.”

“That’s… outrageous!” Maryse protested, her voice hitching up with sudden anger. 

“And implacable logic,” Robert cut in, leveling her with a stern glare. 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Alec asked, his voice breaking slightly, but he forced himself to swallow past the lump in his throat to compose himself. “Magnus had to sit there and watch her get killed because of your selfishness.”

“I’m sure your boyfriend will get over it,” Maryse retorted, lips pursed in irritation.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Alec snapped, and the words were so cruel, the realization so brutal, that he stopped breathing for a moment, pain pouring through him in waves. “Not anymore,” he added in a small voice, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. He urged them back.

Isabelle gasped audibly next to him. “Alec,” she breathed out, grabbing his forearm again. His name sounded like a sad thing in her mouth.

Jace stepped forward to stand next to him, in front of the couch, and leaned a hand against his shoulder, gripping it just firmly enough to show support. “Buddy, you-”

“I’m okay,” he lied, pushing the palms of his hands against his eyelids, inhaling deeply. “I’m okay. Let’s get this over with. I just want to go to sleep.”

“Who’s the woman?” Isabelle asked, but she didn’t let go of his arm, tightening her hold instead. “Sebastian’s partner?”

“I think Sebastian and her met a while back when he was on one of Valentine’s mission to kill someone who owed him some money and hadn’t paid. She was apparently doing the same, but for the mafia,” Robert explained, casting an apologetic look at Alec, who purposely ignored it. “It was love at first sight, according to him. I think they’re just equally insane.”

“Her name is Cecilia,” Maryse said, somehow sheepishly. “Long scarlet hair, blue eyes.”

“And batshit crazy. Got it,” Jace cut in, typing on his phone again. “Do we know where they’re hiding?”

Maryse shook her head. “We only ever met them with Valentine,” she explained. “Never alone. And we never made much more than small talk. What I know about them is mostly thanks to Lily.”

“But you had to contact her to plan Camille’s murder,” Isabelle retorted severely.

“I can give you her phone number but I’m not sure how that’s going to help you,” Maryse sighed.

“You obviously haven’t met our resident hacker,” Jace replied with a conceited smirk.

Alec looked up at his brother and studied the confident, almost arrogant, flicker in his eyes. It was obvious Jace was ready to run head first in whatever danger was awaiting them and Alec couldn't let it happen. He couldn't let anyone else get hurt on his watch.

There was an idea at the back of his mind, growing slowly, and spreading until it settled in a corner, inevitable. He gulped, casting a wary look at his siblings, but they were both looking at their mother. He couldn’t let it show on his face. They knew him too well, and they would guess what was going on in his mind as quickly as the idea had surged through him.

They would try to stop him, and he couldn’t let that happen.

He couldn’t do it alone, but he didn’t have to drag them into the plan that was slowly forming in his head. If he was going to march through hell, he wasn’t about to take them with him.

Too many of his loved ones had been hurt because of this whole mess, and he wouldn’t let it happen again. He was going to fix this, and he was going to do it without them.

“Alec?” Isabelle called out warily as Jace was collecting the phone number from their mother. “Are you okay?”

Alec shrugged, not sure he could trust his words. His whole body was aching and he didn’t know if it was from the physical exhaustion or the mental agony; he fathomed it was probably both.

“Magnus will come around,” she told him.

“Magnus gave up on us,” Alec replied, his tone equally devastated and angry.

“You know he’s not well,” Isabelle sighed, gently stroking his forearm with her thumb. “He needs time to heal.”

“I was supposed to help him do that,” Alec retorted, his voice wavering and he shut his eyes again, suppressing the tears that kept coming and going. “We were supposed to fight together,” he murmured gingerly. “But I wasn’t enough, he said it himself.”

Isabelle heaved out a deep breath, leaning her head on his shoulder, rubbing soothing circles in his back.

As much as he tried to focus on the comforting touch, all he could really think about was Magnus’ broken but determinate face as he had asked him to go and not come back. His trembling, hesitant words were echoing in his brain like an endless torment. The void in his heart seemed to be chanting Magnus’ name in a desperate plea for his presence, his touch. Just  _ him _ . It was screaming for Magnus, but Alec knew those were vain cries. He had lost him, probably way before Magnus had put an end to it a few hours ago.

It felt like drowning, and Alec was about to venture into deep sea, ignoring the call of the shore, safe but hopelessly dull if Magnus wasn’t there to hold his hand through it.

.

After a while, Magnus even gave up on trying to sleep.

Chairman Meow was fast asleep against his chest, tucked under Magnus’ arm, his fur tickling his skin as his tiny body moved up and down with each of his breaths. Magnus envied him a little, how peaceful he seemed to be. How nothing could faze him.

Magnus kissed the top of his cat’s head, who didn’t as much as stir, and climbed out of bed. At first, he wandered aimlessly in his room, his eyes grazing over all the things that reminded him of Alec. Here, a forgotten sweater. There, a discarded book. Everywhere, Alec.

He swallowed past the sob that was menacing to get out and walked out of his room, overwhelmed by all the sensations Alec’s still lingering scent ignited in his whole body.

Through the wide window of his balcony, he could see the September sky was already chasing away the darkness, stars disappearing slowly, only a wide, clear moon shining in their place. Magnus grabbed one of Alec’s sweater, his keys and his phone, and got out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him as discreetly as he could.

He walked the stairs up to the rooftop leisurely. Step by step.

Once he was up there, he wondered why he hadn’t been back there earlier. It was a while since they had been back in New York now, but it was the first time he climbed here, in a place that had always been his safe haven.

From here, he could look over Brooklyn, listen to the city slowly wakening, feel the morning wind sweep through his hair and over his tears-damped cheeks. He could see the joggers and dog-walkers in Prospect Park and, far behind, the river and the skyline of buildings shaping New York.

He switched on the colorful fairlights, letting himself immerse in the magical scenery it bathed the rooftop in and inhale deeply. It did nothing to soothe the ache in his chest.

He walked to the edge of the roof and sat down, crossing his legs and plucking his phone out of his pocket.

_ I’m sorry. I love you _ , he typed, but didn’t send.

The thread of his past conversations with Alec was flashing in front of his eyes.

Alec’s last messages were dated of a couple of days ago.

_ I’m not blowing you in the toilets when my parents will most likely be around, Magnus. Actually, I normally would, just to antagonize them, but Max will be there too. _

It was crazy, how everything had gone to hell since then.

_ You haven’t even replied yet and I know you’re pouting. Stop it. _

It was crazy, how a message that had made him laugh two days ago was now bringing tears to his eyes.

_ You’re impossible _ , Alec had replied when Magnus had sent him a picture of himself pouting.

_ But in a good way, right? _ Magnus had responded.

_ In the best way possible. I’ll be there in half an hour. Love you. _

It was crazy, how reading those words was now crushing in an unforgiving grip the void that replaced his heart, when it had filled him with warmth before.

“It’s for the best,” Magnus told himself again, closing his eyes.

He took a deep breath, straightening his back, concentrating on his body, on the parts of him that were touching the cold stone of the edge of the roof, finding an anchor in the feeling of the weight of his arms against his knees.

Meditation had always been a constant in Magnus’ life ever since he had discovered it years ago. It had been an escape in his everyday life when times were rough. It had helped him a lot when Ragnor had supposedly died. It was the best way he knew to clear his mind. And he needed just that right now. To clear his mind. To push away the nightmares.

Years ago, he had created a place in his mind where he went when he was meditating, relaxing every muscle of his body and mostly his overthinking brain. In his mind, it was this very rooftop, but with far more plants than it truly had and a fountain; the sound of water flowing quietly had always been oddly soothing to him. There were colors, and some glitter too, and in the air floated the scent of sandalwood. Sometimes, there was laughter resonating all around him, Raphael’s, Ragnor’s, Catarina’s, and in the last couple of months had been added the ones of the new people in his life. It was a beautiful place, locked away in a corner of his brain.

If he ever wanted to find his way back to Alec, he had to get back to this, to force himself through the sinuous roads of his mind, to find peace with himself before he could find peace with anyone else.

But when he closed his eyes and carefully applied the same technique he had used to calm his mind for years, he didn’t find himself in his safe haven.

He was standing in a dark room, alone and lonely, cold and shivering, terrified and small.

And the only sound echoing in his ears was the sharp, loud one of a gunshot.

He never sent the text.

.

Alec stepped into his childhood room hesitantly. They had decided to get some sleep before they could talk more with their parents. They had all been exhausted and Alec needed a break.

He wasn’t sure he still belonged here, in this room, in this house. But then again, he wasn’t sure he truly belonged anywhere now. He had thought his place was at Magnus’ side, where his heart roared in his chest in happiness. But he had been wrong.

He walked further into the room gingerly, rediscovering everything he had left behind all those years ago. The bed was neatly made, the desk immaculate and everything felt wrong. Impersonal.

He sighed, and let himself fall on the bed, which creaked under his weight. The last time he had done so on this bed, he had been much less muscular. He hadn’t even thought of becoming a professional thief. The most stressing thing in his life had been to decide whether or not he was going to come out to his parents, and how he was going to do it.

He didn’t even have the time to readjust to lie properly on the bed before Isabelle and Jace barged inside his room. Isabelle was wearing one of her old pajamas and it was clearly too small for her, the pants stopping mid-calf and the top above her navel, while Jace had favored one of his old basketball jerseys, which was still wide enough for his frame, although his broad shoulders didn’t quite fit, the material stretching almost whimsically.

“Sleepover,” Isabelle stated, jumping on his bed. She bounced right back up, landing half on Alec’s lap.

“I’m alright, guys,” he said, although he could hear the lie in his voice himself.

“No you’re not,” Isabelle replied, shuffling to settle her head on his lap and look up at him. “I’m sorry.”

Alec shrugged. “I can’t force him to be with me if he doesn’t want to,” he murmured, and something painful twisted in his stomach.

“Say the word and I’ll go there right now to punch his perfect teeth out,” Jace exclaimed, with less heat than the words implied. Alec and Isabelle threw him a perfectly synchronized murderous glare, and he graced them with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “What? It’s my role as a brother.”

“I think Magnus is hurting enough as it is,” Isabelle retorted, her leg swinging to kick Jace. Her position only allowed her to reach his thigh, but he still muffled a pained moan.

“It’s okay,” Alec mumbled softly. “I’m alright.”

“You keep saying that,” Jace said, clutching his shoulder in a strong, comforting grip, “but you’re not.”

His heart sunk in his chest. He loved them, he truly did, but why couldn't they let him pretend? There was no harm in lying to himself about it. It was a question of survival.

“No, I’m not,” Alec snapped, pushing his brother's hand away. “Of course I’m not! The man I love just broke up with me because I wasn’t enough for him. I fucking love him, so much it hurts and I couldn’t help him. He's the only one that matters to me. That ever mattered to me. I can't even imagine my future without him and… and now he's gone. He doesn't want me in his life anymore. I wasn’t enough. Again.”

There was a long silence following his outburst and he shook his head, burying his head in his hands, taking deep, rickety breaths to calm himself. It didn’t work.

He felt more than saw the weight of Isabelle pushing off his lap and a second later, a delicate hand ran through his hair, small but somehow consoling.

“Oh, Alec,” Isabelle whispered. “Of course you are enough. You were always enough.”

“Then why?” Alec asked, his voice breaking on a sob. “Why did he leave me?”

Isabelle sighed, deep and contrite, and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging to envelop him in an embrace, his head tucked below her chin. She dropped a kiss in his hair and held him tightly, her free hand running soothing pattern along his arm.

Jace laid a hand on his knee, squeezing in comfort and here, in the room of his childhood that held so many good and bad memories, so many scenes exactly like this one, Alec let himself cry.

.

Alec waited until Jace and Isabelle were both fast asleep to sneak out of the bed and out the room. He made his way to the bathroom at the end of the corridor and splashed his face with cold water, before taking a look at his reflection in the mirror.

His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and it somehow managed to soften the bags under his eyes. He looked pale, though paler than usual, and his hair was a mess, peaking out in every direction. He blew out a deep sigh, dried his face with a clean towel and shuffled to find his phone in his pocket, stepping out of the bathroom as he looked for the contact.

“Alec?”

He startled, glancing up to see Max standing in front of him, gazing right back at him with a bewildered frown.

“What are you doing here?” his little brother asked, blinking in surprise. He took a step closer, tilting his head slightly to the side. “Have you cried? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Alec shook his head, clearing his throat, before sighing again at the sight of his brother’s expression, deadpan and disbelieving. “We needed to talk to Mom and Dad and… Magnus broke up with me.”

“Oh shit,” Max muttered under his breath. His eyes were wide with shock. “But he loves you so much,” he said in disbelief.

Alec clenched his teeth, pushing back another flood of tears. “Well, sometimes it isn’t enough,” he whispered.

Max only let the following silence settle for a few seconds. “Want to play Mario Kart?”

Alec’s mind went straight to the villa in California. Magnus laying with his head on his lap, reading a book while Alec was playing with his siblings, Clary, and Simon, although he had quickly abandoned the game to favor playing with Magnus’ hair instead every time. Magnus smiling up at him, private, soft and casual all at once, before focusing back on his reading. Alec wondering inwardly how life had been before this.

Now, Alec wondered how life was going to be after this, how he was supposed to carry on without Magnus’ incandescence to light up the path for him.

“Alec?” Max called out gently.

“Yeah,” he said, blinking twice to snap out of his daze. “Give me five minutes, I need to make a phone call. I’ll meet you in your room.”

Max nodded and gave him a small smile before going back to his room. Alec walked into his father’s office, empty now, and walked to the window, observing the garden, already blossoming with the early shades of autumn.

He looked down at the phone in his hand and stopped for a second when he reached Magnus’ name, his heart clutching painfully in his chest, before scrolling further down and dialling.

It only rang once before a tired, sleepy voice answered. Alec closed his eyes.

He had to do this. He had to fix this, and he wasn’t about to let anyone else get hurt in the process.

“Hi. Uhm, Raj? It’s Alec. Uh, Alec Lightwood. We met a few days ago. Yeah. I need your help with something and… could you not tell Catarina?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec are going separate ways, in more than one sense.  
> I'll leave you to think about that ;).
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter, about the Lightwood parents and the Lightwood siblings (i'm not crying you are) and about Magnus Babe and Raphael and also Ragnael (is that a thing? I'm making it a thing).
> 
> Next: Alec, what the fuck are you doing? Magnus, what the fuck are you doing? Really, what the fuck is everyone doing?  
> Coming up as soon as possible!
> 
> This was beta'd by the... um... quite magical [warlocksrune](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/). ❤
> 
> As always, you can come and yell at me (but kindly pretty please). I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
>  
> 
> All the love,  
> L.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> I apologize in advance.
> 
> Love you all ❤
> 
> Ps: If you're live-tweeting, don't forget to use the #lecrit hashtag or to tag [me](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).

_ Deep breath. Empty your head. You’re alive. Find a way out in your own mind. Deep breath. Fight it. Fight this. Deep breath. You’re safe. You’re safe. You’re safe. _

_ You’re miserable. _

“Magnus.”

He opened his eyes slowly, looking down from the edge of the rooftop at the quiet street below his feet, taking in the buzz of the night. New York was always awake, always in movement, but it seemed like time had slowed down now, as if to accommodate to the ache in Magnus’ heart.

“It’s been two weeks now.”

Magnus hummed absently, uncrossing his legs to let them hang in the void, cold wind ripping through the hole of Alec’s sweater and sending a wave of shivers up his arms.

There was a sigh behind him, and soon a body moving to join him on the edge, sitting up next to him.

For a while, the silence was dominating, enveloping them in a cocoon of quiet awareness. He tried to take it all in, to use it to coax his mind into finally finding that unfolding he had been looking for, but what he found in its place was still a dark room, without doors or windows, all chances of a beacon of light peeking through abandoned to the darkness.

His mind was a scary place.

“Talk to me.”

Magnus sighed, angling his head to look at Ragnor’s pale face. His green eyes looked dark in the night, but they still held the softness he reserved just for his friends.

“I thought I needed to be alone,” Magnus said, his voice barely over a whisper, but the noises of New York had somehow subdued, as if the city itself recognized the importance of his words, of how their late rarity had made them precious. “That it would be best for everyone. To protect them.”

“You mean to protect Alec,” Ragnor corrected softly.

A silence, and then a sigh. “Yeah.”

“And it’s not working,” his friend stated in a monotone, leaving no room for argument.

“No,” Magnus confessed.

“You’re not protecting the people you love by leaving them, Magnus,” Ragnor told him, and there was the weight of a thousand sufferings in his gaze. “You’re just leaving them, that’s it. You hurt them, and you hurt yourself. You can build all the walls you want, try to bury your feelings as deeply as possible, but at the end of the day, being alone doesn’t prevent you from hurting. It makes you more vulnerable to it.”

“How did you survive, then?” Magnus murmured. “How did you survive alone in that room for two years?”

“I wasn’t alone,” Ragnor said, not an ounce of doubt in his voice. “I had you with me always.”

Magnus choked on a sob, but quickly urged his tears back, shaking his head.

“I did a terrible mistake, didn’t I?” he whispered, more to himself than to Ragnor.

“So what?” Ragnor exclaimed with a soundless chuckle that seemed older than his years. “We all make mistakes. We all have struggles. We are all fucked up, Magnus. The real question is whether or not you let it shape the person you are. And I know you, my friend. You are much more than your struggles, and even more than your mistakes. I’m willing to bet Alec knows that too.”

“Alec probably hates me right now,” Magnus said, pushing his palms against his closed lids. “And I don’t blame him.”

“Alec could never hate you,” Ragnor scoffed. “The kid doesn’t have an ounce of hatred in his heart. He loves you.”

.

“I fucking hate him,” Alec gritted out through clenched teeth, sending a vicious blow to the punching bag facing him.

Raj, who was standing a few feet away from him, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, scoffed out a humorless laugh.

“We will find him,” he said, in a tone meant to be reassuring.

“I can't wait for him to show up,” Alec grunted. “We have to find him first.”

“It'd be easier if you were willing to ask that resident hacker of yours,” Raj argued, pushing off the wall to walk to him.

Alec sent another blow to the punching bag, catching it before it came back to hit him in the face, and blew out a deep, heavy breath, wiping sweat off his forehead with the hem of his t-shirt.

“No,” he said, in a tone that left no room for negotiation. “That's the point of this. That's why I contacted  _ you _ . I don't want any of them involved.”

Raj shook his head and pushed the bag away to face Alec, brow furrowed sternly.

“Alec, they will know eventually,” he pointed reasonably. “And they will be very,  _ very _ mad at you.”

Alec's shoulders slouched in defeat, the fight leaving him temporarily.

He had gotten used to the hole in his chest in the past two weeks, in the absence lingering in every of his movements and making him ache all over.

He had found another way to fill it, one that wasn't gentle touches, tender kisses and a loving presence. It was quite the opposite, but it occupied the entirety of his mind, left him numb to any other thought, pushed aside the pain as his attention was focused on his goal.

Raj had been a steady presence at his side. When Alec had told him what he had in mind, he had argued, called him insane, but he had accepted to help eventually, when he had understood that Alec was going to do as he had planned no matter if Raj was willing to help or not.

They had seen each other pretty much everyday since then, but not much had changed. They weren't any more advanced than they had been when they had first met in a quiet coffee shop in Brooklyn.

“I know,” he sighed, pursing his lips. “But I'm doing this for them.”

“For them, or for Magnus?” Raj asked, the knowing edge of his tone painfully notable.

“Magnus and I are done,” Alec stated, and his fists twitched with the urge to throw another blow to the bag.

Raj sighed. “You're not going to change your mind, are you?”

“No,” Alec said.

Raj took a step back and plucked his phone out of his pocket, but he looked like it was the last thing he wanted to do, like he was dreading his own actions.

“I may have a lead,” he announced in a self-depreciative voice that made guilt wrench Alec's stomach.

He knew it was unfair of him to involve Raj in his quest for freedom. Raj wasn't part of their team. He worked with Catarina, which meant he wasn't on the good side of the law, but what Alec had asked of him was on another level entirely.

“What?” Alec blurted out anyway, stomping back to him hastily. “Why didn't you tell me straight away?”

“Because you're going on a suicide mission,” Raj sighed. “And you're a good man, but you're hurting too much to realize that. If something happens to you because of information I gave you, I'll have it on my conscience.”

“It's my choice,” Alec told him with unwavering confidence. “If something happens to me, it'll be on me, not you.”

“Not sure Magnus and your team of Earth’s mightiest heroes will think so,” Raj deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “Hodge will kill me. He's got that protective dad vibe over you.”

“Hodge is like a father to me,” Alec admitted with a quick nod, “but he also respects the fact that I'm an adult who can make my own choices and assume their consequences. I won't let them pin it on you if anything happens to me, okay?”

Raj seemed hesitant for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip with a look of pure doubt in his eyes but he eventually nodded, running a hand on his features with a defeated sigh.

“I don't know where to find Sebastian,” he said. “But I know someone who might. His name is Meliorn.”

.

Simon Lewis liked being alive.

He liked it even more ever since Isabelle had stumbled into his life with her high heels and heart-melting, but too rare, smiles. His life had been turned upside down in the past months.

He had gone from being an accountant in a boring office of Wall Street to being part of a team of world-class thieves. It was far from the life he had pictured for himself even a month prior meeting them, but Clary had asked for his help and it was against Simon's nature to say no to a friend in need.

Alec didn't ask for help.

It wasn't in his nature, but Simon could see the unspoken cry for help in every one of his haunted gazes. And it was enough to spur him into action.

Clearly, he wasn't the only one because when he called Isabelle to tell her they should try to do something for him, she told him Jace and she had already been planning an intervention, but they weren't sure how to do it.

Now, in the few months he had known him, Simon had learned two things about Alec that anyone who was lucky to call themselves his friend should know.

One, Alec was excessively, annoyingly, imperturbably stubborn, especially when it came to protecting the people he cared for or his feelings.

Two, Alec only listened to two people when they attempted to make him see reason: Magnus, who was unfortunately not an option at the moment, and Hodge.

The balance between these two facts was quite thin, and Simon wasn't sure the second one still applied with everything Alec had been through lately, far before Magnus breaking up with him two weeks ago. They still had to try, however. It was better than nothing.

When Hodge arrived to the Lightwoods’ apartment in Manhattan in the evening, he looked exhausted, the bags under his blue eyes only emphasising the paleness of his skin. A wrinkle has started to show on his forehead and Simon was fairly certain it hadn't been there when they had first met.

“Where is he?” he asked Isabelle when she let him in, and even his obvious fatigue didn't cover the pregnant protective edge of his tone.

“Not home yet,” Isabelle sighed. She too bore the weight of her brother's pain on her features.

Simon had held her through nights of restless cries of sorrow and worry more times than he could count. It was, if he was quite honest, partly why he wanted to do something about Alec.

Seeing Isabelle suffer, even if it was on her brother's behalf, was more than he could endure.

“He missed the meeting with Lydia and Aline,” Hodge stated, as if they didn't all know that already.

There had been two empty seats that morning. They were all painfully aware of who should have been sitting there.

Simon wondered if that was what mourning felt like, feeling an absence lingering in a room even when there was no physical proof for it.

Except neither Alec or Magnus were dead. They were both still breathing - with the difficulties they faced, but still breathing.

“I texted him about it,” Simon chimed in. “He said he had forgotten about it and that there was no point anyway because we hadn't made any progress on Sebastian. I still can't find his juvenile file. I have a few programs running that should finishing loading tomorrow.”

“Hopefully we'll get something soon and Lydia and her Shadowhunters thing can take care of them,” Hodge said with a quick nod. “I don't know how he is able to disappear from the surface of Earth like that.”

“Me neither,” Simon admitted dejectedly. “I wish I could give us something else. Anything. But I keep coming back empty-handed.”

“It's not your fault,” Isabelle told him, leaning a reassuring hand on his forearm. “He must have someone as good as you on his side.”

Simon threw her a pointed glare, pursing his lips together and tipping his chin up.

Isabelle chuckled softly, her eyes lighting up, if gingerly. “ _ Almost _ as good as you,” she rectified, and leaned in to peck his lips chastely.

Simon nodded in satisfaction. It was the moment the front door opened behind Hodge and they all froze, only to relax again at the sight of Jace, who lifted an eyebrow.

“Why are you guys standing in the hallway?” he asked, slamming the door shut with his foot. “That welcoming committee thing is creepy, I hope you don’t make it a thing.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “We’re talking about the intervention.”

“Oh,” Jace said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do we have a plan of action for that? Because we all know that Alec is going to run away as soon as he realizes we’re trying to make him talk. Talking isn’t his forte. Especially lately. He barely gets two words out a day ever since that night.”

“Has anyone spoken to Magnus?” Hodge asked, brow furrowed in concern. “I tried to call him but he hasn’t called me back.”

“I texted him,” Isabelle said. “He didn’t reply.”

“He replied to me,” Simon chimed in, but the absent edge of his voice announced nothing good. “He said ‘I’m fine, Simon’ and nothing else. He didn’t even call me Sméagol or some other weird name starting with an S.”

There was silence for a while, heavy with a tension that wasn’t truly theirs, and they stared at each other, frowning for a pain that they didn’t know how to nurse.

“I think Alec is planning something,” Isabelle said eventually. “He's been weird for the last couple of weeks. And I don't mean just the not talking, being miserable weird. He's been… secretive.”

Jace nodded pensively. “The other day, I tried to come in his bedroom and he rushed to the door so I couldn't get in and told me he was busy. He never did that before. Well, apart when he was with Magnus, but I definitely didn't want to come in then.”

Simon grimaced. “I'm still scarred for life by what I've seen,” he whispered, as if he was confessing a great secret.

Jace visibly suppressed a shudder. “Stop. I don't want to think about my brother and Magnus having sex.”

“I'd rather walk into them having kinky sex than them being miserable like they are now,” Isabelle disputed, earning a few groans of approval. “So… how do we make Alec talk?”

“Make me talk about what?”

They all froze and turned to face him with matching sheepish expressions. It was almost comical, or at least Simon would have found some humor to the situation in any other context.

Alec was standing in the threshold of the apartment, a sports bag hanging off his shoulder, hair still wet from a shower, and his eyes were sharp, but Simon could easily read the lingering ache beneath.

“We need to talk,” Hodge said calmly, and Simon was grateful he did because he had been about to blurt out something stupid like “we're worried you're going to do something stupid so could you please not do that stupid thing you're stupidly planning to do?”.

“Yeah, sorry I missed the meeting with Lydia,” Alec mumbled dismissively. “Something else came up.”

“Alec, what's going on with you?” Isabelle asked softly, taking a ginger step forward. “You've been acting very weird for the past two weeks.”

Alec lifted an eyebrow, his shoulders tensing. “I'm fine,” he gritted out.

“You're clearly not,” Hodge said. “I know you and you're not fine.”

“Well, my boyfriend broke up with me and there's a serial killer after us,” he snapped. “Excuse me for not being happy enough for your standards.”

Hodge shook his head. “It's not what I meant and you know it,” he sighed. “We're worried about you. I am worried about you. You haven't been mourning for your relationship with Magnus. You've been… busy.”

“I go to the gym,” Alec retorted automatically, dropping his sports bag on the floor pointedly. “Helps me keep a clear head.”

“I've heard you on the phone a few nights in a row,” Jace chimed in sternly, arms crossed over his chest. “Whispering. What's up with that?”

“You've been spying on me?” Alec exclaimed, his voice hitching up with disbelief.

“Well, you don't give us much of a choice when you refuse to talk to us!” Jace argued.

“That doesn't give you the right to invade my privacy!” Alec blurted, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “Who I talk to is none of your business. Maybe I just found myself a new boyfriend.”

Simon snorted. “Yeah, right,” he snarled, voice heavy with sarcasm, before he could stop himself.

Alec shut his mouth abruptly, throwing him a murderous glare. His upper lip was twitching in anger, but it all seemed a hint too desperate.

“You're hiding something,” Hodge said, voicing what Simon had been thinking himself.

“I'm not hiding anything!” Alec yelled. “I'm trying to heal! I keep myself busy because whenever I stop to think, I'm reminded of everything that happened ever since  _ you _ -” he pointed an accusatory finger at his siblings, “- convinced me to follow you on this fucking suicide mission three months ago. I'm trying to move on! Am I not allowed to? Would you rather have me crying all day long over a man who doesn't want me in his life anymore?”

“Alec -” Hodge sighed.

“No,” he snapped. “I'm done playing the Avengers with you. It brought me nothing but misery and heartbreak. And if you think I'm not allowed to walk away from it, well fuck you. I'm not going to wait for Magnus to change his mind to try to be happy. Fuck him too.”

He grabbed his sports bag again, twirling on his heels and heading to the front door.

“Where are you going?” Isabelle called out, running after him to grab his arm.

Alec snatched his arm out of her hold. “Out,” he hissed, before slamming the door shut behind him.

His impromptu departure was followed by a long silence, heavy and a hint dumbfounded.

Isabelle turned away from the door to look back at them, and she shared a quick glance with Jace before setting her eyes on Simon, who curved an eyebrow. He knew that look, and it never announced anything good on a Lightwood’s face.

“He is totally hiding something,” she said.

“Yup,” Jace agreed. “He was lying.”

Simon’s eyes darted between the two of them. “You’re about to do something stupid, aren’t you?”

Hodge heaved out a deep sigh, patting Simon’s shoulder in comfort. “Wait for it. I can tell you it’s going to be invasive and that they’ll be really stubborn about it.”

Isabelle picked a pin out of her hair, a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips. “We’re breaking into Alec’s room, come on.”

Jace was already halfway in the corridor leading to the bedrooms.

“We’re going to regret it,” Simon grumbled, but he followed anyway, knowing full well that there was nothing he could do to make them see the errors of their way.

“No pain no gain,” Jace retorted.

“I don’t mind having no gain,” Simon said, pushing his hands at the very bottom of his pockets. “And I definitely don’t mind having no pain. We’ve all had enough pain as it is. Can we just all move away to some island in the Caribbeans? Alec and Magnus can have makeup sex under a palm tree and forget everything about Morgenstern, the evil couple of assassins, and shiny rubies.”

Isabelle smiled, albeit sadly, as she kneeled in front of her older brother’s door.

“We all want that,” Hodge said with a lenient smile. “But before they can have that, we have to protect them both, and I’m afraid this time we’ll have to sneak into Alec’s stuff to do that.”

With this, Isabelle let out a triumphant noise as the door opened with a quiet click and rose back to her feet. 

Simon walked in after them warily, stomach lurching with apprehension. He didn’t know why, but he had the worst feeling about this, like the sky was about to fall over their heads and burden them with more and more ache.

Alec’s room was like one could only expect it to be: tidy, clean and freakingly well organized. His bed was neatly made, the walls empty except two paintings that Simon had to wonder if they were skillful copies or stolen originals. On the desk laid Alec’s laptop, and a few photo frames of his siblings where they were all smiling, a frozen testimony of a happier time.

Hodge walked to the desk, absently running his fingers on the wood and he turned to Simon, lips pursed in a stern grimace.

“Do your thing, Simon,” he said.

Simon sighed, but obliged, taking a seat on the desk chair and turning on the laptop as the rest of them rummaged in the drawers and in Alec’s wardrobe in search of clues.

It was a good thing that nowadays every device one could own was connected to each other because Simon found nothing that could help on the laptop, but he definitely did once he hacked into Alec’s phone.

“Guys,” Jace called out in a blank voice, and Simon averted his eyes from the screen to look at him. He was kneeling on the floor in front of a box that he seemed to have pulled from beneath the bed and he was staring at the content with a mixture of dread and worry. “I think it might be worse than what we had in mind.”

In the box rested a 9mm pistol and bullets, enough to fill the magazine. There was nothing else, but somehow, Simon thought they all knew what purpose the gun was meant to serve.

“Yes,” Simon allowed, with just as much horror as he could read in their eyes. “It is.” He pointed back to the screen and the series of text messages he had hacked into displaying before his eyes. “I think Alec is looking for Sebastian. He wants to go after him on his own.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Hodge muttered under his breath. “Why do you Lightwoods have to be so reckless?” He ran a hand over his tired features, and swirled back towards Jace and Isabelle, who were frozen in shock.

“Call Magnus.”

.

The dark room seemed somehow darker every time Magnus closed his eyes and focused on finding his safe haven. The walls seemed to close in on him and he was suffocating with the pressure, begging inwardly for his eyes to finally adapt to the darkness so he could see something, anything, a tether to hold on to that would bring him back to the place he had created in order to ease his mind.

Sometimes, the darkness shifted and he could see, but it wasn’t a welcoming change.

_ “I thought they would have joined us by now,” Valentine had sighed exaggeratedly. “I guess I’ll just have to give them a bit of a motivation. You’re of no use to me anymore. I’m more interested in settling my unfinished business with Luke.” _

Magnus hadn’t had the time to react, to dodge to avoid the bullet boosting his way. He had barely registered Valentine’s cruel smirk as he pulled the trigger and it ripped through his stomach.

His smile was carved into his mind like a never ending torment. Even locked away, he remained, cold and unbearably ruthless, the wicked spark of his dark gaze plaguing Magnus’ every attempt at pushing the memory away.

_ “You-You what?” the Ragnor of his nightmares had snapped sharply, tainting his nights with untamable guilt. “You-You killed me. Deal with it, you coward.” _

But Magnus hadn’t. Ragnor was alive. Ragnor was alive and that was all that mattered, not the painful reminiscence of restless nights infested with cries for his friend that had never gotten a response. Not until Alec had come along to coarse away Magnus’ torment.

_ Camille’s mouth half open as she was about to spill the names of the assassins after them. The sound of an explosion ripping through his ears as the bullet lodged itself in her chest. The echo carrying on for too many seconds afterwards. The dead silence that had followed. _

_ Camille laying on the floor, her lifeless eyes staring back at him, a pool of blood sprawling beneath her motionless body and staining his patent leather shoes. _

But the bullet hadn’t done it. Magnus had.

He had killed Camille the moment he had stepped into her life all those years ago. He had killed Ragnor in another, far more twisted way, because he was still breathing, but every breath he took was ripping through his lungs like the scars ripping through his back. But he hadn’t killed Valentine.

And most of all, he hadn’t killed his inner demons.

It all came back in flashes, and then he was back in the dark room again. The silence was deafening.

Slaying his demons wasn’t easy. But finding what they had been feeding on seemed utterly impossible.

And then, Ragnor’s voice resonated in the room, crashing against the wall and echoing over and over again until it seemed to anchor itself in his head like a soulful melody.

_ “My pain is mine and you have yours to deal with. So deal with it. Endure it. But don’t you dare think you are alone with it.” _

But Magnus had given up. It had all seemed too much, felt too wrong.

He had stopped fighting.

_ “I”m not going anywhere,” Alec had pledged. _

It hadn’t been long before Magnus had sent him away. It was his fault. They were both hurting because of him.

_ “Feeling down doesn’t make you weak. You’re not weak, and you’re most certainly not a burden.” _

Alec’s voice had always appeased him and somehow, even as an echo in his own head, it managed to do it once again. In the darkness of this room, Magnus started to see.

_ “You are much more than your struggles, and even more than your mistakes.” _

There was a beacon peeking from high above his head, a minuscule stream of scintillating light. It was so small Magnus wondered if it was a trick of his own mind against him, but for as long as he stared, it was there, never growing, but not diminishing either.

And Magnus reached out, the light playing on the skin of his hand like a taunting lure, but it remained elusive and inaccessible. Somehow, Magnus knew that it wasn’t another insurmountable obstacle.

He just had to fight, and he had just remembered how to.

And there was one thing he was certain he had to fight for before anything else: he had to fix his mistakes.

_ The bullet didn’t do it. But I didn’t either. _

.

When Magnus finally opened his eyes, it took him a few minutes to absorb his surroundings again. It was like the whole city had been muted, its constant buzzing now a muffled noise to his ears. He had gone deeper in his own mind, in his inner struggles than he ever had before, and he oddly felt both incredibly rested and exhausted.

He took another deep breath and jumped off the edge of the rooftop back to the ground to walk back to the door, taking the stairs down to his apartment. He needed a shower, then he needed to call Alec, and he could only hope that he would answer.

Whatever he had expected to find as he strode towards his front door, it wasn’t the welcoming committee that was settled against the wall like they had been camping there for a long time, which wasn’t impossible, considering Magnus was usually on the roof for hours when he locked himself into his own mind.

He froze completely, his breath hitching in his throat and almost dropped his keys in the process. They hadn’t seen him yet and he contemplated on going back upstairs to hide until they would grow tired of waiting and leave, before mentally cursing himself for the cowardice.

It wasn’t who he was. Magnus Bane was not one to back out of a challenge, even if said challenge took the form of angry Lightwoods siblings, if Jace’s deep frown was anything to go by.

He inhaled profoundly, feeling his lungs rise in his chest and took the remaining steps down, walking to the little group gathered in front of his apartment.

Hodge was the first one to spot him and he straightened up immediately, thus attracting the attention of the rest of them.

Magnus sucked in his bottom lip, chewing on it nervously and his eyes darted to Isabelle. She gazed right back, her dark eyes baring more sadness - and it probably wasn’t her own, Magnus pondered to himself bitterly - than anger.

“Hey,” Magnus whispered, because he was afraid speaking louder would indeed ignite the wrath he felt he deserved.

Isabelle didn’t reply, but she scoffed in what seemed to be a combination of relief and exasperation and she grabbed a fistful of his sweatshirt to hurl him forward, hugging him tightly.

Magnus stayed immobile for a while, mouth dropping in shock, but he eventually wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back, feeling his heart constrict in his chest.

“How are you?” Isabelle murmured against his ear.

“How is he?” Magnus asked in lieu of an answer, gently pulling back.

“How do you think he is?” Jace grunted, arms crossed over his chest stubbornly, his scowl deepening. “You dumped him.”

“I thought it would be for the best,” Magnus argued weakly, rubbing his fingers together in a nervous gesture.

“You thought?” Simon chimed in, quirking an eyebrow. “Past tense?”

He took a cautious step forward, like he was afraid Magnus would break apart if he rushed himself, and it made his heart clench painfully in his chest.

“I don’t know,” Magnus sighed, running a hand in his hair. “I miss him.”

The silence that followed was resounding, and he darted his eyes away, fighting back the urge to rub his fingers against the scar on his stomach.

“We need you,” Hodge said gravely, and Magnus blinked twice, surprised, before he focused his attention on him.

“Guys, I’m really not in shape for any illegal adventure,” he muttered apologetically. “I don’t trust myself right now and you shouldn’t trust me either.”

“We think Alec is going after Sebastian on his own,” Hodge replied sternly, albeit not unkindly. “We tried to talk to him to bring him to his senses but he won’t listen to us.”

Magnus went still at once, eyes widening with bewilderment. “What?”

“He might listen to you,” Isabelle chimed in gently. “We need you.” 

Magnus shook his head and pushed away the thought of hazel eyes full of tenderness staring at him, of whispered I love yous in the dead of the night, of gentle touches that had made him feel like the most important thing to at least one’s world.

“I-I can’t,” he stammered quietly. “I wouldn’t be of any help.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jace growled, pushing off the wall to face Magnus. “You know who you’re not helping, Magnus? Yourself. You locked yourself in your apartment, you barely go out. I’m sure Raphael is doing your grocery shopping for you. Have you been out at all since you dumped Alec? And I don’t mean the rooftop, I mean properly out.”

“I’ve been out for quite some time, actually,” Magnus offered, the ghost of his trademark smirk on his lips.

Jace rolled his eyes dramatically, but Isabelle and Hodge scoffed with amusement on the side.

“I meant seeing someone who isn’t your roommates or your cat,” Jace deadpanned. “My point is, you need to get your shit together and you’re not going to do that by doing nothing all day long. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to take that one step into the void and risk it, or you’re never going to get better.”

Magnus stayed silent for a while, shoulders tensed and eyes shifting everywhere and nowhere, refusing to settle on a fixed point.

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to see me,” he murmured eventually, heart sinking in his chest.

“Maybe he doesn’t,” Jace allowed. “But if he’s going to listen to anyone, it’s you. We’re scared, okay?”  _ I’m terrified _ , his eyes said. “If he’s truly going after Sebastian on his own, he’s going to get himself killed, Magnus.”

A world where Alec would get himself killed without Magnus having a word to say in it was not a world he approved of. No matter how petrified he was to find himself on the line again.

For Alec, he would risk it again. For Alec, he would risk it all.

“Okay,” he said with a nod, ignoring their collegial sigh of relief. “What’s the plan?”

“Well, we better figure that out soon,” Simon admitted as he stepped forward, eyes focused on his phone, “because Alec’s contact just texted him to say they’re meeting with a certain M tomorrow night at the Seelie Court, whatever that is.”

“It’s a private club in Manhattan near Central Park,” Magnus said, scrunching his nose up. “I haven’t been there in years but I’m still a member. I can get us in.”

.

The Seelie Court was on the Upper East Side, in a doorman-guarded apartment building that Alec would have never bet on hosting a private club. Raj seemed to know the place, however, and he exchanged a few words with the doorman before they were directed to an elevator that was all grandeur and extravagant gildings.

“Are you sure about this?” Raj asked him for what seemed to be the billionth time.

“Yes,” Alec replied yet again.

The elevator led them to the sixth floor, and that was somehow even more surprising because Alec expected some kind of open rooftop. But the room they stumbled in was actually windowless, although it didn’t feel as confined as it could have, the plain white walls scattered with plants and ground ivy giving it a welcoming allure. It almost felt like stepping into a greenhouse. There was a wide crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

Alec could truly see the appeal of such a place to take a break from the madness of New York.

And then, another doorman opened the unique door, facing directly from the elevator, and gone was the peaceful quiet from the hall.

The second room was everything one would expect from a nightclub: bodies grinding against each other, thundering beats, glasses overflowing with alcohol, and freedom.

Raj elbowed him gently in the ribs and Alec averted his attention from the dancing crowd to see where he was pointing. Over one of the bars, there was a mezzanine where you could surmise a smaller room, shadows moving behind a unique opaque window.

“That’s where we’re meeting Meliorn,” Raj informed him, and Alec leaned in so he could talk directly into his ear over the loud music. “We still have half an hour to kill. Come on, I'll buy you a drink.”

Alec nodded, following him towards the bar. The barman was a tall dark-skinned man with broad shoulders who greeted them with a wide smile that contrasted with his brawny appearance. Raj ordered two scotches on the rocks and handed one to Alec, who merely lifted an eyebrow.

“It's a private club,” he reminded him. “They don't exactly serve beer.”

Alec shrugged and took a long sip, revelling in the feeling of the alcohol burning his throat and heating up his skin. He turned around, resting his elbows on the bar to take a look at his surroundings.

It was the kind of place he usually avoided at all costs, loud, opulent and extravagant. His thoughts drifted to Magnus, who would have fitted perfectly here, meddling with the crowd like this world belonged to him. At least, he certainly had in a distant past, before all of this had happened.

His heart clenched in his chest at the thought. Too much had changed lately, and they were all tired of looking over their shoulders and living with the constant threat over their lives. Alec was more than happy to put an end to it, and even more to do it on his own, so none of his loved ones could get hurt. He was done waiting for another tragedy to happen.

He was done waiting for things to get better on their own. It was clear they wouldn't.

“Hey, do you want to dance?”

Alec blinked, pulling out of his thoughts to glance at the brown-haired man facing him. He was slightly smaller than him and had vibrant blue eyes that seemed a bit glassy, probably from the alcohol he had consumed himself, or something stronger that Alec didn't want to know about.

He shook his head sternly, jerking his head towards Raj as if that was enough of an answer.

The man laughed, throwing his head back, and winked at him.

“You're not with him,” he said. “I'm mean, you're with him but not  _ with _ him. Come on, let's dance. I'm sure he won't mind.”

“I would mind,” Alec retorted coldly.

He was fairly good-looking, Alec had to admit. His eyes shone under the neon lights of the club, long eyelashes casting shadows on his high cheekbones and enlightening his pale skin. He was even beautiful, like everyone in this club ethereally seemed to be.

Alec thought he was quite dull.

Everyone seemed quite dull in comparison to Magnus’ scintillating and always exciting charisma.

Alec clenched his teeth and cursed inwardly. He wondered if Magnus had ruined all other men for him. Perhaps he would never move on.

Perhaps he would never want to.

The man laughed again, leaning a hand on the crook of Alec's elbow.

“I'm just messing with you, babe. Come on, Meliorn sent me to get you.”

“Don't call me babe,” Alec growled threateningly, eyes dark and sharp.

It didn't seem to faze the stranger, who only laughed again and tightened his grip, pulling Alec after him, Raj following after them, shaking his head.

They circled the bar and the stranger winked at the tall barman - he was even taller than Alec, and it was more impressive than he had expected. They were led to a storage room behind the bar, then to a set of stairs.

They stumbled into a small corridor with two doors facing each other, one right above the bar. It was the one the stranger knocked on, before passing only his head through. He said a few words Alec couldn't understand and stepped away again, holding the door open for Alec and Raj to go in.

The door shut abruptly behind them and Alec was startled for a moment by how muffled the music was once inside, lowering to a low buzz.

“Alexander Lightwood,” a sulky, sensual voice called out.

The man was sitting on the couch in front of them, arms spread on a woman's shoulders to his right and a man’s to his left, both unrealistically gorgeous. He was wearing a white shirt embodied with green and gold patterns that oddly seemed to match the leaf tattoo on the side of his face. His eyes were predatory, but not in a way that inspired desire, but rather one that had Alec resisting the urge to squirm on his feet.

They were deep, and he seemed to be able to read inside Alec's soul.

“I had heard about Magnus finding himself a toy boy, but I didn't really believe the rumors,” he said airily, waving a hand over the woman's shoulder. “You are even more gorgeous than they said you were,” he smirked, eyes raking over Alec unabashedly.

“I'm not Magnus’ toy boy,” Alec retorted, fists balling at his side despite his best effort.

“Oh, did he break your heart?” Meliorn asked, and he seemed impossibly delighted at the prospect. “He tends to do that, someone should have warned you.”

Alec clenched his jaw, urging back the need to punch his smirk off his celestial features.

Meliorn chuckled and motioned for his companions to leave. They obeyed without a second thought, music bursting through the room loudly with their departure, before it subdued to a quiet muffled sound again as they shut the door behind them.

“No need to be jealous, dear,” he said with a condescending smirk. “I wasn't talking about myself. I have too much self-preservation to put my heart in Magnus Bane's dangerous hands.”

Alec had never seen any danger in Magnus’ touch, in the gentle brush of his fingers along his spine or over his jaw, but maybe he had been too blinded by love to see it. He cursed himself inwardly. Magnus was many things, but a danger to Alec wasn't one of them. That much he was certain of.

“You don't know what you're talking about,” he gritted out eventually, sliding his hands in his pockets before they ended up around the man's throat, choking the taunting words away.

Meliorn chuckled again, his fingers dancing in the air entrancingly. “The rumors did say you were strong-headed.”

“I'm not here to talk rumors either.”

“Oh, but you are,” Meliorn replied, an excited flicker lighting up his dark eyes as he leaned forward in a swift movement. “You're looking for a ghost so you would be wise to listen to the rumors.”

“I'm not looking for a ghost,” Alec retorted with an exasperated huff. “I'm looking for a man and a woman, both very real, both made of flesh and bones. Don't turn them into some kind of myth. They're killers, nothing more.”

Meliorn smirked again and Alec dig his hands deeper in his pockets.

“And you aren't?” he retorted. “Because I doubt you want to find them just to sit around a cup of coffee and have a friendly chat.”

“Can you help me or not?” Alec snapped in lieu of an answer, crossing his arms over his chest.

Meliorn stayed silent for a while, eyes raking over Alec before staring into his own with unwavering intent.

“I can,” he said eventually, nodding gingerly. “But I don't work for free.”

“I've got money,” Alec said. “How much?”

“I don't want money,” Meliorn replied enigmatically and his lips twitched up, a mischievous spark tainting the green of his eyes.

Alec had been expected that much. Meliorn didn't strike him as the kind of person who cared much for money, because he had more than enough already.

He pursed his lips together and inhaled deeply.

“What do you want?” he asked, already regretting it.

“You're a thief, aren't you?” Meliorn said, as if it wasn't the reason why they were in the same room at this exact moment.

Alec nodded.

“I want you to steal something for me.”

“Steal what?” Alec asked, curving a dubious eyebrow.

“That's for you to tell me,” Meliorn replied cryptically, but on a tone that suggested it made complete sense.

“What are you talking about?” Alec gritted out through clenched teeth. “You want me to steal something for you, but I'm supposed to know what it is?”

“The important question is not what, it's from whom,” Meliorn said, and Alec's stomach lurched.

“Then who would that be?” he asked, although he already knew the answer.

“Why, Magnus, of course,” Meliorn replied, his playful grin broadening. “Who else?”

He waited for a beat for Alec to answer but he kept his mouth firmly shut. He wondered if the mere mention of Magnus’ name would ever stop feeling like a punch to the guts.

“You see, he stole something precious from me a while back,” Meliorn explained, in a dainty tone that made it sound like he was talking about someone other than himself. “And I can’t get it back, but I can give him a taste of what it feels like.”

Alec remained silent.

He wasn’t about to tell this complete stranger that Magnus very much knew how it felt to lose something you cared about, to see it slip between your fingers as you were powerless to hold it back. Magnus knew what loss felt like more than Meliorn could possibly imagine, but his loss had never been material. Material possessions could easily be replaced. They didn’t leave a hole in your chest like the loss of a closed one.

Alec wondered if that was one he had been experiencing lately.  _ Grief _ .

“So, I want you to steal something from him for me,” Meliorn said when he realized Alec wasn’t about to answer. “Something he holds dear. You’d know better than I do what that would be.”

It took half a second for Alec to figure out his response.

“No.”

Meliorn smirked and leaned back in his seat. “I guess you’ll have to find them on your own then, Alexander Lightwood. Good luck with that.”

“I’m sure we can find another arrangement,” Raj chimed in, stepping forward to stand next to Alec. “There must be something else you want.”

Meliorn sighed as if incredibly bored and turned his head to stare at his hand resting on the back of the couch, picking at a loose thread.

“How about the lovely piece of jewellery around your neck?” Meliorn offered, his eyes shifting to Alec's chest, an almost feral look in them. Alec’s hand shot up automatically to the necklace hanging over his heart.

_ “What's this one?” Alec had asked as they laid in bed both in the nude and legs tangled together, playing with one of the many rings adorning Magnus’ long fingers. _

_ It was the third one he had pointed at. _

_ Magnus’ eyes had lit up with pure mischief. _

_ “It's from one of my first jobs,” he had said. “I fell in love with it. I wanted to sell it anyway, because Raphael and I were going through a rough time then but he saw how much I loved it and told me to keep it. That we'd find another way to eat for the next month.” _

_ Alec hummed pensively, pulling the ring off and back on Magnus' finger. “It's beautiful,” he had said simply. _

_ Magnus had smiled, that genuine smile of his that made his eyes shine like a million stars, and took the jewelry off his finger, sliding it on Alec's instead. _

_ “Take it.” _

_ “What?” Alec had exclaimed, voice layered with a hint of indignation. “No, it's yours. You love it. I can see you do.” _

_ “Not as much as I love you,” Magnus had responded firmly, not an ounce of doubt in his voice. “Take it. I like the idea of you carrying a piece of me around.” _

_ “I'm always carrying a piece of you with me,” Alec had whispered, pressing a kiss on Magnus’ now naked finger before lacing their hands together. _

_ “You're such a sap,” Magnus had teased, but his grin matched the fondness of Alec's voice perfectly. _

_ Alec had kissed away his smirk and let go of his hand to tug Magnus against his chest, his fingers dancing on Magnus’ bare back, the added weight feeling as natural as their lips moving together. _

“So,” Meliorn said, pulling Alec out of his thoughts, “what is it going to be, Alexander Lightwood? The ring or the precious piece of information you need for your little quest?”

Alec swallowed hard and his movements were slow as they reached behind his neck to unfasten the chain. He kept it in one hand, urging himself not to tremble as the ring slid off the silver and fell into the other one. He closed his fingers around it, feeling one last time its weight in his palm, and the other weight, much heavier, it represented for his heart.

He took a step forward with a deep sigh, unlacing his fingers carefully and Meliorn unhooked his legs and jerked to his feet in a swift motion, looking so satisfied with himself that Alec had to resist the urge to cringe.

He was about to drop the ring in Meliorn’s waiting hand when the door of the private room burst open, startling the three of them.

Alec froze entirely, his mouth dropping open with shock, at the sight of Hodge standing there, eyes dark and sharp.

“Meliorn,” he gritted out, sending him a murderous glance. “I should have known it was you.”

Meliorn didn't seem unfazed and his surprise quickly subdued to be replaced by his now familiar smirk.

“Hodge Starkweather,” he all but purred. “Always a pleasure.”

“Alec, step away from him,” Hodge demanded and Alec was finally pulled out of his bewildered daze.

“What are you doing here?” he blurted, closing his fingers around the ring again and squeezing as if it could bring him some comfort.

“I'm preventing you from doing stupid, obviously,” Hodge said coldly, taking another step in the room. “What do you think you're doing? You can't do what you're planning to do on your own, Alec.”

“I can and I will,” Alec growled. “I've had enough of the people I love getting hurt while I stay still and watch. This is my decision.”

“Well, it's a dumbass decision so I've decided to ignore it,” Hodge retorted.

At Alec's look of total fury, he sighed, his shoulders slouching slightly. “Alec,” he said in a softer tone. “ _ I _ am not going to stay still and watch as you get yourself kill. None of us is. We love you. Please come home with us.”

Alec shook his head, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. “No.” Then, realization flashed in his eyes, and he blinked, looking directly at Hodge. “What do you mean ‘us’?”

Hodge smiled gently. “Did you really think I'd come alone when I know how stubborn you can be?”

He walked further in the room, making a quick motion with his hands for the people following him to come in.

Alec was barely surprised to see Jace and Isabelle there. He knew they would have gone to the end of the world and jump into the void for him, just like he would have himself. He wasn't expecting the last person who came in, however.

His breathing hitched in his throat at the sight of Magnus, and his heart missed a beat, and then seemed to stop altogether.

It had only been two weeks since they last saw each other, but it felt like years. He didn’t know what he had been expecting exactly - which was silly, really, because no one ever knew what to expect with Magnus - but it wasn’t the sight of Magnus looking so… ordinary.

He was wearing a slightly oversized sweatshirt and a pair of jeans ripped at the knees with Converse, his face bare of makeup. He still looked as breathtaking as ever, but he looked different. Too different perhaps, but Alec couldn’t have cared less because he was standing before him and it was enough to send his heart into overdrive.

Magnus gave him a sheepish smile, doubt and a hint of fear tainting his mesmerizing eyes, and took a cautious step forward. He completely ignored both Meliorn and Raj, his whole attention on Alec, gaze dancing over him like he was seeing him for the first time.

He looked like the distance between them was physically hurting him, and Alec could relate, but it also felt insurmountable.

“Hey darling,” Magnus said softly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.

“Hey babe,” Alec whispered before he could stop himself, an old reflex that had automatically resurfaced at the sight before him. It made Magnus relax instantaneously.

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he muttered in a breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Alec inquired, because this was all that truly mattered. “What are you doing here?”

“I've been told you were about to do something stupid,” Magnus replied, his lips curving ever so slightly at the corner of his mouth. “And I can't let you do that unless that something stupid is me.”

Alec scoffed, half in amusement and half in exasperation, and rolled his eyes. Relief was swelling in his chest, longing for a touch he didn't dare to allow himself.

“You're impossible,” he murmured instead, shaking his head.

Something shifted in Magnus’ gaze, full of hope and unabashed love. “But in a good way, right?” he said, voice layered with an uncharacteristic lack of confidence.

Alec could have told him what he wanted to hear, what he  _ needed _ to hear, but it would have felt like a lie, and he had had enough of lies and half-truths.

“You broke up with me,” he said in lieu of their usual answer. “You gave up on me. On us.”

“I know,” Magnus sighed, brow furrowed in a pained grimace that made Alec’s stomach twist achingly. “I-I will explain. I will. But please, my love -”

He rose a hand as if to take Alec's, but seemed to think better a second later, rocking back on his heels and biting his bottom lip.

Alec sighed heavily and reached out to take Magnus’ hand in his own.

He wanted to be mad, he really did. He wanted to be as angry as he was hurting, but this was Magnus and in no world could Alec ever make wrath overrule love when it came to him.

“Please don't do this,” Magnus finished in a low, pleading voice. “I've seen what he's done to Ragnor. And I’ve been in your place, willing to sacrifice myself for the sake of the team, but look where it got me. I’ve hurt the people I care the most about. I’ve hurt  _ you _ .” He choked up a little and Alec squeezed his hand, his hold tightening on the ring in his other one. Magnus cleared his throat before continuing. “If anything happens to you -”

He cut himself off again, the words stuck in his throat by a sob.

“You left me,” Alec said, because the vulnerable look in Magnus’ eyes only managed to bring him back to that moment, two weeks prior, when Magnus had asked him to leave and not come back.

“Because I love you,” Magnus whispered, but it was loud enough for Alec to hear. “Because I thought it would be easier for you. Because I didn't want anything to happen to you, and the people around me, they… they tend to… you know, die. Or get hurt.”

“What?” Alec breathed out. It took him a few seconds, but eventually realization flashed across his features and he exhaled deeply, taking a step closer. He slid the ring back on his fingers, twirling it around his index. “Magnus, stop beating yourself up. None of this is your fault. What happened to Camille and Ragnor, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself every time something goes wrong. The only people responsible for what happened to them are the ones I'm going after. Not you. Most certainly not you.”

Magnus blinked, and his eyes were shining with unshed tears when he tilted his head up to look at Alec.

“It's not your role to carry the weight of everyone's sorrow on your shoulders,” Alec said and he forgot about his previous qualms, reaching out to cup Magnus' face between his hands, thumbs brushing the few stray tears running down his cheeks. “And you don't make these decisions for me. Not for these reasons, at least. If you break up with me, let it be because you don't love me anymore, not because you think you're protecting me from yourself. All you did was break my heart.”

“That's never going to happen,” Magnus replied softly, and Alec lifted a puzzled eyebrow. “I'm never going to stop loving you.”

Alec’s heart leaped in his chest. “I love you too,” he murmured.

Magnus sent him a smile, small and private despite their audience. 

“Now, please, let Lydia and her colleagues do the hunting,” Magnus said, closing his fingers around the hands that were still holding his face. “We'll find a way to stop them that doesn't involve one of us getting killed. Don’t repeat my own mistakes.”

Alec didn't reply for a long time, chewing on his bottom lip, and he was about to when a sulky voice interrupted him.

“That's cute,” Meliorn snarled from the side, the spite evident in his usual calm side.

Magnus’ lips twitched with anger and he stepped away from Alec, just slightly enough for his hands to fall from his face but not enough for Alec to miss the warmth of his body close to his own, facing Meliorn instead, an untamable rage flickering in his eyes.

“I'd shut the fuck up if I were you, Meliorn,” he growled. “I'm not exactly inclined to forgiveness lately.”

“That would break my heart if I cared about your forgiveness,” he replied, voice heavy with sarcasm but eyes full of resentment. “I did think you'd show up. I've heard about Magnus Bane settling. I didn't believe it, but I can see it now. You look almost happy. Too bad it won't last.”

There was a spur of movement, a mess of limbs and blond hair and a second later, Meliorn was slammed against the nearest wall, Hodge's fingers closed firmly against his collar.

“Shut up,” he grunted. “You get anywhere near any of them again and I'll make sure it's the last thing you do.”

His voice was so cold, so ruthless that Alec almost didn't recognize him. His heart swelled with affection all the same. Meliorn simply smirked again, faking terror.

“It's okay, Hodge,” Alec said slowly, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Let's go. I'm sorry I worried you.”

It took another minute for Hodge to let go, and he made sure to push Meliorn against the wall one last time when he did.

He turned to face Alec, his jaw flexing with irritation.

“Don't do that again,” he growled. “I won't let you walk to your death. Not on my watch.”

“Well, maybe on mine, then,” a foreign voice called out from the door, somehow equally cold and amused.

The look of total horror in Hodge's eyes surely mirrored Alec's and he turned around slowly to face the newcomer.

Perfectly tamed blond hair over a pale, aristocratic face, with high cheekbones and green eyes devoid of any emotion, but the obvious pleasure he took in standing in front of them, a gun pointed straight at Isabelle's forehead. He looked just like Clary’s drawing, but ten times more terrifying. Alec took a step forward automatically, ready to shield his sister with his body.

“Ah-ah,” Sebastian said in warning, his smirk widening. “Stay.” Alec froze immediately, dread stilling his limbs all at once. “Good boy.”

Alec recognized the woman accompanying him as the one from the video, her long scarlet hair cascading on her slim shoulders. Her blue eyes were a mixture of sickening love and insane thrill as she stared as Sebastian. There was a gun in her hand too and it looked oddly big in her small hands, but no less lethal.

“Thank you Meliorn,” she said with a grin, eyes flashing with craziness. “You made our work much easier.”

Alec's heart was rummaging in his chest as he watched Meliorn straighten his clothes, wiping inexistent dust from his shoulders. Hodge took a step back, both hands up in surrender.

“I am going to kill you,” he told Meliorn between clenched teeth.

“You would have to survive for that,” Meliorn retorted with a smirk, before dismissing his whole existence as he swirled towards the couple in the entrance. “Anything for our queen,” he added in a mellow tone that made Alec's stomach lurch with disgust.

Sebastian tutted him, but his attention was on his captives. He opened the door of the private room wider with his free hand.

“Follow me, my dears. Don't do anything stupid. I would hate to have to paint the walls with anyone's brain,” he said, in a tone that clearly indicated the contrary. “We're going to have so much fun.”

Alec shared a look with Hodge, and then with Magnus, whose eyes drifting away from the gun in Sebastian's hand to look at him.

“I'll get us out of here,” he pledged silently when Magnus walked past him to get out of the room, hands up in the air like the rest of them.

_ I'm sorry. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I can't help it. Cliffhangers are my jam.
> 
> Yelling happens on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> This was beta'd by my babe [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/). Thanks for being awesome and putting up with my horrible self.
> 
> See you soon.
> 
> All the love,  
> L.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, cupcakes.
> 
> This chapter comes with a trigger warning for graphic depictions of violence, blood and character death.  
> This is not a drill. It's heavy, HEAVY angst, and I'm warning you because I don't want to trigger anyone.
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> Ps: live-tweeting is still fun, though. Don't forget to use the #lecrit hashtag.

_ One of us is going to die tonight. _

It was a cold night.

As they reached the rooftop, Magnus felt a shiver run down his spine, but he gritted his teeth, urging his body not to tremble.

If he knew anything about wicked people, it was not to show weakness in front of them. Perhaps it was too late for that, but Magnus wouldn't be the one to give Sebastian further ammunition.

For wicked he was.

Magnus had met his fair share of deviant people throughout his life. He had worked with some of them. Their instability only equaled their desire to see the world around them burn and burn and burn until they could stand on its ashes and laugh their heart's content.

It was what he could read in Sebastian's eyes.

It was just a spark, flickering in the green of his eyes like a warning flag, but it was there and Magnus knew how lethal people who had no regards for morals could be.

That was why he knew what would happen before Sebastian told them.

“One of you is going to die tonight,” he said, and his eyes raked over their little group.

He had aligned them to stand next to each other, and his gun had held more persuasion than his words could.

It was an awful position to be in because Magnus could see Raj to his left, but he had to lean in to see the rest of them and every single of their movements seemed to draw Sebastian’s eyes like a vulture on a prey.

“Which one, Ceci?” he asked with a lazy smirk.

Cecilia - Magnus thought it was her name - tore her eyes away from Meliorn to look at Sebastian instead, and her pale lips grew into a grin, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

She shrugged, and the easiness with which she displayed her lack of regard for human life made a long shiver run down Magnus’ spine.

“Well, I could go for the leader,” Sebastian said and shifted his gun to point it straight at Alec’s forehead.

Magnus took a step forward automatically, in such perfect synchronization with Isabelle, Jace and Hodge that it was dizzying.

“Ha-ha-ha,” Cecilia all but sing-sang, and they all stopped immediately.

It was obvious Sebastian was the leader of their partnership, but they would be fools to underestimate her own deviltry.

“Cut the head off of the snake,” Sebastian commented, like nothing had happened.

Alec was staring right back, lips firmly pressed together. “And the body dies,” he added grimly, his eyes drifting to the rest of them.

“Or,” he drawled, and moved to stand in front of Hodge. “I could go for the glue. We could have fun seeing how long it'll take for you all to fall apart without him to hold you together,” he mused, looking awfully pleased with himself.

“And then, there's the mask,” he added, moving on to Isabelle. Magnus saw Alec twitch at the corner of his eye but Cecilia was quicker, posting herself in front of him with a wide grin and a disapproving look. She tutted, winking at him, and Magnus felt his blood boil.

“The face you show to the world while the rest of you conveniently hide in the background,” he muttered pensively, running a finger on the pale skin of Isabelle’s cheek. “What would you have left to show without her?” he wondered, his eyes raking over Isabelle. She held her chin up in the air, a challenge in her dark eyes that would have made any sane man back away.

But Sebastian wasn't a sane man.

“What about you?” Sebastian asked, but Jace didn't reply when he stopped in front of him, twirling the gun in front of his mesmerizing eyes. “You're the muscles, right? The hands. Always ready to throw a blow when none of them have the guts to.”

“I'd be happy to show you how good of a blow I can throw if you're brave enough to put away that gun,” Jace retorted, his characteristic smirk belied by the cold look in his eyes.

It was such a Jace thing to do, to disregard the obvious danger staring at him and to challenge his opponent instead, that Magnus found himself breathing a bit easier.

It was an attitude he had been confronted with often enough, back in the villa, when they had sparred against each other to train to be prepared for a situation exactly like this one. Somehow, they had never considered the option of having no choice but to remain immobile. Magnus knew any one of them could have easily disarm Sebastian and knock him out in the spur of ten seconds, but that would be putting the rest of them in danger. They had never stopped to consider that their bond could also be the reason for their demise.

It had been a strength up to this point. It had been their essence, but perhaps it had been damaged before Sebastian had turned up to tear apart the remains.

Sebastian hummed pensively. “Tempting, but that would be quite idiotic, and I am not an idiot.”

“And you?” he lifted an eyebrow as he stopped in front of Raj, whose eyes were oddly still. Magnus wondered if it was the first time he was held at gunpoint, and figured it wasn't. There was too much of his own struggles he could read in his black eyes. “What are you? A liability? A casual damage?”

“He has nothing to do with this,” Alec said, and it was only months of practice and careful attention that allowed Magnus to perceive the panic underneath his otherwise deadpan ton.

“So, you're an accident,” Sebastian said with a disappointed pout, paying no attention whatsoever to Alec. “Boring.”

For a second, Magnus was utterly convinced he was going to pull the trigger, but he shrugged instead and dragged himself away, stopping right in front of him.

Magnus held his breath as the cold metal of the gun touched his forehead.

“And then, there's you,” Sebastian said and his pale eyes were boring straight into Magnus’, hollow like only a rotten soul could be. “The brain. The genius thief. Wouldn't be much of a genius with your brain littered on the floor, would you?”

“I don't know, those genius genes are pretty strong,” Magnus hissed back.

Sebastian laughed, like he had heard the best joke of his life, but stopped almost immediately, turning burning eyes to the side.

“Move again and the last image you'll have of him will be of his brain exploding,” Sebastian snapped in Alec's direction.

Magnus felt the gun tremble against his head with his irritation, and his heart started to race in his chest. He urged himself to fill his lungs, inhaling deeply through his nose, but refused to as much as blink, eyes fixed on Sebastian’s.

He seemed to find the challenge in Magnus’ eyes amusing and something flashed in his eyes. Something dangerous, and colder than the wind that was blowing harshly through the night.

He lowered the gun but leaned in slowly, until he was close enough that Magnus could feel his breath on his lips and disgust twist in his stomach.

“I’m going to tell you a secret,” Sebastian murmured and Magnus had to dig his nails into his palms to keep from shivering in dread. Sebastian reached out, grasping Magnus’ chin between his thumb and his index to hold him still. “You’re not going to die tonight. There would be no fun in that. You’re much more fun broken than you would be dead. I can’t say the same for your boyfriend, however.”

Magnus opened his mouth to reply. Whether it was a plea, an insult or just to spit on his face, he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t get a chance to find out. Sebastian rested a finger over his lips and tutted disapprovingly.

“There’s no point in arguing,” he said, and he had the nerves to wink. “I’m quite stubborn when I want something, and tonight, I want blood.”

He released him abruptly and Magnus staggered backwards, but Raj reached out to steady him, his firm grip somehow tethering. Magnus glanced at him and Raj nodded, faintly but enough for Magnus to perceive it, although he didn’t let it show on his face and Sebastian wasn’t paying attention to them.

He had gone back to pace in front of the group, lips pursed together in staged reflection.

“It’s a shame the hacker isn’t here,” he mused out loud. “He would have made a great corpse. Or Luke. I’m sure Valentine would have prefered that option, but he never was much fun…”

“You forgot the redhead,” Cecilia chimed in, with a wide grin that felt utterly anticlimactic.

Sebastian shrugged. “I can’t touch his precious daughter,” he snarled, and there was so much spite in his tone that Magnus was impossibly grateful that they had chosen not to involve either Clary or Luke.

It would have ended badly for the both of them.

Now, it was going to end badly for one of them, and Magnus would be damned if he let it be one of the people he had grown to love more fiercely than he had thought himself capable of.

.

Simon remembered with devastating clarity of their last visit to the Morgenstern manor, when everything had spiralled into hell so quickly and he had been left to hear it happen from afar.

That night felt too familiar. He could feel his heartbeat throbbing in his temples and all the way to his fingertips, numb to the frenzy of the New York streets around him.

The van was parked a few blocks away from the building that hosted the Seelie Court, and all he could do was listen to Sebastian’s voice promising death and chaos through Isabelle’s earpiece, a muffled, distant noise that yet brought dread to his every motion.

His eyes were filled with tears and his hands were shaking, and he couldn’t think.

He took a deep, shaky breath, and swallowed back the sob that was threatening to overflow his senses.

“Keep it together, Parker,” he told himself. “If someone dies tonight, it’ll be this piece of shit.”

He grabbed his phone, and hit dial.

“L-Lydia,” he muttered when she picked up. “You need to get here right now.”

He had barely finished his sentence when the first gunshot resonated through Isabelle’s earpiece and all the way inside the van.

A long shiver ran down his spine.

.

“Sebastian?”

He stopped in his tracks, and turned to quirk an eyebrow in Meliorn’s direction.

He was standing next to Cecilia on the side, hands tucked in his pocket with such nonchalance that Alec had trouble resisting the urge to punch his teeth out.

“What?” Sebastian grumbled, clearly bothered by the interruption.

“Can I leave now?” Meliorn asked, boredom dripping off every word. “I did what you asked me to do, but I never agreed to stay to witness a butchery.”

Sebastian hummed, bringing the barrel of the gun over his lips in a pensive expression, and Alec found himself wishing he would accidentally pull the trigger and blast his own brain.

He took advantage of his momentary distraction to lean forward slightly, just enough to get a glimpse at Magnus at the end of their mortuary line. He was standing tall on his feet, arms resting at his sides, but his eyes were fixed on the gun in Sebastian’s hand.

If Alec had had the power to do so, he would have destroyed every gun in the world with his bare hands, if only to see the dreadful, terrorized look disappear from Magnus’ eyes.

He was scared, and so was Alec.

Because Sebastian had been adamant, and even if his words hadn’t been convincing, the wicked spark in his cold eyes was. His gaze called for blood, a profound, inherent need for it that showed more than his words that they were facing a psychopath, and that this was a way for him to chase away boredom.

He was a hunter, and they were his prey. But Alec wasn’t one to abandon his fate to someone else’s hands without a fight.

He was about to step forward, to take advantage of Sebastian paying attention to Meliorn instead of them, but a strong hand gripped his wrist, hard enough to leave a bruise.

“Don’t you dare,” Hodge hissed next to him. “It’s two guns against your bare hands.”

“Boys, pay attention, please,” Cecilia called out in a chanting voice, tutting at them like she was chastising children. “It’s important.”

Sebastian had turned his back to them to face Meliorn completely. “A butchery?” he repeated in an offended tone. “Meliorn, I am an artist. Please. It’s going to be beautiful.”

Meliorn pushed his lips together and swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean to offend you,” he said slowly. “You don’t need me anymore. I helped you because Cecilia asked me to, but now I can go. I did what I had to do.”

His eyes darted to the side to Cecilia, begging for help, but she only smiled at him her wide, manic grin, and Alec knew.

Sebastian took another step closer, frowning. “Why are you looking at her?” he asked, twirling on his feet to face the rest of them. “He looked at her, didn’t he?”

There was only silence to answer him, but Alec could almost feel realization dawning through their line, sharp as a sword.

“I think he did,” Sebastian said, pulling a face before he turned back to Meliorn. “You were right about one thing. I don’t need you anymore.”

Alec wondered if he would ever get used to the lethal noise of a gunshot. To the way it ripped through his ears and left him deaf for a moment. To seeing a body fall to the ground in a dull thud before shutting down completely.

“Shit,” Jace breathed out agitatedly.

Sebastian closed his eyes and took a deep breath, a smirk dancing at the corner of his pale lips.

When he opened them again, they settled on Magnus, and Hodge’s hold tightened on Alec’s wrist, holding him firmly in his place.

Alec could see, however, how Magnus’ eyes had widened and his breathing quickened, although he was obviously - or at least, it was obvious to Alec, but he knew Magnus in ways not many people could pretend to - trying to fight to remain calm.

Magnus’ eyes drifted from Meliorn’s inconscient body to Sebastian, whose smirk only broadened.

“What is it, little lamb?” he asked in a soft, caring voice that made Alec’s blood boil. “Still not used to seeing death? Yet you seem pretty good at sowing its seeds on your path.”

“Babe,” Alec blurted out, and Hodge was definitely going to leave a bruise on his arm. Magnus seemed to snap out of his daze, his eyes darting to the side to catch Alec’s. “Breathe. Focus on me.”

Magnus blinked twice, but nodded, his eyes slowly hardening until they were filled with intent again instead of those hollow mirrors of himself.

“Yes,” Sebastian purred, and there was a light bounce to his steps as he walked away from Magnus to come stand in front of Alec instead. His eyes were on Magnus when he talked, though. “Focus on him.”

Alec hadn’t expected the sudden gush of agonizing pain that jolted through him as the barrel landed on his cheekbone with such force that he dropped to the ground. His tongue was soaked in the taste of blood, and he spat what he could, his head pounding.

“Alec!” he heard Magnus yell, even louder than his siblings.

It was all he heard before the second gunshot.

.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Simon choked on another sob. It was too windy on the roof, and he couldn’t hear properly what was being said, unless Sebastian was standing close enough to Isabelle, and he certainly didn’t like that option better.

He heard the second gunshot perfectly, though. It was loud enough to rip through the wind.

Simon looked frantically around him, trying to find something that could serve as a weapon, but unless he was going to knock Sebastian out with a keyboard, he was out of luck.

“Screw being good people,” he exclaimed to himself, rummaging everywhere to find something. Anything. “Why can’t we have guns like everyone?”

He grabbed his phone and dialled Lydia for what seemed to be the hundredth time. He knew she had told him she’d be right there, but it had been five minutes ago - and it felt like an eternity.

Simon might have been helpless, but Lydia never was, and he counted on her to save the day like she had in the Morgenstern manor.

“Oh, you really are no fun,” Sebastian’s dragging voice resonated through his open laptop. “Come on, it was funny!”

“Fuck you, you sick bastard!” Simon yelled to his laptop, panic and an overwhelming sense of powerlessness invading every single one of his sense. “Fuck you!”

A loud, sharp noise echoing against the wall of the van made him jump out of his daze and he rushed to open the back door.

“What’s going on?” Lydia exclaimed immediately. “I couldn’t understand a word you said on the phone!”

“You have to do something!” Simon shouted, clutching her shoulders in a firm hold. “He has them!”

“Simon, what are you talking about?” she asked.

“He has them! He’s going to kill them, and I think he already killed someone but I don’t know who it is because there’s too much wind and I can’t hear shit. He’s sick, Lydia. And I don’t have a weapon so I can’t help. I hate it. It’s like the Morgenstern manor all over again! Do you know what it feels like? To hear your friends, the people you love suffer but not being able to do anything to help them? Lydia, you have to-”

His face stung in pain as a hand landed unceremoniously and ruthlessly on his cheek, and Simon blinked, only then realizing Aline was there too.

“Calm down and explain,” she said, eyes firm and determined but layered with something like concern.

Simon urged the crazy beatings of his heart to slow down, inhaling deeply, and did so.

.

Alec’s head spun as he tried to see who the gunshot had been destined for, but apart from Meliorn’s inert body, his people were still standing, although their line was now disparate, as if they had all moved at once.

“This was a warning,” Cecilia told them in a cold, impassive voice that contrasted greatly with her former almost cheerful tone, her gun pointed to the sky and yet more menacing than ever.

Sebastian heaved out a deep sigh, shaking his head. “Seriously,” he said, looking between Alec on the ground and the rest of them. “Is it that hard to do what I tell you to do?”

Alec wasn’t expecting the blow to his ribs any more than he had been expecting the one to his face, but he swallowed a pained cry nonetheless. It was a bit of a blur after that. He could register the blows, could feel the pain scattering throughout his whole body, but his ears were ringing and his head was spinning and everything felt somehow distant.

It was by reflex, more than by defiance, that he reached out to grab Sebastian’s foot mid air and pulled him to the ground. 

Sebastian landed with a huff, the air knocked out of his lungs with the force of his fall.

Cecilia called his name worriedly, but it turned into a surprised yelp and Alec didn’t have to turn around to know one of them had disarmed her.

Alec leaped on Sebastian, finding vicious pleasure at the sound of his bones cracking when he punched his jaw, but one blow was all he could do before the cold metal of the gun was resting against his forehead and his whole body froze, apart from his hands raising in surrender.

“No!” Sebastian yelled as he rose back to his feet, never losing his hold on the gun. “No! You’re not listening to me! You're supposed to listen to me! Why are you ruining my fun?”

Wrath dancing in his eyes, he glanced up at their group. “Let her go,” he barked, and Alec couldn’t see who he was talking to, but he knew they had obeyed when Cecilia huffed in affront.

“You people are savages,” she chastised them. “I’m bleeding.”

Sebastian’s jaw flexed in anger, a thin trickle of blood dripping down his lip to his chin. “Tell your little pawns to back off unless they want to watch you die,” he growled. He leaned forward, his voice dropping to merely a whisper. “Between you and I, you  _ are _ going to die, but let them believe they have a chance to save you.”

Alec gritted his teeth, hands trembling on either sides of his head. They couldn’t know. If they did, they were going to do something stupid, and Alec would rather be dead than have to witness any of them die.

“They’re not my pawns,” he said, swallowing hard to get rid of the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, in vain.

“And yet, they do exactly what you tell them to do, when you tell them to do it,” Sebastian replied, and his eyes lit up with excitement all of a sudden, his previous anger forgotten. “Oh, I’ve got a brilliant idea! How about you choose?”

Alec hissed in pain when Sebastian grabbed a handful of his hair to turn his head towards his friends. His family.

“Which one should die?” Sebastian murmured in his ear and Alec felt the bile rise to his throat.

He could read a lot in their eyes. Jace was clearly fighting against himself to resist the urge to jump at Sebastian’s throat and break his neck with his own hands, but there was fear too - a layered terror that was reflected in Izzy’s eyes as well, although she would have appeared as fierce as ever to the foreign eye.

Hodge looked furious more than anything else, but Alec could see the concern beneath it as clearly as he could his squared jaw and balled fists.

Raj mostly seemed powerless, like he would have loved to do something, but couldn’t quite figure out what.

It was the sight of Magnus that pulled the last string for Alec. He was standing next to Hodge and his eyes were fixed on Alec, wide with fear and care and love, so much love that the pain in Alec’s body seemed to soften a little. It was in his whole posture too, his body leaning forward slightly, ready to jump to protect him if the opportunity presented himself. Ready to get himself killed.

“Me,” Alec said lowly. “Kill me.”

“No!” Magnus shouted, and the desperate edge to his tone was a dreadful noise.

If Cecilia hadn't been pointing her gun at him, Alec had no doubt that Magnus would have ran to him.

He longed for it, for his touch, for a proper opportunity to reconnect.

He craved the feeling of his skin below his fingertips, the smell of his hair when they were interlaced tightly enough for Alec to bury his nose there, the sensation of his lips trailing a path from Alec's jaw to his mouth.

He wanted all of this and nothing more, but he shook his head at Magnus instead, making it throb painfully in the process.

“You'll be okay, Magnus,” he vowed.

“No I won't!” Magnus exclaimed, choking on a sob. “Alexander -”

“Oh, shut up,” Sebastian cut in, rolling his eyes. “None of you are going to be okay. Get up,” he told Alec firmly.

Magnus tried to move forward despite Alec’s pleading gaze but Hodge stopped him, much like he had for Alec a few minutes ago.

Alec gulped and rose to his feet, his hands still up in surrender as he faced Sebastian. The gun was pointing at his chest now.

“Don’t,” he growled at his siblings when he saw them twitching from the corner of his eye.

He didn’t dare to look at them, but he knew they were crying, and he had to bite on the inside of his cheeks to hold back his own tears.

If he had to die tonight, then it was for the right reasons.

To protect the ones he loved. To fix his mistakes.

Sebastian opened his mouth to talk again, but the door of the rooftop opened with a loud crash, and Alec allowed himself to release a relieved sigh at the sight of Lydia and Aline, guns in their hands and fury in their eyes.

“Drop the gun,” Lydia barked.

Alec couldn’t recall the exact scene in the Morgenstern manor because he had been too focused on Magnus bleeding out to pay attention to anything else, but he was plagued with a strong impression of déjà-vu nonetheless.

What wasn’t déjà-vu, though, was the way Sebastian’s features didn’t turn into panic or stupor. Instead, he huffed in annoyance.

“Excuse me,” he exclaimed, as if scolding both Lydia and Aline for the interruption, waving his hand that wasn’t holding the gun. “I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”

“Drop the gun,” Lydia repeated firmly, but her tone wavered slightly, undoubtedly because she was surprised by Sebastian’s reaction - or lack of.

Sebastian heaved out a deep, annoyed sigh. “Fine,” he mumbled, and he took a step away from Alec, his arm resting at his side.

Alec took a step to the side, eyes never leaving Sebastian, but he held a hand out blindly, and saw Hodge releasing Magnus from the corner of his eyes.

A second later, he was crashing against his chest, burying his head in his neck, and Alec forgot about the throbbing pain in his ribs and his head which felt like it was about to explode.

“We seriously need to talk about your sacrifying-myself-for-the-sake-of-others tendencies,” Magnus grunted. “I’m so mad at you right now.”

“Just kiss me,” Alec replied in a whisper, burying his nose in his hair.

Magnus scoffed against his neck, his warm breath ghosting over Alec’s skin like a cherished memory. When he pulled back to glance up at him, there was a hint of blood in his hair and on his forehead that Alec knew was his own, but the only thing he could focus on right now was that Magnus was okay, and in his arms, and that as long as he was alive and healthy, he would have made the same choice over and over again.

His life seemed to be a small price to pay if the people he loved were alive.

“Ceci,” he heard Sebastian call out, and the only reflex he had was to push Magnus away, his instincts reacting for him.

Cecilia laughed and opened fire, hitting Lydia in the shoulder.

What happened next between them was a blur, because suddenly, all that Alec could focus on was Sebastian’s wicked smile in front of him, and the gun pointed at him.

He knew that, at some point, someone had hit Cecilia and she had fallen to the ground, certainly dead, but his attention didn’t drift from Sebastian, where the real danger laid for him.

That was it. There would be no time to save himself this time, no divine intervention.

He saw the gun pointed at him, and he saw the calling of death coming for him. He saw the people he would leave behind, heard their cries resonating through his ears. He saw the pain he would cause them. He saw their tears.

He saw his own regrets, the mistakes he had made, the remorse lurching in his stomach.

He heard the thunder of the trigger being pulled, cursed how familiar it had become lately.

And he felt. Not the bullet going through his ribcage and tearing apart his insides like he had expected. What he felt was unpredictable, and seemed deadlier than the bullet that had been targeting him.

He felt the hands pushing him aside, propelling him away from the bullet’s streak with such strength that he stumbled to the ground with more force than humanly possible, his hurt ribs throbbing painfully.

And as he came back to his senses, blinking away his daze, he saw Sebastian run away from the roof, his cruel laughing echoing after him, and the body lying on the ground next to him, lifeless eyes staring back at him like a morose mirror.

_ This isn’t happening. _

_ This isn’t happening. _

_ This isn’t happening. _

A few steps away from them, Cecilia laid on the ground, dead, her manic smile still present on her frozen features, but Alec didn’t care for inert bodies unless it was the one lying at his side.

Alec shot up to his feet and ran to Cecilia’s body to grab the gun from her still warm hand, before taking off after Sebastian.

He couldn’t let him get away.

They called themselves the Avengers. It had been a joke, but it didn’t feel like one now that he truly had something -  _ someone _ \- to avenge.

“Alec! No!”

But it was too late. He was already running after Sebastian, the gun firmly secured in his hand, and all the desperate cries and pleas in the world couldn’t have stopped him.

He could hear Sebastian’s steps thumping down the steps as he ran down the staircase.

Alec forgot about his ribs, surely broken, that made it hard to breathe, and about his head, that felt dizzy because of the pain and he ran, he ran, he ran, so fast and with such determination that all the pain seemed to subdue progressively.

Sebastian had noticed by then that Alec was following, and his laughter echoed through the staircase and to his ears, which only motivated Alec further.

“Hey, it’s not my fault,” Sebastian called out, but didn’t slow down, sick amusement layering his tone. “I was targeting you.”

“I’m going to kill you,” Alec yelled, and never had he believed himself more capable of doing it.

“Perhaps next time, Alec,” Sebastian replied, slightly breathless. “Farewell, my friend. Thanks for the game.”

By the time he reached the floor where Sebastian had disappeared and he burst through the door that held the Seelie Court, where people were still dancing, oblivious to the scene that had taken place somewhere above their heads, Sebastian was gone.

Alec searched frantically through the crowd, but apart from attracting to himself some curious glances, he was empty-handed.

Someone bumped into him by inadvertence and he swallowed a pained cry, his head spinning for a second as agonizing pain jolted through his ribs.

He rested a hand on his side and blinked a few times to focus back on reality. It felt like he was standing in a psychedelic dream, figures and shapes dancing blurrily in front of his eyes.

It had to be it. The pain was making him delusional. He was raving.

The idea firmly anchored to his mind, he made his way back to the back door and took the staircase up the roof. Surely, no one was dead.

He was hallucinating because of the pain.

The people he loved were safe.

He was dreaming.

The wind hit his face ruthlessly when he stepped back on the roof, and the return to reality was brutal.

Isabelle’s face appeared in front of him, and she was weeping when she talked to him.

“Alec, I’m so sorry,” she choked out, sobbing on the words. “He’s dead.”

“No,” Alec said, shaking his head firmly.

Isabelle reached out to grab his arm, gripping it firmly.

He wasn’t hallucinating. He wasn’t dreaming.

“He’s dead,” Isabelle said again.

Alec fell to his knees, the fight drained out of his body in a second.

“No,” he muttered. “No, no, no, no, no.”

“He’s dead,” Isabelle repeated, but it was only a muffled sound.

His ears were ringing again, and the pain in his whole body seemed to come back in waves, so intense and powerful that he whimpered, and burst into tears.

“No,” was all he could breathe out before he collapsed to the ground, and everything turned black.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yelling happens on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and/or on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).
> 
> A thousand thanks to my beta [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/), who puts up with my evil self, and to Sam who knows how hard this chapter was to write.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm gonna go hide now. ❤


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm sorry.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (FYI, this was written before episode 3 aired)
> 
>  
> 
> PS: #lecrit to live-tweet!

When Alec opened his eyes for the first time, he felt serene, like he was lying on a cloud, his whole body benumbed by an almost overwhelming comfort.

There was white everywhere around him, on the walls, on the ceiling, on the ridiculous robe thing he was seemingly wearing. White, everywhere.

He grunted, and tried to sit up but his body wouldn’t let him.

No, it wasn’t his body. It was a gentle hand on his shoulder. He blinked, trying to adjust to all those white lights around him to focus on the face hovering above him.

“Take it easy,” an oddly familiar voice said.

It echoed in his mind and he knew that it was a voice he should have recognized, tender and loving, but it sounded foreign at the same time, tarnished with pain and sorrow.

He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, smiling when the blurry veil finally seemed to vanish.

“Hey,” he said with a goofy smile. “Who are you?”

The woman gasped, her eyes filling with tears and Alec felt awful at once, guilt lurching in his stomach.

“Izzy, it’s okay,” another voice, definitely male, called at Alec’s side. “It’s the aftermaths of the anesthesia. He’s not fully conscious yet.”

Alec reached out to grab the woman’s hand, if only to bring her some comfort, because she looked devastated, but he could barely move his fingers, his whole body feeling comatose.

He whined in frustration, hopelessly powerless.

And the darkness enveloped him again.

.

When his eyes fluttered open for the second time, it was with a cry of agony.

He tried to sit up, only to realize a moment later how futile it was, because sharp pain was lancing through his whole body, seeping into his every muscle, cutting through his every bone. Black spots flashed in front of his eyes, every motion causing more anguish.

It was dark, and it felt like he had surrendered his body to someone else. He could feel the pain, but he couldn’t move. He felt foreign in his own useless carcass, like he was floating from afar and watching the scene happen to someone else.

It felt awfully obscure, and even lonelier.

And then, a beacon of light cut through the darkness.

“Don’t try to move, darling,” a soft voice called from somewhere above him.

He forced himself to focus, to find a semblance of concentration in a corner of his mind, and used it to fixate his blurry eyes on the source of the light.

He sucked in a breath, wincing in pain as everything inside him seemed to burn.

“Magnus,” he croaked out.

“I’m here, my love,” a soft voice told him. “I’m right here.”

Fingers slid in his hair and he relaxed into the touch, his tensed body relaxing at once.

“Magnus,” he murmured. “It hurts. It hurts so bad.”

“I know,” Magnus whispered. “You need to rest.”

Alec forced himself to keep his eyes open to look at him. He was sitting on the hospital bed next to him, face bare of makeup, eyes red and shining under the artificial lights of the room like he had cried. He looked exhausted, and Alec wondered when was the last time he had gotten some sleep.

And then, he remembered something else.

They weren’t together anymore. Magnus had broken up with him. Magnus had left him with a broken heart that had left him aching more than the broken bones in his body were now.

Why was Magnus even here?

“What happened?” he asked in a whisper. “What are you doing here? Why am I at the hospital?”

“Alexander -”

“I remember the rooftop,” he blurted suddenly, just as it came back to him.

The feeling launched on his chest heavily, cutting off his breath. His head started spinning and he couldn’t talk anymore. He couldn’t think. He simply didn’t understand.

“What happened?” he asked again through the sob forming in his throat. “Why are you here? Are you even here?”

He was going insane. It was the only proper explanation he could accept. It was the only proper explanation he _would_ accept.

Magnus inhaled sharply next to him, and his fingers drifted from his hair to his face. He seemed to purposely avoid Alec’s right cheek, cupping his left one in his hand instead.

“I’m right here.”

Darkness came to fetch him traitorously once more.

.

The third time he opened his eyes, Magnus was there indeed, fast asleep on the chair next to his bed, his fingers loosely fastened around Alec’s. His brow was furrowed even in his slumber, and Alec decided not to wake him up, even though he was dying for some water.

His throat felt awfully dry and his mouth furred like he had drunk liters of pure vodka the night before. Perhaps he had. That was a much better explanation than the feeling of dread tethered in his mind.

Anything was a better explanation.

“Hey,” whispered a low voice next to him, and he turned his eyes to see his sister sitting there.

He opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out except a faint huff and Isabelle was on her feet in a second, holding his head up while he drank from the glass of water she pushed to his lips.

She laid him back gently once he was done, stroking his hair in a soothing manner that reminded him of their mother when he had been a child, his worst nightmares being of the imaginary monsters he imagined hiding under his bed, not the real-life ones who aspired to rip his body and his mind apart.

“Are you really here?” he murmured. “Is this real?”

Isabelle gasped quietly. “Of course it is.”

Alec gave himself a few seconds to let it dawn on him. To let himself absorb what it meant exactly.

“No,” he said firmly.

Isabelle shut her eyes for a second, inhaling deeply.

“The rooftop,” Alec continued. “It wasn’t real. It didn’t happen, right?”

When she didn’t reply, he tried to sit up again, only to hiss in pain and fall back on the mattress again. “Right, Iz?” he urged desperately.

“Alec,” she sighed, voice low and broken. “Why would you be lying here otherwise? It happened. It was all real.”

Alec darted his eyes to the side at Magnus when his fingers tightened against his own, gently but resolutely. Alec could see by the window of his room that it was pitch dark outside, and yet the night itself didn’t seem as somber as the look in Magnus’ gaze.

Apart from his fingers, he hadn’t moved, his head still tilted to the side, his body curled up in what had to be a dreadfully uncomfortable position on the chair, a jacket tucked over his shoulders to keep him warm, but his eyes were open now, and they were riveted on Alec.

“It can’t be happening,” Alec said, to none of them in particular, although his eyes were still fixed on Magnus. “We’re good people. We’re the good guys.”

“Alexander,” Magnus muttered softly, rising to his feet to come sit next to him on the hospital bed in one swift motion.

He was wearing a green sweater that Alec recognized as one of his own, and it was too big for his frame, although it fitted quite nicely around his shoulders. Alec wondered if the painkillers were still giving him hallucinations. He hoped they did.

“No,” Alec cut off before Magnus could open his mouth. “Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.”

A wave of pain rushed through his whole body, one that had nothing to do with broken bones.

Magnus nodded slowly, leaning in to press a feathery kiss on his forehead.

“Tell me something good,” Alec demanded, with an utter sense of urgency. “Something happy.”

Magnus smiled at him, small and sad, and Alec knew he was forcing himself for his own sake. He chose to ignore it.

“Remember when we went to visit San Francisco together and we all sat together by Golden Gate Bridge because Isabelle absolutely wanted to see it?” Magnus asked softly.

“Yes,” Alec said.

There was a lump in his stomach, so heavy it felt like it was the only reason why he couldn’t sit up rather than the physical ache.

“And we stayed until the sun set behind the bridge,” Magnus continued. “It was beautiful. And peaceful. So peaceful.” There was a longing to his tone, a nostalgia that Alec could relate to perfectly.

“That’s the day you admitted to me you had a crush on Magnus,” Isabelle chimed in from the side, and her voice was just as gentle as Magnus’.

“I didn’t,” Alec countered, his fingers clutching Magnus’ tighter. “You forced it out of me.”

“I guessed,” she argued. “And it wasn’t difficult considering your eyes were glued to him every time he wasn’t looking at you.”

Magnus’ smile finally reached his eyes, if only for a second. “It was also that day that we first fell asleep together.”

Alec nodded gingerly. “I remember.”

Silence laid over them, ineluctable.

“Take me back there,” he murmured, pleading. “Please. Take me back there. No one was dead then. You have to take me back there.”

Magnus’s eyes were filled with tears when he spoke, voice pitched low, “I’m sorry, my love. I wish I could.”

“It hurts so much,” Alec said, fatally. “It just hurts so much.”

.

The fourth time, it wasn’t the gentleness of Isabelle or the feathery touch of Magnus’ fingers against his own that greeted him when he woke up.

Instead, it was his parents’ worried gazes as they stood next to his bed.

“Alec,” his father breathed out as soon as his hazel eyes fluttered open, the relief so plainly written on his face that Alec wondered once more if he was just dreaming.

It took him a minute to realize they were indeed there, and that Robert had spoken.

“Water,” he croaked out and Maryse was on him in a second, holding his head up as he drank. It was awfully different from Isabelle’s carefulness, and yet oddly similar.

“How are you feeling?” she asked when he was done, and he levelled her with the most impassive glare he could muster.

“Seriously, Maryse?” Robert drawled, sounding just as annoyed as Alec felt. “The kid has five broken ribs, had to go through surgery because of internal bleeding, and just lost someone he loved. How do you think he feels?”

“What are you doing here?” Alec sighed.

“What are we -” Maryse echoed but stopped herself, clearly befundled. Her eyes had widened, her mouth open in shock. “What do you think we’re doing here?” she exclaimed. “You almost got yourself killed!”

Almost. Almost. _Almost_.

Not everyone had had the same chance.

“Again,” he said coldly, summoning as bored of an expression as he could. “What are you doing here?”

“Son, we’re just trying to make amends,” Robert confided and he reached out to touch him, but stopped himself at the last moment. “We want to be there for you now. We want to help.”

“You want to help?” Alec asked placidly. “Tell me where I can find Sebastian and get me a gun so I can put a bullet between his eyes.”

“Well, that’s a nice welcome,” a voice chimed from the side and Alec’s head jerked to glance at Max. “I see you’re still a fucking idiot, so I’m gonna go see someone else, since this hospital is full of people I care about.”

Without another word, he slammed the door shut after him and Alec sighed, dropping his head back on the bed.

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, but when he opened them again, nothing had changed.

.

“Count on you to find yourself a boyfriend just as stupid as yourself.”

“Shut the fuck up, Raphael. I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I hurt your feelings? You know what you could have done? You could have called me, because I have a gun and I am actually allowed to use it when I see a threat. And I do recall Ragnor warning us that Sebastian was _a big fucking threat_!”

“We didn’t know Sebastian would be there! We just went to get Alec back! How were we supposed to know Shitface would ambush us and kill -”

“Can you two not do this right now? Alec is sleeping!”

“Not anymore,” he growled, his eyes fluttering open.

“Well done,” Isabelle barked at Magnus and Raphael, before walking over to him.

Alec pushed on his forearms to sit up, and was impossibly relieved to find out his body didn’t wail in agony at once. It still hurt, and he still had to clench his teeth to do it, but at least he  _could_ do it, and that was enough.

Isabelle’s brow was furrowed in worry and he sighed. “I’m okay,” he said. “It doesn’t hurt that much. And Raphael is right. I shouldn’t have gone there on my own. If I hadn’t -”

“Don’t go there, darling,” Magnus cut in softly.

“It’s true,” Alec gritted out.

“It’s not,” Magnus insisted, taking a step closer to take his hand into his own. “Don’t go there. I know what I’m talking about. I know what misplaced guilt can do to you.”

Alec was about to reply when the door of his room opened unceremoniously, and Alec felt his fingers and his whole body shake in relief, despite it all.

He sucked in a deep breath. “Jace.”

The blonde joined him by the bed in two quick steps and tugged him into his arms, wary of his injured bones. Alec buried his face in Jace’s neck, clenching his teeth harder to hold back tears. He took a deep breath, revelling in his presence, in the fact that, at least, his brother was alive. Jace held him as tight as Alec's broken bones allowed him, stroking his back with his hand in a soothing gesture that yet did nothing to alleviate the hole in Alec's chest.

“What happened to you?” he asked when Jace drew back, only to go sit at the end of the bed, gesturing vaguely at the sling enveloping his brother’s shoulder.

“Got shot by Psycho Bitch when I tried to disarm her,” Jace said with a smirk. “Turns out being as good-looking as I am doesn’t make me bulletproof.”

A silence fell over the room as every eyes turned to him, dumbfounded.

“What?” Jace blurted out, in a frustrated tone that was very unlike him. “I don’t know how to handle this, okay?”

“There’s nothing left to handle,” Alec said, painfully aware of the devastated edge of his voice, how broken it sounded to his own ears. “Hodge is dead.”

.

They buried him on a Saturday.

Everyone cried around him, but Alec’s throat was too tight to let him shed tears.

It was an unexpectedly sunny day for the middle of November, but the irony of it was lost on him.

.

The first week after passed in a blur, a meddle of pain and half-awareness that left his whole body aching.

Magnus was there the whole time, always making sure he was breathing and coughing properly, insuring that Alec was taking his painkillers when he was supposed to take them, holding his hand when he was too bashed by the pain to bother attempting to hide it.

He was there the whole time, and Alec was left wondering why.

So, one day, he just asked.

Magnus was standing in the kitchen of the apartment Alec shared with his siblings, making lunch - it was another one of his silent methods to take care of Alec: making him eat three meals a day.

“Magnus,” he called.

He swirled around in a flourish, and Alec’s heart ached at the familiarity of it. He was wearing a bright blue shirt underneath a golden embroidered jacket, an ensemble that no one but him could have pull off, but he looked gorgeous, his brown eyes lined with just enough khol to add infinite depth to them.

“Yes, darling?”

“Why are you here?” he asked, cursing how low and broken his voice sounded.

Magnus’ brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you here?” Alec repeated, but in a pointed tone that made realization flash on Magnus’ features. “We’re not together anymore. You broke up with me. So, why are you here?”

Magnus inhaled sharply, taking a step back to lean against the counter, both his hands gripping it tightly.

“Because I can’t leave you alone,” he said.

Alec released a mirthless chuckle, setting cold eyes on Magnus. “You had no problem doing it the first time,” he snapped because he was angry and Magnus was _there_ , always there. “You’re afraid I’m going to go after Sebastian on my own again? Or that I’m going to do something stupid?”

Magnus swallowed hard, and he chewed on his bottom lip. He looked nervous, his movements tight with apprehension but when he spoke, there was a tenderness in his eyes that made Alec’s insides squirm.

“I’m terrified,” Magnus admitted in a whisper, and paused to clear his throat. “I’m terrified you will collapse if I leave you. I’ve left you once, and I still hate myself for it. I can’t leave you again. Especially not now.”

“It’s not something _you_ can save me from, Magnus,” Alec said, voice pitched low. “You can’t mend my broken heart when you were the one who crushed it in the first place.”

It was probably cruel, or so it seemed to be by the way Magnus ducked his head, shame written so plainly over his features. But cruelty had slowly made its way in Alec’s life, layering in every single one of his thoughts, clutching his heart over and over to plant the seeds of agony in its wake.

Their whole world had turned into nothing but cruelty, so it was only fair for him to yield to the temptation.

.

It took Alec two weeks to realize Hodge wasn’t coming back.

Two weeks, and a phone call.

In the hazardous game of circumstances, it happened on the day they went to empty Hodge’s apartment in Brooklyn.

The first step was pure torture. Alec walked in with a heavy weight on his shoulder, feeling like Atlas carrying the world at arm’s length, threatening to crush him. There was Luke next to him, his calm features a welcome anchor, and Magnus on his other side, who was warier than he had ever been around him ever since their talk in the kitchen.

Magnus had pretty much moved in with Alec and his siblings in the past two weeks, sleeping on the couch in the living room, and even though he didn’t try to smother Alec, his presence was still palpable, lingering in the apartment. Alec was civil to him on his best days and, lately, he didn’t have many of those.

Isabelle, Clary, Jace and Simon were there too, and as much as they tried to make it seem like any regular day, it wasn’t.

Of all the monsters Alec had had to face, Valentine and Sebastian included, grief was the worst one. It was a merciless ocean, alluring and excruciating all at once.

It drew him underwater, engulfing and overwhelming him in darkness, strangling his lungs, tangling in his brain. It pushed him against Leviathans and wrecks of ships that had collapses in front of his helpless self.

It sucked away the light, swallowed the hope for better days and refused him a semblance of alleviation.

Once, in the plain walls of Hodge’s apartment, emptied of stolen masterpieces and retrieved tokens because Hodge had never been one to show the abundance of his tastes, he had dreamed.

He had pictured a future he hoped he would have, and had foolishly let himself believe in it.

Hodge had been there to help him believe in it.

Hodge had been there all along.

He had taken him in, had cared for him the way his parents never had, had accepted him fully and uncompromisingly. He had given him hope when he thought it was lost, and had never once tried to reclaim it.

He had loved, and loved, and loved, and Alec had showed his gratitude by leading him to his death.

For the first time in his life, he truly felt like a thief.

He was wandering aimlessly among those walls, the gray paint a perfect mirror to his reflections, when his phone rang in his pocket.

He didn’t know why, or how he knew who it was before he even picked up, but his blood boiled in his veins at once and he sat down on the neatly made bed in Hodge’s bedroom where his errands had somehow led him, staring at the ‘Unknown number’ screaming at him on the screen for a while before he gathered the strength to pick up.

He put it on speaker, his arms feeling to numb to even support his phone against his ear for too long.

“Alec, my friend,” Sebastian’s voice chanted before he could even utter a word.

“What do you want?” Alec asked, all his hatred spilling in a simple sentence.

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss,” Sebastian said, and Alec barely resisted the urge to slam his phone against the wall, since he was unable to do just that with Sebastian’s head instead.

“Fuck you,” he spat.

Sebastian chuckled. “Oh, come on. None of that between us, my friend. Let me remind you that I too lost a dear one. My girlfriend was killed by your little blonde spy friend.”

There was a hint of anger in his voice, but it was swallowed by his immuable nonchalance.

“Really, Alec,” he continued. “This was all a regretful turn of events.”

“Shooting someone to death is not a regretful turn of events,” Alec snapped. “It’s called murder.”

“Yes, but he wasn’t supposed to be there,” Sebastian said, and Alec’s stomach dropped.

He folded his knees to rest his chin on his lap, staring blandly at the screen.

No, Hodge wasn’t supposed to be there. He had been there because Alec had tried to mend his broken heart by doing something reckless in order to protect his loved ones. Because Alec hadn’t stopped to think that putting his own safety in danger could have consequences on the same ones he was trying to save. Lethal consequences.

“I know,” he breathed out, because it was true.

“He was only there because you decided to come after me instead of letting me find you,” Sebastian said. “Not that you are particularly hard to find, but I was going to make it beautiful, with a grand entrance and all that.”

“I’ll make sure it fits your standards of grandeur when I kill you,” Alec growled.

Sebastian’s laugh was raucous. “I think it’s more your boyfriend’s style. With the glitter and all that,” he taunted. “How is he, by the way? Still drowning into a torrent of remorse and self-blame?”

“Don’t talk about him,” Alec snapped, clutching his phone in a grip so tight he wondered if he wasn’t just about to crush it in his bare hands.

“I forgot how touchy you were about him,” Sebastian said, and he sounded like he was having the time of his life, his bemused tone edging on hysteria. “So are you together or not? It’s really hard to follow with you two. Or did you find someone else already? That Indian boy at the Seelie Court seemed to be quite fond of you.” He gasped dramatically, and Alec hated that he could picture his expression so accurately, eyes blown in staged surprise, but the hint of a smirk curling at the corner of his devilish mouth. “Or did _he_ find someone else? Maybe that’s why he broke up with you in the first place.”

“How do you know all that?” Alec whispered, for lack of anything better to say. “Everything you know about us… How?”

“I did some research, of course."

"But how did you even know you had to?"

"Well, you made a mistake,” Sebastian said, the smirk evident in his voice. “A big one.”

“What was it?”

“You came into my home,” he murmured.

“W-What?”

“Don’t you remember?” Sebastian asked, bemused. “The sun was rising.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Alec blurted, his patience wearing thin.

“I’ll let you figure that out,” Sebastian said tauntingly. “When you do, you’ll know where to find me. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Alec didn’t reply, the words stuck in his throat. It was too much to take in, and he wished he could have had Hodge here with him, to help him suffer this whole thing. He wouldn’t have had to talk, but Hodge had never had to talk for Alec to be at peace.

His mere presence had been enough, comforting in a way words could never be.

Strong and inflexible, loving but never overwhelming.

And it was gone, gone because he had taken a bullet that was aimed for Alec, gone because he had loved him enough to give his life for him.

 _Gone_.

“Again, I’m terribly sorry about Hodge,” Sebastian said, utterly unapologetic.

“When I come for you,” Alec hissed, slowly, “and I will, you’re going to wish Valentine had left you in that asylum.”

There was a silence for a moment, and Alec was surprised. He had expected another harsh laugh, another mockery, another provocation, but it didn’t come.

Instead, Sebastian’s breathing turned shallow enough for Alec to perceive the little stutters scattering it.

“What?”

There was a shuffle to his left that pulled Alec out of the daze he had been stuck in, huddling on Hodge’s bed, gaze lost into space, and his head jerked to the side.

Luke and Magnus were standing in the threshold of the bedroom, grave expressions on their faces, and in their back stood the rest of the team, sporting various looks of worry, wrath or bewilderment.

“Keep going,” Luke mouthed at him, his fingers motioning for him to go on. “Make him talk.”

“The asylum where Valentine found you,” Alec said absently.

He blinked, focusing back on the phone.

“How do you know about that?” Sebastian barked, and there was no trace of mirth left in his tone, only a cold, heinous anger. “This file has been erased. Even your pet hacker couldn’t access it.”

“I guess we’re more resourceful than you think,” Alec replied, as calmly as he could. Isabelle walked into the room to take a seat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder and he leaned his own head against hers, urging himself to breathe properly.

Sebastian audibly sucked in a deep, shaky breath. “Don’t piss me off, Alec,” he muttered menacingly. “You don’t want to do that.”

Alec snorted. There were still many things Sebastian could take from him, many ways for him to toy with his mind and rip his heart, but they all seemed like a distant prospect now that his heart was already crippled.

He was about to answer, although he wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but Sebastian had hung up and his eyes fell on his screen saver. He wondered when was the last time he had changed it. It was a picture of Magnus and him in Las Vegas. They were huddled together on the bench in the restaurant of the hotel they had stayed in, Alec’s arm wrapped around Magnus’ shoulders and they were smiling at each other, engrossed in their own little world.

Back then, Alec had believed them invincible.

They had just gotten Magnus back from the hospital, had sold the ruby. They were richer than they had ever been, free from the police’s suspicion, and in love, and they had been of those people who believe that nothing could touch them as long as they had each other.

He should have known, even then, that they were not bulletproof.

“What did he want?” Luke prompted, pulling him out of his thoughts.

He slid his phone back in the pocket of his jeans and rose to his feet. “To taunt me.”

“What did he mean by you coming into his home?” Jace asked. “Or did he mean all of us?”

“How would I know?” Alec replied flatly. “Do you think he makes any more sense to me than he does to you?”

“The sun was rising,” Magnus muttered under his breath, brow furrowed in reflection.

Alec didn’t say anything else, pushing his way out of this room that was starting to feel suffocating, only to stop dead in his tracks when he stumbled into the living room.

Empty.

The remaining paintings had been taken off the walls, the plants removed from their spot by the window, the papers that had been scattered on the coffee table put away.

It was cold now.

To Alec, once, this place had been a home, a shelter when he had been abandoned to the streets by the people who were supposed to love him the most, a refuge.

And what was left of it were empty walls and broken promises.

 _You’ll be okay_ , Hodge had told him more times than he could count.

Enough times that it had been rooted into his mind.

Hodge had told him so many truths that he had never stopped to think that the ones he believed in so adamantly could turn out to be lies.

In those walls lived just another lie.

_You’ll be okay._

.

_Music filled the air without effort, like the wind sweeping through the Californian beach sand, sending it flying in a mesmerizing dance._

_Hodge had always liked classical music, Alec reminded himself, the melody rushing to his ears, muting the natural sound of the waves crashing on the shore._

_“It elevates the spirit,” Hodge said behind him, and Alec swirled around with a start._

_He was standing there, on the beach with Alec, his deep blue eyes glassy and stern despite the small, gentle smile on his lips._

_And the music grew louder._

_“Y-You’re here,” Alec stammered, eyes wide in stupor._

_“Of course I am,” Hodge said with a shrug. “Where else would I be?”_

_“You died,” Alec murmured._

_Hodge chuckled, his head thrown back in laughter. “What are you talking about?” he asked, a wide smile on his lips. “I’m right in front of you.”_

_“You died right in front of me,” Alec repeated in a low voice._

_He tried to reach out to touch him, to make sure he was truly there, but his arms refused to obey, refused to let him cease the opportunity to hold the man._

_Hodge was there, standing, breathing, and yet his absence was unbearable._

_“Alec, stop being ridiculous,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m right here.”_

_I’m right here. I’m right here._

_The words felt familiar, and Alec swallowed hard. His own spit felt like ashes in his mouth._

_“I’m right here,” Hodge repeated, and his voice sounded distant now, strained._

_Alec looked up again and startled. There was a hooded figure marching towards them in Hodge’s back, gun in hand, but it was too late for Hodge to do something to protect himself._

_Alec opened his mouth to warn him, but the words refused to come out._

_He tried to reach out to push him out of the man’s path, but his body refused to move._

_He stood there, helpless, still as a statue, as the man reached Hodge and fired a bullet right in his chest._

_“Hodge, no!” he shouted, but it was too late, and his lifeless body was already collapsing on the ground, inert._

_The hooded figure chuckled a cruel laugh before turning around to face Alec._

_In a corner of his mind, Alec had expected to see Sebastian, his wicked smirk, his bloodthirsty eyes, but he startled at the sight in front of him._

_It wasn’t Sebastian._

_It was like staring in a mirror, looking back at a perfection reflection of himself, but his eyes were hollow, like life itself had been sucked out of his soul and they served as a mirror of his demise._

_“No,” he murmured. “I’m sorry!”_

_“Alec!”_

_“No,” he yelled this time, but he still couldn’t reach the lifeless figure of the man he had loved like a father. “Hodge!”_

_“Alec!”_

_._

Alec woke up with a start, his whole body trembling, and unable to breathe.

It took him a few long seconds to realize he couldn’t move his head, because it was stuck into a forceful grip.

“Hey, darling,” Magnus murmured. “Breathe.”

“ _Hey kiddo,_ ” Hodge has whispered to him in the kitchen of his Californian villa, on that dreadful night when Magnus had been shot and Alec had been powerless to save him. There was a pattern there, he thought bitterly. “ _Breathe._ ”

“With me, babe,” Magnus said, his thumbs brushing against Alec’s cheekbones with a tenderness Alec didn’t think he deserved. “Breathe in, and out. With me.”

He wasn’t sure why, but Alec obliged, slowing down his frantic pants to harmonize them with Magnus’.

When Magnus had decided to essentially move in with Alec and his siblings two weeks ago, Alec had been angry. He hadn’t said anything, hadn’t lashed out on him like he wanted to, but he had made sure to slam the door extra hard when he had taken refuge into his bedroom.

Every morning when he woke up and dragged himself to the kitchen where Magnus had breakfast already ready for him, he walked through the living room and took one look at the couch where Magnus slept, wondering how his back wasn’t killing him already. Magnus never complained, though, but perhaps that had to do with the fact that they didn’t say much to each other these days.

Magnus talked to Isabelle and Jace, because they talked to him too.

But Alec didn’t know what to tell him without hurting him, and despite it all, no matter how angry, how desperate, how heartbroken he was, he couldn’t bring himself to want to hurt Magnus.

When his breathing finally settled to a steadier one, he leaned in to rest his forehead against Magnus’ collarbone, inhaling deeply through his nose. Magnus slid his fingers into his hair, massaging his skull, gentle but compelling, and Alec found a tether in this simple touch.

For a while, they stayed silent, lulled by each other’s breathing, hushed by the quiet of the night, brutal in its stillness.

Alec wasn’t sure how long had passed, but when he realized he was crying, his cheeks were already damped with tears, and Magnus was holding him tighter.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into his ear. “I’m so sorry.”

Alec didn’t reply, his throat too tight to form words, his mind too trampled to ponder on a coherent sentence.

“You’ll get through this,” Magnus said, and Alec simply couldn’t believe him. “You’re stronger than you know. You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met.”

“He’s gone,” Alec murmured, and his voice dissolved into a sob. “He’s gone, isn’t he?”

Magnus sniffed, pressing his lips to his hair. “He is.”

“Don’t go,” Alec pleaded, his hands moving on their own accord to grab the first thing they found that could prevent him from leaving. His fingers closed on the soft fabric of Magnus’ night shirt, gripping tightly. “Don’t leave me. Not again.”

“Never again,” Magnus said in a broken voice.

He pushed Alec to lay on his back on the mattress, and slid in the bed next to him, wrapping his arms around him to hold him against his chest.

“I can’t lose you too,” Alec murmured, burying his face in Magnus’ chest. “I-I can’t. Please don’t leave me.”

“Never again,” Magnus said again, his fingers trailing in a soothing pattern on the tensed lines of Alec’s back, digging into his stiff muscles, solidifying his presence with a touch, cementing a promise. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

It was an hour later, perhaps two, perhaps more, before Alec spoke again.

“I’m going to kill him,” he murmured against Magnus’ chest, tethered by his steady heartbeats echoing in his ear. “I’m going to find him and I’m going to kill him. You can’t stop me.”

“I know,” Magnus replied, his thumb brushing against the bridge of his ear. “But let’s not do anything rashly this time. We’re done enough of that and we’re suffered the consequences. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it with the team. I think I have an idea.”

Alec hummed in approval. “Okay.”

“Now go back to sleep, my love. I’m not going anywhere.”

And Alec did.

It wasn’t a peaceful slumber, it wasn’t even half of that, but it was sleep, and he was going to need as much of it as he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm sorry.**   
>  **I'm sorry.**   
>  **I'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyyy.**
> 
>  
> 
>  But jsyk, Papa Hodge was one of my favorite characters and I'm in pain too.
> 
> This was beta'd by [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/). Go and send her some love, she deserves it for putting up with me.
> 
> Yelling happens on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> All the love,  
> Lu.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be angstier but then shit happened and I wasn't in the mood for angst so my brain decided to write this instead.
> 
> I'm just going to leave this here:  
> "Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."   
> — Oscar Wilde
> 
> And with that, I wish you a happy reading. ❤
> 
> Ps: #lecrit to live-tweet.

Magnus had imagined that the day he would step in the Lightwoods house, it would be for much lighter reasons than to chase a psychopathic serial killer. He had pictured meeting the stern Maryse Lightwood and her meek, passive husband in other circumstances, where he would have had to charm them with his wit and all the while making them regret treating their son like they had.

He had imagined Alec and him being madly in love still, almost disturbingly so, not giving a damn if his parents ended up giving them their approval or not, because they wouldn’t have needed it. The only blessing they desired would have been found in each other, and it was more than enough.

His fingers were not laced with Alec’s when he stepped inside, his eyes darting over the painting on the wall of the entryway - he wondered if the Lightwoods knew that the Rembrandt they showed off proudly in the very first room of their house was a fake, but maybe it was only obvious to someone with as keen of an eye for art as Magnus.

Alec was standing next to him, hands in his pockets, lips pressed together in that way they often were these days, head bowed as he scrutinised the parquet floor like it was going to open and swallow him whole. He didn’t talk much lately, and when he did, it was either because it was absolutely necessary or to build up a plan to avenge Hodge.

He was hurting, but it was more than that. His hazel eyes - still so beautiful to Magnus - were two hollow mirrors of pain, despite all his efforts at hiding his sorrow.

The problem with people like Alec, who were so used to put everyone else before them, was that they couldn’t deal with that sort of pain. Not because they were too weak - Alec was the furthest thing possible from weak - but because they felt guilty for feeling like they did and not being able to take care of the people around them who were hurting too.

Alec tried to keep up the facade, to smile to his siblings when he knew they needed it, to listen intently when Luke talked about forming a plan to go after Sebastian, to let Simon ramble about his unsuccessful attempts at tracking Sebastian’s phone number. He even held Magnus’ hand when he could feel him crumbling too, despite it all, despite his rancor, despite the effort Magnus knew it took him to let his guard down around him nowadays.

But when he was the one falling into pieces, when he caught sight of something that reminded him of Hodge, he would rather do it in the comfort of his own room, hidden away.

It was only since Magnus had been there with him when he had broken down after a nightmare that he had allowed him to be there for him. It wasn’t much. He let Magnus feed him. He didn’t squirm away when Magnus sat down next to him, not touching -  _ never _ touching - to bring him a semblance of comfort. He had accepted to go out with Magnus for the first time since he had been out of the hospital, if only to have a walk around the block that surrounded their building.

It was a start, Magnus reminded himself, but the road was still long and sinuous.

If Alec needed to focus solely on their plan to heal, Magnus would be there for him, with him for every step of the way. It seemed like he owed him that much.

“Magnus!” Max exclaimed as he spotted him.

Magnus darted his eyes away from the fake Rembrandt on the wall, turning to face Max and his parents standing behind him, both sporting contrite expressions. They didn’t seem thrilled to see him here, and yet their eyes were only on Magnus, as if the rest of their group - Jace, Luke and Clary - wasn’t even in the room.

“Hi, buddy,” he said with a sheepish smile.

Max casted a wary look between Alec and him, an eyebrow quirked. “Are you two back together?” he asked, in that characteristic bluntness that seemed to run in the Lightwood blood.

Magnus opened his mouth to deny, rubbing his fingers together nervously, but before he could, Alec shrugged. Not in a dismissive way, but in a confusing manner that left Magnus with parted lips and his heart clenching in his chest.

“We’re something,” Alec muttered, with devastating finality. “But that’s not why we’re here.”

Maryse stepped forward, dropping a hand on Max’ shoulder. “Lily is waiting for us in the living room.”

Alec nodded and shrugged his winter coat off, dropping it on the back of the couch as they followed his parents inside.

Magnus had barely taken a step forward that Max was at his side, voice pitched low and nose scrunched up in concern. “Is he okay?”

Magnus forced a smile on his face, pushing away the heartache as his eyes followed Alec’s movements, strained and tired. “He will be,” he pledged. “Eventually.”

“I think he needs you for that,” Max said, and his eyes bore more wisdom than his years should have allowed. “He’s too used to taking care of people all the time. He needs someone to take care of him. And I don’t think he’d let anyone but you.”

Magnus bit on his bottom lip, watching as Alec turned around to gaze at them from afar, his brows drawn together as he probably wondered why Magnus and Max were standing in the frame of the living room but not stepping in.

“He doesn’t trust me anymore,” Magnus murmured, darting his eyes away from Alec  to look down at Max instead. “I pushed him away. I… I broke us.”

Max shook his head, patting Magnus on the back lightly. “He loves you. I’ve never seen him happier than when you were together, before all that shit you guys seem to stir everywhere you walk. You’ll sort it out.”

“Magnus,” Alec called out from his spot on the other side of the room.

It seemed silly, and it probably was, but Magnus’ heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name uttered by the man he still -  _ always _ \- loved desperately. Alec didn’t smile, but his lips twitched slightly as he jerked his head to the side, clearly motioning for Magnus to take a seat on the armchair. He himself was perched on the armrest, all the other seats in the room already taken by either their friends, Alec’s parents or the stranger in the room that Magnus hadn’t noticed before.

He gave one last, small but reassuring smile to Max and walked to Alec, sitting next to him.

Alec leaned against the back of the chair,  tilting his head to whisper to him. “What were you two talking about?”

“The dichotomy of good and evil,” Magnus retorted matter-of-factly, and his lips pulled into a smirk when he caught Alec glaring at him. “What do you think we talked about? There’s this guy we both love a lot who hasn’t been feeling great lately. We’re a bit worried about it.”

“I’m okay,” Alec replied with the ease of a well-oiled machine. “You should take care of yourself first. You’re still -”

“Alexander,” Magnus murmured, savouring the way the name seemed to roll on his tongue with practised ease. “Please don’t push me away. Let me be here for you.”

“You’re terrified of guns and you were held at gunpoint by a psychopath,” Alec argued, deadpan, his eyes ruthless as they riveted into Magnus’. “Don’t try to make me believe you’re okay.”

Magnus ran a hand through his hair, heaving out a deep breath. “Okay,” he murmured. “But now is not the place nor the time. We’ll talk about this later.”

“No more lies,” Alec said, in an uncompromising tone that left Magnus no other option than to nod. Alec nodded back, as if sealing a pact between them, and leaned back against the back of the armchair, his hazel eyes drifting to set on the woman sitting on the chair facing their own.

She sat straight on her seat, her dark hair pulled into a ponytail, and her crossed legs gave her a stature that was probably meant to appear imposing but only served to make it look like she was trying to shield herself.

“Lily has accepted to see you in regards of the recent events,” Maryse said. “She might help shine some light on what happened with Sebastian.”

“That’s not why we’re here,” Magnus cut in before she could go on. “We don’t need to understand what happened. We were there, we lived it.”

Maryse pushed her lips together and she barely casted a look towards Magnus, focusing on Alec and Jace instead. “Why are you here, then?”

Jace leaned further into the couch, spreading his legs out in front of him to set them on the coffee table, ignoring the disapproving look from his mother that it earned him.

“We need everything you’ve got on Sebastian.”

Maryse heaved out a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Why did I raise reckless children?” she muttered under her breath.

“Raise is a big word, you should use it more carefully,” Alec snarled, throwing her a defiant look.

“Mrs. Lightwood,” Luke cut in before she could reply and things got out of control - again. “Here’s the thing. I’ve been around your children for a while. I wasn’t as close to them as Hodge was -” he paused, darting wary eyes to Alec for a second, gauging his reaction. Alec’s jaw flexed slightly, but he didn’t show any other sign of discomfort, so Luke continued. “But I’ve learned to know a thing or two about them. They might be reckless, but they are twice as smart and just as stubborn. You are not stopping us from going after a man who killed one of us and will hurt someone again if given the opportunity. We have to stop Sebastian and our motivation might be questionable, but the results will be profitable for everyone. Now, you can let Miss Chen help us and make it easier for everyone, or you can choose to do the opposite. That’s up to you. Just know that the second option will not stop us. It will just slow us down.”

Magnus wondered if the situation was fit for a slow clap, and figured it wasn’t. That was a shame, but he would make sure to buy Luke a beer some time in the future to make up for it.

“What do you need to know?” Lily said, speaking for the first time. Her voice was deep, but it somehow fitted her stern features.

“Lily!” Maryse exclaimed, chastising.

She merely lifted an eyebrow, her face a mirror of profound boredom. “He has a point and you know it,” she said, pointing at Luke with the cup of tea in her hand. “It’s not like I can help them much anyway. Sebastian is very good at not leaving any trace.”

Robert cleared his throat, straightening from his spot next to his wife. “Maryse,” he said in a low voice, “we’ve kept enough secrets as it is. This is our chance to make up for it.”

Alec snorted on Magnus’ side, but his parents wisely chose to ignore it.

“Fine,” Maryse muttered. “But I don’t condone it.”

“Oh no,” Alec gritted through clenched teeth, voice heavy with sarcasm. “How are we going to live without your approval? We’ve never experienced that before.”

“Alec,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough.”

“At least we can agree on something,” he retorted, throwing her a pointed glare.

“I’m not here to witness a family feud,” Lily butted in, although the tiny smirk on her lips seemed to say otherwise.

“Right,” Clary said, rubbing her hands together as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees to look at Lily. “We need everything you know about Sebastian Verlac.”

“It’s not much,” Lily admitted. “I first came across him when I was following Valentine for them,” she added, gesturing toward Robert and Maryse, who still looked impossibly annoyed. “He was still locked up in that mental institution by then. Valentine’s first visit didn’t really peak my interest. I knew it was just an excuse for him to rob that senile old man. He was trying to get the combination of his safe out of him, made it look to the nurses like he was a relative. But after the man died, he kept going there and I grew suspicious, so I went undercover one day to see what was so interesting there that would make him go two to three times a week. That’s how I first learned about their relationship.”

She paused, taking a sip of tea, her eyes lost into space. “I tried to find out why he was in there but his file had been sealed because he was a minor and even my best contacts couldn’t find anything.”

“Our hacker couldn’t either,” Clary chimed in.

“You can say his name, you know,” Maryse deadpanned. “We know all about your little team of thieves.”

“We prefer avengers,” Jace said, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

“How come no one can find his file?” Alec asked, deadly serious - and it could have been a fragment of Magnus’ imagination, but he swore he saw Jace pout a little. “Even if he was a minor, they must have his file somewhere. Simon has been looking for weeks and he hasn’t found anything.”

“There’s only one explanation if you want my opinion,” Lily said slowly, and she paused again, waiting until all the eyes in the room were on her. “His parents, whoever they are, are rich. Very,  _ very _ rich. And they paid to have it completely erased.”

“Did you look into it?” Luke asked, brow knitted together in a stern expression.

“I tried,” Lily said with a nod. “But without his file, I couldn’t get very far. All I know is that Verlac isn’t his real last name.”

“Yeah, we had figured that much,” Jace chimed in, a pensive look on his face.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you more than that,” Lily said, throwing them an apologetic look.

A defeated silence fell upon the room and Magnus let his eyes dart over the faces of his friends. They all look tired, bags under their eyes and shoulders slouched down with fatigue. He thought that perhaps it was more than just fatigue. They were all setback by the overwhelming feeling of failure, of having lost someone they loved and having been powerless to stop a monster from slipping between their fingers.

Hodge’s absence was weighing over their shoulders, and Magnus knew that if he had been there, he would have been the one to drive them back on their feet with one of his odd motivational speeches that basically consisted in telling them to stop being stupid.

Magnus had never been that close to Hodge, but right in that moment, he missed him dearly, his witty comebacks, his fierce protectiveness, his unapologetic bluntness.

“I think you can,” he said, inhaling deeply.

Lily turned her almond eyes to him, motioning for him to go on.

“You can tell us where that mental institution is,” he clarified, sharp and resolute.

.

“I need to stop by my apartment to get some stuff,” Magnus told him as they stepped out of his parents’ house.

Alec stopped on his tracks, turning around to face him. They were standing in front of the subway station, people barreling around them like their lives depended on it, rushing around like ants.

It had been weeks since Magnus had started sleeping on the couch of the apartment he still shared with his siblings, and he hadn’t shown any sign of wanting it to change.

Alec wasn’t sure how to feel about that. There was something entrancing in knowing that when he woke up in the morning, Magnus would be in the kitchen cooking breakfast, because when Magnus was close, Alec knew he was safe. But that also meant that Magnus had put his own life on hold, had stopped trying to heal himself in favor of helping Alec. And Alec knew he was doing it out of guilt, because Magnus had a history of blaming himself for things that weren’t his fault.

“You know you don’t have to stay with me 24/7, right?” he asked, frowning. “You can stay at your apartment if you want. Your bed is more comfortable than our couch.”

Magnus’ brows furrowed in confusion, as if he couldn’t comprehend why Alec would even mention such an option. “I told you,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I live with Isabelle and Jace,” Alec said, as firmly as he could. “I’m not alone.”

“I know but -”

“Magnus,” Alec said, softer than he had intended. “You don’t need to look after me.”

Magnus bit on his bottom lip, but his eyes were a mirror of perfect honesty when he glanced up at Alec. “I know, but it feels like I do,” he murmured. He paused, licking his lips, and Alec held his breath. “I… Maybe it’s selfish, but I need to make sure you’re okay, so I can be too. It gives me a purpose, I guess. Something to keep my mind occupied. If I stop for even a minute, I start thinking and I don’t like where my thoughts take me.”

His eyes had lowered by the time he stopped talking, and he was rubbing his fingers together nervously. A while ago, Alec had felt privileged to be allowed to witness Magnus’ vulnerability. It was something that he didn’t show to anyone.

Now, it was just crushing, because he knew what Magnus’ vulnerability truly hid, his insecurities, his guilt, his grief.

Alec inhaled sharply, reaching out to grab his hand and lace their fingers together.

“I’m still mad at you.”

Magnus gulped, nodding sheepishly.

“But if I can’t be alone, I’d rather be with you,” Alec said.

Magnus looked up again, tilting his head to the side to give him a small, hopeful smile.

“Let’s go to your apartment,” Alec added as firmly as he could. “We can sleep there tonight.”

“Okay,” Magnus breathed out, squeezing his hand gently.

Alec kept Magnus’ hand firmly tucked in his own for the whole trip back to Brooklyn.

.

Magnus’ apartment was oddly silent when they walked in, and he realized with a start that it had been a while since he had last stepped into his home. The walls felt familiar and foreign all at once and his heart clenched in his chest for a reason he couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Ragnor?” he called out warily. “Raphael?”

The only answer he got was a sad mewl at his feet and a grin broke on his face before he could stop it. He kneeled next to Chairman Meow, scratching between his ears benevolently when the cat started to purr loudly, bumping his head against Magnus’ shin.

“Hello, my darling,” he cooed. “I missed you too.”

Chairman Meow let himself be pet for a little while before moving his attention to Alec, rubbing himself against his legs.

Magnus scoffed under his breath, glancing up at Alec. “I think he missed you too.”

Alec’s lips twitched with the beginning of a smile and although it didn’t fully show on his mouth, his hazel eyes lit up, just slightly enough for Magnus’ heart to flutter in his chest.

Alec sat down on the floor next to Magnus with his legs crossed and Chairman didn’t waste a second before he climbed onto his lap, meowing loudly and repeatedly until Alec obliged and brought a hand down to stroke his fur.

“I was always his favorite anyway,” he murmured, in a playful tone that almost teared a sob out of Magnus.

“He does have impeccable taste,” Magnus replied softly.

Alec snorted and he shuffled to lean his back against the wall to face Magnus, careful not to scare the Chairman away.

Magnus wondered how they must have looked to the foreign eye, two grown men sitting in the entry of his apartment, facing each other, petting a demanding cat until he purred himself into oblivion, but he figured he didn’t really care, as long as Alec was with him.

“I need to say something,” Alec said quietly, but his voice sounded sharp in the tempestuous silence surrounding them. He sucked in a deep breath and licked his lips, his eyes fixed on Chairman Meow, who had curled in the curve of his knee with a ridiculously pleased expression.

Magnus nodded, stomach swaying in anticipation.

“I still love you,” Alec breathed out in a low murmur.

“I still love you too,” Magnus said at once, reaching out to lay a hand on Alec’s knee but stopping himself at the last moment, withdrawing.

Alec glanced up to give him a sad smile. “But I don’t think I trust you anymore,” he confided, and Magnus’ heart clenched in his chest. “You left me, and that’s one thing. I know you did it for reasons you thought right but… I don’t deal well with people kicking me out of their lives because I’m not enough.”

Magnus took the blow without flinching, but he shut his eyes, setting both his hands on his knees to keep them from trembling.

“You are, darling,” he pledged. “I never meant to make you feel that way. It’s just that… I felt like I was too much. It was never a question of you not being enough. You… You are perfect.”

When he opened his eyes to look at him, Alec’s gaze had darkened. “You should have talked to me about it, instead of shutting me out. I was supposed to help you.”

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, and the name sounded foreign in the air amidst them, but it rolled on his tongue with intimate ease. “I couldn’t let you throw away your life trying to help me mend whatever there is left of me to mend. I’m not your responsibility.”

“Yes, you are,” Alec retorted with a stubborn frown. “And I’m yours.”

Magnus knew the world weren’t as significant as they could have been in another context, but they still made his breath hitch in his throat.

“You need to understand that,” Alec said firmly. “You’ve been by my side ever since… ever since the rooftop,” he finished, voice shaking slightly. “No one asked you to. Certainly not me. And yet, you’ve been there every day for a month, even when I admittedly wasn’t remotely friendly to you. Because you know it’s where you belong, especially when I’m feeling the way I’ve been feeling lately. And I think it would have been much worse without you by my side. You need me just as much as I need you, Magnus. You need to let me be there for you the way you want to be there for me, or it’s just not fair to either of us.”

Magnus inhaled deeply. He let Alec’s words swirl into his mind for a moment, taking everything in. His eyes drifted down, to the Chairman’s tiny body moving diligently with peaceful breaths in slumber.

“Okay,” he muttered.

“Okay?” Alec repeated carefully, the hesitation almost palpable in his tone.

“Okay,” Magnus said, nodding solemnly.

Alec reached out to grab his hand, and Magnus was struck with how easily he did that when he had so much trouble doing so himself, too scared his touch would be undesired.

“We’re in this together,” Alec said. “And we need to be honest with each other.”

“No more lies,” Magnus said, squeezing his hand lightly. “I’ll start,” he added in a breath, running a hand on his tired features. “I still have nightmares. Meditation does help to keep my mind clear during the day, but nights are something else entirely. I still haven’t forgiven myself for what happened to Ragnor and Camille, and I think it’ll be a while before I can even think of forgiving myself for what I did to you… and what happened to Hodge.”

“Hodge isn’t your fault,” Alec replied immediately. “It’s mine.”

Magnus shook his head, heaving. “You wouldn’t have been desperate to reach out to Meliorn if I hadn’t pushed you away. I would have warned you about Meliorn being sketchy. We wouldn’t have ended up on that rooftop.”

“You don’t know that,” Alec stated, his voice leaving no room for negotiation. “I didn’t do it because of you.” At Magnus’ pointed look, he sighed. “Not  _ entirely _ because of you. I wanted to do it on my own because everyone’s been hurt enough as it is. I wanted all of you safe. Turns out I’m not very good at keeping the people I love safe.”

“You’re great at keeping the people you love safe,” Magnus argued, rubbing his thumb on the back of Alec’s hand.

“Hodge died because of me,” Alec deadpanned, and Magnus knew the harsh tone was only meant for himself.

“Hodge died to save your life, and he would have done it in any situation, on that rooftop or anywhere else.”

Alec pursed his lips, hurt flashing in his eyes.

“Alexander,” Magnus said softly, “you’re adamant about making your own decisions, so you can’t blame Hodge for doing the same. You know he loved you too much to let you think otherwise. That’s all he cared about, even in the end.”

“W-What?” Alec asked, his head jerking up to look at him, brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Magnus gulped hard, his own spit tasting foul in his mouth. “When you ran after Sebastian,” he started, chewing on his bottom lip, “I wanted to go after you, but then I realized Hodge was still breathing, if scarcely. I tried to put pressure on his wound but it was already too late, and we both knew it. Lydia and Jace had both been shot, so Isabelle and Raj were helping them, but I stayed by Hodge’s side.”

“Did he -” Alec released a shaky breath, eyes slowly filling with tears. “Did he say anything?”

His voice was barely over a whisper, low and hesitant, as if he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know the answer.

“He just kept asking if you were okay,” Magnus said softly. “Over and over again until the end.”

Alec shut his eyes, but it didn’t prevent a few stray tears from slithering down his cheeks. Magnus felt his heart constrict in his chest. Alec’s pain was too raw, and too familiar. He gathered what was left of his courage, pushed away his late wariness around Alec and picked Chairman Meow up from Alec’s lap, ignoring the cat’s mewl of disapproval. Then, he uncrossed Alec’s legs to snuggle between them, bringing his knees up to his chest to fit there, nuzzling against his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

Alec sniffed, inhaled deeply and closed his arms around him, tugging him closer against his chest. “Me too.”

They stayed there for a long time, huddled against the wall of Magnus’ entry, mourning together their friend and a bygone time of naïve, preposterous happiness.

They stayed there until the front door opened next to them and Ragnor walked in, arms full of paper bags. He took one step in and startled when he saw them sitting there, almost dropping his bags in the process.

“Magnus, this is your apartment,” Ragnor quipped, lifting an eyebrow. “How come you don’t know that there is a couch in the living room? It’s right there on the left.”

Alec snorted, but Magnus could only roll his eyes. “Shut up, Fell,” he grumbled. “We’re having a moment.”

“And it’s lovely and all, and I’m happy you’re finally sorting things out, but you’re going to kill your back, and I can’t imagine that this position is comfortable for Alec’s bottom - a bottom I know you to be quite fond of - so I’d suggest moving your cuddle party to the couch,” Ragnor said, his voice a combination of teasing and gentleness only he could pull off. “I’ll cook you something for dinner, it’s already gone seven.”

“You’re the best,” Magnus mumbled, although he showed no sign of moving any time soon.

“I’m doing pie and mash,” Ragnor chanted over his shoulder, walking down the corridor to get to the kitchen, Chairman Meow trotting after him, clearly aware it was time for him to have dinner as well.

“Ugh,” Magnus growled. “I take it back. You’re the worst!”

Ragnor’s laughter echoed in the corridor even after he had closed the kitchen door behind him and Magnus smiled despite himself.

It was silly, maybe, but it was more lifting than he had imagined it would be, to know that Ragnor could still joke, and laugh, and smile, after everything he had been through. It gave him hope, somehow, that Alec and he would put an end to their torment too, soon enough.

“He’s right,” Alec muttered against his hair, his lips brushing over the skin of his forehead.

Magnus shivered. “Five more minutes.”

“Okay,” Alec allowed. “Five more minutes.”

If five minutes turned into ten, or fifteen, no one was there to judge them.

.

It had been a while since they had all been gathered in Magnus’ apartment.

They all arrived in scattered little groups, but once the team was complete, the only missing attendants being Lydia and Aline, Alec was struck by the strongest sensation of déja-vu. The only difference was that when their team had used to be a chaos of chatter, laughter and lack of concentration, everyone was silent now, as if they were waiting for someone else to show up before they could be fully themselves.

It made something painful tug in his chest, as he stared at the armchair where Hodge had used to sit, a cup of tea in his hand and his eternally judgmental expression plastered on his calm features.

He could almost picture his silhouette, like a dim photograph whose main character had faded into blackness. There was an ache in his heart that came and went, always returning in moments like these ones, moments when he should have so obviously been there, driving them all into relative stability.

He shut his eyes briefly, trying to push away the utopia that had grown in his mind, of a foolish hope that perhaps nothing of this was irreversible. It kept the pain raw and ferocious.

He longed for time to pass and rush, to drive away the dullness of things that had brought along Hodge’s absence.

There was something utterly cruel about the way death brought peace to the ones it stroke but endless torment to those who were left behind.

“Hey,” whispered a soft voice at his side and Alec blinked out of his torpor to look at Luke, who gave him a soft smile, full of reassurance. “You okay?”

_ No more lies. _

Luke would read right through it anyway.

“Not really,” he said, shrugging.

Luke clapped a strong hand on his shoulder, tethering. “You will be,” he affirmed, with more confidence than Alec thought possible in the face of grief. “You have the most important thing one can hope for in a time like this.”

Alec’s brows furrowed. “Which is?”

Luke gave him a knowing smile, jerking his chin in direction of the balcony, where Magnus was standing, leaning against the railing as he chatted idly with Isabelle, Jace, Clary and Simon.

“Family,” he said.

Alec nodded absently, his eyes lingering for a second too long on Magnus before they drifted back to Luke.

“I miss him too,” Luke said, squeezing his shoulder lightly.

He had almost forgotten, too busy to mourn and drown in his own sorrow, that Hodge had been important for others than himself. He had been Luke’s friend for years, his closest one too. He had helped him and Clary’s mother hide away from Valentine. But more than that, he had taught Isabelle and Jace everything they knew, alongside Alec. He had worked with Magnus a few times, even though they had been bickering for the main part of it. He had taught Simon how to defend himself, no matter how helpless the hacker was in a hand-to-hand fight. He had been a quiet presence, praising Clary for her drawing whenever she was lost in her thoughts back at the villa. Even Raphael had never shown any sign of disliking him, which was saying much.

Alec wasn’t the only one grieving.

Somehow, that simple awakening brought him some kind of alleviation, and he breathed a little more easily.

Lydia and Aline arrived soon later, and everyone tensed at the sight of the stranger that was following them, a woman with thick, wavy brown hair. Her steely gray eyes darted over the room, but Alec didn’t feel the urge to step forward to shield the rest of them with his body like he normally would, perhaps because there was something almost ethereally kind about her.

“Hi,” she said, waving at them like she wasn’t intruding on a meeting between a bunch of world-class thieves and a secret service organisation (or something in these lines, but Alec still wasn’t entirely sure what exactly those Shadowhunters’ role was).

“Hi,” they replied in a collegial voice. She smiled, seemingly unaffected by their lack of enthusiasm.

“Who are you?” Jace asked bluntly, lifting an eyebrow, before he turned a bewildered look to Lydia and Aline. “What the fuck? You can’t just bring strangers to those meetings.”

“We can when we know exactly what you’re going to ask for,” Lydia argued.

“And what is that?” Isabelle said, deadpan.

“You’re going after Sebastian,” Aline said, in her eternally serious tone. “You want our help, this time. You’ve finally learned to stop being too proud to ask.”

“If you think it was about pride, you clearly don’t know much about us,” Luke growled, arms crossed over his chest sternly.

Aline sent him a look Alec wasn’t sure how to read. It was grave, but equally amused, her lips twitching in the corner.

“What do you need?” she asked.

“We’re going to California,” Magnus chimed in. He was standing behind the couch next to Raphael. “That part, we can do on our own but the next will be to find Sebastian and stop him, and we might need your help then.”

“Why California?” Lydia said, frowning.

“The mental institution Sebastian was locked up in is in Sacramento,” Magnus replied. “We’re going there to see what we can find out about him. It might lead us to him.”

“Okay.” Aline nodded, and uncrossed her arms to rest her hands on her hips instead. “We’ll give you the resources you need. Lydia can’t accompany you because her injury is still too fresh to clear her out for field work. I’ll talk to my colleagues there to have one of our agents assigned to work with you. But we have a condition, and it is non negotiable.”

“What is it?” Alec asked, his voice strained with apprehension.

“She,” Aline said, pointed a finger at the woman they didn’t know, “is coming with you.”

“We don’t even know who she is. Are we supposed to just trust her?” Simon claimed. “No offense,” he added, turning his gaze to the stranger, who waved his comment off with a flourish and a benevolent smile.

“My name is Tessa Gray,” she said.

“Tessa works with us,” Aline stated, and there was a cautiousness to her tone that hadn’t been there before, like she knew her next words were important but would undoubtedly stir an argument out of them. “She’s a doctor and she’s been working with the agents of our organization for years, especially with those who deal with what you guys are going through.”

She spoke to the whole of them, but her gaze was focused solely on Magnus and Alec, which was why it was Alec who opened his mouth next. “What do you mean?”

“Posttraumatic stress disorder,” Tessa chimed in bluntly, and her voice was now annoyingly soft, and her smile just as sweet. “I’m a psychiatrist.”

The silence that followed was heavy, and charged with meaning. Alec pursed his lips, casting a glance at Magnus, whose face was unreadable, an impassive mask he had seemed to master in the last months, the same one he had sported when he had assured Alec time and time again that he was fine, that he had been unaffected by everything he had been through.

“Okay,” Magnus said, and his voice was firm and steady, but Alec knew him enough to perceive everything it concealed. He looked to the side at Alec, a question in those eyes Alec had fallen for, the deep brown shifting with glimmering gold and newfound confidence.

“Okay,” Alec echoed, because perhaps it was necessary, though it also seemed inevitable.

“Good,” Aline said with a stern nod. She turned to look at Luke. “It applies to all of you,” she added, but they all knew it was Alec and Magnus’ approval she had been waiting for. “And Ragnor Fell, too.”

“Ragnor is not coming with us,” Magnus exclaimed at once. “He's staying here, where he's safe.”

Ragnor, who was standing in the frame of the kitchen door with Raphael, rolled his eyes. “I will see her when you get back. I've waited this long, I can wait a few more days. Or weeks.”

“Then it's settled,” Lydia said. “We'll arrange for a jet to take you from JFK to Sacramento. You live tomorrow.”

“Nice,” Simon exclaimed. When his statement was met with bewildered glances and a few disbelieving scoffs, he frowned. “What?” he blurted out. “A private jet! We're like the real Avengers, except Magnus is not paying for everything.”

“So you finally admit Magnus is Tony Stark and not Bruce Banner,” Jace said, an all too proud smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

Simon deflated, his mouth falling open. “Dammit,” he mumbled under his breath.

Isabelle snorted, but reached out to pat her boyfriend's shoulder amiably.

“You all suck,” Simon sighed.

“Only when I'm in a good mood,” Magnus retorted.

Alec scoffed, but couldn't help the bemused smile that curled at the corner of his lips.

.

That night, when Magnus closed the front door after Isabelle and Simon, who were the last ones to leave, his stomach was lurching. He had grown accustomed to the sensation, to the twirl in his guts that seemed to have become permanent. Yet, it felt different, somehow, but familiar at the same time, and he knew why.

It was excitement, the prospect of a well-oiled plan, of the wheel finally turning their way.

He heaved out a deep sigh and walked down the corridor to the bathroom, unfastening the buttons of his shirt one by one, stretching the sore muscles of his neck. He opened the door to the bathroom and froze in his spot, blinking.

“Sorry,” he blurted out, but didn’t move.

Alec was standing in front of the sink, brushing his teeth, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips, his hair a wet mess. The bruises on his ribs had long faded, but the pale skin of his torso was still marked by a faint scar where the doctors had opened him to stop the internal bleeding.

“I’ll just -” Magnus started, pointing vaguely over his shoulder. “Yeah.”

“Mag’us,” Alec exclaimed through a mouthful of toothpaste. He spat in the sink and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, before straightening up. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, motioning for him to come in. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen a dozen times before.”

“Yeah,” Magnus breathed out, and cleared his throat before stepping in. “And I think it’s more around a hundred,” he quipped, probably failing at sounding nonchalant.

Alec snorted and turned his back to him to finish brushing his teeth.

Magnus didn’t remember when exactly he had started to be so cautious around Alec - or perhaps he did, and that only made it worse. He shut the door behind him and finished unbuttoning his shirt, throwing it in the laundry basket before walking to the shower to turn on the hot water.

His fingers hesitated when he reached down to unzip his jeans and he shook his head. Alec was right, he was being ridiculous. He had never been self-conscious about his body, and especially not around Alec, but perhaps his insecurities ran more deeply than he had thought.

“We match,” Alec commented airily after he was done rinsing his mouth.

Magnus startled, his fingers freezing over his belt. “What?”

Alec found his gaze through the mirror, gesturing vaguely to the scar on his torso, then to the one that branded Magnus’ bronze skin from his navel to the left side of his ribs.

He smiled despite himself, rolling his eyes. “Yay,” he mumbled, unable to hold back the scorn from his tone. “We’re both scarred for life.”

“I like them,” Alec said, shrugging. He turned around to face Magnus, leaning against the sink. “It just means we’re both survivors.”

“Are we?” Magnus said, voice and head lowering.

Alec took a step forward, reaching up to cup Magnus’ cheek in his hand, thumb brushing over his cheekbone and Magnus lifted his chin again, breath hitching in his throat.

“We are,” Alec murmured, and between the intimate walls surrounding them, in this world of theirs that he had somehow lost touch of along the way, Magnus believed him.

“I guess we are.”

Alec smiled a small, sad smile and leaned in to press a kiss on his forehead, lingering just long enough for Magnus to breathe in the smell of his own soap.

He stepped back, and opened the bathroom door.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Magnus whispered, and he wasn’t sure if it was meant for Alec or himself.

“Stop thinking I’m going to break if you touch me, Magnus,” Alec said, with more strength than strictly necessary. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to restrain yourself around me. This is not who you are.”

Magnus turned to face him, gulped hard and nodded. “I’ll try,” he promised.

“Come and sleep with me,” Alec added softly. “I don’t like knowing you sleeping on the couch. It feels like you’re miles away.”

“Okay,” Magnus said, because he didn’t trust his voice to allow any more than that.

When Magnus crawled into bed a while later, feeling fresh and reinvigorated from his shower, his stomach was still lurching, but when he let his hand stroke tentatively against the bare skin of Alec’s chest, and Alec opened his arms to let him nestle against him, it stopped.

It stopped.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).
> 
> This was beta'd by the always extraordinary [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/). Thank you babe. ❤
> 
>  
> 
> Until next time, all the love to you cupcakes,  
> Lu. ❤


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
>  
> 
> Just letting you know that there will be three chapters and the epilogue left after this one so... we're getting closer to the end.  
> I'm okay. I'm fine. This is fine.
> 
> hahahahahahahahahah bye
> 
> (still #lecrit to live-tweet)

Magnus had imagined his first session with Tessa Gray would happen in one of those cold, tasteless offices that he had seen in movies, with plain walls and a mahogany desk with nothing on it but a frame with a photograph of a perfect family. He would be lying down on a barely comfortable sofa, and she would be humming noncommittally from her armchair while he reluctantly poured his heart out to a mere stranger.

Instead, she came to fetch him in the hotel room he shared with Alec in the early afternoon of their first day in Sacramento, a soft smile on her lips.

He wanted to say no, but Alec and he had promised each other they would make efforts to get better, and with Alec staring at him with a question in his eyes, like he almost expected Magnus to disappoint him, he was left with no other choice than to nod and follow Tessa outside.

It was the first time Magnus had been in Sacramento, but there was something soothing about it. Their hotel being close to the junction between the Sacramento and the American River, Tessa led the way to the sidewalk, and Magnus followed mutely.

As much as Tessa exuded of an easing, gentle aura, Magnus couldn’t bring himself to be fully comfortable around her, not when he knew that she expected him to open up about things he wasn’t even prepared to talk about with Alec.

“Who’s your favorite painter?” Tessa asked nonchalantly, sliding her hands in the pockets of her coat.

Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that either. Magnus startled, stopping dead in his tracks to stare at her bemusedly. When she noticed he wasn’t following, she swirled around and lifted an eyebrow, but didn’t say a word. She just stared at him, as if asking what was so shocking about her question.

Magnus shook his head and joined her in two strides, leading them back on the path. The river was calm, lying across the city in smooth curves.

“I don’t have one,” he said, because that much was true. “I mean, I can’t choose just one. It depends on many things, the moment in my life, my mood. When I started doing what I do, I was obsessed with Monet. It was full of colors without being obnoxious, luminous without being blinding. When I was eighteen, I almost stole one of his paintings, in a museum in the South of France. I had broken in without trouble, but when I got in front of the painting, I couldn’t move anymore. It was so beautiful, so hopeful and happy that I couldn’t take it.”

Tessa chuckled lightly. “Not exactly what we would expect from a professional thief,” she said, not unkindly.

Magnus shrugged. “Some pieces should never stay hidden.”

“So, Monet when you were younger. What about now?” Tessa asked.

Magnus pursed his lips in a reflective expression. “I like Hopper,” he admitted.

“I’m gonna take a shot in the dark and say it isn’t for the American landscape and architecture,” she quipped, flashing him a small smile. “It’s an interesting choice. His paintings are powerful psychological pieces.”

Magnus huffed in irritation. “Is this your way of making me talk about what’s wrong with me?” he inquired, throwing at a pointed look. “Are you going to psychoanalyze my choice in favorite artists?” He hadn’t meant to sound as annoyed as he did, but Tessa seemed unaffected. “You know who else I admire? Jean-Michel Basquiat. So I guess you can conclude that I am a queer person of color with a rough childhood. I don’t do drugs, though. And I’ve only ever met Andy Warhol in my dreams. Your method seems flawed.”

Her smile was still stubbornly etched on her lips when Magnus simmered down, and he rolled his eyes, striding back on the path. Tessa caught up with him quite easily. She didn’t say a word, just kept walking by his side until eventually, Magnus sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

“My favorite painter is Rembrandt,” Tessa said, dismissing his apology with a flourish and a gentle smile. “Because of the eyes. Everything you can read in his characters’ eyes.”

Magnus snorted, a mocking, albeit courteous, smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Suitable for a therapist. The eyes are a mirror to the soul, right?”

“I found the best way to someone’s soul is to let them guide you there,” Tessa replied, with a blunt honesty that somehow redeemed Magnus’ aversion towards everything she represented.

“Is that what you want me to do?” he asked.

Tessa laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Magnus wondered if she ever departed herself from the soft smile she bore at all times.

“All in due time, Magnus,” she said. 

She didn’t say another word, and they just kept walking, lulled by the peaceful river and the cold wind of December swiping through their hair, penetrating their coats and sending a long shiver down Magnus’ spine.

Despite the wind, the air was still around them, as if the city had stopped aging years ago, and they had stumbled there by chance. There was nothing hazardous about them being in Sacramento, but somehow as he stopped to watch the water, utterly calm, Magnus was overwhelmed by an eerie sense of tranquility. He wasn’t sure whether it was because of the scenery, or Tessa’s presence at his side, steady and serene.

As he closed his eyes to savour the light breeze, Alec’s face flashed behind his eyelids, his hazel eyes full of tenderness, his reverent smile - oh, how Magnus missed that smile. He had promised Alec he would try to get better. He had promised he would make the efforts it took for him to heal. To fix what he had broken.

“I have those dreams.”

The words slipped out of his mouth before his brain could catch up and try to stop them.

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, if only to keep his coat shut from the cold’s assaults.

“Sometimes, they’re not even dreams,” he said, his voice barely a decibel over a whisper. “Not per se. They’re what I see when I close my eyes to meditate and I try to reach the deepest corners of my mind.”

Tessa’s face turned into a mask of gravity. “Do you want to tell me what those dreams are about?

“I’m in a dark room and the walls are closing in on me,” Magnus eluded. “I can’t see a thing. There’s just darkness around me.”

He paused, inhaling sharply. For a moment, he simply watched the water run by, purposely, without a doubt where it was heading. Magnus wished he could have said as much. But his heart was clenching in his chest, and the doubts were only growing.

“Does it ever change?” Tessa murmured. “Is that all you see?”

Magnus shook his head and opened his mouth to reply, but stopped himself at the last moment. There was no expiration date on his promise. Alec had never made him sworn to fix everything in his first session, and there were things he had to keep for himself.

The darkness in his mind, what he saw when he was bold enough to plunge into the depth of his guilt, it belonged to him.

“No,” he lied. “That’s it.”

He forced himself not to startle when Tessa’s fingers curled around his elbow. Frowning, he turned his head to meet her gaze, and was only met with her already characteristic benevolence.

“All in due time, Magnus,” she said again. “When you’re ready to talk about it, we’ll talk about it. No need to lie.”

Magnus opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came, and he just ended up pursing his lips, and nodding scarcely.

“I really want to get better,” he sighed.

“You’re already on the way there,” Tessa reassured him. “Hold on to the things that matter. Have faith in the people who care for you. And count on your anchor to guide you through your recovery, far more than myself.”

“My anchor?” Magnus echoed, curving an eyebrow.

Tessa huffed out a silent laugh, sending him a pointed glance. “Alec.”

Magnus heaved out a sharp breath, humming.

“Come on,” Tessa said, hooking her arm with his to lead the way back to the hotel. “It’s enough for today. Just know I’m here if you need to talk about anything, okay?”

“Yeah,” Magnus breathed out.

The wind had died as they made their way back, and even the rumble of traffic seemed distant. All Magnus could truly hear was the rummage of his own heart, and Tessa’s words echoing in his mind.

.

By the time Magnus got back to their hotel room, it was too late to do anything but wait for the evening to come, not that he truly minded. He was planning on enjoying the suite’s accommodation and taking a long, relaxing bath with a glass of overpriced whisky.

The room was empty when he got there, so he pulled his sweater over his head and was about to do the same with his t-shirt when Alec walked in, phone in his hand, hands-free kit in his ears and a smile on his face, the easy, wide one he reserved for the people he cared about.

He was sweaty, clearly coming back from an afternoon run, and he didn’t notice Magnus immediately, too focused on his conversation.

“Oh, no, she punched him right in the face,” he was saying. “The poor guy ran off whimpering. I would have felt sorry for him but well, the only reason why I didn’t punch him myself was that Izzy was quicker.”

Magnus frowned, not from the story - he knew that one, from their robbery in Chicago that had ended badly for the sexist art owner that had been faced with the wrath of Isabelle Lightwood - but from the tone of Alec’s voice. It was light, relaxed, friendly, and Magnus had almost forgotten those intonations, how it softened his grave tone and made him seem impossibly sweet.

Then, Alec laughed, and Magnus held his breath behind pursed lips, his whole body seemingly awakening at the sound. It had been too long - so long - since he had last heard that sound, full and genuine and not hidden by a dejected scoff.

Alec’s eyes flickered to Magnus, and he gave him a soft smile, waving his hand. Magnus waved back, gingerly, hesitantly, but quickly brought his hand back at his side to hide his trembling fingers.

“I’ve got to go, Raj,” Alec said, his attention back on the phone. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Magnus froze, feeling a pang in his chest, impossible to ignore despite his best efforts.

It was an ugly sensation, seeping through his veins and spreading through his whole body until all his mind could think of what that Alec had laughed, and the person responsible for it had been Raj, not him. Not anymore.

He hated himself for it, for daring to believe that Alec’s laughter should have been his doing. That Alec should have been his at all when he had been the one to push him away and damage the bond that had been theirs, the trust that had sealed their hearts together.

“Hey,” Alec said, pulling the earphones out. “How did it go with Tessa?”

He was still smiling, in that relaxed, effortless way of his. He seemed at peace with himself, and Magnus realized with a start that if Alec was his anchor, the tether keeping him from being swallowed entirely by the darkness of his nightmares, perhaps he wasn’t Alec’s.

Magnus forced himself to smile back and shrugged.

“Alright,” he said absently, tugging his t-shirt over his head. “I’m gonna go take a bath, unless you want the bathroom first.”

Alec frowned slightly, shaking his head. “I can wait. Are you okay?”

Magnus nodded, gave him another shaky smile and quickly darted his gaze away, walking to the bathroom and immediately turning the water on.

Magnus had pushed him away and Alec had - rightfully so - kept living. He had moved on, and Magnus could only be happy that he had. It was exactly what he had wanted when he had made the mistake of breaking up with him. Alec didn’t belong to him, and Magnus couldn’t possibly ask of him to defer the few moments of happiness he allowed himself solely for him.

He could have hidden behind the pretence of the pain he had gone through, the trauma he had suffered, but Magnus knew better, and perhaps the simply and devastating truth was simply that Hodge had been right from the very beginning. Alec deserved better.

Alec deserved someone who was selfless enough to find content in his happiness. Someone who wouldn’t let go of him by fear that he would be the one to let go eventually. Someone strong enough to be the anchor he needed.

Discarding his clothes leisurely, he slipped into the bath, slithering until his head was underwater and all he could hear was the echo of his own heartbeats, measuring his absence of control over the chaos in his mind.

He knew, objectively, that he was overthinking everything. He had been doing much better lately, but dwelling back on sensitive matters with Tessa and finding Alec beaming on the phone thanks to Raj when the only smiles he directed at Magnus lately were scarce, shy things had brought back that dip of insecurities buried deep in a corner of his brain and there he was again, drowning in a torrent of uncertainty, his darkest thoughts pushing against the coherence in his mind and exposing the vacillation of the walls he had carefully started to build back.

He was tired of failing.

The air starting to desert his lungs, he slid back to the surface, only to startle at the sight of Alec squatting there, brows furrowed in something akin to concern.

“You scared me,” Magnus sighed, a hand over his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“You lied to me,” Alec said, but his tone held more concern than disappointment. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure I had locked the door,” Magnus said in lieu of an answer.

Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m a professional thief,” he said, deadpan. “I can pick a lock. Now tell me what’s wrong. We promised we wouldn’t lie to each other anymore.”

Magnus gritted his teeth, heart clenching in his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s just… my anxiety fucking up with me again, I guess. Sorry.”

Alec nodded gingerly, giving him a small, sympathetic smile. Without another word, he pulled his t-shirt, damp with transpiration, over his head before rising to his feet to get rid of his sport shorts.

Magnus watched him do so bewilderedly, lifting an eyebrow in inquiry. “What are you -”

“This bathtub is huge,” Alec declared before Magnus could finish, almost nonchalantly. “Come on,” he added, in an impatient tone that made Magnus scoff in astonishment. “Make room for me.”

Too bemused to argue, Magnus scooted to one side while Alec slid in next to him, relaxing as soon as the warm water surrounded him.

“Talk to me,” he demanded, unwavering gaze finding Magnus’.

Magnus pursed his lips. “It’s silly,” he admitted. “And selfish. And just…”

He sighed, unable to find a word that would express exactly how he felt. Alec didn’t reply, but he titled his head to the side, silently prompting him to go on.

“You were smiling so brightly,” Magnus said, voice pitched low. “And you laughed. I don’t remember the last time I heard you laugh. It made me realizing that… I’m the reason why you haven’t laughed that much lately. I hurt you, I- I wanted to protect you from myself and I ended up doing the exact opposite. I don’t deserve to be the instigator of your happiness anymore, and I don’t think I ever did, but… well, it made me jealous, to think another man had taken my place.”

Alec frowned, but it only lasted a second, confusion drifting away as realization crossed his features. “You mean Raj?”

Magnus nodded, lowering his head. “I told you it was silly. I don’t get to feel that way after what I did to you. To us.”

“It’s not silly if it put that kind of thoughts in your head,” Alec said firmly. “You’re allowed to feel jealous. I sure would be if I imagined you with another man or woman. But there’s nothing between Raj and I.”

Magnus opened his mouth to reply, but the words stayed stuck against the lump in his throat.

Alec reached out to take his hand under the water, his grip strong but soothing all at once. “When you broke up with me,” Alec said, his stern voice wavering just slightly enough for Magnus to feel guilt clench at his heart again, “I reached out to Raj, not because I needed someone to talk to, but because I knew I couldn’t ask anyone in the team to help me find Sebastian. He was reluctant to help, first because it meant keeping it a secret from Catarina, but most importantly because he figured out quickly that I was doing it out of pain. Because I guess I lost purpose when I lost you and I needed to fill that void.”

Magnus’ breath hitched in his throat, and Alec paused, his eyes drifting away for a moment before settling back on Magnus with reborn resolve.

“Raj became my friend and he will stay just that,” he said. “A friend. I don’t think I could ever love anyone but you, even if I tried. You should know by now that there won’t ever be a time when I don’t love you. Not today, not tomorrow, and probably not even when we’re both old and grey and this whole thing is behind us.”

Tears brimmed in Magnus’ eyes.

He wondered when eloquence had become one of Alec’s qualities instead of his. Not that he truly minded.

Lost for words, he shuffled closer and Alec shifted to allow him to settle between his legs, leaning back against the back of the bathtub, arms wrapped around him.

“I love you too,” Magnus said eventually, the words slipping on his tongue with ease. “Tessa said you’re my anchor.”

“Well,” Alec murmured against his ear, “you are mine, so it’s only fair.”

Magnus longed to turn around and kiss him, but he didn’t. Not yet. Not as long as he couldn’t trust himself, for until then Alec couldn’t trust him either.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Magnus said, barely above a whisper. “I wish I could take it back.”

“I don’t,” Alec admitted, fingers dancing idly along Magnus’ arms. “I think you needed to do things the wrong way to realize what the right one was. So did I. I fucked up too.”

“We’re both trying to fix our messes now,” Magnus allowed, resting his head on Alec’s shoulder.

“Mine are harder to fix than yours.” Magnus felt more than he saw him struggle to gulp, and his voice trembled when he next spoke, “Mine killed the only father figure I ever had.”

“Sebastian did that,” Magnus argued. “What you did was try to protect the people you care for, because you didn’t want them to hurt like I was. Like I am. There’s nothing to fix about that. It’s what makes you who you are. A leader, and a protector.”

Alec nuzzled against the bridge of his ear, heaving. “What’s a leader without his brain?” he murmured.

As insane as he was, Sebastian had been right on his analysis of their group: Hodge had been the glue, the calm, peaceful force holding them all together as a team.

He probably hadn’t expected that they would grow stronger with him gone, however, because nothing tied a team together as much as a common goal, and Sebastian had given them a clear one.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Magnus vowed, softly. “Never again.”

“Good,” Alec said, with devastating simplicity.

Magnus hummed, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Can we just stay here forever?”

Alec chuckled, the vibrations echoing in Magnus’ ribcage. “We have to meet that Shadowhunters agent that Aline assigned to us tonight,” he said, as pleased with the news as Magnus himself.

“I guess it won’t be forever then,” he said. “But the next hour could be the next best thing?”

Alec nodded against his hair, tightening his hold around Magnus’ shoulders. “Sounds good to me.”

.

They had agreed with the agent Lydia had appointed to them to meet in a bar near the river. It was crowded enough for them to blend in and not attract attention on them.

The place had a warm, old-fashioned vibe to it, in a way that made it convivial and somewhat homey.

There was an electronic bull at the end of the bar and a man with a cowboy hat was experiencing the difficulty of rodeo, barely lasting a few seconds before he was thrown out unceremoniously.

“I should go over there and hand him over his ass,” Isabelle promptly announced, hooking her arm with his.

Alec smirked. “Sadly, we're not here to watch you destroy a man's ego.”

Isabelle heaved out a deep sigh. “You never let me have fun on our jobs.”

“This is not a job,” Alec replied, the smirk wiped off of his face. “Izzy, this is serious.”

She smiled at him, in that unique way that was both tender and fondly exasperated. “I know, big brother,” she said, patting his arm. “But that doesn't mean we have to be any less fabulous while we're at it. I'm sure Magnus agrees.”

Alec's gaze automatically drifted to Magnus, who was chatting with Luke and Clary a few feet away from them. He looked beautiful - then again, he always did to Alec - his hair shimmering with the glitter enlightening the purple tips in his hair, matching the shirt he was wearing beneath a trench coat.

“Alec?”

He focused his attention back on Isabelle, humming noncommittally.

“You zoned out,” she said with a knowing smile. “I asked how you two were doing.”

It was a fair question, one Alec hadn't been sure how to answer up until that point. There and then, however, it was oddly clear, clearer than it had been in the past weeks.

Magnus was there, colors on his cheeks that had slowly fainted before, and the hint of a smile on his lips, painting his face with a certain sense of peace, of happiness rebuilding after months of aimless wandering.

“We're alright,” he said, the words slipping past his lips easily. “I think…”

He paused as Magnus glanced in his direction, sending him a conniving smile that threw his heart into overdrive, the world seemingly spinning around him in the best way possible. “I think I'm falling in love with him all over again,” he said, and he found it was true, his whole body screaming with the honesty of it.

Of all the reactions he had expected, Isabelle tearing up wasn't one.

“What?” he asked, voice hitching up in concern. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” she chuckled, swatting his shoulder gently. “I'm happy for you. Both of you. You're getting better. At your own pace but you are. You don't know how worried I've been.”

There wasn't much for Alec to say then, so he just leaned in to press a kiss on her forehead.

Because he had never been one for appropriate timing, Simon chose this moment to join them, pushing a beer in Alec's hand and a sangria in Isabelle's. “Lydia's colleague is there,” he announced. “She's scary.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “You're scared of everyone.”

“I'm not scared of you.”

Alec lifted an eyebrow, throwing him a dubious glance.

“Anymore,” Simon corrected. “Most of the time, I'm not. Some of the time. Okay, okay, I'm a tiny bit scared of you.”

Alec smirked, patting his shoulder. “Smart boy,” he teased. “Let's go.”

Simon followed them to the table at the end of the bar, grumbling under his breath until Isabelle let go of Alec's arm to grab her boyfriend's instead, pecking his cheek, and his sulky expression melted into pure and absolute joy.

Alec slid into the booth next to Luke. Lydia’s colleague was sitting on a chair at the end of the table, and he understood what Simon meant as he studied her. She looked fierce, lips tugged into a thin line, brown eyes darting over their team in a calm, composed way, curly hair framing the unimpressed expression on her face. The light brown skin of her neck was marked by a deep scar that lined a path from her ear and disappeared beneath her shirt.

“So, you’re Lydia’s girl,” Jace said, and Alec had to resist the urge to facepalm.

She curved an eyebrow, features painted with boredom. “I’m no one’s girl,” she retorted, deadpan.

“You know what I meant,” Jace replied, waving his hand dismissively. “I’m Jace, and this is -”

“I know who all of you are,” she cut in, raising a hand to stop him.

“Of course you do,” Luke snarled. “It would be fair for us to know who you are then, don’t you think?”

She seemed to hesitate for a moment, lips pushed together, but she nodded eventually. “I’m Agent Roberts,” she said. “But you can call me Maia. I was sent here to work on one of the leads we got from the files you guys stole from Valentine Morgenstern.”

“You’re welcome,” Jace smirked, oozing of arrogance.

Alec heaved out a deep sigh. “Sorry,” he chimed in, and Maia’s eyes immediately settled on him. “He’s uncomfortable with strangers so he does this thing where he tries to make people like him by being extremely arrogant.”

“Hey,” Jace protested, “it works most of the time.”

“Does it?” Maia questioned, a mask of skepticism on her features.

Jace opened his mouth to argue, but Alec was quicker. “What case are you working on?”

“Victor Aldertree,” Maia said. “Another corrupted art dealer from Valentine’s network who sells fake paintings. I have all the proofs I need to arrest him but we want the bigger fish. We want the counterfeiter, so we can shut down all their illegal trading for good. But I’m nowhere closer to finding them and I needed a break, so Aline assigned me to your case.”

“We’re a case?” Magnus asked.

Maia snorted, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “Oh, you’re a big one,” she said, amused. “A bunch of world-class thieves that went after Valentine and got mixed up in a fucking mess with Sebastian? Your file in our database is one of the biggest I’ve ever seen. The only reason why we didn’t arrest you is that you actually helped us get Valentine. And Lydia and Aline like you for some reason.”

“We’re pretty cool,” Simon butted in, nodding enthusiastically. “I mean, we’re the good guys. We’re just a bit chaotic sometimes.”

Maia’s amused smile was almost fond. “Most of the time, from what I’ve heard,” she said, in a teasing tone that contrasted with her previous sternness. “That’s why I’m here. To prevent you from wrecking havoc and get yourself hurt. Sebastian is on our list of dangerous individuals involved with Valentine that we have to stop as soon as possible, and I’m afraid the best way to do that is through you. You guys have history.”

“Something like that,” Alec mumbled under his breath, before adding, louder, “I don’t mean to be rude, but how can we trust you?”

Maia shrugged and plucked her phone and a small plastic bag out of her pocket. “Lydia said you’d be wary, so I come bearing gifts.”

She slid the bag towards them, and glanced down at her phone, taping on the screen, an expression of utter calm on her face.

Luke reached out to take the bag, and Alec leaned in to peek over his shoulders at its content. There were three leather wallets inside.

“Those are cards from our agency,” Maia explained, not bothering to look up from her phone. “They’ll allow you to get in Edom Psychiatric Institution. I’ll come with you to question the nurse. I did my research. Two of them who were already there when Sebastian was a patient are still working today. Maureen Brown is the one who is working tomorrow.”

Alec nodded, assimilating everything.

“Second gift,” Maia said, and she was smirking again, her deep brown eyes lighting up with mischief.

She pushed her phone towards them and they all leaned in in a same movement to look at the screen. The video was paused, but they could all recognized Valentine’s face. He looked tired, but still as arrogant as ever. She pressed play, and leaned back in her chair.

Maia was standing in front of him, arms crossed over her chest, while Valentine sat behind a metal table, hands tied by handcuffs over it. The bar was too noisy for them to discern what he was saying, but it was evident from the expression on his face that he was being neither cooperative nor appropriate.

Alec cocked his head to the side to hear, and all he could perceive was “I hope my boy is giving them a rough time, the way I taught him to,” before on-screen Maia bolted forward, smashing her fist against his face.

Jace whistled appreciatively under his breath. “Nice swing.”

“I like you,” Alec blurted out, glancing away from Valentine holding his nose in pain to focus back on Maia.

“So do I,” Isabelle commented, Clary smirking silently at her side.

“I’d like to remind everyone that I punched him too,” Magnus said, a mischievous smirk pulling at his lips. “I was a pioneer, one could say.”

Maia’s smirk matched Magnus’ perfectly. “Truly inspirational,” she told him, winking.

“This,” Simon exclaimed, eyes wide in stupor, waving vaguely between them. “This is why people think we’re insane.”

“Simon,” Jace sighed, “we are. Get over it.”

Maia didn’t seem very impressed, and Alec decided right there and then that he liked her.

.

Edom Psychiatric Institution was an isolated luxury manor on the outskirts of Sacramento, giving on nothing but fields and trees on every side. The estate spread on five acres and the view was stunning, especially so early in the morning when the sky was still scattered with bluish clouds and a wintry mist.

Alec couldn’t help but think it was a fancy place, for an asylum.

“Alright,” Magnus exclaimed, readjusting the plain white shirt he was wearing, “let’s do this!”

It was an odd look on him, too dull to convey his usual glow, although he still remained the most beautiful man Alec had ever set eyes on. The dress pants were a drastic change from his usual ripped or skinny jeans, but the overall look still managed to make something squirm in Alec’s stomach as he followed him toward the iron gates that led to the entrance.

Maia made quick work of convincing the guard of letting them in, showing off the badge she had had reproduced for them.

As soon as they had stepped inside the huge garden surrounding the manor, time seemed to stop, like the place itself was set outside of the mere concepts of time and space. Silence wrapped around them, and a shiver ran down Alec’s spine.

It wasn’t a place for the lost and wandering, it was a place for the people the wider world wished to forget, a place for the sick and the deviant, and it made complete sense that Sebastian would have found somewhere to belong among those walls at some point in his life.

They passed by only one person on their way to the front door, a feeble-looking woman with messy grey hair but a youthful face and hollow empty eyes framed by wrinkles that didn’t harmonize with her age, although Alec supposed she looked much older than she truly was. She didn’t pay them any attention, humming the same tune over and over again until they were too far to hear it or for the wind to carry it to their ears.

A man in a doctor uniform was standing by the front door, arms crossed sternly over his chest and brows furrowed in annoyance, as if he wasn’t used to greeting visitors.

From the gloomy atmosphere of the place, Alec surmised it wasn’t far from the truth.

“Hi,” Maia said when they reached him, flashing her badge in front of his eyes. “We work for the government. We need to speak to one of your nurses. Maureen Brown.”

The man’s frown deepened. “I’ll need to see their badges too,” he grumbled, pointing a finger at Alec, Magnus and Luke, who obliged. He seemed disappointed that they were able to compel to his demand, and his lips pursed in irritation. “I’m Dr. Spivey. I’m in charge of this place.”

“How long has it been?” Luke asked, in a tone just stern enough to be authoritative and polite all at once. Alec was struck with the thought that in another life, he probably would have made a brilliant cop.

“A couple of years,” Dr. Spivey said reluctantly. “Follow me. Maureen is in the women’s ward.”

“You separate the men and the women?” Maia inquired.

“During the nights, yes,” the man replied, pushing the front door open. “Their condition can sometimes lead to… improper sexual behaviors.”

“Should I tell him that there is such a thing as same sex relationships?” Magnus whispered to Alec, walking behind Luke and Maia to be at his level.

Alec snorted. “He clearly isn’t aware,” he murmured. “Don’t burst his bubble, babe.”

The endearment slipped out of his mouth with familiar ease before he could truly think about it, but the look of pleased surprise that consorted the slight flush on Magnus’ cheeks made his spontaneity all the more rewarding.

“I wouldn’t dare, darling,” Magnus said softly, treading a hint closer to let their fingers brush together.

Somehow, it managed to ease a little of the tension that had settled on his shoulders, and although Alec was utterly akin to their surroundings - and the inside of the manor was just as lugubrious as the outside had been - Magnus’ presence at his side was the beacon guiding him through the morosity. Soothing in ways nothing else Alec had ever known could be.

Inhaling deeply, he reached out to hook their pinkies together.

It admittedly wasn’t much, but it certainly didn’t feel that way. It felt like yet another step towards healing what had been broken between them, and Alec was almost overwhelmed by the power such a small gesture could hold. Perhaps that was what he had missed the most, the casual touches, the almost accidental acts of tenderness.

The serendipity of reaching out to the other and knowing he was already waiting.

They walked through plain corridors after corridors and Alec wondered if the inhabitants felt more like inmates than patients in such a place, if it wasn’t the home of haunted memories rather than the one to chase them away.

They passed by more patients, but most of them seemed stuck in some kind of vegetative state, void gazes lost into space. It contrasted greatly with the distant screams they could make out, plagued by desperation and madness.

Alec didn’t let his eyes drift on them for too long, unsure what he would find there.

It was Magnus letting go of him that forced him to focus back on his surroundings rather than try to avoid it. Dr. Spivey had stopped in front of a door, locked by a digicode and he was motioning through the window on the door for someone to join them.

It opened a moment later, and in came a petite woman with light brown skin, big dark eyes and curly hair tugged in a strict ponytail.

“Maureen,” Dr. Spivey said, as amiable with her as he had been with them earlier. “These people want to talk to you. They work for the government.”

“Oh,” Maureen exclaimed, her dark eyes flashing with surprise as she turned towards them. “What is this about?”

“One of your former patients,” Luke replied, brows furrowed. “Is there anywhere private we could talk?”

Maureen casted a glance at Dr. Spivey, a question in her eyes, and he heaved out a deep sigh, rolling his eyes. “If you must,” he grumbled, pointing at another door a bit further down the corridor. “Use the break room.”

Maureen nodded and, with yet another smile, beckoned them in that direction.

The break room was just as plain as the rest of the place but for a coffee machine and a calendar displaying two kittens cuddling in a bed of flowers. There was no life to it, no proof of a team gathering there to have a chat over coffee.

“Take a seat,” Maureen said in a sweet tone that didn’t bode well with Alec.

There was something excessive about the way she seemed to sport kindness in every aspect of her demeanor, like she had been forced to be kind with patients for so long she had forgotten how to be once outside the ward.

“So,” she exclaimed once they had gathered on the chairs around the table in the mini-kitchen, “which patient is this about?”

Maia didn’t hesitate for a second. “Sebastian Verlac.”

Maureen frowned in confusion. “That name isn’t familiar,” she said, shrugging. “Sorry.”

“Just Sebastian then,” Luke chimed in. “Platinum blond hair, dark eyes, quite tall and slender, very pale skin. He was a patient here until about three years ago.”

Maureen’s features flashed with realization, but Alec could also read something else there, something alike fear. “Oh,” she breathed out, dread pouring out of her voice. “Sebastian.”

“So you remember him?” Alec asked, but his tone didn’t leave much room for denial.

Maureen seemed to ponder on it for a while, gaze bowed to focus on her hands as she picked at her nails nervously. Eventually, though, she nodded.

“He was already a patient when I first started working here,” she eluded. “Had been for a few years. If I remember correctly, he was thirteen when he arrived.”

“Which means he spent five years here,” Maia said. “Can you tell us about him?”

Maureen lifted her head to look at Maia and shook her head, pushing her lips together. “I’m not allowed to talk about our patients. That would be a breach of professional confidentiality.”

“We can come back with a warrant,” Maia said, sharp and ruthless. “I’m not sure Dr. Spivey would like that. That would be a mess, too. I could ask to have blood tests made on all your patients to see if the dose of tranquilisers you administrate them is legal. That would take a while. And word could even come to the press’ ears. Your rich clients wouldn’t like that, right? To have journalists prying into the reasons why this place is so recluse and where goes all that money they give for discretion rather than the care for their family.”

Maureen’s mouth dropped open in shock and she blinked, before shaking her head, more resigned than stubborn.

Alec heaved out a deep sigh, resting his elbows on his table to lean in and catch her fleeting gaze. “Listen, Mrs. Brown, this is far more serious than a routine interrogation,” he said, as calmly as he could. “Sebastian killed over ten people. People who left behind widows or widowers. Sometimes children. Some of them -” he paused, the words catching on a lump in his throat, “- some of them who can’t grief as long as this man is walking free. He’s a dangerous man, and we need to stop him before anyone else gets hurt. You can help us prevent that.”

The silence would have been heavy if it wasn’t for the sudden screams that resonated all the way through the break room.

“Sweetheart,” Magnus said, sharing a quick glance with Maia before focusing back on Maureen. “If you’re scared of him, we can protect you.”

“We have a witness protection program,” Maia endorsed. “There is nothing for you to be worried about.”

For a moment, Maureen simply sat there, fidgeting with her fingers, her brows furrowed in concentration. Another haunting scream boomed somewhere in the manor, seemingly seeping through their blood and paralyzing them in their seats.

“Edom is the only place I’ve ever worked in,” she said eventually, refusing to glance up to meet any of their inquisitive gazes. “I’m one of the oldest employees here. People come and go but not everyone has the nerves to stay for longer than a few months. The worst part of working here isn’t the screams. You get used to that fairly quickly. After a while, you don’t even hear them anymore.”

She inhaled deeply, twirling her thumbs nervously. “The worst part is the patients like Sebastian,” she declared. “When I started working here, he was in solitary confinement, and I was assigned to his room. At first, I didn’t understand why he was even here. He was always calm and polite. Kind.”

Alec could barely hold back a grimace at the words, but she missed it, too lost in her own memories to pay attention to anything else around her.

“I didn’t know why he was in here because I was too new, and we are paid to do our job, nurse and care, but not to ask questions,” she went on, her voice faint enough that it would have been impossible for them to hear her had the silence not been as thick as it was. “Every time I went to bring him his meals and give him his medication, he was painting. That was all he did all day. Paint. He said it helped him control himself, to keep a clear head despite the tranquilisers. When the doctors asked for my opinion on him, I vouched to have him pulled out of solitary confinement. I didn’t see how he could be a threat to anyone else.”

She paused, and something flickered in her eyes. “And he wasn’t,” she affirmed. “Even once he was allowed to wander among the other patients and receive visits, he was always calm. He kept painting all day long. I don’t know much about art but his pieces were… beautiful. The haunted kind of beautiful.”

“Do you remember any visitors?” Maia asked. Maureen gave her a look of confusion and it was evident to Alec it was because she had almost forgotten they were there with her. “You said he was allowed to receive visits. Do you remember anyone?”

“Yes,” Maureen answered, nodding. “There was only ever one man. I just know it wasn’t his father.”

“Someone who had used to come here to visit someone else and ending up taking a liking for Sebastian, maybe?” Luke prompted.

Maureen frowned. “Oh, no,” she said firmly. “He was only ever interested in Sebastian. I know he spoke to another patient a few times, a old man who was here for a rare case of dementia, but that was only after he had already visited a few times.”

That wasn’t the answer any of them had expected, not from what Lily had told them about Valentine visiting Sebastian here, but there wasn’t an ounce of doubt in Maureen’s voice, nor in her gaze, which was finally settled on them.

“Was it that man?” Maia asked, opening her briefcase to show the nurse a photograph of Valentine.

Maureen nodded. “Yeah, that’s him,” she said. “He was the only visitor Sebastian ever had. I don’t think his father was interested in visiting after what he did.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know,” Magnus cut in, an eyebrow curved in defiance.

“I said I didn’t know at first,” Maureen corrected. “But there was something about him that piqued my curiosity. As I said, he was always very… proper. And I couldn’t understand what he was doing here, so as soon as I got clearance from my superiors, I read his file.”

“Do you still have a copy?” Alec inquired, and barely managed to keep the eagerness out of his tone.

Maureen shook her head. “His file mysteriously disappeared a little while after he was released,” she said. “My best guess is that the former direction was paid to make it so.”

“Can you tell us what was on that file?” Magnus asked. “Why was he here?”

Her gaze didn’t waver this time. “He tried to strangle his father in his sleep. Said he wanted to see what fear really looked like because he thought the movies didn’t make it justice.”

“Oh, wow,” Magnus breathed out, eyes widening.

Alec could almost hear Jace exclaim “that’s fucked up, man!” in his head, and Simon start an hour long tirade on the history of parricide.

“Yeah,” Maureen said, nodding. “So you get why his father didn’t particularly want to visit him. He’s a powerful man. Some politician, I think. He wanted to hush the matter up as much as possible so it wouldn’t affect his career. I guess finding out your son is a bloodlust psychopath isn’t great when you’re an ex-senator aiming to run for governor.”

Alec froze, and the world spun around him.

_ “You came into my home,” _ Sebastian had said on the phone. 

“An ex-senator?” Magnus asked, in a blank, tight voice, and Alec knew he had figured it out too. “You didn’t recognize Sebastian by the name Verlac. What name did you know him by?”

_ “Don’t you remember? The sun was rising.” _

The air was knocked out of Alec’s lungs as surely as it would have been had he been ran over by a truck.

He remembered the painting clearly now.

Enclosed Field with Rising Sun by Vincent Van Gogh.

Alec had almost jeopardized their whole operation, frozen in his tracks by the magnificent beauty of it. 

The window had been opened. He recalled Jace had been ridiculously triumphant about it, claiming the idiot that lived there was just making it easy for them.

_ “You came into my home.” _

“It’s Rosenberg,” Maureen said, but Alec already knew.

“Oh God,” Luke breathed out.

“The crash test,” Magnus confirmed, livid.

“The sun was rising,” Alec murmured, unable to blink out of his stupor. “That’s the painting. The Van Gogh painting. That was Sebastian’s father’s house.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Brown,” Maia said, dismissing her with a wave of the hand. “We’ll call you back in if we need anything else.

She waited until Maureen had gone, a haunted look still pregnant on her features, before she snapped her fingers in front of Alec, Magnus and Luke.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

Alec ran a hand in his hair, heaving. “We did a crash test before we broke into Valentine’s manor,” he eluded, as clearly as his fuzzy mind allowed him to. “We found a villa that used the exact same security system from the same company and we broke in, but we didn’t steal anything.”

“And?” Maia asked again, confusion and wariness meddling on her features.

“And that was Joffrey Rosenberg’s house,” Magnus said, just as shock as the rest of them.

“That can’t be a coincidence,” Maia said.

No one could argue with that.

“They’ve been playing with us from the very beginning,” Magnus said, with daunting fatality. “Their game, by their rules.”

“Not anymore,” Alec growled, clenching his teeth.

“Looks like we’re going back to the villa,” Luke said.

Alec nodded.

Hodge’s villa was where this whole thing had started. It seemed like a good place to plot its demise.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the end is confusing, which would be very understandable considering how long it had been, I suggest you re-read the [fourth chapter](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6383116/chapters/14844559) of The Avengers Initiative (Or Something Like That).
> 
> This was beta'd by the extraordinary [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/), as always.
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).
> 
> All the love,  
> Lu. ❤


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> Only two chapters left!  
> In this one: some ends and some new beginnings.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Ps: #lecrit to live-tweet ;)

Hodge’s villa was exactly how they had left it.

Alec didn’t know why he had expected crumbling walls and broken windows. A part of his mind had been conjuring mental images of a ruined silhouette, barely the ghost of the villa they had known in some previous existence. He could vividly picture too many memories they had there.

Kissing Magnus for the first time in the alley. Their late nights on the patio sharing anecdotes to pass the time that dragged with their insomnia. Getting to know each other and slowly but irrevocably falling in love. Exploring each other’s body for the first time, between whispered praises and heated kisses.

He remembered being impossibly annoyed by Simon and Clary at first, and how they had slowly grown on him, until he had decided that he would protect them as surely as he did his siblings should it come to that.

Most of all, the memories that overwhelmed him were the ones of Hodge. Hodge, quiet and discreet, but observing in the shadows, taking care of them in that peculiar way of his, only visible to the ones who knew where to look.

The wind whistled from the sea, carrying with it the unique aroma of the shore, salty but fresh all at once.

They had trained on that beach, and Hodge had been standing on the side, arms crossed over his chest, a slight frown tugging his brows together, his lips pulled into a tight line unless he had a comment to make on one’s posture or another one’s lack of concentration.

It felt like no time had passed and yet a lifetime had swept through since he had last seen the villa, on the morning they had broken Magnus out of the hospital.

If Alec closed his eyes, he could almost hear Hodge’s strict but caring voice carried by the howling wind.

It was telling him to forget, so he could forgive himself.

How was he supposed to do that when he was the one walking inside the villa, where it had all started, and feeling like he was soiling its very essence? When Hodge would never be there to feel the breeze from the seaside stream through his hair, and his presence amidst those walls would slowly fade away with time?

The villa remained unchanged.

It had lost its owner, its heart, but the walls hadn’t moved.

Alec supposed he had been expecting them to mourn the way he was, to be torn apart from the inside so it would end up showing with fissures on the walls and cracks on the windows.

Tentative fingers brushed against his own, and Alec sucked in a deep breath, pushing back the tears that had risen to his eyes without him ever noticing.

“We don’t have to sleep here,” Magnus said softly. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

Alec inhaled deeply, reaching out to hook their fingers together.

 _Hold on_ , the wind murmured in his ears. _It’s going to be alright._

He shook his head, squeezing Magnus’ hand. “No,” he muttered. “I think I need to do this.”

“Okay then,” Magnus said, nodding.

Alec squared his shoulders, bracing himself. Through the windows, he could see Jace and Simon bicker, certainly fighting over the best room, while Isabelle and Clary stood on the side, shaking their heads. Behind them, Luke was smirking, a mixture of exasperation and fondness on his face, Tessa standing at his side, although her eyes were looking outside at Alec and Magnus, an unreadable expression on her features.

They were already back to how things had been meant to be: carefree.

Alec had followed his siblings for a mission that was supposed to make them rich, and it had not only failed to do so but had also rendered him miserable, and mourning.

Nothing had happened the way things were supposed to happen.

Hodge was supposed to retire in his old days in this villa, surrounded by stolen masterpieces and the love of the people he had taken under his wing without reserve. He was supposed to be alive, cold in appearance but generous with his smiles and his hugs as long as they were directed at the ones he cared for.

He was supposed to sit in the front row at Alec’s wedding, a small, relieved smile on his lips and pride in his blue eyes.

The villa hadn’t changed, the walls hadn’t fissured, the windows hadn’t cracked; time had stopped only for Hodge.

The shore was still stirring quietly with the silky Californian wind, but Hodge was gone.

“Alexander,” Magnus murmured as he moved to stand in front of him, a small, breathless sound slipping past his lips, Alec’s own heartbreak mirrored in his eyes.

Tears had spilled from his eyes, and he had been helpless to stop them.

All pretence of holding up a mask of strength was lost, so Alec just ceased trying.

He sunk against Magnus, burying his face in his neck, and Magnus immediately enveloped him in the fortress of his arms, his fingers trailing a soothing path at the back of his head.

Over the reassuring words ushered in his ears by the velvety voice that could on its own put his heart to rest, Alec could hear the wind whistling.

 _You’re going to be alright_ , it said. _Healing comes more easily to those who love._

.

“Joffrey Rosenberg,” Maia announced, sticking a photograph of the man to the wall in the living room.

Now that Magnus knew, he could see the similarities with Sebastian. His hair was blonde - though not platinum like his son’s - and his cheekbones prominent, bestowing him an aristocratic posture that was only accentuated by the arrogant look in his clear blue eyes.

“He was the senator of California until he was forced to resign three years ago when it was revealed by the press that he had suspicious ties with the KKK,” she went on, lips pursing in disgust. “I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it was just after Sebastian was released from Edom.”

“You think Sebastian could have tipped off the press?” Jace asked, a grave frown on his face.

“Or Valentine,” Magnus chimed in. “Sebastian had been locked up for five years, I don’t think he’d have had many friends outside. Or at all, for that matter. Valentine had the connections to get that story out, however.”

Maia nodded, humming pensively. “So Rosenberg resigned and he’s been absent of the public scene ever since. He’s still filthy rich, though. I’m talking really close to make it to Forbes classment kind of rich.”

“Explains how he paid for his son to disappear from Edom’s files,” Luke pointed out.

“Not just Edom’s files.” Maia grimaced, and bended over the coffee table to type something on the laptop before turning it so the screen was exposed for all of them to see. She sucked in a deep breath. “Sebastian Rosenberg is officially dead.”

The team gasped in unison, releasing a collegial “What?” that had Magnus straighten up on his seat.

“What do you mean he’s dead?” Alec parroted, eyes wide with shock. “He was very much alive when he killed Hodge!”

Maia threw him an apologetic look. “I don’t know how it’s possible,” she said. “But officially, Sebastian Rosenberg died in a fire two weeks after having been released from Edom. He was buried in San Diego. Or what was left of him, anyway.”

“That would explain why I couldn’t dig up anything,” Simon pointed out.

“We need to talk to Joffrey Rosenberg,” Luke said firmly.

“Tomorrow,” Maia confirmed with a nod. “For now, let’s get some sleep. We all need it.”

Magnus wanted to laugh, but he refrained himself.

Maia wasn’t supposed to know that sleep didn’t come easily to all of them. She couldn’t know about the nightmares plaguing his nights and following him during the days. There was no way she could imagine the darkness, the walls closing in on him, smothering the light and suffocating him.

Magnus watched the team rise and walk to their respective rooms. He didn’t follow them upstairs, instead electing to move to the patio. There was a peculiar atmosphere out there.

The wind was still blowing from the shore, disturbing the water from the pool. The charcoal sky was cloudless, and despite the luminous glow coming from the house, Magnus could see the stars, shaping shimmering constellations against the blackness.

He slouched in the couch on the patio, stretched his legs in front of him so he could drop his head against the back, and closed his eyes.

It was a cold night, but he didn’t really care.

Being back here was an odd experience.

The last time he had been on the patio, Alec had been with him. They had whispered secrets to each other, shared a part of their soul unbeknownst to the rest of the world. Magnus had let himself fall in love without diffidence, unaware at the time that this was a free fall, and that he wouldn’t come back from it. He hadn’t realized, then, that Alec would be the one, that he wouldn’t ever be able to picture a life without him after that, and that the power he had willingly albeit unconsciously given him over his heart would forever be in Alec’s hands.

It was the way it was, and Magnus had abandoned the idea of doing anything to stop it long ago.

He had pondered to himself before on the overwhelming force they had allowed each other to possess. He had thought, at times, that perhaps they loved each other too much. And then he caught that spark in Alec’s hazels, the one that said that whatever power Magnus had given him, he had freely given him the same.

And Magnus had broken his heart. Had pushed him away to protect both of them, because it was just that. They loved each other too much, and he was scared they would let themselves be consumed by the passion until they eventually forgot about themselves and live solely for the other.

Magnus had needed to heal, and he hadn’t seen how he could do so when he had to watch Alec destroy himself to help him, neglecting everything else just to make sure Magnus was okay. He didn’t think he could live with that. And then Alec had shown him another way. A better one, where they healed _together_ instead of one another.

Their first nights together in the villa hadn’t prepared him for this. Magnus had never thought for a second that it would come to this. That he would end up loving that world-class thief, overprotective brother, undeniable leader, and altogether beautiful man, heart and soul.

Even the stars couldn’t have predicted that one.

“You’re going to catch a cold.”

Magnus craned his neck to look at Alec in his back, and his breath hitched in his throat like it always did at the sight of him, but he hid it with a casual shrug.

Alec shook his head and moved closer to join him, wrapping the throw blanket in his hands over the both of them.

He looked stunning under the dim glow of the lights still radiating from the kitchen, and the moonlight shining over his face. His eyes were a bit swollen from his earlier breakdown, but they still glimmered with the fierceness that never left. His cheeks were slightly flushed, undoubtedly because of the briskness of the night.

He was a sight to behold, and Magnus was left to wonder how many times exactly he could fall in love with the same man.

“Alexander?” he called out softly.

Alec hummed absently, drifting his attention away from the silver glow of the moon to focus on Magnus.

“I love you,” he said, unable to keep his voice from quivering. “So much sometimes I forget how to breathe.”

Alec smiled, a small, tender thing and shuffled closer, cupping Magnus’ neck in his hand. “I love you, too,” he murmured. “So much you make me breathe again.”

There were no tears in Magnus’ eyes when Alec closed the distance to press their lips together.

The last time they had kissed, Alec’s devastation had driven them. It had been his desperate attempt at convincing Magnus not to leave him. He remembered holding on to Alec, carving in his mind the memory of his lips fitting perfectly against his own, the fading smell of his cologne after a long night, the feeling of his trembling hands crowding his face to hold him close. He remembered his heart clutching with despair in his chest, screaming for more and yet pushing away before he wouldn’t be able to stop.

He remembered the tears streaming down his face as soon as he had closed the door, and the agony that had followed.

Despite his unwavering will at recalling the exact sensation of being kissed by Alec, his imagination, even fed by memory, could have never rendered it justice.

Kissing Alec had beyond words, beyond sound, beyond image. It was pure feeling, filling his body, his mind, the very core of his soul with a sense of peace he had never found anywhere else. Kissing Alec was empowering and it never failed to shatter every foundation of Magnus’ world, provided that his world could ever consist in anything beyond the breathtaking passion of the love of his life.

There were no tears for him to shed then. There was only his heart, slamming against his ribcage, the brush of Alec’s fingers against his neck, the slow dance of their mouths rediscovering what they had never been able to truly forget, and that distant voice whispering in a corner of his mind.

 _You’re going to be alright_ , it said. _Healing comes more easily to those who love._

.

To say Joffrey Rosenberg looked utterly annoyed to see them standing on his doorstep was an understatement.

Maia had been forced to flash her badge twice to the videophone before he accepted to buzz them in, the electronic gates opening with a grinding noise.

Rosenberg was already waiting by the front door when they got out of the car, arms crossed over his chest, brows furrowed. His blond hair was combed to the side, nothing to distract from the icy blue of his eyes.

“What does the government want with me?” he snapped as soon as they were close enough. His gaze darted over their little group, shifting from Maia, Luke and Magnus to finally settle on Alec.

“Well, he sounds lovely already,” Simon deadpanned in Alec’s earpiece.

“We just need to ask you a few questions,” Maia said firmly.

“I’ve done nothing wrong,” Rosenberg retorted. “I’m calling my lawyer.”

“Yeah, that screams innocent,” Jace snorted in Alec’s ear, and Magnus hushed them quietly, pretending to cough.

“We’re not accusing you of anything,” Maia scoffed, rolling her eyes. “We’re not here to talk about you.”

Rosenberg blinked, surprise flashing on his features, his eyes squinting in skepticism. “Then what do you want?”

“We’re here to talk about your son,” Luke chimed in, the stern look on his face matching the tone of his voice.

Rosenberg froze, his pale skin turning almost gray with shock. He moved to look at Luke, but too slowly to be normal. Something flashed in his eyes for a second, amidst sadness and regret, but he quickly composed himself.

“My son is dead,” he growled, and turned around to close the door.

“He’s not,” Alec rushed in, slamming a hand against the door to stop it. His heart was rummaging in his chest, his mind still swirling with the memories of Hodge their trip to the villa had rekindled. They had never been so close to finding Sebastian, and he would be damned if he let a man’s rejection stop them now. “He’s very much alive and we think you can help us find him.”

“He can’t be alive,” Rosenberg said adamantly, shaking his head. “If he were, I’d already be dead. The kid hates me.”

“Can we come in?” Alec asked. “We need to talk.”

Rosenberg heaved out a deep sigh, eyes drifting to the others, and his lips twitched for a moment, but he eventually stepped aside to let them in.

He led them to the living room, and Alec pretended not to know all the twists and turns to get there already.

The living room was as he remembered it: a display of wealth and exuberance. There was a piece of art everywhere he looked at, but his eyes were only attracted by the stunning painting on the wall, Van Gogh’s sheer talent shining in his command of colors, showcasing a magnificent blending of strength, power and pain all at once.

Alec had seen many Van Gogh paintings before. In Paris, in Amsterdam, in New York, but this piece held a beauty he hadn’t seen before, perhaps because here he could stand so close to it and witness up close the play of hues, the smoothness of the brush, the brilliance of the sun.

It spoke of someone putting all their passion into seeing the goodness in the world, of a man wandering in the fields of the French countryside and choosing to paint the magnificence of it rather than - and with - his inward pain.

It was a breathtaking piece of art, and yet Alec didn’t feel the rush of adrenaline he had felt the first time as his eyes roamed over the canvas. Something just didn’t feel right.

“It’s a beautiful piece you’ve got here,” Magnus announced, stepping closer to the painting, hands tucked behind his back.

“An original Van Gogh,” Rosenberg said, with an arrogant smirk that spoke of how little he was truly able to appreciate it. “Bought it in an auction five years ago.”

Magnus hummed pensively, taking another step forward. “It’s from the Wheat Field series, isn’t it?”

Rosenberg hummed in lieu of an answer. “You’re an art connoisseur?” he asked.

Alec had to resist the urge to smirk when Magnus simply shrugged. “I know a thing or two,” he said, his eyes shining with the mischievous spark Alec had missed dearly.

“Don’t get too close,” Rosenberg exclaimed in a rush, raising a hand as if to physically stop Magnus despite the distance between them.

“Sorry.” Magnus raised his hands in surrender, stepping back, and came to stand by Alec’s side, while Luke distracted Rosenberg by asking a question about another piece of art - a small statuette that seemed to be made of gold.

Magnus carefully curled his fingers around Alec’s elbow, squeezing lightly in an unspoken signal, and Alec lowered his head just slightly enough for him to whisper in his ear.

“It’s a fake.”

Alec blinked in confusion, glancing down at him with a frown, then back at the painting on the wall. “How do you know?”

“It still smells of oil,” he murmured. “It’s faint, but it’s there. Enclosed Field with Rising Sun was painted in 1889, the smell should be long gone.”

“But it wasn’t a fake when we first saw it,” Alec muttered back, eyes darting to Rosenberg, who had his back to them, talking to Luke.

“It wasn’t,” Magnus agreed. “Someone replaced the original one with a copy. A very good copy. Good enough that Rosenberg didn’t even notice.”

“My money is on Sebastian,” Simon chimed in their earpieces. “Didn’t Nurse Brown say he was painting all the time? Maybe he’s that good.”

“It’s possible,” Alec muttered between clenched teeth. “Maybe he’s been the counterfeit all this time.”

Magnus nodded, but before he could say something else, Rosenberg was turning away from Luke and facing them.

“So,” he said, slouching in a Victorian armchair, “why on Earth do you think my son is still alive? I’ve got a death certificate that says otherwise.”

There was a confidence in his posture that hadn’t been there earlier. Something told Alec it was merely a facade to deal with the shock of what he had learned - and still didn’t truly believe.

“How did he die?” Luke asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Rosenberg clenched his jaw, and for a second, the mask slipped away. He cleared his throat, and it was back. “He had just moved in a new apartment a friend of mine had helped me find for him,” he replied in an impassive tone that contrasted greatly with the way his fingers were scratching against the material of the armchair. “We don’t really know what happened, but the apartment burnt down, and my son with it.”

“If his body was burnt badly, identification might have proven to be difficult,” Maia stated. “How do you know it was him?”

“Sebastian was… difficult,” Rosenberg said, the understatement easily readable in his icy gaze. “He had just come back from boarding school and -”

“We know he spent five years in Edom,” Alec cut in, lifting an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t call it a boarding school.”

Rosenberg’s mouth parted in shock. “How do you -” he started but quickly cut himself off, gritting his teeth. “I had that file erased. I paid a lot of money for -”

“All your money can’t erase him from people’s minds,” Magnus said. “And he seemed to leave quite an impression.”

“How did you know it was his body?” Maia asked again.

“He was wearing an electronic tag,” Rosenberg admitted reluctantly. “When Edom release a patient, they keep track of them for the next year, to make sure they don’t go around terrorizing people. We found Sebastian’s tag on his ankle. It was too solid to melt.”

“But you didn’t run a DNA test,” Maia said, more of a statement than an inquiry.

Rosenberg shook his head. “There was nothing left to test,” he said grimly. He paused, running a hand on his features. For a moment, he looked exhausted, like a burden he had thought gone for good had just fallen back on his shoulders. Alec thought it probably wasn’t far from the truth. “Do you really think he’s still alive?”

“We know he is,” Luke replied. “And he’s been busy. Do you know Valentine Morgenstern?”

Rosenberg seemed surprised to hear the name. “Valentine? Of course I know him. He’s my friend who helped me find a place for Sebastian when he was released.”

“Would he maybe also be the friend who helped you get some of the pieces of art in this room?” Magnus asked, pointing at a Fabergé egg sitting on a table. “I know that egg. It was stolen from a gallery in Saint-Petersburg a few years ago.”

Rosenberg schooled his features into an impassible mask. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, his left eye twitching. “I paid for everything in this room.”

“I’m sure you did,” Magnus said. “But perhaps not the actual prize. We know Valentine has been stealing and trading art for a long time. That’s how he built his fortune. I suppose that’s how you met him too.”

Rosenberg threw him a vicious look. “Maybe I should call my lawyer after all.”

“Look, we’re not here to arrest you,” Maia butted in, although there was a spark in her eyes saying that she wanted nothing more. “We’re here to stop Sebastian before he kills more people. Do you have any idea where he could be?”

“I didn’t even know he was alive,” Rosenberg retorted. “How did he even survive three years without money? When he died, his accounts were closed and the money transfered to me since I was his only family.”

Alec quirked an eyebrow. “Your dear friend Valentine took him in,” he said, watching as Rosenberg’s features shifted into a mixture of betrayal and shock. “We just don’t understand why he would have any interest in Sebastian in the first place.”

Rosenberg sucked in a sharp breath, fingers gripping the armrest, his knuckles slowly turning into a pallid shade of white.

“Sebastian always had a talent in art,” he eluded after a beat. “That seemed to fascinate Valentine, even when Sebastian was very young. He was already… different back then, but Valentine didn’t care. He said his talent reminded him of his wife or something. He mentioned a few times that his daughter was a great artist too.”

He paused, just long enough for Alec to hear Clary gasp quietly in his earpiece.

“How would Valentine even know?” she whispered.

“Sebastian liked the attention,” Rosenberg continued before one could think of answering her. “Everytime Valentine visited, he spent hours showing him his last creations and Valentine would bring him books about great painters to inspire the next ones. I think Sebastian was a bit jealous of the way Valentine talked of his family. His daughter especially.” He ran a hand on his features, gulping. “Everytime Valentine left, he spent days locked up in his room painting, perfecting his style, his technique. It was an obsession. Sebastian always needed to be the number one in everything he did. That’s why he hated me. Because I put my work before him. He needed to be the center of the attention.”

“Is that why he tried to kill you?” Luke asked, somewhat warily.

“Probably,” Rosenberg replied, visibly repressing a shudder. “But I don’t get why Valentine would protect Sebastian. He knows what happened and he helped me a lot when I had to send Sebastian to Edom. He was always a loyal friend, even when the press made up that story about the KKK, he -”

“Wow,” Magnus interrupted, raising a hand. Rosenberg blinked up at him, and Magnus lifted a dubious eyebrow. “Made up?”

“Yes, made up,” Rosenberg said, a hint of annoyance layering his tone. “I may not be perfect but I was never involved with them.”

“What about the pictures?” Luke chimed in, as skeptical as Magnus was.

“They’re fake!” he exclaimed. “But whoever did this was clever, and powerful. No matter how much I tried to deny it, they always came up with something new to prove I was lying.”

For a moment, there was only silence. Rosenberg’s eyes darted over the team, and slowly, realization crossed his features. His eyes widened as they settled on Luke. “Oh God,” he breathed out. “That was Sebastian, wasn’t it? That was him getting revenge because I put him in Edom.”

No one replied, but Rosenberg must have read the validation on their faces because he heaved out a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I’ll admit to the illegal trading,” he mumbled grudgingly, “but that’s the only illegal thing I’ve ever been involved in. I did everything to keep Sebastian hidden, because I knew it would ruin my career if word got out that my son was a bloodthirsty psychopath. I knew it from the start. He never smiled as a baby, and at first I thought maybe he had felt his mother dying or something like that, but the more he grew up, the more I realized how deviant he truly was. When I woke up to him trying to strangle me with one of my own ties, it was the last straw I needed. I knew I couldn’t hide the truth from myself anymore, and I had him locked up.”

The sorrow was heavy in his voice, but it was softened by determination, an undertone that said he had spent a lot of time trying to convince himself of the reality behind his words, long enough that he had ended up pushing away the regrets, the shame, the anguish behind his decision to be confident in the rightness of his actions.

“What I don’t understand is… if he’s been alive all this time, why didn’t come after me?” Rosenberg muttered, but it seemed like he was mostly talking to himself.

Alec pursed his lips, sliding his hands in his pockets. “I think Valentine gave him something else to focus on,” he sighed, the memory of Ragnor’s haunted eyes when they had found him in the manor flashing in his mind. “A victim to his vices. Something to train his wickedness on.”

The words ripped at something in his insides, and he saw Magnus shudder almost imperceptibly at his side but he didn’t reach out, although he shifted gingerly, leaning towards Magnus just enough for him to perceive it. It was subtle, but he didn’t miss the way the tension seemed to ease a little in Magnus’ shoulders.

“But why would Valentine do that?” Rosenberg asked in a low voice, shaking his head.

It was hard to explain to him that there was no logic to be found behind Valentine’s - or Sebastian’s - actions, that the fact that he didn’t understand was probably a good sign, that whatever Valentine had told him to make him believe they were friends, it was all a lie, and beneath it laid an ulterior motive.

No matter how numerous the pieces of art in this room were, it was obvious that Joffrey Rosenberg was used to being alone. The file Maia had digged up for them stated that he had lost in wife when she had died giving birth to Sebastian, and Alec could only imagined what it had felt like to be left alone with a son only to realize that he was deviant beyond saving.

In that moment, Alec could only see a man, slouched into his armchair, the weight of years of sorrow weighing on his shoulders and swirling in his haunted blue eyes.

He wasn’t a good man, somehow Alec was sure of that, but if anything, he felt pity for him.

“Valentine Morgenstern is a psychopath,” Luke said, because it was the blunt truth Rosenberg probably deserved. “And he found someone as twisted as himself in Sebastian. The perfect pupil.”

Rosenberg bristled, but he didn’t look at them, eyes lost on the marble plate on his coffee table. There was something in them, a flicker that screamed that he knew he had failed.

“Do you have any idea where Sebastian could be hiding?” Alec asked, clearing his throat.

Rosenberg blinked, glancing back up at him. He seemed to hesitate for a long moment, stuck into a nightmare of his own, before his eyes cleared and he focused properly on Alec, heaving.

“There was that condo in the forest,” Rosenberg said, only half believing his own words. “Valentine used to take Sebastian there on weekends when he was young and I was working. He always loved going there. That’s all I can think of, really.”

“I don’t want to know what happened in that house,” Jace said grimly in the earpiece.

“Where’s that condo?” Maia asked, plucking a notebook out of the back pocket of her jeans.

“In Angeles National Forest,” he said, reciting the exact address so she could write it down. “It’s in the outskirts of Los Angeles.”

Maia nodded and slipped the notebook back in her pocket. “Thank you,” she said.

Rosenberg opened his mouth to talk but shut it almost immediately, hesitation flashing in his eyes. He seemed to go through an internal debate for the next minute, his brows twitching into a frown every now and then, fingers rubbing nervously against his thigh.

“Listen,” he sighed eventually, somewhat still a bit reluctant, “Valentine, he’s…”

“In custody,” Maia said firmly. “He’s between the government’s hands and he’s going to stay there for a very long time. We have enough proof to keep him locked up for the rest of his life. We’re still investigating on the other people involved in the illegal trading he took part in.”

Rosenberg nodded absently, but he seemed to understand that it meant him as well, because his gaze darted back to Maia, and he pursed his lips. “I’ll testify,” he said sternly. “MW Security is just a front for Valentine’s organization. Everything you need to know is linked to that company. I’ve got everything in a file in my office downtown. I’ll give you everything if you can get me immunity.”

“I’m gonna need clearance from my superiors,” Maia said with a nod, crossing her arms over her chest. She turned toward the rest of the team. “You guys can go. I’ll wait for clearance and get his testimony. I’ll meet you back later.”

Alec acquiesced. “Call us if you find out anything that could help us,” he said.

Luke led the way back to the front door, and Alec told himself the feeling of apprehension torning his stomach was just the adrenaline slowly rushing to his veins at the prospect of facing Sebastian again.

.

_“What are you doing, kiddo?”_

_Alec startled, craning his neck over the back of the couch to look at Hodge._

_His cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and he knew he couldn’t fool him even by clearing his throat. He tried nonetheless._

_“Nothing,” he said, his voice hitching up with the evidence of his lie._

_Hodge chuckled, and moved closer to sit down next to him, pointing at the bottle of wine sitting on the floor._

_“Two glasses?” he asked, a hint of teasing in his tone. “Is that for me or is there someone hiding in the bushes?”_

_Alec threw him an unimpressed glare, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous.”_

_Hodge lifted an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn’t talk, but the look on his face was pointed enough for Alec to know he wasn’t fooling him - not that he had ever been able to fool Hodge at all._

_“I’m waiting for Magnus,” he admitted grudgingly. “He’s an insomniac too.”_

_“You’re just waiting for Magnus,” Hodge echoed, gently elbowing him in the ribs. “And you needed to get a bottle of wine out for that. That looks like a date to me, son.”_

_Alec’s cheeks flamed but he ran a hand over his features to hide it. “It-It’s not,” he mumbled. “I’ve only known him for a month. He’s just… fun. Easy to talk to, I guess.”_

_Hodge’s smile was equally fond and amused as he reached out to pat Alec’s shoulder. “Does your sister know about your crush? Because she would never let that go.”_

_Alec swatted his hand away, shaking his head. “I don’t have -” he tried, but stopped himself when he caught the defiant look in Hodge’s eyes. “No, she doesn’t,” he finished in a grumble. “Don’t tell her you knew before her, she’d kill me. And you. And then me again.”_

_Hodge’s laughter was rare, but when it happened, it never failed to bring a smile to Alec’s lips too._

_“I promise I won’t if you promise me you’ll be careful,” Hodge said._

_Alec frowned, darting his eyes back to him. “What’s your deal with him?” he asked. “Why do you keep telling him he doesn’t deserve me?”_

_Hodge shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever deem anyone good enough for you, but that’s because I love you, kiddo, so I’m not entirely impartial.”_

_He paused, and Alec took the opportunity to roll his eyes again. There was nothing but affection in his voice, however, when he muttered, “I love you too.”_

_Hodge’s blue eyes lit up with warmth. “Don’t tell Magnus I told you that under any circumstances ever, but I don’t think he’s all that bad,” he confessed with a smirk. “I even like him, when we’re not both planning on stealing the same antic artefact. And if he makes you happy, and if he keeps you company when you can’t sleep and helps you chase your nightmares away, then maybe he doesn’t deserve you, but he’s certainly close enough.”_

_“I can’t believe people think you’re cold-hearted,” Alec chuckled after a beat, a teasing lopsided smirk tugging at his lips. “You’re such a sap.”_

_“I knew it!” a voice came behind them, and Alec’s stomach squirmed almost painfully._

_Hodge snorted. “If you repeat that to anyone, I’ll have to give you a slow and painful death, Bane,” he hissed threateningly._

_Magnus didn’t seem to take it to heart, though, because he mimicked zipping his mouth shut and sliding the key in Hodge’s hand, closing his fingers around air and tapping them lightly._

_“I promise I’ll never tell anyone that Hodge Starkweather actually has a beating heart in that chest,” he said, winking. “No one would believe me anyway.”_

_Hodge chuckled, shaking his head. He turned toward Alec, hooking a hand on his forearm. “Him, really?” he asked playfully, too low for Magnus to hear._

_Alec shrugged. “Yeah, really,” he murmured._

_“Whatever makes you happy, I suppose,” Hodge said softly. “You know that’s all that ever really mattered to me.”_

_Alec smiled bashfully, unsure how to answer this without getting impossibly sappy himself._

_Rising to his feet before Alec could think of an answer, Hodge walked the distance between Magnus and him in two strides._

_“You’re an ass,” he told him, but it didn’t sound half as admonishing and twice as fond as he was probably aiming for. “Good night, boys,” he added, waving over his shoulder as he headed inside. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”_

_“That doesn’t leave much for us to do,” Magnus called out as he dropped in the couch next to Alec. “You’re allergic to fun.”_

_“Exactly,” Hodge retorted before disappearing inside and although he was facing away from them, Alec could picture the smirk on his face._

_He was pulled away from the sight of Hodge’s retreating back by Magnus settling his feet on his lap like he did almost every night, spreading his long limbs on the couch so he could be comfortable._

_Gulping, Alec poured them two glasses of wine, resting his free hand on Magnus’ naked ankle. The wind was blowing lightly that night, singing against the trees. Combined with the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, it made for an entrancing melody._

_Alec could only hear Magnus’ deep but silky voice. He didn’t know why Hodge admitting to liking Magnus had alleviated something in him, but it had, and as he listened to Magnus tell him tales of his most memorable heists, Alec was at peace._

.

“Alexander?”

Alec blinked out of his thoughts. He was sitting on the couch, watching without being really able to focus the sun set in the horizon, but he looked away toward Tessa.

“It’s Alec,” he said. “Only Magnus calls me that.”

The _“is allowed to call me that”_ went unsaid, but from the smile she gave him in response, Alec knew she heard it anyway.

“Sorry.” She gestured to the empty seat next to him, a question in her eyes and Alec nodded. She sat down then, settling her clear eyes on him. “Are you okay?”

Alec glanced over the beach, where Magnus was sitting with his legs crossed, facing the sea, meditating. His heart clenched in his chest.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “It’s just… this place. It brings back many memories.”

“Good or bad?” Tessa asked.

Alec shrugged, rubbing at the scar branding his torso under his shirt. “Both, I suppose,” he admitted.

Tessa hummed, leaning back in the couch. “I understand that you were quite close with Hodge,” she said, in a wary tone that didn’t take anything away from her kindness. “The man Sebastian killed.”

Alec still accurately recalled their first meeting, Hodge finding him crying in the corridors of Idris Institute and sitting down next to him, bringing him the comfort had been unknowingly seeking for so long. There had been no hesitation in Hodge’s gaze when Alec had turned up at his door after being thrown out by his parents, choking on his sobs as he attempted to explain the depth of his sorrow. He had opened his door to him and taken him in.

His love had never vacillated, always a tether for Alec to hold onto in times of need, and Alec had been taken aback by how quickly Hodge had become as important to him as his siblings. Hodge was the family he had chosen, the one that had been more deserving of the title than his actual parents.

He nodded scarcely, picking on a piece of fabric sticking from his hoodie.

“He was like a father to me,” he said, voice pitched low. “He took me in and taught me how to be who I wanted to be, _who I am_ without feeling shame or apologizing for it and… and I didn’t get a chance to thank him. Or I thanked him by leading him to his death.”

He didn’t know why he told her that, but it seemed easy to talk to her when she wasn’t really asking for anything, when she wasn’t expecting him to hold a front. Perhaps it was that she was all but a stranger to him still. Opening up to her seemed less risky, because even if she ended up judging him, he didn’t really care, because she didn’t know him the way his team did.

“I wasn’t there on that rooftop,” Tessa said softly, “and I can’t pretend to understand the bond that existed between you and Hodge, but from what I know, it looks like he did what any father would have done. He sacrificed himself for you.”

Alec shook his head, his vision blurred by tears he refused to shed. “I never asked him for this,” he murmured. “I never wanted this.”

“In the end, it isn’t about what you wanted, Alec,” she replied, and he wondered how she could stay so imperturbably calm. “Hodge made a choice. He could have stayed where he was and the bullet would have been for you. You’d be dead in his stead. And he would be the one questioning why he didn’t take that leap to save you. I don’t think he hesitated. I don’t even think he pondered on it for a single second. I didn’t know him, but if what he did tells me anything about him, it’s that he loved you, and that he believed you were worthy of the second chance he gave you by saving your life.”

Alec swallowed past the lump in his throat, his stomach twisting painfully. On the shore, Magnus had risen to his feet and had begun to walk back towards the patio.

The ethereal glow of the sunset was casting on his bronze skin and even from afar, it seemed to surround him like a halo.

Hodge had sacrificed himself so he could have this. So he could look at Magnus and feel his heart slam against his ribcage, his body fill with an overwhelming sense of belonging. So he could perdure and find with someone else what he had with Hodge: a family.

_“Whatever makes you happy, I suppose,” Hodge had said. “You know that’s all that ever really mattered to me.”_

Alec ducked his head.

The sacrifice Hodge had made, it wasn’t something to regret. It was the kind of selflessness Alec hoped to achieve some day. It was something to aspire to. A goal to pursue.

If he had to remember only one lesson from everything Hodge had taught him - how to steal, how to fight, how to give - this seemed like the most important one.

How to live.

“I miss him,” he whispered. “I’m… He’s never going to see the results of his sacrifice. He won’t be there to see me heal. To see me move on. He won’t be there when I marry Magnus.”

Tessa blinked, her impassive mask shifting for a second to leave room for surprise. “Are you engaged?”

Alec shrugged, scoffing. “No. I just know it will happen some day,” he stated, surprised to hear the lack of doubt in his own voice.

Silence wrapped around them for a moment, and Alec glanced up to see Magnus pass the gates that led back to the house from the beach. He lifted an eyebrow when he saw them talking, and sent Alec a small smile before making his way inside.

Alec’s stomach fluttered, somehow lighter.

“What about your… biological parents?” Tessa asked when Magnus had disappeared in the villa.

Alec’s tongue darted out to wet his lips and he heaved out a deep breath. “They’re… trying, I guess. But it’s hard for me to forgive that they couldn’t accept me for who I was back then. They were my parents, and they rejected me. Hodge barely knew me and he took me in without ever asking anything in return.”

There was something else in the back of his mind, something he wasn’t sure how to express properly.

“But?” Tessa prompted.

“But Hodge is dead,” Alec said, heart clenching in his chest. “My parents are not. And I’m too tired to be angry at them all the time.”

Tessa nodded thoughtfully. “We chose whether or not to forgive our parents for the wrong they did,” she pondered. “Personally, I think if we let it, that kind of resentment can eat us from the inside.”

Perhaps she was right. Alec sure had let his resentment get the best of him for many years. At eighteen, he had been lost and confused. At twenty, all that was left was anger and - if he was quite honest with himself - hatred. His parents had rejected him for something he couldn’t change about himself, something he had just begun to understand as part of his identity. As apologetic as Maryse and Robert both seemed to be, words wouldn’t suffice to earn them the forgiveness they claimed to seek.

Somehow, forgiving his parents seemed unsurmountable.

For a reason Alec chose to ignore, Rosenberg’s haunted eyes flashed before his own. There had been something like distress in his gaze, but not the kind that was asking for help. It was sorrow, regrets, the look of a father that had lost his son to insanity first, and to death then. It was the look of someone who had lost everything, long before the fire.

He had been honest when he had said Sebastian hated him. He had believed it in the very core of his soul, Alec had read it in his eyes.

He didn’t know if he regretted having sent him to Edom in the first place, or if it was something else, but despite it all, there had been relief in his eyes when they had told him his son was alive. The same relief Alec had seen on his parents’ faces when he had ran into them after all these years.

“I’m not saying you should forgive them tomorrow. I’m saying that in due time, maybe you could try,” Tessa said, but Alec wasn’t listening to her anymore.

Something didn’t add up.

Rosenberg had believed his son dead. It had been plain on his features. To him, to the world, Sebastian Rosenberg was dead.

They had identified his body thanks to the electronic tag he was wearing. The electronic tag from Edom Psychiatric Institution.

He thought about Maureen, about the kindness in her eyes that had seemed forced to him, about the way she had talked of Sebastian, like he scared her and fascinated her all at once. She had seemed nervous, but Alec had attributed it to her sharing his aversion for the man.

Why hadn’t she mentioned he was dead? It wasn’t possible that she had ignored it, not when it had happened so early after his release from that dreadful place.

Sebastian was alive, and if he had been able to get rid of the electronic tag to feign his own death, he couldn’t have done it alone.

“Shit,” he hissed, shooting up to his feet. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

Tessa’s brows tugged into a surprised frown. “Alec? What’s wrong?”

But Alec didn’t reply, running inside instead.

The whole team was gathered in the kitchen, digging into the pizzas Luke had just gone to fetch.

“Has anyone heard from Maia?” he blurted out, panic running through his veins, his frantic heartbeats echoing against his temples.

Magnus took a cautious step forward, curving an eyebrow. “Not yet,” he said. “What’s wrong, darling?”

Alec inhaled deeply, inwardly urging himself to tame the rush of adrenaline bursting through his whole body. “We need to get back to Rosenberg’s,” he said, grabbing the keys to the van on the counter. “Right now. Sebastian knows we found out the truth about his father. He and Maia are both in danger.”

No one asked any question. Pizza was discarded to the counter and coats slipped on without hesitation. It wasn’t until they were in the van, Isabelle plucking the keys from Alec’s quivering hands with a pointed look and settling behind the wheel, that Magnus reached out to grab his hands.

“Did he call you again?” he asked.

Alec shook his head. “No. It just didn’t make sense,” he said. “Why didn’t Maureen tell us he was dead? And how did he manage to get rid of his electronic tag?”

Realization crossed Magnus’ features. “You think she helped him?”

Alec nodded, somewhat frantically. “I think she’s still helping him,” he eluded. “I think she told him we knew about his father and that’s he’s going to finish what he started all those years ago and kill him, either to stop him from talking to us because he doesn’t know he already did, or to punish him for doing it.”

“Among other things,” Jace noted with a grimace. “Dude’s got a lot of pent up resentment ready to lash out on his father.”

Luke sucked in a sharp breath, bending in his seat to grab the leather briefcase tucked underneath. “Maia gave me these,” he said. “In case we truly needed them. I think we do.”

The briefcase opened with a click and Alec frowned at its content.

With a sigh, Luke grabbed one of the guns and handed it to him. “We’re not just thieves anymore, kids,” he said, and the words sounded strained in his mouth. “We’re not stealing anything. We’re gonna need these against that guy.”

“Is there a red one?” Izzy asked from the front seat. “It would match my necklace.”

Alec snorted, rolling his eyes. He took the gun from Luke’s hand, weighing it, trying to find a balance between the weapon and his grip.

Jace grabbed one carelessly, grabbing two lighter ones for Clary and Isabelle and handing them over. When Simon went to pick one, it was with reluctance, but his grasp on the weapon was firm.

“You won’t need one,” Alec told him. “You’re staying in the van.”

Simon huffed, throwing him a defiant glare. “I didn’t like what happened last time you faced Sebastian and I stayed in the van,” he said, and the powerlessness he had felt on that night was pregnant in his tone. “I’m going in and I’m sorry, boss, but nothing you could say will change my mind.”

Alec leveled him with a scowl, but Simon didn’t as much as flinch. It was always in the dangerous moments that his stubborn - selfless, and somewhat stupid - courage transpired. There was nothing to do or say to stop him.

It left Magnus.

Sitting across from Alec, he was staring at the three guns remaining in the briefcase, his jaw clenching almost imperceptibly. His fingers were twitching, and Alec could read in his eyes his internal turmoil. He wanted to grab one, but guns terrified him, ever since Valentine had shot him and left him to bleed out on his fancy carpet.

“Babe,” Alec called out, as softly as he could.

Magnus blinked away from the weapons, settling his distraught gaze on him.

“You don’t have to take one,” Alec murmured. “No one will blame you.”

The rest of the team nodded in approval, and Jace reached out from his seat in front of Magnus to squeeze his shoulder.

“You can stay in the van,” Alec continued, unbothered by the grave gazes of his friends and family drifting between the two of them. “We want you to be safe. I _need_ you to be safe.”

Magnus chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting between the guns and Alec.

Alec knew that he wasn’t afraid of the item in itself. It was what it could do. The damages a simple pull on the trigger could cause.

It was terrifying, how death could lay at the end of the barrel.

“This isn’t about me,” Magnus said after a while, carefully picking up one of the guns. “This is about avenging Hodge, and stopping Sebastian from hurting more people, whether we care about them or not. This is bigger than myself.”

“Here we are,” Isabelle said.

In the darkness, Rosenberg’s house stood, unapologetically imposing. All the lights had been switched off, and it achieved to convince Alec to trust his instincts and the apprehension twirling in his stomach.

He let the team get out of the van, whispering to each other, and before he followed, he shuffled closer to Magnus, cupping his face in his hands.

“You stay safe,” he demanded.

Magnus nodded firmly. “You too,” he said. “If anything happens to you -”

“I’ll be fine,” Alec cut in. “As long as I know you’re safe, I’ll be fine.”

Magnus smiled, his gaze softening at once. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too,” Alec replied, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.

He grabbed Magnus’ hand, the other one grasping at the gun hard enough to turn his knuckles to a dull shade of white.

They met the others in front of the gates, and Jace turned to them with a grimace.

“It was already open. If you’re right, I’m afraid we’re too late.”

“I’m pretty sure that proves he was right,” Magnus chimed in, pushing past the gap and in Rosenberg’s property before Alec could stop him. He slipped in after him instead.

The silence was as deafening as it was eerie. It was the kind of stillness one would find in a graveyard, the wind blowing softly to send chills down Alec’s spine. He tightened his hold on Magnus’ hand as they made their way to the front door.

It was open, too, and his breath hitched in his throat as he pushed it further.

There reigned a silence like Alec had never known before. It was the silence he would imagined ruling a battlefield once the fights had ceased and there was no one left to struggle.

Their heads snapped to the side in perfect unison when a cracking noise sounded through the house. Alec’s heart missed a beat, before racing as fast as a gunshot.

He took a cautious step closer towards the living room, letting go of Magnus’ hand to grab the gun with both. Swiftly, he darted a glance over his shoulder, making sure everyone was ready.

His hesitation was only met with stern gazes of determination and Alec nodded quickly at his team, his family, before barging in the living room, gun held in front of him.

Sebastian wasn’t there, but from the picture he had left behind, it was clear he had been.

The living room had been wrecked, tables and art pieces torn apart and thrown across the room. In a corner, gagged and tied to a chair, Maia was looking at them with wide, frightened eyes, humming unintelligible words.

In the middle of the room, in the armchair he had sat on earlier, Joffrey Rosenberg had released his last breath. His body was covered in blood, his clothes ripped from the obvious struggle Sebastian had submitted him to, but the cause of death made no doubt.

The bullet had entered through his blue eyes, blasting half of his head in the process. Some brain matter had exploded, splattered across the fake Van Gogh on the wall.

Alec strode towards Maia, pulling the gag out of her mouth.

“Is he still there?” he asked immediately, checking her for injuries.

Maia shook her head, wrath and fear meddling in her eyes and somehow shaping into an undeniable fierceness. “He’s gone,” she said. “He didn’t kill me because he wanted me to give you guys a message.”

Alec gulped, moving to unfasten the rope around her wrists. He wanted to ask, to hear what exactly Sebastian had to say to them, but the words refused to slip out of his mouth.

Maia’s eyes held enough fire for the both of them.

“He said he told you not to piss him off,” she parroted, massaging the sore skin of her wrists. “And that you knew where to find him now.”

Alec pulled her to her feet, careful to provide her a balance were she to lose her own.

“He said he’ll be waiting for you,” Maia finished.

“Well,” Magnus said in Alec’s back, “we’ve been waiting to finish this for a while too.”

Alec darted a look towards Rosenberg’s dead body, wondering if he had been able to forgive himself in the end, and sucked in a deep breath, nodding.

“Time to put an end to this.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> And this was beta'd by the magical [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/).
> 
> See you soon for the grand finale ;).
> 
> All the love,  
> Lu.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> Here's the thing.  
> This chapter was a nightmare to write. Exciting, thrilling but a nightmare. I rewrote it I don't know how many times and I finally got something I was partially okay with. Now I grew to like it a bit more through more edits and more changes. This is the last big chapter, by the way. The next one will be the end, followed by an epilogue, but one could say this is the conclusion. Ouch.  
> It definitely wouldn't be there if it wasn't for [Jackie](https://twitter.com/jwrites_) and [Acerina](https://twitter.com/everydayfandom). Thank you my loves, your support means more than I can tell <3.  
> A special thank you to my super beta who is so quick I barely have time to blink. You're the best, [Roja](http://warlocksrune.tumblr.com/). 
> 
>  
> 
> **⚠ This chapter comes with trigger warnings for graphic depictions of violence, blood, hurt, torture (both physical and emotional), guns, gunshots, potentially triggering suicide theme, more hurt and a fuckload of angst! ⚠**
> 
>  
> 
> **So... If any chapter in this godforsaken fic is worth live-tweeting, I'm not saying it's this one but I'm totally saying it is ;). #lecrit as usual!**

Alec closed his eyes.

He was going to die.

The barrel rested heavily against his temple, which throbbed against it with his frantic heartbeats.

In all the scenarios he had conjured in his head, none ended like this. Yet, he should have known. Sebastian had played that game before, and Hodge had paid the price for it.

They were supposed to all make it out alive, but Alec could die knowing he would be the only one not to.

He knew the incommensurable pain it would bring to the people he loved, but at least they would be alive to feel that pain, to mourn him together, and that was all he really needed to know.

Alec closed his eyes, and listened to the quiet surrounding him.

They would cry. They would regret and blame, try to make sense of an impossible situation and undoubtedly fail. Eventually, they would grieve.

They would be happy again.

And if Alec had to believe in an afterlife in his last moments, it was because he knew he would be watching over them if he could.

Alec closed his eyes, and the depth of Magnus’ brown eyes flashed beneath his lids.

“Forgive me, my love,” he thought with all his might, “and if it isn’t me, make sure you wake up next to someone who makes you happy from now on.”

Alec held his breath, tightening his hold on the gun, bracing himself as he pressed it harder again his own temple.

His finger trembled over the trigger.

 

_How had they come to this?_

.

Angeles National Forest was only a two-hour drive away, so they wasted no time.

After making sure Maia was alright, they jumped in the van and drove straight to their destination. The trip was silent, the kind of silence heavy with tension and apprehension, but Magnus made sure not to let his mind wander too much.

It felt like walking into the wolf’s den, and Magnus had experienced first-hand what the results could be. The scar maiming his lower torso was proof enough.

They were the prey in Sebastian’s sick game of life and death, but it was time to put an end to it, and if it meant running head first into danger, then so be it.

It was the eight of them against him. The odds were in their favor, and it felt like an eternity since that had last happened.

Yet, he couldn’t shake away the feeling that whatever end they were heading towards, it would be tainted with tears and blood. And Magnus had had enough of that to last him a lifetime.

Far away was the time he had accepted to launch himself into a reckless plan to rob Valentine, the man who had supposedly killed his closest friend in cold blood. He had already been beaten by life back then, and yet more innocent than he had imagined, although he could only realize it now that death and sorrow had become their daily lives.

But no more.

One thing was certain, both Valentine and Sebastian had underestimated them.

They were not prey to be hunted down.

They were not toys to be played with.

But all his resolve couldn’t keep that terrifying feeling at bay. He knew he wasn’t the only one whose senses were sharpened with adrenaline and a dawning perception of how dreadful that night could turn out to be.

If they had been underestimated, that meant they had learned not to make the same mistake. Everything about Sebastian was tainted with insanity and bloodlust, with a sick pleasure he took in hurting people, and particularly them.

Magnus had seen him shoot Hodge dead and smirk as his body dropped to the floor.

There could be no mercy with people like him.

On the seat in front of him, Jace and Clary were huddled together, whispering sweet nothings to one another. Simon and Izzy were showing the same display of affection in his back, sharing soft kisses and discrete murmurs for no one but the two of them.

Magnus was content with holding Alec’s hand through the ride, as he would for as long as he could. They had been separated before, in gruesome, heart-wrenching circumstances. They would not let it happen again.

For as long as Magnus had a fiber of fight left in him, he would use it to make sure Alec was unharmed and safe.

Luke pulled over at the address Rosenberg had given them a few minutes before midnight.

Before them stood a small house, the wooden walls a charcoal black in the dead of the night, the moonlight prevented from sinking down by the heavy foliages at the top of the pines surrounding the place.

There was only darkness, all the lights from inside switched off, but the front door was open, an obvious invitation for them to come in and play their last game.

Around them, the wind was playing a symphony in the trees, leaves dancing to a silentious beat, whispering songs to the night.

Sheltered by their mightiness, fingers hooked with Alec’s, Magnus took a cautious step forward.

“Whatever happens tonight,” Alec murmured at his side, but didn’t finish, the words seemingly stuck in his throat.

Magnus squeezed his hand and tilted his head up to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you, too,” he whispered, reading in his hazel eyes what Alec couldn’t find the force to say out loud, apprehension stunning him into silence. “Always.”

Alec nodded, his gaze softening on Magnus, before he turned to face the rest of the team.

“We stay together,” he said, his whole demeanor screaming of the leader they all knew him to be. “No matter what happens.”

“Avengers assemble!” Simon exclaimed, shoving his hand palm down amidst them in a clear request.

Magnus snorted, Alec rolling his eyes at his side.

“Oh, come on,” Simon all but whined. “It’s now or never. Humor me.”

Clary chuckled, a soft, crystallin sound that had been all too rare lately, and laid her hand above Simon’s. It wasn’t long before Jace and Isabelle joined them, quickly followed by Luke, although it wasn’t without an amused smirk.

Magnus shook his head. “Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath, but rested his hand over Luke’s nonetheless.

“Whatever,” Alec mumbled, but he was smirking as he stepped forward to do the same. “Don’t get hurt.”

“You’re so good at motivational speeches,” Jace noted with a snort, earning a glare from his brother.

Standing at their side, Maia stared at them with an incredulous look, arms crossed over her chest. “You guys are insane.”

Simon nodded, heaving out a deep breath. “Come on. Join us, Black Panther!”

Maia startled, lifting an eyebrow. “Excuse me? What did you just call me?”

“Black Panther,” Simon repeated. “You know? Because you’re badass and stoic and take no bullshit? Like T’Challa!”

Maia seemed to ponder on it for a second, narrowing her eyes on Simon, but eventually she realized he wouldn’t budge because she stepped forward, rolling her eyes, and laid her hand above Alec’s.

“What now? Do you have a rallying cry? I’m not yelling ‘Cowabunga’.”

Simon’s lips parted in shock as he stared at her, eyes slowly widening.

“Oh, come on,” Maia sighed, rolling her eyes. “We’re the same age.”

Magnus let his eyes dart over the team and he couldn’t help the warm sensation fluttering in his stomach. “I love you, you lunatics.”

Alec snorted and turned his head to press a light kiss in his hair right as he heard a collegial “we love you too” answering him - and if Jace tried to make his sound mocking, no one was fooled.

“Let’s go,” Luke said, a fond smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Time to end this once and for all.”

Magnus nodded, and squeezed Alec’s hand one last time before stepping away from the team and towards the house.

A shiver ran through his body as he twisted the handle. The door opened with a creak, the wintery wind blowing inside with a whistle, and Magnus stepped in, Alec on his heels, and the rest of the team behind them.

The house was plunged into darkness, but through the stream of silver light coming from Luke’s flashlight behind him, he could distinguish a door opened onto a corridor in front of him, and another one to his left, although that one was locked. The entrance hall was eerie, as if the cold breeze had swept through for long enough to be able to grasp the house’s unexpected guests into a chilly touch.

His mind told him not to move, but Magnus stepped further inside anyway, the light words they had exchanged outside already forgotten. It didn’t smell like death, or the putrid scent of humidity an abandoned house could hold. It didn’t smell like anything, and somehow, Magnus found it more unsettling than he would have had it been how he had expected it to be.

The floorboards creaked beneath their feet, but he barely heard it over the sound of the front door slamming shut.

“Maia!” Luke exclaimed.

Magnus swirled around as Luke grabbed the handle of the front door to push it open, but it refused to budge despite his many attempts and the increasing strength he put into it.

“What the hell?” he growled under his breath. “Maia!”

“The door just slammed in my face and I can’t open it,” she yelled from the other side.

Jace joined Luke in front of the door, sending him a stern look. “We’ll try together. 1… 2…”

A deafening screech burst in Magnus’ ears, echoing all the way to his head, a shout of pain slipping past his lips before he could understand what was happening. He crouched down, his eyes slamming shut, and crowded his head between his palms.

“Magnus!” he heard Alec yell, but he couldn’t reply, pushing his hands against his temples in a vain attempt at stopping his skull from throbbing with pain.

“Alec,” he managed to grit out between clenched teeth, but it was all he could do, unable to tame the unbearable screech blasting in his head, bouncing back and forth.

“Your earpiece,” Simon bawled over the noise. “Take it off!”

Magnus didn’t think twice about it. He ripped the device out of his ear and threw it to the ground. He opened his eyes just in time to see the others do the same through the dim light of Luke’s flashlight which had fallen to the ground in the confusion.

Then, there was only silence again, broken only by the heavy pants of his friends.

“Deepest apologies,” a dreadfully familiar voice called, and Magnus’ head whipped around to find its owner, finding nothing but darkness. “I can’t have you chatting to each other for what I have planned for you tonight.”

“Where the fuck is he?” Jace hissed, glancing frantically from left to right. “Show yourself, asshole! Let’s finish this!”

Sebastian’s mocking chuckle sent a shiver through Magnus’ spine.

“Where would be the fun in that?” he muttered and Magnus blinked up at the corner of the ceiling, spotting the flickering red spot that seemed to taunt them.

“He’s not here,” Magnus growled. “He’s filming us.”

“Valentine taught me how to hunt when I was a kid,” Sebastian said in a light, almost joyful tone. “I hope you’re ready, my little sheeps. This is going to be a wild night.”

Magnus swirled around on his heels to face the rest of the team, and promptly froze.

“Alexander,” he breathed out. “Where’s Alexander?”

They all looked over their shoulder in a same movement, but the room was small enough for them to know he was gone. The door that had led to the corridor was closed and Magnus knew it was locked before Clary moved to try to open it.

“I’ve got something else in mind for him,” Sebastian answered, and Magnus’ blood ran cold. The remaining door opened on their left, as if pulled by an invisible force. “Go ahead, my little sheep. If I were you, I would make sure to listen and kindly obey.”

“Or what?” Isabelle snapped, voice trembling with anger.

Sebastian chuckled, and it seemed to come from the room whose door had just opened now. “I’m glad you asked, dear Isabelle.”

Magnus wished she hadn’t.

A holler reverberated in his ears like a clap of thunder, spreading in his body like a jolt of electricity. It was a roar of pure agony, and it was Alec’s.

Magnus’ breath stumbled in his throat, and his heart slammed against his ribcage.

It lasted until they were all huddled in the room Sebastian had opened for them, and Magnus had to suppress the sobs gathering in his throat.

“Now,” Sebastian said, the sound of Alec whimpering in pain subduing beneath his commanding tone, “before I close the doors, you can all get rid of your guns and throw them outside. Even the one hidden in your boot, Isabelle.”

Isabelle showed her middle finger to the red dot in the corner but obeyed nonetheless. As they threw their guns on the entrance hall, the threat of Alec’s cries of pain numbing them into obedience, Magnus sucked in a deep breath.

They could do this. They could best him at his own game and make him regret ever going after them.

Sebastian was a wolf, lurking in the shadows, but they didn’t have to be sheep. They didn’t have to be the innocent prey waiting to be torn apart. They could be lions.

They _would_ be lions.

.

Alec grunted as he emerged into consciousness, slowly opening his eyes. His head throbbed and his ears rang, leaving an unpleasant buzz bouncing against his skull. His breath came out in laborious pants as he raised his head to look at his surroundings.

His eyes squinted to adjust to the dim light coming from the screens hung on the wall he was facing. Alec tried to stand up, only to realize he was stuck to a metallic chair, wrists bound to the armrests. Trying to force them open ended up being useless, draining energy he knew he needed to save up if he wanted to keep a clear head.

He focused his attention back on the screens instead.

“Look at your little team,” a mocking voice chimed. Alec craned his neck to spot its source, a speaker tucked in the corner above the TVs. “All scared out of their mind when there’s no one to lead them.”

Alec frowned, watching as Magnus turned on his heels on one of the screens, only to stop to face a wall of the room they were stuck in.

Another screen allowed Alec to see what Magnus was looking at. There were three doors in front of him, each adorned with a piece of art. Alec frowned, clenching his jaw.

What was Sebastian playing at?

“Or maybe we will both realize today that you are more useless than you think yourself to be,” Sebastian continued, and Alec could picture the dark sneer on his face. “You can just sit back and enjoy the ride. After all, that’s what a leader does, right? Let the others take the fall for them.”

It stung more than Alec was willing to admit, the memory of Hodge’s lifeless blue eyes flashing before his eyes.

“Fuck you,” he growled.

Sebastian tutted. “Hush, now,” he muttered, in a tone that suggested a certain connivance between them. “Things are about to get interesting.”

Gritting his teeth, Alec glanced back at the screens.

“What is this?” Jace asked, pointing at the three doors. “Are we in Alice in Wonderland now?”

“I’m glad you asked, Jonathan.” Sebastian’s voice resonated in Alec’s ears and all the way to his team’s, cheerfully derisive. “This is your first trial.”

Isabelle startled, straightening on her feet. “Our first- What the hell?”

Sebastian chuckled. “If you pay attention to the top of the doors, you’ll notice there’s a timer there,” he said. “This is a countdown to the time you have left before the bomb I’ve placed in the house blows up. Only one of these doors will lead you to the next step if you want to disable it. This is your trial, Jonathan. For once, your pretty face and your muscles won’t help you here. Let’s see if you can use your brain as well as your natural charms.”

Magnus took a step forward, his eyes scanning the paintings on each door. “It’s -”

As soon as he had opened his mouth, Alec felt a rush of electricity run through his whole body, curling around his bones and spreading torment in its wake.

He couldn’t stop the yell of agony that burst past his lips.

“I said Jonathan,” Sebastian’s voice snapped over Alec’s. “Don’t make me hurt your boyfriend again just because you like showing off, Magnus.”

Alec panted, his gaze darting back to the screen.

Magnus had frozen, eyes wide in horror, and Alec could read the anguish inside them, and the absolute fear casting away all thoughts of rebellion.

“I’m okay,” he murmured, his head throbbing in pain. “Babe, I’m okay.”

But the expressions on his friends’ faces didn’t shift, and he knew they hadn’t heard him.

“Your thirty minutes start now,” Sebastian announced, almost joyfully. “Good luck.”

Jace stepped forward, facing the doors, brows furrowed in both concentration and anger, studying the paintings with nothing but resolve in his bicolored eyes.

Squinting his eyes, Alec easily recognized Hokusai’s Great Wave off Kanagawa, the rogue wave threatening to swallow boats that had no chance to escape, Mount Fuji peeking in the background. On the middle door, Da Vinci’s pencil stroke was unmistakable. Although Alec wasn’t sure of the name of the drawing, he could almost picture Leonardo’s hand drafting the untamable waves. It wasn’t a painting, of that he was certain, despite the fact that it had been reproduced on a canvas by - Alec assumed - Sebastian.

The final door was trickier. This one was a painting, and Notre-Dame was magnificent despite the flooded Paris around her. The cathedral was casting in blue, only adding to the eerie atmosphere of the composition.

“That’s the one,” Jace said without an ounce of hesitation, pointing a finger at the door.

In his back, Magnus nodded gingerly and Alec felt himself suppress a relieved sigh. He had had a hinge that it would be the one, but seeing Magnus confirm it was only reassuring him in his intuitions. After all, if anyone among them was sure to know, it was Magnus.

“Notre Dame at the time of the Flood by Louis Degallaix,” Jace recited, arms crossed over his chest in a defiant manner. “That’s the only real one out of the three. The Da Vinci one is originally a drawing, not a painting. And Hokusai’s Great Wave is a print series, not a painting either.” He looked up to glare at the camera, lips pursed in irritation, and stepped in front of the door. “How’s that for being nothing but a pretty face and a pair of arms, asshole?” he spat, and grabbed the handle but when he went to push it open, the door refused to budge.

“Well done,” Sebastian said, cheerfully. “I’ll admit I underestimated you. You got the right door, but it’s not going to be that easy to open it.”

Alec inhaled deeply, watching as the group turned as one when a click sounded to the right of the door, opening a hole in the wall.

“I have to make it a little spicy, otherwise it just spoils all the fun,” Sebastian continued, as he sounded like nothing more than a spoiled child.

Alec figured that was probably it.

“Here’s your second trial,” Sebastian said. “My dear Clarissa, they’ve all made sacrifices to help you rob Dear Old Dad, haven’t they? I believe it’s time to return the favor.”

Clary turned towards the camera, her red hair flying with the movement. She narrowed her eyes on the device, a murderous spark glimmering in her gaze, but Alec could see there was fear there too, and the untamable determination he knew her to possess.

“Bring it on,” she hissed, but the fierceness in her glance vanished as soon as Sebastian opened his mouth again.

“The child prodigy,” he murmured, deep-seated hatred palpable behind each word. “Always the best one, the most talented one. Always acting before thinking and letting the others pay the consequences for it. It’s time to step up, Clarissa. We’ll see who’s the best after that.”

Alec gulped, shaking his head. “What are you playing at?” he asked to the void of the room.

But Sebastian didn’t answer, and Alec could only watch, powerless, as Clary bent down to see what was in the hole in the wall.

“There’s the key,” she exclaimed. “I can see it.”

She went to slide her arm in the hole, but Jace stepped forward and stopped her, laying a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s clearly a trap,” he said. “It’s not going to be that easy.”

“Not your trial, Jonathan. You’ve had yours,” Sebastian chimed in, the smile evident in his tone. “Now let the others play.”

Alec thrashed in the chair as another jolt of electricity travelled through his body. He didn’t know if it was just that his body hadn’t quite recovered yet from the previous pain or if Sebastian’s wickedness just kept growing exponentially, but it seemed to be twice as painful as it had been, his insides seemingly twisting with the shock.

It stopped as abruptly as it had started and when Alec looked up again, panting, Clary had fitted her arm in the hole, her face scrunched up in effort.

“I can’t grab it,” she growled. “It’s too far.”

Sebastian’s laughter was pure deviltry. “Welcome to the third trial.”

He paused for effect, and Alec’s lips tipped up with the ghost of a smile at the sight of Magnus rolling his eyes.

“I don’t ever want any of you to call me a drama queen again,” he sneered, lips twitching with a mocking smirk.

“Noticed the handle on the other side of the door?” Sebastian asked, purposely ignoring Magnus. “Turn it and it’ll bring the key closer.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a catch here?” Simon asked, readjusting his glasses on his nose. “Like it’s going to make the minutes go faster or something.”

“That would have been fun,” Sebastian replied. “But I went with something a bit more… entertaining.”

“Whose trial is this?” Magnus asked, arms crossed over his chest.

“Look at you asking all the right questions, Magnus,” Sebastian said, a hint of pride in his tone that made wrath run in Alec’s veins. “I knew you were the brain of this team for a reason. It’s Luke’s, of course. Parents are supposed to protect their children at all costs, are they not? We should test that theory.”

Luke seemed startled, almost like he wasn’t expected to be a part of Sebastian’s sick games, but Alec knew none of them would be spared. Luke’s jaw was set in a tight line and for a moment, he looked like he was about to say no, to refuse to play his part in Sebastian’s amusement.

Something shifted in his eyes, his eyes darting to the speaker from where Alec surmised they could hear his screams and, cautiously, Luke took hold of the handle and paused, gritting his teeth. His hesitation wasn’t long, but it was enough for Alec to feel another shock go through him and feel his skull burst in pain. He tried to keep his screams muffled, resorting to little whimpers, but when their power increased, it felt like his organs were burning up inside his body and there was nothing he could do but holler as he spasmed.

“Chop chop,” Sebastian quipped playfully. “We don’t have all night, my dears, and your Alexander isn’t going to last too long. He already looks pretty beaten and I haven’t even tested my other toys yet.”

“If you don’t do it, I will,” Jace told Luke, albeit not unkindly, Magnus nodding next to him despite the crestfallen look on his features, his lips tugged downwards in a mixture of anger and worry on Alec’s behalf.

“No,” Luke said. “If you do it, Alec is still gonna suffer through whatever this psycho is making him endure.”

Inhaling sharply, he grabbed the handle again and twisted.

The shout that bolted out of Clary’s mouth was one of pure agony. Alec’s head jerked up to the screen that was zooming on her face, reading the pain on her features

“What?” Luke asked, eyes widening, hands immediately leaving the handle. “What happened?”

Clary shook her head, jaw flexing. “It’s crushing my hand,” she gritted out through clenched teeth. “I can feel the key moving closer but when you twist it, something crushes my hand.”

She had barely finished talking when Alec yelled in pain again, the shock stronger again.

Clary used her free hand to push Luke back towards the handle. “Do it!” she yelled.

“No!” Alec shouted over her own voice, the word meddling with his afflicted cries. “Don’t do it! I’ll be fine!”

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed out, and it was barely above a whisper, but Alec could hear the anguish in his voice despite his own. Clenching his teeth, he focused all of his attention back on the screens, his heart slamming against his ribcage at the sight of Magnus’ frustrated gaze of helplessness.

“Do it!” Clary demanded again. “He’s gonna kill him!”

The dilemma seemed to rip Luke apart but eventually, he gripped the handle and turned again, and Alec’s shouts ceased as Clary’s started again, his own replaced by heavy, laborious pants.

“No,” he muttered, shaking his head.

Even through the screens, Alec heard with terrifying accuracy the sound of bones cracking, and a long shiver ran down his spine. There were tears streaming down Clary’s face, tears he could feel mirrored on his own cheeks.

“Fuck,” she sobbed, pain written plainly on her features.

Luke hesitated again at the sound, and it was Alec’s turn to crack, too strained to hold his shouts in anymore.

“Luke, please,” Clary whimpered. She held her free hand out and Jace wasted no time, immediately grabbing it, wrapping his other arm over her shoulders.

“I don’t care if you break all the bones in my hand, babe,” he told her, and Alec wondered if the pain was making him hallucinate the wetness in his brother’s eyes. There was mostly reverence in his gaze, and the sign that this would haunt him for a very long time, being torn between his brother and his love’s agony and powerless to stop any of it.

“Luke,” Clary choked out, her skin paler than Alec had ever seen it. “Do it, please. Don’t stop.”

“I-I can’t,” Luke said. “I can’t hurt you. I can’t hear you like this.”

“I can’t hear Alec like this,” Clary retorted, sniffing. “It’s too late to go back anyway. It’s already broken. Just end this, please.”

Shutting his eyes, Luke went back to the handle, just as Jace tightened his hold on Clary, muffling her cries against his chest, murmuring against her ear as he let his fingers glide in her hair.

There was twenty-one minutes left on the timer when she pulled back from Jace’s chest, cheeks damped with tears.

“I’ve got it,” she murmured weakly, and Luke immediately started twisted the handle in the other way to free her.

When she pulled her arm out of the hole, Alec watched her sag against Jace’s chest, holding her bloodied wrist between the fingers of her other hand. Her hand was painted crimson, and Alec could only imagine the damages that had been done, certainly irreversible.

“It’s gonna be harder to draw now, I’m afraid,” Sebastian commented airily.

Alec grunted, thrashing in the chair, but it was as pointless as it had been before.

The key fell to the ground with a metallic sound, but no one moved to pick it up and Alec watched, powerless, as the true horror of the situation dawned on his friends and family. Their faces were matching masks of dread and he could see the panic settle over them, numbing their senses.

Then, Magnus bent down to grab the key, his movements slow and deliberate, as if he was driven by an invisible force, controlling his body whereas his mind had given up.

He opened the door carefully, as if he feared it would blow up in his face. When nothing happened, the team followed him in the next room, Clary huddled against Jace’s chest.

“See?” Sebastian’s taunting voice said, and Alec knew it was only addressed to him. “They don’t need you to lead them. They manage fine on their own, and yet they still risk their lives to save you. A worthless leader who brought them to their downfall for the sake of revenge.”

Alec shut his eyes, gritting his teeth. “We had to stop you before you hurt anyone else,” he breathed out.

Sebastian chuckled, the speaker grating with the sound. “Is that what you like to tell yourself?” he asked, but there was nothing but certitude in his tone. “That you did it for the greater good? Come on, Alec, between you and me, you can admit you’re only here because I killed your daddy.”

The mockery in his voice was more than Alec could endure, but he kept quiet, inhaling deeply. His head was throbbing, and his muscles sore and aching, but he needed to focus on finding a way out of this hell they had walked into.

“This is personal,” Sebastian went on. “We’re not so different, you and I. You understand the primary need for revenge, don’t you? Just like I do.”

“I’m nothing like you,” Alec spat out through the fury raging in his mind. “You’re fucking insane.”

There was a smile in Sebastian’s voice when he next spoke. “You want to believe you’re so much better than me,” he said. “But we both know what it is like to be rejected by the ones who are supposed to love us for our differences?”

“I’m gay,” Alec huffed out. “You tried to murder your own father. I’m pretty sure our situations are not comparable.”

“You think that’s when it started?” Sebastian chuckled. “Did your parents start treating you differently on the day you told them? Or did you see them, the little looks they spared you, the disapproving twitch of their mouth when your gaze wandered where it wasn’t supposed to? Did you read the rejection in their eyes before they voiced it out loud?”

Alec shut his eyes and shook his head, refusing to let the words get to his head. They struck a chord, though, no matter how he tried to prevent it.

He remembered his first crush back in high school, and the disapproving look in his parents’ eyes as they had caught the way Alec’s eyes lingered on his classmate - a handsome hockey player who was in his senior year and had no idea Alec even existed, because he was cliché like that.

He could recall the exact moment his mother had understood, and how shunned he had felt from then on. How she wouldn’t smile at him anymore when he left for school in the morning. How she had started answering his inquiries with short, placid replies instead of elaborating. How she had tried to push him into the arms of countless girls, daughters of their friends or random ones in the streets as long as they fitted Maryse’s criteria of a proper daughter-in-law.

He remembered it all, and it had built the essence of his rancor. Of his tainted teenage years that he could never make up for. Of the heartbreak he had never truly been able to forgive, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard _they_ tried.

“I’m not like you,” Alec repeated through gritted teeth.

“You are, more than you’re willing to admit to yourself,” Sebastian said. “You let yourself be driven by revenge, and it led the only real father figure you ever had to his ruin. I lost mine too, but it was at your hand.”

“Valentine deserved to be locked up,” Alec hissed. “You’re just pissed because you were caught at your own game.”

“He was,” Sebastian corrected. “At least it allowed me to have my fun. We are the same, Alec, but I sought revenge first, and I believe I’m much better at taking it than you could ever be.”

“Revenge for what?” Alec asked, voice pitched low with irritation.

“Are you even listening to me?” Sebastian sighed, a hint of annoyance layering his tone. “For what you did to Valentine!”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Valentine is just as much as a psychopath as you are and he got what he deserved,” he said. “And you’re blaming us for his own recklessness. He underestimated us, just like you are right now.”

“Funny,” Sebastian chuckled. “Because from where I stand, I’m the one with the upper hand right now. How about I show you?”

The screens shone with a bright, white light as it was switched on in the room the team was locked in. They blinked, raising their hands to shield themselves from the blinding light.

“Time for your fourth trial,” Sebastian announced cheerfully. “My personal favorite.” It was enough to make Alec’s stomach lurch with dread. “Time to make a choice. Look behind you.”

They turned around in a same movement and Alec squinted his eyes but he couldn’t see what they were seeing. Magnus stilled on the screen, however, and Alec’s mouth went dry.

“I’m sure you can fathom whose trial this is,” Sebastian said.

Magnus stepped forward, his jaw tugged in a tight line, but he didn’t speak a word.

The bounds on Alec’s wrists opened with a clatter and his eyes widened as he pushed himself to his feet on shaking arms, as rapidly as he could with the ache spreading in his body, refusing to take the risk of having them closing on him again.

He swirled around, and promptly froze. They were there.

His team was there, just on the other side of a tainted glass on the wall. He rushed forward, banging against it to catch their attention, but they remained oblivious to his every attempt, unable to hear him.

“Here’s the game,” Sebastian continued, and Alec could hear the blissful giggle he was holding back. “You can all walk away now, safe and alive. You won’t even have to touch it, Magnus.”

Magnus frowned, glaring at the camera. “But?”

“Well, if you do, you’ll have to sacrifice something I know you hold dear,” Sebastian said.

Blinding lights burst into the room Alec was locked in, and he raised a hand to shield his eyes, just as the gazes of his friend shifted towards him.

“His life,” Sebastian said.

The tiny gasp of air that escaped Magnus’ mouth was enough to have Alec’s heart clench painfully in his chest. His eyes widened as they settled on Alec and he rushed to the other side of the wall, raising a hand to lay it over the glass. Alec sent him a reassuring glance, resting his hand over Magnus’, wishing he could have felt his warmth against his palm.

“I’m okay,” he said and although Magnus couldn’t hear him, he knew he had read the words on his lips.

Magnus flexed his jaw, his face settling into a mask of resolve.

“What’s the other option?” he asked, his eyes refusing to leave Alec’s.

“You can use that gun to shoot a member of the team,” Sebastian said, and there was pride in his voice but Alec knew it was meant for himself, for the utter wickedness of his plan and the deadly games he had concocted for them. “The trigger is connected to a wire that will activate the bomb and set the timer on the time you have left from your previous trials. It will give you the time you’ll have to defuse it.”

“Are you saying the bomb hasn’t been on all this time?” Simon snapped, looking very close to punching the nearest wall for lack of being able to do so with Sebastian.

“I never said it was on,” Sebastian replied. “I merely said it was in the house and it is. Look over your heads.”

Alec craned his neck in perfect synchronisation with them, but he couldn’t see anything but the vent at the very top of the wall he was facing and the painting, cracked by humidity and the confinement of the room.

Magnus lifted two fingers towards their teammates and they went quiet at once, freezing in their spot.

“Can you hear that?” he asked softly.

Frowns of concentration passed on their faces, until Simon’s lit up with realization.

“I can hear it ticking,” he exclaimed. “It’s in the vent!”

Magnus nodded, his fingers twitching slightly.

“Alright,” Sebastian cut in before any of them could make a move. “Here’s how it’s going to go. You’ve got a choice to make. You can either shoot a member of your pathetic little team or you can run out of the door and get out of here for good. In this case, dear Alec will run out of oxygen while you all save yourselves. Your choice, Magnus.”

“Run out of -” Alec parroted, but before he could finish, a beeping noise echoed in his back, and a distant fanning sound resonated through the room.

“Alexander,” Magnus choked out from the other side of the glass, tears brimming in his eyes.

Alec shook his head. “Get out of here,” he yelled, although he knew he couldn’t be heard.

“Not a chance,” Magnus retorted, his eyes darting over the glass as if he could find a way to break it. He swirled around, his gaze falling on the gun that waited for him on the other side of the room and his face lit up with the mischievous spark Alec was too familiar with.

Sebastian laughed through the speaker. “I wouldn’t think about it if I were you,” he said. “It would take me two seconds to put a bullet through his head. Much more than it would take _you_ to shoot the glass and break it.”

“Fuck you!” Magnus shouted, desperation and wrath battling on his features, as if he was unsure which prevailed in that moment. “How about I shoot you instead?”

“We both know you can’t, Magnus,” Sebastian retorted, and it wasn’t challenging, or even doubtful.

It was an affirmation, plain and simple. A statement meant to mock Magnus’ trauma and struggle. The words of a fool who deemed Magnus weak for what he had been through, but had no idea what strength and power really laid underneath the face he allowed himself to show to the world.

At first, Alec didn’t notice the symptoms, too focused on Magnus to pay attention to the sensations in his own body. He felt dizzy, but he attributed it to the electric shocks he had endured and the tension waving in the room as he watched the devastation on the features of the man he loved.

It wasn’t until Isabelle put her hand against the glass, eyes filled with tears and utter terror that he realized he was panting for air, his lungs seemingly unable to provide it anymore.

“Magnus,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Don’t do it. It’s okay.”

“Shut up,” Magnus snapped, but there was no real anger behind it, only raw and absolute fear. “You don’t get to die on me.”

Alec’s eyes narrowed as he watched Magnus walk towards the gun, and his hand slipped from the glass, unable to support him anymore. He collapsed against the wall, his mind staggering with the lack of oxygen.

“No,” he murmured, but Magnus didn’t seem to hear him.

.

_The bullet didn’t do it. I did._

_The bullet didn’t do it. I did._

_The bullet didn’t do it. I did._

It was a litany, one Magnus had learned to forget with time and effort, making peace with himself as he conjured the strength he desperately needed to heal.

He hadn’t killed Camille, no more than he had condemned Ragnor to two years of hell.

Those were facts. Facts he had finally accepted, letting Alec’s reassuring words soothe the doubt that had lingered in the back of his mind and his own resolve conquer what doubt remained.

He had pushed away the guilt, accepting the ugly truth for what it was: he couldn’t always save the people he cared about.

Guilt had gnawed at his heart and he had let it, until Alec had managed to tear down every wall and convinced him of the rightness of his soul.

He had felt himself dying.

He had never admitted it to anyone, but that was what it was.

He had felt himself dying as he laid in Valentine’s manor, bleeding out from the gunshot in his stomach. And it had been terrifying.

He had still been conscious of his surroundings, of Valentine’s taunting voice, of the bright red color of the ruby they had been seeking to steal, of the cobalt blue of the ceiling, contrasting greatly with the peach color of the walls, but still he had felt himself dying.

He had felt his body abandon, yielding under the pain and the blood loss, surrendering to the terror that had frozen his whole body.

He had felt the cold taking over his soul, curling around his body and tugging him further into unconsciousness, darkness surrounding him.

It had been that room, the one he kept seeing as he meditated.

There was only loneliness in this room, and the suffocation of the walls closing in on him.

It haunted him, still today, to know how easily his life could slip through his fingers, how terrifying it was to feel his mind trip into the meanderings of his own conscience and leaving nothing but agony behind.

“Shoot me,” a voice said in his back, but Magnus refused to turn around to face Jace.

His fingers closed against the barrel of the gun, but they trembled as they did.

He had felt himself dying and Magnus hadn’t felt free, or lighter, or relieved as books and people could claim. He had felt smothered by regrets, trapped in his own body and caged in his own mind.

He wouldn’t let any of his friends go through this. Not while he was still breathing. Not while he was still standing and there was an ounce of fight left in him.

“No,” he whispered, turning around to face Jace.

“What?” the blonde exclaimed. He was standing in front of him, his arms stretched on each side of his body, as if offering himself to whatever god had long abandoned them.

“No,” Magnus repeated, as calmly as he could. “I am not shooting you.”

Distantly, he could perceive Alec panting behind the glass in the corner of his eye, and Magnus couldn’t help but to look, no matter how painful it would be.

“I’m sorry, my love,” he choked out, stepping closer to face Alec. “I’m so sorry.”

Alec shook his head, gracing him with a shaky but genuine smile, his eyes displaying all the affection Magnus knew better than anyone he was capable of holding.

“I-It’s okay,” Alec murmured through laborious pants. “G-Get t-them out of here. I-I love you, o-okay?” He inhaled deeply, but in vain, and Magnus felt like he was suffocating too. “No matter what. Always.”

“I love you, too. So much sometimes I forget how to breathe,” Magnus replied, and although he couldn’t, he saw in Alec’s gaze that he would have rolled his eyes were they in any other situation. “I’m sorry. I know you would have wanted me to make another choice.”

Confusion flashed through the pain on Alec’s features, but Magnus didn’t give him the time to understand, stepping away from the glass as he turned the gun on himself.

“What the hell are you doing?” Isabelle exclaimed, but Magnus cut her off with a pointed glare that he then turned to the rest of the group who had moved forward to stop him.

“He said I had to shoot a member of the team,” Magnus said slowly, as if talking to confused children. “I’m a member of this team,” he eluded pointed, lifting a defiant eyebrow to the camera.

“Oh,” Sebastian chimed in, “that’s a nice twist! I didn’t see _that_ coming.”

Magnus didn’t reply and chose to ignore him, levelling his team with a calm look that didn’t reflect the panic and absolute terror rummaging in his chest.

“You will need to put pressure on the wound as quickly as possible so I don’t bleed out, okay?” he told them.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Alec struggle to slam his fist against the glass, but he was already too weak, and Magnus was running out of time.

“Okay?” he repeated, louder, commanding authority.

“Come on!” Jace exclaimed. “You can shoot any of us. In the shoulder or something, so it isn’t lethal.”

Magnus heaved out a deep sigh, shutting his eyes. “We don’t know how long it will be before we manage to get out of here,” he said. “You don’t know what it is like to slip over the edge. How lonely it is when you’re in between life and death and there is nothing but your own agony to keep you company. I will not expose any of you to this. I know I can pull through again if it comes to that, but I can only do that if Alexander is alive.”

He paused, gulping, and set his narrowing eyes on them again. “Now, can you promise me you’ll act as quickly as possible? I’m going to shoot myself in the shoulder so it will bleed out a lot but if I aimed well enough to go through the pectoral muscle, it won’t be fatal before a few hours.”

Jace flexed his jaw, and opened his mouth to talk, but it was Simon who spoke first.

“Hey, you’re the genius,” he said, and it didn’t hold his usual careless joyfulness, but just as much affection. “If anyone knows what he’s doing, it’s you.”

Jace shrugged his shirt over his head, brows furrowed in irritation. “We’re ready.”

“Put your hands over your ears,” Magnus instructed. “We’re in a closed room, the sound might be deafening.”

His eyes darted to the side at Alec, who was clearly struggling to keep himself upright, his hazels begging Magnus not to go through with his plan.

“P-Please don’t,” Magnus read on his lips. “I can’t. Not again.”

Magnus inhaled sharply, flexing his jaw in determination. “Please don’t let him watch,” he demanded, and Isabelle and Jace moved at once to position themselves in front of Alec - as if they had already planned on doing so - shielding him from Magnus’ sight.

Alec’s protests fainted into a dull, distant plaint as Magnus shut his eyes, focusing on evening his breathing.

He was in a dark room, nothing but darkness surrounding him. There was no wind for him to rely on, no smell of the sea to soothe his mind. There was loneliness and sorrow, the aching of his heart as it claimed his body, untamable.

Magnus opened his eyes, defying the obscurity, refusing to let it reign upon him again.

The gun was heavy in his hand, and Magnus had to grip it tightly not to drop it altogether. He turned it against his own shoulder and sucked in a deep breath.

For a long time, Magnus had believed himself to be a coward, plagued with fears beyond his control, letting them eat him alive until there was nothing to him but an empty shell driven by the last shred of survival instincts his mind had managed to conjure.

_No more._

Through the darkness of the room, the sun peeked, a thin trickle of light, shining on everything but him.

Magnus gritted his teeth, bracing himself.

“No more,” he murmured to himself.

He pulled the trigger.

Pain lanced through his body.

.

When Alec opened his eyes, it was dark again.

Groggily, he pushed himself to his feet, blinking away the dizziness. His head was aching, as was his whole body, and he walked groggily across the room, stopping abruptly in the middle.

An unsettling feeling welled up inside him, the atmosphere suddenly too dense for his mind to focus.

He knew there was something wrong, but he couldn’t conjure a coherent thought to help him think through the daze in his head.

With a gasp, he reached up to his own chest, a dawning terror freezing his bones, rapidly replaced by relief when he found he could breathe again, although it was in strenuous pants.

Then, it came back to him, and he turned to the wall that had been a see-through glass the last time he had been conscious. It was back to blackness.

His heart pounded against his chest at an increasing pace as he stumbled towards it, slamming his palm repeatedly against the glass.

“Magnus!” he tried to yell, but his voice broke and came out as no more than a whisper. Wiping his wet cheeks, he took a deep breath, trying in vain to tame his thrumming heart. “Magnus!” he called again, stronger this time, but to no avail.

Frantically, he swirled around and searched the room for a dash of hope, but the screens were stubbornly off, and it was unbearably silent, the echo of his own voice dying on his lips.

“Sebastian!” he roared, with all the might he could summon.

Only silence answered him.

.

“That was very dramatic, I loved it.”

Sebastian’s sneering voice downed over the silent room like a guillotine blade.

“Does he ever shut up?” Magnus growled through the tears of pain dribbling down his cheeks.

Jace scoffed out a quiet laugh, his hand pressing his already bloody t-shirt against Magnus’ shoulder. “Does he ever act like anything but an asshole?”

“You’ve got a point,” Magnus heaved out, hissing at the pain.

Jace grimaced, his changing eyes glimmering with an apology. “I can’t believe you did that,” he murmured.

Magnus opened his mouth to answer, but Isabelle stepped towards the wall Magnus was sat against.

“Guys, I’m really sorry and I didn’t think I would ever say that but we have a bigger problem than Magnus being injured on our hands right now.”

Magnus curved an eyebrow, inhaling sharply as he pushed on his unwounded arm to sit straighter. “What is it?”

“It is your fifth trial, of course,” Sebastian chimed in, and Magnus shut his eyes, casting his irritation away.

“The bomb just started ticking,” Isabelle eluded, before pointing a finger at the laptop that laid on the same small table where the gun had been. “Just at the same time the laptop switched on.”

“One could say it was a coincidence,” Sebastian noted.

“Yeah, we all believe that,” Isabelle snarled, sending a murderous glare to the ceiling by fault of a better target.

“I know what we have to do,” Simon cut in, pointedly ignoring Sebastian’s taunting snort. He looked up at the vent where the bomb was tucked away above their heads. “It’s a digital system. We have to bring the bomb down and plug it in the laptop to figure out the code to defuse it.”

“I’ll do it,” Jace said, gesturing for Luke to take over in putting pressure on Magnus’ wound.

“Oh, Jonathan,” Sebastian snarled, “that would be way too easy. That’s not your trial. You’ve already had yours.”

Jace froze in his scrutinization of the room, a frown pulling his brows together.

“I think that’s a task that would be much more entertaining if it’s accomplished by your pet hacker,” Sebastian went on. “Provided that he can take two steps without stumbling on his own feet.”

Simon, who was standing with Clary huddled against his side, her broken hand tucked in the hacker’s discarded sweater, glanced up at where the bomb was stashed in a vent in the wall, and pursed his lips.

“You’ve got to do it, babe,” Isabelle said, her eyes riveted on the screen. “We have less than ten minutes to defuse it.”

“She’s right,” Sebastian chanted. “And we don’t know how long it will take her to accomplish the last trial.”

Simon nodded, and stepped away from Clary to study the room, as Magnus did the same, biting on the inside of his cheek to keep a clear head despite the pain.

It wasn’t an easy place to reach. Simon had to jump and grab onto a rusty pipe so he could prop himself up and grab onto a tiny hole in the wall that would help him shimmy his way to the bomb, granted that he could haul himself up with nothing but his free arm. Then, he’d have to go down the same way with the bomb in one hand.

Jace would have done it in a heartbeat, of that Magnus had no doubt. But he didn’t doubt that Simon could do it, too.

“Remember your training with Hodge,” he said from his spot against the wall.

Simon nodded again, mumbling inaudible words to himself.

Magnus had never had the patience to sit down an entire session with Simon and Hodge, but he knew their defunct teammate had taken special care in training Simon as well as he could, because Simon had been the one who needed it the most out of them all.

“You’re Peter fucking Parker,” Simon said to himself. “You can do this.”

His whole body seemed driven by motivation as he jumped, gripping the rusty pipe with both his hands. Clenching his teeth with the effort, he hauled himself up, fitting three of his fingers in the hole, finding as much balance as he could with his feet slipping against the armoring coating of the wall.

“Why did we decide that I was Spiderman?” he growled, swinging his legs to drag his body towards the vent where the bomb was ticking.

“You decided,” Jace pointed out, lifting an eyebrow. “You’re the one who came up with all our aliases, remember?”

Simon huffed, and swung his body one last time. He let go a second too early and found himself landing heavily on the ground, grunting at the shock.

Magnus grimaced. There wasn’t much time left and Isabelle still had to figure out how to defuse the bomb from the laptop. If Magnus had faith in Simon’s abilities, he somehow had less of it when it came to Isabelle - or any of them for that matter - keeping a clear head in a stressful situation that involved a laptop. This was a task that had always relied on Simon and no one else.

Without wasting another second, Simon went back to the start, his feet hanging in the air as he grabbed the rusty pipe with both hands, and quickly let go of one to hold on to the tiny hole in the wall.

He squinted his eyes, inhaling deeply. “Nice and easy,” he murmured to himself, but the words echoed in the otherwise silent room. “Like Hodge said.”

Magnus gulped, forcing himself not to ponder on the fact that they all might end up like Hodge soon, decimated to the very last of them. There was already too much to worry about.

Alec had disappeared behind the glass, and as much as he had tried not to think about it, he couldn’t shake away the utter terror that had taken over him. He knew, rationally, that it was all part of Sebastian’s sick game but what if Magnus had taken too long? What if shooting himself hadn’t been enough to stop the oxygen penury in Alec’s cell? What if the damages had already been done, and Magnus’ foolish act of bravery had been in vain?

“Hey,” Luke murmured next to him, still carefully holding Jace’s t-shirt over his wound, “you okay?”

Magnus blinked out of his torpor, just in time to see Simon haul himself up into the vent, the tip of his toes resting over the rusty pipe for some kind of balance.

“Alec,” Magnus muttered in lieu of an answer. “I- Is he okay?”

Luke’s features pulled into a frown, but there was sympathy in his eyes. “We have to believe he is,” he said. “As long as we don’t have proof of the contrary, let’s assume he is okay.”

Magnus nodded faintly, urging away the voice in his head that swore on the contrary.

.

“Magnus.”

It was nothing but a fractured whisper, the only thing his broken voice allowed now, drained by his desperate screams.

He had thought having to watch his team going through the different trials and hurting themselves for his sake and their own was the worst thing he had gone through, but not knowing was worse.

Even more so now that his mind had somehow recovered and he could recall that the last time he had seen Magnus through the glass, he had been about to shoot himself.

Heaving, Alec rested his head against the glass, but it was still stubbornly black, and he couldn’t see a thing.

“Magnus,” he whispered again, the word rolling on his tongue with the reverence he reserved solely for him.

“Do you remember when we met?” Sebastian asked, oblivious to Alec’s torment.

Alec balled his fists, digging his nails in his palms.

He didn’t think it was possible to want to punch a voice, but Sebastian had a way of making that kind of thing happen.

“Where’s Magnus?” he demanded in lieu of an answer. “Turn on the screens.”

“Do you remember when we met?” Sebastian asked again, and it was obvious in his tone that he wouldn’t respond to Alec’s question.

“Yes, I do,” he growled. “You killed Hodge. It’s kind of a memorable event to me.”

Sebastian chuckled, as if Alec had told him a joke that only deserved dismissal. “That’s not when we met.”

Alec frowned, but his gaze didn’t waver from the glass. “We had never even met you before the rooftop.”

“Oh, but we did,” Sebastian all but purred. “The sun was rising, remember?”

“Right. The Van Gogh painting.” Alec sighed, and tipped his head up to look straight into the camera. “You stole it and replaced it with a copy.”

“Curious, how fate brought you all in my path, right?” Sebastian said.

Alec’s eyes darted to the screens, but they refused to switch on no matter how much he glared at them.

“You were in the house when he broke in,” Alec stated, and it wasn’t a question. “I remember the window on the first floor was open.”

Sebastian hummed in approval. “Valentine had distracted my father for the weekend so I could break in and steal the painting. Imagine my surprise when I heard you do the same just as I was about to disable the security system. I just had the time to hide; it was all very exciting.”

“Good for you,” Alec deadpanned. “Show me my team.”

“Your team?” Sebastian echoed. “Your team seems to be doing just fine without you, Alec. Seems like they might not need a leader after all. But fine. If it can help you understand, look for yourself.”

Just like that, the lights switched back on and Alec’s breath caught in his throat as he laid his hand over the glass.

Magnus was huddled in a corner of the room, his handsome features contorted with pain, Luke hovering next to him, pressing a bloody cloth against his shoulder. Clary was standing next to them, and despite the ache on her own face, there was mostly concern for Magnus there.

On the other side of the room, Jace was standing shirtless next to Izzy who sat behind a laptop, and Alec had to crane his neck to catch sight of Simon, or rather his feet, which were hanging over a pipe, his upper body fitted in the vent in the wall where they all knew Sebastian’s makeshift bomb had been placed.

“Go down slowly,” Jace instructed. “I’ll catch you.”

“No, you won’t,” Sebastian retorted. “Unless you want your brother to coincidentally start lacking of oxygen again.”

“I can do it,” Simon immediately interjected.

Slowly, he eased himself out of the vent, until the bomb was at the very edge of it and he was contorted in a position that couldn’t possibly be comfortable.

“Okay,” Simon murmured to himself, sliding down the wall until his feet were hanging in the air, about twenty inches over the ground. “Okay. Nice and easy. Let’s not drop the bomb, Lewis.”

“We’d be grateful,” Luke agreed, not unkindly.

Slowly, Simon eased himself down and jumped, landing on his feet under the gasps of anticipation of the rest of the team. His eyes darted over them, an eyebrow raised in defiance.

“See? I can be badass too.”

Magnus snorted, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips through the mask of pain his face had become.

Alec inhaled deeply, forcing himself not to let his mind wander to the last time Magnus had been shot and he had been lying on the ground in Valentine’s manor, slowly bleeding out as Alec could do nothing but sit next to him, powerless to stop it.

“Okay, my turn,” Isabelle said, rubbing her hands together. “So…” she trailed off, grimacing a little. Her eyes drifted to Simon as he made the necessary connections to plug the bomb to the laptop. Isabelle’s gaze never wavered away from the laptop in front of her.

The screen shifted to a series of random letters and numbers.

“This is ridiculous!” Alec exclaimed, darting a quick glance over his shoulder at the camera in the corner. “Stop this! What if she can’t do it?”

Sebastian chuckled. “Well, I guess we’re dead then.”

The digital numbers on the bomb showed a bit over seven minutes.

Alec frowned, his attention drifting away from the team for a moment so he could properly settle his gaze on the camera.

“We?” he murmured under his breath.

.

Somehow, pain had sharpened Magnus’ senses instead of numbing them. He was all too aware of his surroundings, of Luke hovering above him with a concerned frown on his face, of Clary standing at their side sporting the same expression despite her own pain, her broken hand huddled against her chest, of Jace pacing back and forth as Isabelle tried to find a solution to disable the bomb without having to ask Simon for help.

Of the risks such an act could lead to.

Of the glass behind which he still hoped Alec was standing, breathing and alive.

If he focused on all of these with enough verve, Magnus could forego the pain in his shoulder and the metallic smell of blood that made him want to gag.

Behind the laptop, Isabelle was staring at the screen, fingers on the keyboard unmoving, her gaze squirming over the letters and numbers.

“Izzy,” Magnus called, his voice stronger than he had expected it to be. “Now is the time to admit you actually listen to Simon when he blabbers about programming.”

“Of course I do,” Isabelle exclaimed, a hint of panic in her tone. “I listen to all of you when you blabber in case I can use anything for future blackmail purposes. That’s how I know Jace accidentally fed the Chairman some banana the other day.”

“Really?” Magnus hissed, narrowing his eyes on Jace, who lifted both arms in defense.

“I was waiting for Alec who was taking forever in the shower and your cat jumped on my lap and made me drop my banana and he was already munching on it before I could pick it up!”

“Alec spends so much time in the shower sometimes I’m afraid Magnus’ apartment might get _flooded_ ,” Simon remarked, earning two questioning looks in answer.

“Thank you,” Isabelle said with a smirk, swirling on her chair to face the laptop again.

“You’re welcome,” Simon retorted with a matching smile.

“I should have known,” Isabelle continued. “The paintings on the doors all had something to do with floods.” She sucked in a sharp breath, laying her fingers on the keyboard. “Okay, flooding is like overflowing,” she recited under her breath, clearly repeating words Simon had told her himself. Magnus could almost picture the exact moment she found the solution. Her eyes widened and her brows furrowed with determination. “I need to saturate the bomb’s system.”

It took longer than it would have if Simon had done it, but clearly, Isabelle had been through a few private lessons because she barely hesitated, her fingers typing on the keyboard at a pace that could almost rival her boyfriend’s.

For a couple of minutes, this was all that was left, the sound of Isabelle typing and the ticking of the bomb, the red digits passing before their eyes almost tauntingly. It was enough for Magnus to forget about the pain and have it surrender to the rising panic in his chest.

They couldn’t die now, not after everything they had done, not when the last time he had seen Alec, he had been suffocating from lack of oxygen.

Then, Isabelle froze, and everyone in the room with her. “I think I’m done,” she murmured, her index hovering above the enter key. “If I did something wrong, we might blow up as soon as I press this key.”

“We’ll die if you don’t press it, too,” Jace pointed out, with a casual shrug that contrasted drastically with the gravity of the situation. “Just do it, sis. We all know you can. And if we die, we die.”

“I don’t think you realize how permanent death is,” Simon commented, but his gaze was fixed on Isabelle, and when she seeked support there, she found it, for she nodded to herself and slammed her finger on the key.

For a few agonizing seconds, the bomb kept ticking, and Magnus held his breath.

And then, the digital numbers started flickering and the ticking ceased, and the screen froze on the time they had left. 3:14.

They didn’t have the time to savour their victory, however.

“Well done,” Sebastian cheered, clapping in the speaker. Magnus darted a look at the gun lying on the ground next to him, wondering if he couldn’t just empty the magazine in the cameras and the speaker, so they wouldn’t have to listen to his drawling, mocking voice anymore. “You passed the six trials. I underestimated you.”

“Did we win the right to punch you in the face?” Jace asked with an innocent smile. “I’m willing to take that one for the team.”

“Oh, but you haven’t won,” Sebastian chuckled. “Not yet. There’s still one last trial.”

Magnus frowned, pushing on his good arm to get to his feet.

They all had been through a trial. They had all proven to Sebastian that the roles he had restricted them to were just a scrap of who they really were and who they could be, as a team and individually.

All of them, but one.

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed out.

“Bravo!” Sebastian exclaimed, rolling the word on his tongue. “I knew I could count on you to think fast, Magnus. So, unless you voted him out of the team, he has a trial to go through as well.”

“That’s enough,” Luke boomed, his grave voice echoing against the walls. “Let us go now.”

“That’s not up to me anymore,” Sebastian said, and the glass wall flickered again, showing Alec standing on the other side, leaning against it.

Magnus was in front of it in a second, reaching a hand towards him automatically. “Can you see me?”

Alec’s eyes drifted over his features and he nodded, before pointing at Magnus’ injury, brows creased in concern.

“I’m okay,” Magnus said. “It’s just a scratch.”

Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You’re impossible,” he mouthed, but there was no mistaking the fond spark in his gaze.

“But in a good way, right?” Magnus retorted, refusing to let the sobs pushing in his throat come out.

Alec smiled, a small, reassuring smile that was too painted with fatalism to alleviate the worry in Magnus’ stomach.

Magnus had no idea what, but something happened on the other side, for Alec startled and swirled around, his shoulders tugging into a tensed line.

“Alec,” Magnus called out, but he didn’t seem to hear him. “Alexander, what’s going on?”

“Well, it is time for the seventh trial,” Sebastian announced. “Pick up the gun.”

Blinking, Magnus almost moved to do it before he realized he wasn’t the one Sebastian had talked to. Alec seemed to hesitate but he walked to the wall to his right, and Magnus caught sight of what he had missed before. A compartment had popped out of the wall and surely enough, when Alec slipped his hand and grabbed the gun inside, it slid back shut.

Magnus frowned.

“I like to call this trial Atonement,” Sebastian declared. “You can’t cheat death forever, Alexander. And you can’t have someone taking the bullets for you every time.”

Alec’s gaze hardened, and it was only because Magnus had learned to decipher every single one of his expressions that he could see the way his jaw flexed with both anger and hurt.

He had no doubt Sebastian had enjoyed torturing him with the guilt he felt for Hodge’s death, and the haunted spark in Alec’s eyes was further proof of it.

“Oh God,” Magnus whispered under his breath. “No. No, no, no, no, no.”

“What?” Isabelle blurted out, panic rising in her voice as Magnus stepped away from the glass to cast a desperate look around him, searching for any way out.

“We need to get to him,” Magnus rushed out, slamming his good shoulder against the door they had come through, but it refused to budge. So he tried again, and again, and again.

“Stop it! You’re going to hurt yourself,” Isabelle exclaimed, pushing him away from the door before he could keep going. “What’s going on?”

“Atonement!” Magnus yelled desperately, pointing a finger at the glass wall. “What do you think Sebastian would make him atone for?”

Isabelle’s eyes broadened with understanding. “Hodge.”

“You did a good job disabling the bomb,” Sebastian said, nothing but amusement in his tone. “But what’s a bomb without a detonator? I happen to have one here with me. And there’s only one way for me not to press that button.”

Magnus watched as realization crossed on Alec’s features.

“Your choice, Alexander,” Sebastian all but purred. “You had that choice before, remember? Hodge isn’t here to make it for you now.”

Magnus’ heart slammed against his ribcage, and the tears he had been containing dripped freely down his cheeks.

“I can press the detonator and you can watch the time your team has left unthread on the bomb until they blow up,” Sebastian continued. “Or you can do what you should have done from the start and die.”

Magnus marched to the glass wall, bashing his fist against the glass. “Alexander!” he shouted. “No!”

Alec darted his eyes to him, sucking in a sharp breath.

For a while, he just stared at him, unmoving except for his chest rising up and down with heavy breaths.

There was too much in that gaze, words Magnus didn’t want to read, praises he refused to hear, confessions he didn’t have the strength to return.

There was resignation, too, and the sense of sacrifice Magnus had grown to hate as much as he admired.

“I love you,” Alec mouthed, tears brimming in his eyes.

“No!” Magnus yelled. “Don’t you dare do it, you bastard. I will never forgive you, you hear me? Don’t do it! We’ll find another way!”

“So, what will it be?” Sebastian asked, purposely ignoring Magnus’ vain attempts. “Their lives, or yours?”

Alec raised the gun against his temple.

.

Alec inhaled deeply, purposely looking away from the glass wall and into the camera.

“Let them go first,” he demanded. “Let them go and I’ll do it.”

“There’s nothing telling me you will once they’re free,” Sebastian said.

Alec threw him a pointed glare through the camera. “I’m locked up here,” he argued. “Even if I don’t do it, you can end me yourself. And we both know I’d be better off with a bullet in my brain than between your hands. Let them go, and I’ll do it.”

For a while, there was only silence, and Alec wondered if Sebastian had shut off the communication between them, until he heaved out a deep sigh.

“You spoil all the fun,” he groaned. “Fine. But that’s only because I have a front seat to watch you blow your head off.”

“Let them go,” Alec repeated.

“They’re free to go,” Sebastian replied pointedly.

Alec lifted an eyebrow, only to see a door had opened in the room next to his, but his teammates hadn’t moved an inch.

“Get out of here!” he told them.

Magnus slammed his palm against the glass again. “Don’t you fucking dare!” he blurted out, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t care if I die. Don’t do it!”

Alec pursed his lips, lowering the gun for a moment so he could face them. Behind Magnus, the rest of his team was crying too, and Alec set his eyes on his brother.

“Get them out of here!” he exclaimed, but Jace shook his head, a vocal refusal seemingly stuck in his throat. “I’m going to do it,” Alec said, “you need to leave.”

Again, no movements.

Alec shut his eyes tightly, blowing out a deep sigh. “Can they hear me?” he asked weakly. “I need them to hear me.”

“Now they can,” Sebastian said, but there wasn’t an ounce of sympathy in his voice.

“Get out of here,” Alec said again, more calmly. “I’m going to do this and you need to leave.”

“No,” Magnus snapped. “You’re not going to do it or I’ll bring you back from the dead to kill you myself!”

Alec scoffed, stepping forward to get closer, although he refrained from resting his palm against the glass this time. There was no point to it if he wasn’t going to feel Magnus’ skin against his own one last time. It would only hurt more.

“Babe,” he said softly, “there’s hardly a choice to make. My life means very little to me if I can save all of yours for its price.”

“Well, your life means a lot to me!” Magnus retorted heatedly. “To all of us!”

“I know,” Alec murmured. “I know, babe. But it’s either that or we all die anyway.”

“Maybe he’s bluffing!” Magnus exclaimed, despair edging his every word. “How the hell do we know it’s a real bomb?”

Alec lifted a dubious eyebrow. “Magnus, we all know he’s not,” he sighed. “We’ve seen what he’s capable of.”

“Alexa-”

“I love you,” Alec cut in, his voice trembling slightly. “I love you so, _so_ much. But I need you to leave now. I need you to get out of here and not turn back.”

“No,” Magnus choked out, determination etched on his features in an inflexible frown.

Alec lowered his gaze and braced himself with a deep breath, curbing his own tears in. When he glanced up again, his eyes found his siblings, who were both crying silently, a step behind Magnus.

“I love you both,” he murmured. “Tell Max I love him too. And tell Mom and Dad-” He paused, swallowing past the lump in his throat - “Tell Mom and Dad I forgive them.”

“Alec -” they breathed out in a same voice, but Alec cut them off with a sharp nod.

He found Luke’s gaze in everyone’s back. “Get them out of here,” he said, aware of the pleading edge of his voice and of his gaze as he drifted it to Simon and Clary. “Please.”

Alec shut his eyes, turning his back on them.

“Alexander!” Magnus called again. “No, Alexand- Luke, let go of me! No! Let me go! Alexander! Don’t do it! No!”

Tears spilled from his eyes, but Alec didn’t turn around.

He raised the gun again.

The barrel rested heavily against his temple, hammering against it with his frantic heartbeats.

They were supposed to all make it out alive, but Alec could die knowing he would be the only one.

The speakers had been turned off again, and there was nothing now but quiet surrounding him.

“They’re gone,” Sebastian said. “Now do it.”

Alec closed his eyes tightly, and the depth of Magnus’ brown eyes flashed beneath his lids.

“Forgive me, my love,” he thought, “and if it isn’t me, make sure you wake up next to someone who makes you happy from now on.”

Alec held his breath, tightening his hold on the gun, bracing himself as he pressed it harder again his own temple.

His finger trembled over the trigger.

.

“Let me go!” Magnus yelled, thrashing against Luke’s chest, motioning widely with the gun he had managed to grab in the commotion.

They were out of the room now, and they could see the way out, a wooden door at the end of a long corridor, opening into the hallway they had come through what seemed to be an eternity ago.

“I can’t let you go back in there,” Luke said, and he sounded as distraught as Magnus felt.

“I’m not asking for your opinion,” he growled. “If he dies, it’ll be because I’m already dead. I won’t let it happen any other way!”

“Magnus, you’re bleeding out!” Luke argued. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“Fuck that,” he fired back. He couldn’t even feel the pain in his shoulder anymore, his brain driven only by pure and overwhelming adrenaline.

The others were already out, and they were almost there too. With a twist of his hands, Magnus extricated himself from Luke’s grip and took a second to slam the door on their faces and lock it before he darted down the corridor.

He bolted to the door next to the one they had just exited. Alec had been in the room right next to them, it had to be the one. However, when he slammed his foot against it, the door remained firmly shut. Magnus groaned and took a step back, raising the gun to shoot at the lock, who blasted with the shock.

He kicked the door open, sending it flying against another wall, but he didn’t walk into Sebastian’s room of torture as he had expected. Instead, he was faced with another corridor and he barely repressed another frustrated growl.

His eyes flickered to a stream of light filtering through two cracks on the floor.

The first one wasn’t even a door, but a solid block of granite that seemed to have been melted into the wall, carved into a makeshift door. Magnus knew it wouldn’t budge, although he had a feeling that was where he would find Alec.

He moved to the other one instead, a proper door this time, and didn’t bother trying to force it open this time. He fired at the lock, and pushed it open with his good shoulder.

Only to freeze as soon as he had barged inside.

Sebastian was standing in front of him, brows furrowed in annoyance, a gun in his hand, aiming right at his skull.

Magnus ducked to avoid the bullet and fired his own gun, only to miss and find it had been his last ammunition.

“You really are a pain in the ass,” Sebastian sighed. “You’re gonna make me miss the show.”

Frowning, Magnus glanced at the direction he was pointed at with the hand that wasn’t threatening him.

It was another glass wall and behind it, Alec was standing tall on his feet, holding the gun against his temple.

“No,” Magnus murmured under his breath.

“Even better,” Sebastian purred, motioning for him to step forward. “Sit down and watch the show with me, Magnus. I want to see the devastation in your eyes when the walls are painted with your boyfriend’s brain.”

Magnus clenched his teeth, and before he could think about what he was doing, he leaped forward, tackling Sebastian to the ground. The gun flew out of his hand and Magnus kicked it away, rushing to grab the mic on the desk where Sebastian had sat.

“Alexander!” he yelled, watching as he immediately froze. “Don’t do it!”

This was all he had the time to yell before Sebastian grabbed his legs to tug him backwards.

Magnus landed with a shout, the pain in his shoulder awakening despite the adrenaline running through his veins.

He tried to get up, but a fist slammed against his cheekbone, disorienting him. He ducked before Sebastian could hit him again, retaliating with a vicious blow to his ribs. The smirk had been wiped off his face, giving room for pure and untamed rage, unleashing the true colors of the monster hiding underneath. Magnus knew it wasn’t a fight he could win.

He had lost too much blood already, and his injured shoulder didn’t allow him to use the full strength he usually could display in a fight. What he could do, however, was give Alec time.

With a growl, he slammed his knee in Sebastian’s face as he went to stand up and bolted forward to grab the mic again.

“There’s another glass -” he yelled, before he was dragged backwards again, albeit not quickly enough to miss the confusion on Alec’s features.

“Magnus!” he shouted. “Magnus!”

Magnus crashed against the ground one more time and Sebastian climbed on top of him, slamming a fist in his face again, while the fingers of his other one digged in the open wound on his shoulder.

A gush of pain jolted through his whole body, and Magnus howled, the agony such that his sight veiled with white spots.

“Magnus!” he heard Alec shout, but that was all he could distinguish through the pain.

Somehow, if it didn’t ease the pain lancing through his bones, it managed to alleviate the one in his chest.

.

“There’s another glass -”, followed by a growl and a howl of agony, and it was enough for Alec to feel the life he had prepared himself to abandon surge through him again.

“Magnus!” he shouted, his eyes darting everywhere around him to find a way out. “Magnus!” he yelled again when his shouts of pain stopped.

“Another glass,” Alec whispered to himself. “Another glass. Another glass.”

 _Well, I guess we’re dead then,_ Sebastian had said.

 _I have a front seat to watch you blow your head off_.

“Son of a bitch,” Alec hissed under his breath.

He turned around to face the wall from which the gun had popped out and squinted his eyes, finally spotting the discrete lines shaping a rectangle into the stone. He aimed at the top left corner and fired once to crack the glass and a second time to watch it collapse all together in a clatter of shattered shards.

Without a second thought, Alec jumped over the wall and into the adjacent room. He landed swiftly on the other side and immediately caught side of Sebastian straddling a barely conscious Magnus to the ground. He had stopped hitting him, taken aback by the commotion Alec had caused, and Alec took the opportunity to kick him off Magnus, and once more in the ribs.

Keeping his gun aimed straight at Sebastian, Alec walked over to Magnus.

“Babe, are you okay?” he asked, worry palpable in his voice.

Magnus grunted on the ground and rolled over to get on his hands and knees, spitting blood.

“I’m alive,” he said, for lack of a better answer.

His eyes never leaving Sebastian, gun aimed towards him, who was slowly standing, hands up on either side of his head, Alec crouched down to help Magnus to his feet.

Magnus crashed against him with a grunt, panting, barely able to keep himself upright. He inhaled deeply and patted Alec’s chest, in comfort, support and reassurance all at once, before stepping away to lean against the desk, smashing a laptop to the ground in the process.

Alec’s jaw flexed in anger, his eyes hardening on Sebastian.

“Oops,” Sebastian said, shrugging.

With an almost animalistic growl, Alec moved forward, slamming the barrel of gun against his cheekbone. Sebastian grunted in pain, his head jerking to the side, blood spurting from his face.

When he glanced back at him, Alec pushed the muzzle of the gun against his forehead, and paused.

“What is it?” Sebastian asked, and he had never looked more deranged, blood dripping down the side of his face, his hair a wild mess, and yet still the same demented spark in his eyes of steel. “Too weak to do it?”

Alec inhaled sharply through his nose, clenching his teeth with anger.

“Come on,” Sebastian purred. “You know you want to. I killed Hodge. I made your boyfriend shoot himself. I played with your team like pawns on a chessboard.”

“Shut up,” Alec growled, putting more pressure on his forehead, knowing it was already leaving a mark.

“You don’t have it in you,” Sebastian susurred, lifting a defiant eyebrow. “You know I was right earlier. We’re the same, you and I. Hodge taught you how to be the best version of yourself, just like Valentine helped me unleash my true potential by making me throw away those stupid pills that were meant to tame me. But I am untamable, Alexander. _We_ are untamable. You can’t kill me because I’m too much like you.”

“Shut up,” Alec hissed again, darting a quick look over his shoulder at Magnus, who stood silently behind him, his eyes speaking words Alec wondered if he was imagining.

_He’s lying._

When he glanced back at Sebastian, realization crossed his features.

“Oh,” he breathed out, his bloody face a mask of pure glee. “It’s not that you don’t have it in you,” he murmured tauntingly, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “You just don’t want to do it in front of him, do you? You don’t want him to see that ugly side of you.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Alec gritted out through clenched teeth, with more verve this time.

“The part of you that is more like me than you’re willing to admit it,” Sebastian went on nonetheless. “You’ve never killed anyone but you know you would love killing me, don’t you? Do it, Alexander. Traumatize him. Show him who you truly are. It’s a great feeling, I promise.”

“Alexander,” Magnus said, voice strained with pain, “I love you and that’s never going to change. Don’t listen to his bullshit.”

It was short and labored, but somehow it was enough to soothe the doubts Sebastian had managed to plant into his mind.

It was also enough for Sebastian to take advantage of Alec’s distraction and kick him in the shin. Alec grunted in pain but before he could react, Sebastian was launching forward, swinging his knee into his stomach.

Sebastian plucked the gun out of his hand in a swift motion, and then everything blurred.

Alec was just aware of Magnus coming from his side and launching himself at Sebastian and the two of them stumbling in their fight over the gaping hole the glass had left in the wall.

He heard their grunts as they collapsed to the ground on the other side, but he couldn’t see them.

He heard the gunshot.

It was a deafening explosion in those close quarters, like thunder ripping through the air, piercing and penetrating.

None of it was more deafening than the silence that followed.

There was no bomb ticking, no grunts of pain, no desperate call of his name.

The silence made his blood as cold as the wintery air that had crept through the woods when they had stepped out of the van. There was no wind to guide him now, no whispering noise or rustling of leaves.

There was only him, leaning against a wall, his heart hammering in his chest, and fear paralyzing him to his every bone.

“No,” Alec murmured to himself, pushing himself back to stand.

It couldn’t be Magnus. The bullet couldn’t have been for Magnus.

Not after everything they had been through. Not when Alec had only gotten him back.

His ears were ringing, his head swirling with a combination of pain and absolute terror, but Alec managed to stumble his way to the opening in the wall.

Sebastian and Magnus were laying side by side, but only one of their chests was moving up and down with laborious pants.

Alec’s whole body sagged in relief.

There was a red hole in Sebastian’s forehead, and a part of his skull had blasted with the impact. The devilish spark had vanished from his eyes. Instead, he was staring back at Alec, eyes hollow, one hand over his chest.

“Game over, asshole,” Magnus grunted, rolling on his injured shoulder to push himself in a sitting position.

Heart pounding in his chest, Alec eased himself over the wall and fell on his knees beside Magnus. They collapsed against each other, Alec’s head buried in his neck, breathing the familiar smell of him and the foreign one of sweat and blood mixing with his own tears.

“It’s over,” Magnus murmured, dropping the gun still in his hand on the floor. “It’s over.”

Alec nodded against his neck, feeling Magnus’ heartbeats pulsing against his forehead.

“We need to get you to an hospital,” he mumbled as he drew back reluctantly.

“You too,” Magnus retorted. “You have a nasty cut on your cheek and on your forehead and you almost died I don’t know how many times and-”

“Yeah,” Alec said, pressing a kiss to his lips, and another. “We’re -” he cut himself off with a kiss - “alive. That’s all - that matters.”

Magnus nodded, sliding a hand at the nape of his neck to pull him back against him, kissing him with the same desperation and relief Alec was feeling, breathing him in, feeling his skin against his palm.

“Come on,” Alec whispered when Magnus pulled back, eyes still shut as he failed to take in all the overwhelming emotions at once.

They helped each other up, and Alec stumbled to the other side of the wall, grabbing Magnus’ waist to help him when he went to do the same.

They huddled against one another, for support, or only to feel each other close, the warmth of their body and soul entwining together - _alive_. Magnus guided them through the house and outside.

They ignored their friends’ cries of relief - and fear, and anger at their reckless selflessness - and collapsed onto the ground. The sirens of an ambulance could already be heard, mixing with the flashing lights of the backup Maia had certainly called for.

Alec didn’t pay them any attention.

Soil crammed on his clothes, already stained with blood, as he crawled down to Magnus, curling up against him.

“I love you,” he murmured.

Magnus’ voice was barely a whisper. “I love you, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you too, my boys <3 :")
> 
> This journey is almost over, my cupcakes. I'm emo.
> 
> You can yell at me on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit).
> 
>  
> 
> All the love,  
> Lu. ❤


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello cupcakes,
> 
> This is the last chapter.  
> I'm totally not crying.  
> Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaa.
> 
> Ok bye.
> 
> Ps: #lecrit to live-tweet one last time.

Bright lights sipped through Magnus’ closed eyelids as he woke up, his senses overwhelmed by the stark smell of anesthetics. Slowly, he blinked them open, studying his surroundings.

He was laying down in a hospital bed, that much was clear. A monitor beeped at his side, punctuating the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. The ceiling was a bright white, as were the walls, and everything was pristine clean around him.

The thought of this being another one of Sebastian’s sick games paralyzed him with fear, but it was quickly pushed away by what he knew to be real.

Sebastian was dead. Magnus had pulled the trigger himself.

He remembered pushing him through the hole in the wall to save Alec and landing on his injured shoulder with a grunt of pain. The rush of adrenaline running through his body had been stronger, however, and he had quickly pushed past the lancing in his shoulder to crawl to the gun that had fallen to the ground in the struggle.

He hadn’t even hesitated. He had picked up the gun, had felt Sebastian’s hand tugging at his clothes to stop him - or hurt him some more, but they would never know now - and he had swirled around, shooting him in the head before he could think about what he was doing.

There had been no guilt, not even as blood had splurted out of his skull to scatter on the floor, some of it landing on Magnus’ face. There had been no fear either, not for himself at least, just a cry for survival that could only end with Sebastian dead. Magnus had done what needed to be done, to protect Alec, and himself, and everyone he had ever cared about in his life.

There could be no regret or guilt from something like that.

He squinted his eyes to adjust them to the bright lights, Sebastian’s smirk dying with his last breath hetched in his mind.

He remembered kissing Alec, and collapsing as soon as they had made their way outside the house, the distant calls of their friends fainting into nothingness.

And there he was now, his body numbed by painkillers, his brain struggling to focus on his surroundings, but alive.

Alive, and victorious.

It was over. Finally over.

Something stirred next to him, and Magnus blinked out of his daze, urging away the mist enveloping him as he turned his head to the side.

There were very few things in Magnus’ perception of the world that could rival to the sight of Alec waking up in the morning - or the afternoon, he had honestly not a clue about what time it is, or even how long had past since they had been stuck to be pawns on Sebastian’s board. His disheveled hair was a mess, falling on his forehead, and as his eyes fluttered open, the green shone with the sun pouring through the window, almost suppressing the brown.

He smiled a tired smile as his gaze laid on Magnus, his whole body relaxing at once.

“Good morning,” he murmured in a husky voice.

Magnus couldn’t find the strength to respond, overwhelmed by the knowledge that this was the man he would wake up to for as long as he would have him. It pulled at his heart strings in the most pleasant way, filling the very core of his soul with warmth.

Their hospital beds had been pushed together and Magnus had no doubt it was Isabelle’s doing. He made a mental note of showering her in presents as he shuffled closer to Alec, curling his fingers around his biceps to tug him closer gently, folding their lips together.

Alec hummed against his mouth, bringing his hand up to cup Magnus’ neck, this thumb brushing against his jaw line.

Magnus pulled back, resting their foreheads together.

Alec’s cheek was maimed with a reddish scar, and he brushed it with his thumb, brows furrowed together.

“Are you okay?” he murmured.

Nothing else really mattered. Nothing else had really mattered in a long time.

Alec nodded scarcely. “I had something called neuropathy because of the electric shocks and my blood pressure was very low but the doctors gave me a treatment and only my hands feel numb now,” he said, in a soft tone that was only meant to keep Magnus from worrying too much. “Got a broken rib, too, but it was one that had already been broken before so it’s old news. Your man is invincible, babe.”

Magnus scoffed, leaning in to peck his lips. “You’re impossible.”

“Hey,” Alec protested faintly, smiling against his mouth, “that’s my line.”

Magnus chuckled, feeling lighter than he had in what seemed to be years. “Oh, yeah?” he muttered teasingly. “What are you going to do about it?”

The spark in Alec’s eyes was light and carefree, untarnished by the burden it had held in the past months. It was almost innocent, in the rare way only people who had been through hell and back and still managed to see good in the deranged world they lived in could carry.

He closed the distance between them and kissed Magnus again.

And all was well. All was light.

There was no more darkness threatening to engulf them whole.

Magnus had never felt more free.

.

There was an eerie aura to the villa in December.

It wasn’t cold, not like New York could be cold, but it seemed like time had frozen to wait for the sunny days to come back.

Sitting on the patio was another experience entirely than it had been in the peak of summer. Still, the echo of the waves crashing against the shore lulled Alec into a sense of peace he knew wasn’t manufactured by his brain. It was true, the way it hadn’t been in too long.

Two weeks had passed since Sebastian had died, and their lives had been quiet enough for Alec to believe he could become used to it, again.

He knew, without the ounce of a doubt, that it was ephemeral, and perhaps the product of his wishful hope rather than an implemented truth. But for now, it was real.

He knew there were days ahead for both Magnus and him when their heads just wouldn’t work. They would try hard to focus on the good things but it would be like running through water. Their minds would get filled with the mist of the nightmares they have lived and endured and their thoughts would go nowhere at all but to the bad memories that would plagued their nights for a long time.

There were still too many things around that could trigger their trauma: an impetuous movement, a turn of phrase, the ticking of a clock. A change in the wind was enough to take Alec back to that night on the rooftop, and to the heartbreak that had resulted from the decisions he had made.

But now was not the time for that.

That would come later, and they would face it together this time, because both Alec and Magnus knew now that it was how they were stronger.

Now was a time of clarity, and Alec revelled in the pride that they had managed to push the darkness away.

He could see clearly now, and feel every feeling that had been washed down by his grief. They wrapped around him, pushing away the bad memories and providing a protection against the confusion, the blocks and the flashbacks, anything to prevent his mind from withering away again.

It all found a home in his love for Magnus.

 _There will be a future,_ the wind murmured in his ears, and Alec believed it because the wind spoke with Hodge’s voice, and Hodge had never lied to him.

It would keep him living, breathing, loving and each day would be another step toward that common goal, toward that happiness they would build together.

Life could come after them again, throw whatever obstacles it wanted to.

They were ready for all of them, and they would find the light at the end of every struggle and hardship.

There would be a future, and Alec was ready for it.

.

“Guys?”

Alec opened his eyes with a grunt, missing the feeling of Magnus’ fingers carding through his hair as soon as they were gone, but didn’t move to get up, craning his neck to dart a look at Maia, who was standing by the couch with Luke, hands on her hips.

“Can I interrupt your honeymoon for five minutes?” she asked, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “I need to talk to you.”

“Do I have to move?” Alec mumbled grudgingly, but he sat up anyway, grabbing Magnus’ book from his hands when he handed it to him to put it aside.

Maia scoffed, but there was no mistaking the fond spark in her eyes. She sat down on the coffee table to face them, Luke taking the armchair at her side.

“We’re done going through Sebastian’s house,” she said. Alec tensed at once and felt Magnus do the same. “You weren’t the first ones to go through his sick games,” she explained carefully, taking in their stiffened stances. “We found seven bodies in the backyard. We’re not done identifying them yet but the two we have identified so far were people who did business with Valentine and probably rubbed him the wrong way. We found the Van Gogh painting, too. It’s in the hands of the government.”

Magnus nodded gingerly, pursing his lips together. “Maureen?”

“We arrested her,” Maia said sternly, hooking her fingers together over her lap. “She admitted she helped Sebastian fake his own death. She said he was the love of her life and his relationship with Cecilia was nothing like what they had, which is why he contacted her again after Cecilia was killed on the rooftop. She was clearly as insane as the patients she was supposed to heal for years.”

Alec hummed absently. “Straight people,” he sighed, and Magnus snorted at his side, but nodded in agreement.

“We found a few copies of other paintings, too,” Maia continued, a smile easily readable in her dark eyes. “The real ones are going back to their owners or to the museums they had been stolen from. Sebastian was our counterfeiter all along.”

Maia let a silence settle between them, giving them some time to take everything in. Then, she cleared his throat, sliding a hand in the front pocket of his jacket.

“I found something else while searching the house,” she said, an ounce of hesitation in her gaze. “Let’s just say it accidentally fell in my pocket. Now it’s accidentally falling in your hand, got it?”

There was a grave spark in her eyes, something unapologetic and firm all at once and Alec nodded, although he had no doubt confusion was written plainly on his features.

He held a hand out nonetheless, and his eyes widened as Maia slipped something out of her pocket to put it in his hand. Magnus gasped quietly.

“This is the last time we talk about this, you hear me?” she said, albeit not unkindly.

There was a fierceness in her eyes, and a deep-rooted respect that made Alec smile and give her the same look.

Lost for words, he nodded again, and barely waved at her when she stood up to leave, Luke on her heels.

Magnus rested his head against Alec’s shoulder, his fingers dancing lightly against his biceps. Alec relaxed minutely, turning his head to drop a soft kiss in his hair, before glancing back down at his hand.

The ruby shone in the glare of the afternoon sunlight pouring through the window.

“It looks like we’re going back to Vegas, aren’t we?” he murmured.

Magnus nodded, his hair tickling Alec’s cheek.

“Time for ends to meet, my love.”

.

The last time Magnus had been locked in a bathroom in Las Vegas, he had also been standing in front of the mirror, watching the fresh bullet-scar on his stomach. Now, it had faded to a light pink, the skin still softer to the touch than it had been.

The scar on his shoulder was new, a shade darker, and as the pad of his thumb smoothed over the streak, Magnus felt its freshness beneath his fingertips.

He fought the nervous swirls that braided in his chest, urging him to hide it to the naked eye. Underneath the damaged skin, there was his internal anguish, the obstacles he had faced and survived, the promise of better days to come.

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice sipped through the wood.

Magnus moved to unlock the door, but didn’t open it, and it took only a few seconds for Alec’s head to peek inside.

“I couldn’t hear you move,” he said, face painting with concern. “Are you okay?”

Magnus smiled at him through the mirror, a small and scarce thing, fragile but strong all at once, and Alec smiled back the same, slipping inside.

Magnus turned to face him, and was struck by a memory, Alec standing in front of him what seemed to be an eternity ago, begging with his eyes for Magnus to let himself be taken care of. The reverent care he had applied in changing the bandage on Magnus’ stomach wound, and how scary it had all seemed back then, to expose his scars to the man he knew he loved and yet couldn’t bring himself to fully abandon himself to.

So much had changed since then.

“Help me get dressed?” Magnus asked, tilting his head to the side.

A small frown pulled Alec’s brows together.

“You know you don’t have to hide from me, right?” he said, his voice rough and husky like it was only when it was reserved solely for Magnus’ ears. “I love you. All of you.”

There was no hesitation in his words, no unspoken condition, no question left to ask.

They came from his soul, building a bridge to Magnus’ own. They were a promise and a truth, all at once. They were better medicine than everything else Magnus could have tried to heal. They were shameless, unapologetic and infinite.

“I love you, too,” Magnus murmured, and the words were just as powerful in his mouth.

They were real, invincible to the way the human heart could wear thin with time, and untamable.

They were the beauty under the damage, the spirit freed from its cage, the life surging out to claim what it had always been meant to possess.

“I’ve suffered long and hard to be who I am,” Magnus said, laying a hand over Alec’s heart. “I don’t want to hide my scars. I don’t want to hide at all, not from the world, not from you. Never from you.”

Alec cupped his face between his hands, hazel eyes boring straight into his own. “You never have to,” he murmured, and closed the distance between them to kiss him.

There was a certain glory in abandoning yourself to someone else, in surrendering the pointless search for power and laying down the need to defend your heart.

Magnus was safe. Here in Alec’s arms, love was all the power he needed, all the strength he had seeked pouring through their bodies folding together.

Love was freedom, never threatening, never possessive, never controlling. It was kind, reinvigorating and passionate.

Even as they crashed in bed, Magnus beneath Alec, he had no qualms or fear in losing himself to the sensations and let himself _feel_.

Alec’s hands and mouth drifted on him, worshipping him mind, body and soul.

Magnus was beautiful to Alec’s eyes, so Magnus was beautiful to himself and to the world. There was no other truth than this.

He forgot about his scars, about the trauma that would certainly keep waking him at night for years to come, about the fear of losing the ones he loved that still paralyzed his every bone sometimes.

Alec’s lips wrapped around him, and Magnus forgot about everything but him, fingers carding through his hair as a moan escaped him. There was a smile in Alec’s eyes when Magnus glanced down, but he didn’t pause, his fingers brushing against the scar on Magnus’ stomach.

Magnus went to prop himself up on his elbows but a strong hand against his chest stopped him, forcing him back against the mattress and he all but whined, the sound turning wanton, breaking in his throat as Alec chuckled around him.

Magnus gripped harder against his hair in retaliation, his other hand flailing in the air pointless before it settled on the mattress, grasping the sheets in a tight grip.

“I missed you,” he muttered, his breath coming out in laborious pants. “I missed you so much.”

Alec drew back, lips drifting to Magnus’ hipbones, mapping a path up to his chest and to his neck, teeth brushing against the tensed skin.

“I missed you too,” he whispered. “Don’t ever leave me again.”

It was a request more than a demand, one Magnus was more than happy to comply to.

“Never,” he promised, and there was nothing in the world that could have made it a lie. “I love you.”

Alec’s breath was warm against his ear. “I love you, too.”

Was there more than that in the world?

Magnus’ fingers glided in Alec’s hair once more, guiding their mouths together. Lust pooled in his stomach, and he made a quick job of getting rid of Alec’s clothes, throwing them carelessly out of the way, driven only by the need to kiss, and hold, and touch.

Only remained the chain around Alec’s neck and the ring Magnus had given him all those months ago hanging over his chest, glimmering with the morning lights pouring through the window.

Magnus brushed trembling fingers over the jewel, his breath hitching in his throat, and Alec gave him a small, almost bashful smile, pressing a kiss to his forehead, to his eyelid, to his cheek, and all the way down until their mouths folded together again in a kiss that spoke what words couldn’t.

Pushing his hips off the bed, Magnus rolled Alec on his back, straddling his legs with a mischievous smirk, his hands on each side of his head.

Alec chuckled, his eyes brimming with unabashed joy, hand dropping on the pillow as he stared up at Magnus, hazel drifting over his face.

“I need you,” he murmured, his husky voice kindling a fire in the pit of Magnus’ stomach.

It poured into him, seared his insides and guided every of his movements as he descended on Alec, their mouth finding each other again.

The rest was slow. For now, Magnus felt like he had all the time in the world, and he knew Alec did too. In each other’s arms, time stopped - always - respecting the fact that sometimes love knew no bound of time or space.

If Magnus lost his mind through the passion, it was because he gave it up willingly. There was Alec and him and their heartbeats rummaging a melody known to them only, and the blood pounding in their veins with the force of their devotion.

There was the rediscovery of being buried inside Alec, their bodies melted together, skin against skin, their hands hooked together over Alec’s head, their moans muffled by their mouths who still refused to part, their breathing changing and meddling with every thrust.

There was no pretence to hold, no need for the mask they had learned to show the world.

Magnus couldn’t articulate the words that his heart screamed to his soul, but he knew Alec had heard them nonetheless, for they were mirrored in his eyes.

With a desperate gasp, Alec arched against him as Magnus’ fingers closed around him, and the two of them lost themselves in pleasure until it undid them completely and they reached their climax one after the other, Magnus collapsing against him with a groan.

Alec chuckled and dropped a kiss in his hair, but he didn’t move until Magnus moved first, shifting to settle more comfortably on top of him, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting his head on Alec’s shoulder.

They gathered their breaths together and Magnus extended a hand to grab the towel he had been wearing and that had quickly been discarded, wiping Alec’s stomach and thighs reverently before he settled back against him.

The silence was peaceful, the two of them wrapped up in a quiet bubble of their own, arms and legs tangled together, and Magnus didn’t think there was anything in the world more perfect for him to chase.

He wasn’t perfect. Neither was Alec, and the two of them would never be. But no one else could bring Magnus peace the way Alec did, and no one else could challenge him, make him laugh and question himself, make him admit his weakness and feel stronger for it. No one else had ever be willing to look at Magnus, _truly_ look at Magnus, and give a part of himself freely, without ever thinking twice or asking back for it. No one else had ever accepted him fully, with all his pain, all his suffering, and all his redeeming qualities. No one else had ever made him smile the way Alec did.

They were not perfect, but such things didn’t exist in the messy world they lived in. If Magnus knew one thing with absolute certainty, however, it was that Alec was perfect for him.

“Marry me,” he breathed out.

There was honest delight in Alec’s laughter, his eyes crinkling in the corner. “I had forgotten how sappy you can get after an orgasm,” he muttered teasingly, nuzzling against Magnus’ temple. “But that’s a whole new level. I must have done something right.”

Magnus smacked his chest playfully. “I was serious.”

The smile swept away from Alec’s features. It had seemed invulnerable barely seconds ago. Now there was a rawness to his gaze, exposing his heart bare for Magnus to take.

“You were?” he asked, his eyes broadening with shock.

Magnus stared at him in silence for a while, studying the genuine surprise on his face, meddling with the happily sated look he always sported after sex, and the love that lied underneath at all times.

“I was,” Magnus said, reaching out to trail his finger over the scar on his cheek. “Marry me.”

Alec lifted an eyebrow, leaning into his touch. “Right now?”

Magnus chuckled, the sound surprising to his own ears, and shrugged.

“Not necessarily,” he said, leveling him with a look as full as honesty as he could summon. “I want to marry you someday. I’m not saying right now, or even this year. I’m saying whenever you want to, I’d like to marry you, because after everything we’ve been through, there is nothing I know with more certainty than this: I love you, Alexander. I love you now, and I’ll love you in fifty years still. I have no doubt of that, and I know you don’t either. So I’m asking you now but there is no peremption date to it. It’s up to you to -”

Alec shut him up with a kiss, slamming his mouth against Magnus’, and Magnus gasped in surprise, but quickly recovered, sliding his arms around his shoulders and his fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck.

He mumbled something inaudible and Magnus chuckled, pulling back gently, resting their foreheads together.

“I didn’t quite catch that, my love,” he said, unable to stop grinning, his heart fluttering in his chest.

“I said,” Alec muttered, dropping another quick peck to his mouth, “let’s do it right now.”

Magnus’ eyes widened, his lips parting open. “W-What?”

“We’re in Vegas, Magnus,” Alec said matter-of-factly, his fingers drifting on the naked skin of his back. “That damn ruby is sold. Why wait? Who knows what will happen to us tomorrow? I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I’m always scared of losing you, but I can promise you I am not afraid of spending every day of the rest of my life with you. So it can happen today, or tomorrow, or in ten years but if we’re both certain, we might as well do it right now.”

Magnus had never truly felt like a lucky person.

There had been too much misery in his life, too much pressure pushing to make him bend and fall apart. There had been his parents, and Ragnor, and Camille, and everything in between and after.

There had been years of anguish, plaguing his sleepless nights.

No more.

“Okay,” Magnus said.

“Okay,” Alec replied, and it was just that simple, to look back on their journey and start believe luck might work in ways Magnus hadn’t suspected up until then.

“I need to take a shower,” he said, a broad grin painted on his face.

“So do I,” Alec said, kissing his smiling lips with a smile of his own. “And I need to shave. And to find us some suits.”

“I’ll take care of that,” Magnus chuckled. “No offense to your fashion sense, darling, but it’s probably for the best.”

Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes. “We’re not even married yet and you’re already insulting me,” he sighed dramatically.

“Is it really insulting you if it’s true?” Magnus retorted with a mischievous smirk, slowly pulling away from Alec to slip out of bed. “I’ll take care of finding a chapel that’s free in this godforsaken city and getting us some proper suits. You tell the team to join us in the lobby while I hop in the shower.”

“We’re not married yet,” Alec said again, and he seemed to find a particular joy in repeating those words, his eyes shining with happiness. “You can’t boss me around.”

Magnus swirled around to face him in all his naked glory, arms crossed over his chest. He lifted an eyebrow. “You keep telling yourself that, fiancé.”

He barely had the time to duck to avoid the pillow thrown at his face and Magnus laughed, yelping as Alec crawled in the bed and grabbed his hips to pull him back against him, smashing their mouths together.

He gladly let himself be tugged against the warmth of Alec’s body, their naked skin brushing together yet again.

They had waited a long time to find each other. They could wait a couple of hours more.

.

“I had planned on enjoying my millions from the ruby sell by sleeping for the next ten years,” Jace grumbled as he joined the team in the lobby. “This better be important.”

They were standing in a circle, facing Magnus and Alec who wore matching grins, hands tightly fastened together.

Simon gave them a wary look, scanning them from head to toe. “Why are you wearing suits?”

“We’re getting married,” Alec announced without preamble, a wide grin pulling at his lips.

A dumbfounded silence followed his statement as they all took in the expression on their faces, searching for a clue that would tell them that he was joking.

When he found none, Jace heaved out a deep sigh, suppressing the grin that was threatening to pull his lips upward.

“I guess that’s important enough,” he admitted, and moved forward to pull Alec in a hug, just as Isabelle squealed at his side, jumping in Magnus’ arms - or perhaps the squeal was all Simon’s, they would never know. “I’m happy for you,” Jace murmured in his ear and Alec hummed, patting his back in silent gratitude.

“How are we doing this?” Luke asked, a chuckle slipping past his mouth.

“With style, like we do everything always, of course,” Magnus retorted with a smirk, gently pushing an emotional Simon off of him. “I booked a chapel and we have our suits,” he went on, pointing between them.

“And the rings?” Isabelle asked, tears brimming in her dark eyes.

“We bought some cheap ones for now,” Alec replied. “I called Max to tell him and he yelled at me about not being here so we’ll have another ceremony in New York.”

“Ragnor and Raphael weren’t too happy about missing it either,” Magnus added with a grimace, eyes drifting in nothingness for a second, but he quickly blinked out of his daze, squeezing Alec’s hand. “We’ll get proper rings and all that stuff then. For now, it’s just… between us. And you.”

Simon whined, and they turned to him in a same movement. He flailed a hand over his eyes, shaking his head. “Why am I already crying?” he asked. “This is ridiculous.”

Isabelle huffed out a laugh, hooking her arms to his own and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Alright, let’s do this,” Luke exclaimed, clapping his hands. He darted a look at Alec as the team started moving, following Magnus’ instructions. “Alec, can I talk to you?”

Surprised, Alec followed him to a secluded corner, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“I’ve got something for you,” Luke said, a knowing smile shining in his dark eyes. “I had a feeling something like that would happen when I got your text.”

“You did?” Alec asked, one eye squinting in confusion, quirking a dubious eyebrow.

“I’m Nick Fury,” Luke said with a wink. “Aren’t I supposed to always be ten steps ahead?”

Alec shook his head, laughing, but quickly sobered up as Luke reached out in his pocket and plucked out a long, rectangular box, handing it over.

Alec curved an eyebrow, carefully grabbing it.

“Hodge gave it to me,” Luke said. “For you.”

.

_Luke had planned a quiet evening watching TV with Jocelyn and Clary. They had ordered a pizza, and opened a bottle of wine, and they only had to wait for Clary to arrive before they could settle on the couch and have the peace and quiet night they deserved._

_The bell resounded through the apartment and Luke bolted to his feet._

_“It’s probably the pizza,” he called for Jocelyn in the kitchen, moving to the door._

_When he opened it, however, it wasn’t the delivery man standing before him._

_“Hodge?” he exclaimed, lifting an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”_

_Hodge’s face was a mask of worry and anguish, but he pursed his lips together to compose himself. “I need to talk to you. I won’t be long.”_

_Luke nodded sternly, motioning for him to come in._

_Hodge did so warily, but didn’t go past the hallway. “I can’t stay long,” he said again. “Alec is going after Sebastian on his own and I’ve got Simon, Izzy, Jace and Magnus waiting for me downstairs. We’re going to stop him before he does something stupid and gets himself killed.”_

_Luke frowned, already moving to grab his coat. “I’m coming with you.”_

_“No, Luke.”_

_Hodge laid a hand on his forearm, stopping him mid-movement. “If that Sebastian guy was as close as Valentine as we think he is, Clary and you might be primary targets to him. Just this once, you need to stay put.”_

_“Hodge -” Luke tried, but Hodge shook his head firmly._

_“I didn’t come over to argue with you, Luke,” he sighed. “I need you to keep something for me.”_

_Luke frowned, but didn’t reply, watching as Hodge reached in his pocket and produced a long, rectangular box, handing it over._

_Luke picked it up carefully._

_“I have a bad feeling,” Hodge admitted, pursing his lips. “That Sebastian guy… Whatever he did to Ragnor, it was bad. Bad enough for Magnus to slip over the edge and end things with Alec. I’m afraid Alec has no idea what he’s stepping in.”_

_“I’ll come with you,” Luke tried again._

_“No,” Hodge said. “They’re just kids, Luke. They don’t understand that some people are just beyond saving yet. They will need someone older to teach them, and to keep them from being completely reckless. They need at least one of us.” He paused, tapping the box in Luke’s hand with trembling fingers. “I don’t have a wife - never wanted one - or biological children. But Alec… Alec is my son in everything but blood. It’s my job to protect him. This is my -”_

_“Luke, is everything alr-” Jocelyn exclaimed as she walked into the room. “Oh, hi, Hodge! We weren’t expecting you, but I’m sure there will be enough pizza for you.”_

_“I’m not staying, Jocelyn,” he said with a smile, “but thank you. I just needed to drop something to Luke. I have to go now.”_

_“What is it?” Luke asked, showing the box in his hand with a puzzled expression, grabbing Hodge’s arm before he could leave._

_“It’s silly, probably,” Hodge said with a grimace. “I wanted to give it to him when the time would be right. I had imagined I would wait until he was engaged to Magnus, but now that they broke up, I don’t really know anymore.”_

_“You can still give it to him,” Luke retorted with a frown._

_Hodge nodded. “I will,” he said, “but if something happens to me, can you give it to Alec? When the time is right.”_

_There was only fierce resolve on Luke’s features. “I will.”_

_“Thank you, my friend,” Hodge said with a smile. “I’ll call you when we’re all safe and sound. That is if I haven’t killed the kid myself.”_

_He disappeared through the door with a light chuckle._

_In many ways, Hodge had saved his life. He had helped them get away from Valentine and hide for years until Valentine had finally found their trace again and went after Jocelyn and Clary. Hodge had been the friend he had never dared to hope for._

_Luke watched him go, standing silently in the hallway of his home, worry twisting in his stomach._

_He never saw him again._

_._

Alec twisted the box between his hands, tears rising in his eyes.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice trembling beyond control.

“He wanted you to have it when the time was right,” Luke stated in lieu of an answer. “That’s all I know.”

Alec nodded, unsure he could trust his words not to fail him, and looked down at the box. “T-Thank you.”

“Luke, stop trying to seduce my fiance with your natural charm and your killer smile,” Magnus exclaimed teasingly as he swooped in, immediately wrapping an arm around Alec’s waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek. A frown pulled his brows together as he caught the sorrow on his features. “Is everything alright, babe?”

Alec cleared his throat, sucking in a sharp breath. “Hodge,” he said, fidgeting with the box in his hands. “He left this for me.”

Magnus’ face pulled into a mask of gravity and his hand drifted away from his waist to run soothing circles on his back. “Are you okay?”

Alec chewed on his bottom lip, his heart rummaging in his chest. “Yeah,” he whispered, slowly opening the box.

In the box laid a watch, the gold of the dial glinting under the neon lights of the hotel’s lobby. The bracelet was brown leather, and it somehow looked equally worn with time and incredibly strong, unbreakable. On the face, there was a small moon and a cluster of stars on a dark blue background, and the brand written in an elegant font just above the hands.

There was irony into leaving this for Alec, and it wasn’t lost on him.

He chuckled, tears gathering in his eyes.

“What’s funny?” Luke asked softly.

“I’ve got to be the only man in the world that gets a Patek Philippe watch from his father on his wedding day knowing it’s been stolen,” he scoffed, but he was grinning as he attached the watch to his wrist.

“Hodge was a man of taste,” Magnus replied, humor in his eyes, as he reached up to cup Alec’s cheek in his hand. “He loved you.”

Alec blinked, and smiled, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he turned his head to press a kiss to Magnus’ open palm.

“Let’s go get married,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around Magnus’ shoulders.

The watch glimmered on his wrist, the second hand running after time, but time would an abstract concept to them from then on. Time mattered only if it measured the distance between Magnus and him. And Magnus was there, right there, and he would never leave again.

They had all the time in the world.

.

“How did you two meet?”

Magnus stared at the woman who had made them fill and sign their marriage licence and the official form for the ceremony. She bore a soft smile on her lips, and an almost fond spark in her gaze as she looked at them over her glasses. His eyes fluttered to Alec at his side.

“He cured my sleepless nights,” he said with a smirk.

Alec smiled, a soft and precious thing, and turned back to the woman. “Not before he cured mine. Also, he punched someone to protect my sister,” he said, his eyes shining with humor. “I was pretty much gone from then.”

Magnus laughed and kissed him softly. “I’d gladly do it again,” he murmured against his lips.

Alec grinned, pecking his mouth again.

“Keep that for the honeymoon,” Jace exclaimed, rolling his eyes, just as the officiant walked in through a door at the back of the chapel.

Magnus had managed to find one that wasn’t tasteless like Vegas’ chapels could be. The altar was decorated prettily, with white and pink flowers, all arranged in an arch that hung over the officiant’s desk.

The woman motioned for them to stand in front of it and Alec squeezed Magnus’ hand, smiling.

“Are you sure?”

Magnus nodded. “Never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” he said. “Are you?”

Alec smiled again - it was a good look on him, that infectious, inerasable smile, and Magnus was sure that was the sight that would be stirred in his mind for the rest of their lives together.

“Absolutely.”

They walked to the officiant hand in hand, and they never let go, not even when they made it there and turned to face each other, eyes locked together.

The officiant was a middle-aged man with black hair, brown eyes and a goatee, and he smiled at them both before clearing his throat, spreading his arms somehow dramatically.

Magnus snorted under his breath, sharing a conniving glance with Alec.

“Dear friends and family,” he exclaimed, extending a hand towards Simon and Jace who were standing respectively behind Alec and Magnus, and then to Isabelle, Clary and Luke sitting on the first bench, “we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Alexander and Magnus in marriage.”

More words were spoken but Magnus couldn’t really hear any of it. His gaze drifted from their locked hands to Alec’s eyes, and time stopped again, like it seemed to do for them only. Alec was looking right back, his eyes a mirror to his soul, to the boundless love and untarnishable promises between them.

Then Magnus blinked and looked away, if only because Jace was tapping on his shoulder, a knowing smirk on his lips.

“Guys, he’s talking to you,” he murmured to the two of them, amusement layering his tone.

“Oops,” Magnus said with a sheepish smile, turning back to the officiant. “Sorry, but have you seen those eyes? Can you really blame me?”

The officiant smiled, tilting his head toward Alec.

“Do you, Alexander, take Magnus to be your partner in life and to share it with him; to laugh with him and support him through life’s toughest moments, to love and cherish him and find new reasons to love him every day?”

There was no hesitation in Alec’s voice. “I do.”

The officiant nodded and motioned for Simon to give Alec the ring.

“Repeat after me,” he instructed. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring -” Alec started, but his voice trembled and he paused, heaving out a deep sigh. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, there were tears shining in them as he slid it on Magnus’ finger with a reverence that made his breath hitch in his throat. “With this ring, I thee wed.” He squeezed Magnus’ hand again, gulping hard. “And I give you all that I am, good and bad, because I know it will be enough for you.”

Magnus smiled, clearing his throat as tears rose to his own eyes.

The officiant turned to Magnus.

“Do you, Magnus, take Alexander to be your partner in life and to share it with him; to laugh with him and support him through life’s toughest moments, to love and cherish him and find new reasons to love him every day?”

Magnus winked at Alec, a grin spreading on his lips. “I do.”

Jace was already handing him the ring before Magnus could ask for it. He took it carefully, as if it were one of the precious pieces of art they were famous for stealing.

“Repeat after me,” the officiant said. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring, I thee wed,” Magnus parroted, his heart slamming against his ribcage. “And I give you all that I am,” he continued, his eyes riveted into Alec’s as he slid the ring on his finger, “good and bad, because I know I will always be better as long as I am with you.”

The officiant grinned, opening his arms again to gesture at the both of them.

“May your marriage bring you all the happiness marriage should bring,” he stated.

Magnus smiled, taking a step forward.

“I think we have been unhappy long enough,” he muttered.

“No more,” Alec murmured in answer.

“By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada,” the officiant continued, “I hereby pronounce you husband and husband. You may now-”

Magnus had already leaped forward, his arms wrapping around Alec’s neck to smash their mouths together. Alec caught him swiftly, pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt.

“You’re impossible,” Alec chuckled against his lips, carding his face between trembling fingers, kissing him again, and again, and again, unable to stop grinning.

“But in a good way, right?” Magnus murmured back, eyes glimmering with pure happiness.

“In the best way possible,” Alec muttered, and he kissed him again.

There were applauses resounding in the chapel, but Magnus barely heard them.

The world faded around them, for nothing else mattered than Magnus and Alec, together, alive and at peace.

All the tears, all the pain, all the suffering. The sleepless nights and nocturnal terrors, the cries of agony and the unbearable grief. The fight, the storm, the rage, the unrelenting hope.

There would be a future, and it was worth it all.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  Ok...
> 
> This is the end of the Avengers Assemble series.  
> I had an epilogue planned that I might write some day but I'm happy with that ending and I don't know if the other one would be as impactful as this one so I think I'll just stop here. I'll see. We'll see.
> 
> For now, this is the end.
> 
> I'm fine.  
> (and slightly in denial)
> 
> Now get prepared, I'm gonna do that emotional shit where I thank you all for following me on this journey.  
> When I started The Avengers Initiative, I never thought I'd end up writing a 260k monster of a series and I definitely didn't think it'd take me over a year to get it done. But here we are now, and you stuck with me until the end and for all my pretending at being a writer, I have no words to tell you how grateful I am for that.  
> This fic is my baby, the product of my fucked up mind (let's be real), and I am impossibly thankful that you endured it with me through the good and the bad times (forever heartbroken over Papa Hodge tbh).
> 
> Thank you to my incredible betas: Laurel, Roja, Pravs and to Ketz, Acerina, Sam, Eydis, Jackie, Su, Mathilde, Shirin, Chrissy, and everyone who gave me the moral support I needed when it was too hard to write (again, Papa Hodge).  
> To the friends I made through this incredible adventure, thank you and I love you.
> 
> To all of you cupcakes, see you soon for some new adventures.
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@lecrit](http://lecrit.tumblr.com/) and on twitter [@_L_ecrit](https://twitter.com/_L_ecrit) ❤
> 
> All the love and nothing less,  
> Lucile.


End file.
